Shouldn't there be some sort of cutoff?

I'm not a heartless Mom. 

I think I am a Mom full of heart. 

Except I hate that my son is having a huge birthday party. 

Shouldn't there be some sort of cutoff date for when a friend birthday party is no longer applicable?  (obviously family birthday parties are forever) I mean, Alex just turned thirteen.  I guess that is milestone-ish.  Because he is now a TEENAGER, as opposed to the day before he turned 13, when he was just a lowly 12 year-old.  So now I think I should get a break from teen parties til he is at least 16, which I suppose is another milestone-ish birthday.  Because then he can almost drive?  WOO HOO!  Then we can celebrate 18, because then he can officially vote?  And 21 for sure.  21 is big.  Because then he can officially drink at a bar without having to show his fake ID.  Yeah.

So anyway, I will have upwards of 40 kids milling around (the outside of) my house.  Boys and girls.  Alex has a lot of friends.  I'll be spending 3 1/2 hours trying to keep them from making out and playing spin the bottle and stuff like that.  Because apparently that's what 13 year olds do at parties.  Even if they claim they are playing Manhunt.  Take my word for it.  You can't trust those little punks. I guarantee they are playing Make out Manhunt, where they somehow change the rules so that kissing is involved.  (I just made that up.  But I don't even doubt that they would do that for one second)

I remember when Kara had her 13th birthday party, it was boy/girl, and all of a sudden this girl (who was a little slutty advanced) and boy were noticeably missing.  So I sent my husband around to track them down and they were kissing behind a shed!  Those tricky teenagers.  You really have to keep your eye on them. Meanwhile, Kara was still playing Barbies at that age.

ps - what is the protocol on that?  do you tell the parents?  do you like, holler at them?  do you just stand there til they notice you and embarrass them?

So what if you do if you find a slutty girl trying to makeout with your cute little innocent son??  Because of course your innocent son is easily led astray by pretty girls.  He is such a follower.  And he so notices the pretty girls. 

And have you noticed that 13 year old girls have gotten much cuter then when you were 13?  I mean, I had a boy haircut and a pudgy belly when I was thirteen.  And I wore sweaters with embroidered initials on them and knickers.  In my defense, knickers were very stylish in the 80's!  I got them from Saks 5th Ave in the city!  Gosh!  So my point is, the girls that Alex is friends with definitely do not look like pudgy little boys in ugly sweaters and short pants.

Well anyway, I have a plan.  I agreed to a backyard bash.  We'll have a bonfire, music and food.  I know they'll play Manhunt (Hopefully not Revised Make out Manhunt), and really, kids that age just want a place to hangout, talk, listen to music and kick around together.  Right?

Let's all say a little prayer. 

I will let you know if I survive.