Thursday, January 31, 2013

hey! you got unfriended!

Nah, I'm kind of glad there isn't a notification when someone unfriends you on Facebook.  It's the virtual equivalent of going to your regular table in the lunch room and realizing that your seat is taken.  And nobody will look you in the eye.  So you just stand there holding your lunch tray looking like an awkward loser and feeling horrible.

I can't handle such rejection.  Rejection is my worst thing.

I have no idea how many people have unfriended me on Facebook.  I'm not one of those people who pays attention to how many "friends" I have.  I don't keep track.  I only know of one or two instances that I've been unfriended.  Incidentally, did you know that the word "unfriend" is actually in the dictionary?

Anyway, I was unfriended after a facebook tiff, which is so beyond the norm for me.  I am a natural conflict avoider, in real life and online, but I was really offended by the straight up uncalled for rudeness and utter ignorance with something this person posted.  There was no way I couldn't comment.  I believe I conveyed my thoughts respectfully.  Apparently, people whose opinions differ from this person's opinion get unfriended.  I'm totally OK with it, it's not like we were really real live friends anyway.  Though I have to admit that I do miss some of her interesting posts.

The other time I was unfriended, I was slightly offended.  Mostly because there was no good reason to unfriend me.  And he friend requested me!  Ah, I guess the fact that we aren't actually friends could be the reason.  I mean, we grew up together, but this guy was super shy - I'm not even sure I know what his voice sounds like.  Our lockers were near each other though because we were both W's.  Maybe that's why he friended me.  After the unfriending incident, I happened to walk past this guy at the grocery store and I was all thinking, that jackass that I haven't spoken to since 11th grade unfriended me?!  Well who does he think he is??  But then I  decided, at least he has the balls to unfriend someone.  So I got over it.

I personally have a hard time unfriending anyone.  And it kills me to ignore a friend request.  It makes me feel so mean!  It goes way back, but I never want to be someone to hurt another person's feelings.  Sometimes at my own expense it seems.  And then sometimes I think, why in the world do I care if I say no to a friend request from some random person that I barely knew, or don't even know, or honestly don't WANT to know?

There really isn't a delicate way to unfriend someone though, is there?  When you just quietly and sneakily unfriend someone without explanation, it could hurt some feelings.  But who wants to explain such a thing??  What are you going to say,  Uh, I don't want to be your friend anymore because I'm sick of your annoying woe-is-me-passive/aggressive posts?   Or, your fake bullshit my-life-is-perfect-and-you-suck-at-life posts are driving me fucking nuts?

Those posters get on my last nerve.

I also have an aversion to the posters who rant about their political or religious beliefs.  I don't mind a mention.  I mean, I suppose Facebook is this generation's forum for getting your voice heard, but just, I can't stand the ranters.  I fairly recently had a "friend" who was so blatantly racist with a political rant, it disgusted me.  A while back, I posted a list - The Worst Kinds of Facebook Posts, and it got a ton of traffic for some reason.  It gets a little more in depth about the posters that I can't stand if you want to check it out.

Maybe before unfriending someone, you should post a generic letter of intent, so you don't take anyone by surprise.  Because otherwise, you're guaranteed to run into them at the local Farmer's Market and have one of those awkward "I unfriended you because you're annoying and I know that you know but we wont mention it" types of run-ins.  And let's face it, nobody like those kind of run-ins.

I guess there's something to be said for privacy settings, because let's face it, I'm probably not unfriending anyone in the near future.  If you use the privacy settings right, you can keep lots of things private from certain people, and you can get certain crazy people's annoying shit off of your news feed.  Sounds like a good tool.  

New February resolution:  Clean up my Facebook friends and the privacy settings associated with them.   I'll keep you informed of my progress.  And unless you get a generic letter of intent to be unfriended, we're all good.   I'm sure you were shaking in your boots.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

toddler rules and words of wisdom

It's been a while for me, since I've had a toddler in the house.  I have to admit I miss it!  Unfortunately, I think I'm too old for more babies, though I have people who try to convince me otherwise.  When I try to talk myself out of baby fever, I remember some of the rougher moments during the toddler years...  I'm sure all parents out there know them.  We like to refer to them as The MINE Years.

Toddler Rules 
learn them, live them.

If I like it, it's mine

If it's in my hand, it's mine.

If I can take it from you, it's mine.

If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in any way.

If it looks just like mine, it's mine.

If I saw it first, it's mine.

If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

If I'm doing or building something, all of the pieces are mine.

If it's broken, it's YOURS.

Monday, January 28, 2013

you had me at merlot.

It's no secret that I'm not the best drinker out there.  Well, it's no secret if you happen to be a reader of this blog.  If not, feel free to reference the archives:

On Becoming a Wino
It's Gin O'clock Somewhere
To Drink or Not to Drink.  That is the Question

I always liked the way it looks, to hold a glass of red wine in your hand.  It just seems casually cool somehow.  There are definitely drawbacks though!  Not all wines taste alike, so it's a crapshoot whether you'll like what you've been poured, if you ask me.

Red wine gives you stained teeth.  That is a fact.  Did you know they actually make teeth wipes for that?  If not, they will change your life.  You're welcome.

Red wine gives you a purple mustache.  Like the kind you got when you were a kid and just chugged a glass of grape Kool Aid.  It's not the best, most flattering look... unless you're Tom Selleck.   Because everyone knows he can rock a mustache, no matter what color it is.

Also, red wine has a lot of calories.  Especially if your drink of choice is normally water or seltzer.  I hate to drink calories.  I'd rather have a peanut butter cup.  Seriously.

On the plane home from somewhere recently, I got free wine.  I was all excited, because alcohol on flights usually run like ten bucks for a portion the size of my fingernail, so of course I got some, because, you know, free stuff!  Unfortunately, it was disgusting.  It had to have been cheap crappy wine.  Besides, what airline gives out anything for free?  Maybe those stewardesses were trying to shut us up.  I took one sip.  Then gagged a little.  Then unfortunately had to hold my plastic cup of gross red wine til the stewardess decided to come back for garbage.  Because I was stuck like a sausage between two tall guys with extra long legs and could barely lift my arms, let alone get up to throw something away.  

So ANYway, the whole point of this post was that guess what guys??  I finally found a wine that I really like!!  I didn't even have to fake drink it OR sandbag!!  It is not, however, a red.  The unfortunate thing about this wine is that it is rather expensive, and I have to special order it.  Also, they seem to only come in miniature, smaller than the norm bottles.  Those guys at the Mondavi Winery are killing me.  Or maybe they have my back, because I could definitely drink too much of this stuff.  It's called Moscato D'Oro, and my sister found it at the Mondavi Winery in California.

It's just sweet and fruity and mmmmmm...  I think it is considered a dessert wine, but it's somewhat of a dessert in itself.

I felt the need to share this exciting news with you.  Remember, you probably will have to special order it - also, please make sure to have it chilled before I come over.  It was really good cold.  I'll bring the glasses.

Friday, January 25, 2013

friday five

It's Friday.  It's noon.  And I'm still in my pjs.

Don't judge me!  I was sick!  A few days ago, but still!  

When it's so cold out, I just have the hardest time getting undressed.  Then, when I actually do get my shivery self into the shower, I don't want to get out because it's so warm and cozy in there.  It's a dilemma.  Showers can go on for far longer than I'd like to admit.  My carbon footprint is embarrassing.

I should be showered and dressed at this point.  I have places to go, things to do!  I can't just lounge around like a cozy warm bum all day, can I?  Come to think of it, I can lounge around like a cozy warm bum all day if I want to.  I'm the boss of me.

Except, I have to pack five people for a weekend out of town.  Which is way more time consuming than you might think.  Plus, I can't leave my house for the weekend without cleaning.  I hate coming home to a mess.  I don't have to do a down deep and dirty clean or anything, but definitely a really good straightening.  Damn it.

Guess I better get moving.

Happy weekend guys! 

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Underachievers, UNITE!

So I was all gung ho about writing up my New Year's Resolutions and posting them for all of the world to see.  I like to think that posting them for all of the world to see will shame/force me into taking a snitch of accountability and actually making the changes that I want to make.

Yeah.  So no, that doesn't usually happen.  What usually happens is that I make a list.  I check it twice.  Then I post it.  And then, maybe I will make an effort for three to five days.  Then, I'm done.  Fuck this shit!  In the famous words of Calvin, (from Calvin and Hobbes, obviously)  "Resolutions?  Me??  What are you implying??   That I need to change??!"

I just read an article that said only 8% of New Year's resolutions actually stick.  So like, do I really want to set myself up for failure?  Of course not.  Of course I don't want to be a failure at life, like pretty much 92% of the resolution making population out there.

So in order to not suck at life, my one and only resolution this year is to be realistic about my typical resolutions.  Does that make any sense?  Maybe I should give you a few examples of my typical resolutions, just so we can all be on the same page here:

Typical Resolution:  This year, I resolve to circuit train at the gym at least three days a week and walk a minimum of five days a week for at least 45 minutes.

Realistically:  I may or may not do this.  If the temperature is so cold out there that my nose holes freeze together while walking, the walk isn't happening.  And screw the gym!  It's too busy until like, mid-February, when everyone else finally gives up on their resolutions to go to the gym at least three days a week.

Typical Resolution:  This year, I resolve to make dinner and eat together as a family at least five days a week.

Realistically:  This probably will not happen.  Chances are slim that we are all home for dinner at the same time anyway.  That's typically my biggest excuse.  Usually, what happens is this:  Pinterest has I have the best ideas about what to make and serve for dinner, then all of a sudden it's like, 4:45 and I haven't even attempted to have the ingredients needed to make said meal.  Then suddenly, silly suppers and fend for yourself nights sound so much more do-able.  And take-out, take-out is my bff... 

Typical Resolution:  This year, I resolve to organize 13 years of photographs.

Realistically:  I set this goal every damn year, and every year, I don't even get as far as logging on to the shitbox old, slow desktop computer that I cannot get rid of because it holds thousands of pictures and videos from way back when.  I need help!  It's very overwhelming.  Sheesh.

Typical Resolution:  This year, I resolve to lose weight and get in shape.

Realistically:  I love food.  I hate exercise.  Cod damn it.

Typical Resolution:  This year, I resolve to put down the electronics and be more present in my real life.

Realistically:  Why??  Why do I need to do this?  I like to read blogs.  I like to play Words.  I like to peruse Pinterest and pretend that I will someday make/eat/bake that cool thing and wear/design/fit into that neat outfit, while lounging in my gorgeous house with funky/interesting/amazingly awesome decor.

Typical Resolution:  This year, I resolve to go to church regularly, and on time.  Every week.

Realistically:  But, Sunday's are so nice for lounging... in your pj's.  All day.  And having coffee like gentlemen in your leisure suit.  Church makes such a thing kind of of rushed...  and sometimes, it's really cold out.  Or hot and sweaty.  And sometimes, it's OK to just say a prayer in your head while you're sipping coffee like gentlemen!

Typical Resolution:  This year, I resolve to purge all of the shit in this house, and subsequently organize the stuff that I haven't purged.  In colorful boxes.  Like those fucking overachievers do on Pinterest.

Realistically:  Screw those overachievers!  I have too much crap!  My bonus room is slowly turning back into an "episode of Hoarders" room.  I'm positive one of these days I'll use that seam ripper and fancy paper crinkler!  Everyone needs a seam ripper and fancy paper crinkler!  Right?  Right?!

So there you have it!  I feel so much better and realistic already. Care to join me?  Underachievers, UNITE!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

TRAVEL: Perfect that evil eye. Flying with kids.

A few weeks ago, on the plane(s) home from Denver, I ended up seated pretty close to a few parents with babies and/or young toddlers.

To a lot of people, that is like their worst nightmare.  There were lots of eye rolls and sideways glances.  They're thinking, I just paid $487 to sit next to some brat, obnoxiously crying for three hours and 57 minutes?!  To those people I have to say... invest in some noise canceling headphones.

Trust me, the parent on the plane trying to entertain her kid for three hours and 57 minutes is just as horrified as you are.  Have you ever tried to keep a little one still that long?  Without a healthy dose of Benedryl?  It's hard!  I mean, there are only so many things you can carry in the allotted one carry-on plus one diaper bag.  Think about what it takes to entertain a 12 month old new walker for four hours at home, forget about confined to a seat the size of my elbow.

At home, you have the exersaucer, the baby swing, the cradle for a cat nap.  The entire cupboard of pots and pans for noise making, the family room for exploring and testing out the new walking skills, the toy box filled with things to dump.  Endlessly.  A kitchen stocked with snacks and food, a highchair for eating those snacks and food, and a kitchen sink for an afternoon bath.   A changing table for a smooth and effortless diaper change.  At times, four hours at home with a baby can seem to stretch on for days, but at least you have options.  At least you can pop your baby in the stroller and distract them with a walk around the neighborhood or something.

There are though, the parents that unapologetically let their kid scream it out.  I'll admit, that's kind of rough to witness.  Even for a non-judgemental person like myself.  It's just, when you're in a confined space with a hundred other people who cannot escape, you should really make an effort to corral and hush your kiddo.  It's just common courtesy.  And speaking of common, use some common sense!  If you know your child's crabby time is pretty much at 4:00 every day, don't schedule a 3 pm flight.  In fact, ideally, you should schedule your flight during your child's typical nap time!  Bring a bottle or two, the flight attendants can heat it up for you.  Also, you can request to be seated by an empty seat - which they are generally happy to arrange if the plane isn't full.  An empty seat gives you a few more square inches to utilize in entertaining.

One of the kids that I was seated next to was tough... she cried.  Literally for 3 hours.  She of course fell asleep during the landing.  But, the mom overcompensated.  And the dad did absolutely nothing.  The mom loudly and ineffectively tried everything, it seemed.  I think the thing that pushed most of the understanding people over the edge was that she called her baby (named Tyler) Little Bear, approximately once every four seconds.  It was cute initially, but after 3 hours and 57 minutes of hearing, "Little Bear, do you want my keys?!"  "Little Bear, have a cracker!!" "Little Bear, do you want to read a book/tear up this magazine/look out the window?!!" it definitely got old.  Thankfully I do have a great pair of noise canceling headphones.  And I definitely used them.

But I don't know, you can't get mad at the parent who is doing everything they can to keep their child busy and calm and quiet... because it's not like they're purposefully trying to bother others.  They're in a situation where they have very little control.  You just have to try to be understanding.  You can get mad at the parent who looks away while their kid kicks your seat incessantly for the entire flight.  Or the one who pretends they don't notice their child is tossing crushed crackers at you while simultaneously jumping up and down on their seat, which is attached to your tray,  which causes you to spill an entire glass of coca cola in your lap.  Or the one who doesn't change their kid's dirty diaper, a diaper that was dirtied within the first 15 minutes of the flight.

I don't know why I have been so lucky, but with four kids who have flown several times, I have never had an instance where one of my children were difficult on a flight.  I prepared of course - filled a bag with as many toys, snacks and books as humanly possible.  I had portable DVD players, and stickers and crayons and play do.  Also, for take offs and landings and general bribing, I was armed with lollipops and gum.  

Also, my kids were firmly aware of my evil eye.  Along with packing the right stuff, I think it's every parent's obligation to perfect their evil eye before attempting a lengthy flight.  

What do you think?  Have you ever had a bad/embarassing/annoying airplane-child moment?

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

That's just the way it crumbles... cookie-wise.

Sometimes you just have to suck it up.  

Except, I don't wanna.  Today I have to start a stupid medicine that I'll be on for probably EVER.  That sucks.  It makes me feel like an old person.  No offense to anyone who that could have offended.  But you know, it's my mom that is the one who carries around the SMTWTFS pill case.  I don't want to carry one of those things!!

Next thing you know I'll be wearing an angina necklace or one of those "I've fallen and I can't get up" bracelets or something.  Sheesh.

So much for 40 being the new 30.  WTF, me.

So I have high blood pressure surrounding me - my mom and dad both have it and have had it since they were younger.  Greeeaaat, thanks mom and dad.  I've been getting these headaches so I started monitoring my blood pressure, just because I had a feeling.  I happen to have a cuff because I have high blood pressure when I'm pregnant - so yeah.  Super high every single day for the month I've been monitoring, like numbers firmly planted in the red.  My sister, who is a nurse, was like, "Are you kidding me?!  Go to the doctor!"

Because I tend to avoid the doctor when it involves my own health...

Of course I make sure my kids always get to where they need to be, doctor-wise.  But I am a huge slacker when it comes to myself.  I hate getting weighed.  I hate discussing things.  I hate waiting in the waiting room by sick freaking germ-harborers.  Disgusting door knobs and waiting room chairs and coughers and ugh.  But I went!  Because my nurse/sister told me that I was a walking time bomb, a stroke waiting to happen.  Which would be very unfortunate.  However, I'm positive Alex would love it because he could get up in my space and I couldn't escape.  He'd happily feed me jello.  Every night.  And he'd prop me everywhere.  And he'd dress me in unflattering clothes.  I just know it. And I would hate every minute of that.

So I guess it's the SMTWTFS pill case for me.  Welcome to my life, damn it.

Friday, January 18, 2013

nada. seriously.

Friday Five:

I've spent a lot of this day doing nothing much.  Do you ever have days like that?  I mean, I of course did regular things, like laundry and opening mail, straightening up and stuff, but other than that, nothing much at all.  WooHOO!  The life of a stay-at-home mom with no kids home to mother is soooooo exciting.  I might actually really need a job.  Or something.

I just kind of padded around the house aimlessly for some reason.  I did watch last night's episode of Vampire Diaries on my computer though.  Because somehow, somehow it got bumped from the DVR.  Nobody will confess to such a crime though.  Scary me comes out when my DVR is messed with.  That DVR is very important to me, and I am not a happy girl if something I expect to be recording is mysteriously not there.  Can you blame me though?  I came in after a nice night expecting to sit down with a lovely little special treat and catch up on a few shows, and Vampire Diaries was nowhere to be found!  I was like, what the actual fuck, man.

So I got over it of course.  But only because I knew that I could watch it today on the computer.

It's actually been kind of a stressful week, mentally.  It'll be nice to have a long weekend to just hang and have nothing on the agenda.  Which is kind of like an average week around here, but just with the kids and fam kicking around to entertain me.

I'm apologizing to the general public about this lame, nothing-but-filler-words post, but I just don't have anything super important to say.  Or what I do have to say that's kind of interesting or important is probably not for the general public's viewing pleasure.  Sorry.

Happy weekend guys.  I'll be back Monday, large and in charge, and crazy interesting.  So interesting that you'll want to comment like mad!  Promise.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Boys have a very limited attention span

The other day, I was driving Alex and a few of his buddies to go snowboarding.  They are so entertaining, I can't help listening.  In listening, I realized that they are all over the place, jumping from topic to topic - it's crazy.  Girls will sit there and spend an hour discussing which bra you should buy so that your boobs don't look abysmal (yeah, don't ask how I know that), but in the span of 10 minutes, guys can have several fairly meaningful conversations.  A small sampling of what I overheard:

"Guys, let's move to Germany!  It's pretty cool there.  They have sweet accents and they sound so angry."

"If I wanted to hear an English accent, I'd just listen to myself."

"We should save up and buy a conservatory."

"We should all be lawyers.  Lawyers that rob places.  Then we could defend ourselves."

"I'd like to think I'm a pretty smart guy, so why would I want to be a cop?"
"Just what are you trying to say?"
"Uh, cops are dumb?"

"Guys, can someone please tell me why we haven't explored that factory yet?"

"Let's all stare at this man behind us."
"That's a woman."
"Well, she's a woman with quite a mustache then."

"She is definitely the hottest girl in the entire school."
"She's weird and she makes horse noises.  I'd say that takes away some of the hotness."

"Was that a hobo?  I'm pretty sure I just saw a real live hobo!"

I love Alex's friends.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I kissed a girl. And I liked it. Or not. Who knows?

So I was at this party over the holidays and somehow, somehow the whole entire fallacy of me being a lame-o boring 40-something stay-at-home-mom who only wears black, white and navy blue came crashing down around me in a fiery storm of curious eyeballs and cautious questions.  Also, occasionally I wear dark purple.

But back to the fallacy and the curious eyeballs.  So I've honed this fallacy for years.  You know, just a "regular old mom" fallacy.  I'm just a mom who is not too exciting unless I'm drunk, which is like, once every several years rare.  I've been told that Drunk Jessee is rather fun.  Which is kind of where this story comes into play.  Also, if you have an alter-ego that involves the word "drunk," maybe you should keep that information to yourself.

I didn't out myself.  I've kept this story under wraps from the general public for oh, maybe 20 years or so.  I'm very good at keeping things under wraps.  If you have a secret you want to tell someone, you can definitely tell me.  Anyone?  Anyone?  This story only comes out at intimate family functions when I'm getting made fun of or called out for some reason or another.  Ali outed me, that asshole.  Or maybe it was my cousin Kristen.  I wasn't paying attention until all of a sudden everyone was looking at me, so I don't know who did the actual outing, but both of them blame the other.  Winos.  Everything seems to come out when wine is involved, and certainly Ali had enough wine to have a purple mustache going on at that point in the evening.

Let me start by saying that in my little circle of friends, which is very little, everyone thinks I have a girl crush on my friend Diane.  Which is probably not true, but I go along with it.  Well, she is rather attractive.  Moving on,  I kissed a girl once.

Or maybe she kissed me.  The details are fuzzy, unfortunately.  I'm not ashamed.  I'm very secure with my plain old hetero status.  I don't really think it was that big of a deal, actually.  I was at my cousin's wedding, I was young and bold, it was a dare (I think), and you know, who am I to turn down a dare?  The kiss was with a really attractive girl named Mimi.  If you're out there somewhere Mimi, hey, what's up?

So that was the big scandal of the evening.  I kissed a girl.  I just wish I could remember how it all went down, because apparently it may have been kind of exciting.

Damn it, that Drunk Jessee has all the fun.

Monday, January 14, 2013

the one with the movie quotes

This was kind of challenging.  Not because I don't have an abundance of ridiculous movie quotes in my head, but because I have an abundance of ridiculous movie quotes in my head.  There are all sorts of ways that I could break them down, you know, to follow some type of theme instead of just randomness: funny, inspiring, best, worst, 80's, oldies, quotes I know but shouldn't, stupid... the possibilities are endless!  So I decided to go with a bunch of funny Anchorman quotes.  Because they're so stupid, they always make me laugh.  I often try to insert some form of these particular quotes into my every day conversation.  Because who wouldn't?

1. You're a smelly pirate hooker.  Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?? You're a real hooker. I'm gonna slap you in public. (Ron Burgundy)

2. Take me to pleasure town! (Veronica Corningstone)

3. I am 72 percent sure that I love you. (Veronica Corningstone)

4. I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.  I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. (Ron Burgundy)

5. I'm in a glass case of emotion. (Ron Burgundy)

6. Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina. (Ron Burgundy)

7. Where'd you get your clothes... from the... toilet store? (Brick)

8. I love lamp. (Brick)

9. Oh, uh, it's the pleats... the pleats in the pants. It's an optical illusion. I was just about to take them back... to the pants store. Oh this is embarrassing. (Ron Burgundy)

10. We're trying this new fad called uh, jogging. I believe it's jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. (Ron)

and a few more because I can't just leave them out...

11. Poop. You poopmouth, poop in your mouth! (Garth)

12. Panda jerk! (Brian)

13. Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! (Wes Mantooth)

14.  What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? (Ron Burgundy)

15. The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show... (Ron)

Friday, January 11, 2013

a combo! friday five and fill in the blank

Today's Friday Five is a combo: five-ish minutes of five fill in the blank type questions.

The first thing I remember buying with my own money was: red Swedish fish at the penny candy store in my town.  We'd walk a few streets over to this little place called The Little Store, where there were bins of penny candy, and other convenience type things, like milk and bread and stuff.  They had those peanut butter taffy candies called Mary Janes I think (not that kind of Mary Jane you stoners).  Remember those things?  The Swedish fish were always my favorite.  A man we called "Uncle George" was the owner.  He was a patient guy - we'd come in with like, a dollar in pennies, and he'd have to count out a hundred of those fish.

One story that my family always tells about me is: how I tied my sister Ali up and threw her in a closet, traumatizing her to claustrophobia for the rest of her life.  She claims that I tied the rope in such a way that if she moved, it tightened.  In my defense, I'm pretty sure she wanted to play Houdini.  Who was I to say no?

The last time I was nervous was: last week, going to Colorado for my cousin's wedding.  The travel part doesn't make me nervous at all, it was the socializing that made me nervous.  I didn't know a good portion of the people there, and there were also some people there that I hadn't seen in a long time.  Sadly, social situations almost always make me nervous.

The thing I miss most about being a kid is: freedom to live life with very little stress hanging over my head.  Even though things were often precarious financially when I was little, I never knew that, and I just lived life every day without worrying about things like mortgages and car loans and having enough money for dinner.

The last movie, TV show or book that made me cry or tear up was: The Biggest Loser.  I'm such a sappy baby.  I hate when other people cry and have things that make them sad, and I hate when people are mean to other people.  I think one of the kids was talking about how some kids at school made rude comments when she walked by about her weight, and her eyes filled with tears when she was talking about it - which made my eyes fill.  Why are people so mean sometimes? 

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

anti-resolutions, or something

A while back, I posted something similar, a list of "Anti-Resolutions" for the New Year.  So, in keeping with the tradition, here are some things that I won't be changing in 2013:

1.  I'll still make a great effort to get fit.  The truth is, I'm not getting any younger (wait, what?), and it's not going to get any easier, so I really just have to keep at it.  Damn it.

2.  I still won't be a helicopter parent.  I think it's really important to step back and let our kids find their way.  Sometimes, obviously, stepping in is necessary (like when a bratty mean kid makes your sweet kiddo cry or something, maybe), but in order to learn how to be self sufficient and independent, we really need to back off and watch from a safe distance.

3.  I still won't spend a ton of time getting all made up.  I am way low maintenance.  I can't stand much more than a few minutes in the bathroom messing with my makeup, and my hair is usually about a five minute process - pretty much about as long as it takes to dry it with a hair dryer.

4.  I'll continue to take regular walks, because I love to breathe in the fresh air and listen to tunes and look at stuff.

5.  I'll still try really hard to get my shit together and organize my photos.

6.  I will still be blogging, I'm sure, even though I mentally threaten to quit every other day.

7.  I still plan on making solo treks - at least a few mini-getaways a year if possible.  I've found that I really look forward to and enjoy them.

8.  I will continue on my quest to find the best jeans for my bod.  Preferably a pair that takes many pounds and inches off but still feel as comfy as pj's and look nice. Unfortunately, it might be impossible... 

9.  I will continue to try to keep up with my blog reading, because it makes me happy.  And I really like you guys.

10. I'm sure I'll still try to avoid dusting whenever possible.  I hate dusting.  The fact that it made it into this list proves how much it's not my favorite chore.

So, there you have it.  A list.  A Monday list on a Tuesday.  Not bad, not too bad at all...

Also, here's a picture of a dog.  A dog that is not my dog.  Please try not to say "awwww."

Friday, January 4, 2013

Pink? wtf

Friday Five.
4:44, Denver time 

I flew into Denver yesterday for a wedding.  My little cousin Sarah, who I lived with in Denver many years ago, is getting married.  My little cousin is actually now normal sized Sarah - or skinny Sarah.  Or skinny Dr. Sarah.  Because she also turned into a doctor at some point.  Sheesh.  She's definitely grown up - when I lived with her family in Denver, Sarah was only six!

This morning, I slept til Denver 9 am.  Which of course in NY 11 am.  Whoa.  I cannot even think of the last time I slept til 11 at home or anywhere for that matter.  I think the bed and the covers and pillows are just comfy and cushy and it was really easy to not wake up.  When I did get up, I made my way to this salon to get a haircut/color.  So.  

It was quite possibly the worst haircut/color I've ever experienced.  I'm 98.7% sure the girl who "cut" and "colored" (I'll use those words loosely)  my hair was a big fat fraud/liar/not a real hair cutter.  I've probably spoiled myself.  I go to a great salon in NY, been a customer there for years, so I guess I'm kind of accustomed to a decent experience.

This girl was horrible.  My hair is a snitch pink.  It was supposed to blend into my normally streaky blondish hair.  So yeah.  Pink.

I will have to get into this more later.  I have to take my pink haired self to meet up with family I haven't seen in years.  Greeeeeeaaaaaat.

Time's up!   Happy weekend.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

a tree seeing virgin. and a christmas picture.

I got my Christmas cards out late this year.

I know!!  I'm usually so on top of things!  The problem is Kara.  I totally blame her.  Because obviously I can't send out a Christmas card without her on it, and getting her in a picture with the other kids is becoming harder and harder these days.  It's not like she lives across the country or anything, but still, she works and everything - we don't see her nearly as often as I would like.  She lives in the city and we live in the country - about a 2 1/2 hour drive.  It's not that bad really, but just getting everyone together has gotten harder.

So we went down to the city to meet up with Kara and go get some dinner and see the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center.  Let me tell you what a shitstorm that was!  As a New Yorker, I am ashamed to admit that I have never gone to see the tree - I was a tree seeing virgin.  I love going into the city, the crowds don't bother me, the beggars don't bother me, the noise and chaos doesn't bother me.  Those things are kind of weird because by nature I don't do chaos.  I mean, I can manage outwardly, but in my head I don't like it very much at all.  So yeah, who knew that it was so crazy at the tree?  There were so many people, my photo op was basically a joke. People were pushing, elbows were flying.  It felt like that time I was probably trashed and mashed up against a million people at a Horde Tour and somehow managed to pass out standing up.  Hm.  Moving on.  Luckily we took some pictures back at Kara's place and I was able to mess around and make do with one of those pictures for the infamous Christmas card.

our 2012 Christmas card photo
And guess what guys?  This year I didn't have to scream once!  I didn't have to threaten anyone, cajole (isn't that a funny word?  cajole), make anyone cry.  It was definitely a win.  I did have to take a bunch of pictures because of course it's hard to get everyone just right and I am kind of a freak about those things, but it really wasn't so bad.  My kids definitely get it.  They get me and usually just humor me and do what I say.  Years past though... ugh.   I'd take 50+ pictures and maybe end up with two decent contenders.

If I had to do it all over again, I think I'd send out blooper Christmas cards.  That's actually a good idea. In fact, it's such a good idea that I think I will graciously post some doozies of the past in follow-up post.  

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

80's? gag me with a spoon.

Apparently the 80's were cool.

So guess what guys, I actually lived it.  I know, right?!  Ah, I'm old.

Anyway, I'm not sure "cool" would necessarily be the first word I would use to describe that time period.

I mean, let's be real here - the 80's brought us the mullet.  And the Dorothy Hamill bob.  And damn that Farrah Fawcett feathered hair that I could never get quite right.  The image of her perfect hair poster hanging on my boyfriend's bedroom wall in mockery still haunts me.  Wait... that may have been Christie Brinkley... no, Heather Locklear!  Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure he had all three posters, that dog...  Because I couldn't ever manage the perfect feathered look, I may have actually worn a scrunchy and side pony tail, but there is no real proof of that.

Anyway.  The 80's.  I was there for all of it.  I turned 20 in 1990, so every teenage year of mine was spent in that crazy iconic decade.

We had John Hughes.  Duckie, John Cusack and Molly Ringwald. Breakfast Club, Heathers, Better Off Dead, Say Anything, Princess Bride, Fletch, Ferris Beuller and Back to the Future.  There is just no denying that a ton of fantastic movies came from the 80's.

We had the original Cabbage Patch Dolls and Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake and Star Wars action figures.  I could not ever solve a Rubik's Cube without cheating.  I still can't.

I knew what "Wonder-Twin powers, activate!" meant.  Among other things, I watched Tom and Jerry, The Jetsons, The Flinstone's and Smurfs on Saturday mornings.  Crammed around a 13" black and white TV with my three sisters.  With no remote control, Cod forbid.

During that time, I heard or possibly uttered such things as: "Bag your face," "Gag me with a spoon," "Totally bitchin'!" "Hoser," "Take a chill pill," "Sike!" (psych) "Most excellent," and "Dude." And insulted people by calling them "Spaz," "Nerd," "Butthead," "Airhead," or "Dweeb."

I played PacMan, Atari games, Donkey Kong and Galaga with gusto.  I'll still kick your ass, don't even try me.

I could immediately identify the melodies to "Total Eclipse of the Heart," "Time after Time," "Comfortably Numb," "Like a Virgin," "Sweet Child of Mine," "Sunday, Bloody Sunday," and oh so many more tunes.

I saved my money for candy like Zotz or grape HubbaBubba, and most definitely Fun Dip and Nerds.

I grew up watching The Cosby Show, The Wonder Years, The Facts of Life, and Family Ties.  Of course Alf, The A-Team and Magnum PI too. 

I tight rolled my jeans, unfortunately witnessed JAMS and parachute pants, wore knickers, stirrup pants and leg warmers, short fringed boots, Jordache jeans and Benetton sweaters (not at the same time).  I may or may not have worn high waisted and acid wash jeans, Doc Martens and penny loafers (again, not at the same time).  I had several colors of high-top leather Reebok's and I absolutely rocked the red & white Coca Cola rugby shirt with the rubber buttons.  But the shoulder pads... oh the shoulder pads were bad.

I had the biggest crushes on John Cusack, Michael J Fox, Corey Haim and Matt Dillon.  (all about my 80's teen crushes)  I loved Jon Cryer, River Phoenix and Christian Slater.

We had Jean Naté, Obsession and Love's Baby soft perfume.  Any guy who was hot wore Polo or Drakkar.  Go ahead and walk by me with green Polo on right now, and I will more than likely melt at your feet in a puddle of nostalgia.

I definitely wore a Swatch watch, and also made friendship bracelets and those little safety pin friendship things for your sneakers.  And those shoelaces with prints - like hearts or frogs on them.  There were huge neon earrings, and of course the bangle and multiple jelly bracelets going up your arms.  The lace gloves and brooches a la Madonna... I never wore those.

I listened to U2 and the Cure, Psychedelic Furs, Echo and the Bunnymen, Grateful Dead and Rush, the Sex Pistols, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Duran Duran, Depeche Mode and Guns and Roses. David Bowie, Rolling Stones and The Beatles... and Prince!  Michael Jackson!  Madonna!

You know, come to think of it, "cool" would definitely be one of the first words I would use to describe the 80's.  Thinking back to all of this stuff that surrounded me during a time period in my life where I was actually growing up, I can't say that it was bad at all.  In fact, I wouldn't mind going back.  For a day.  As long as I could rock my young skin and bod, I'd be all over it.

And the Farrah Fawcett feathered hair.  Yeah.  Definitely the Farrah Fawcett feathered hair.