Monday, October 31, 2016

So, I got motorboated in public

Oh, yes, it's exactly what it sounds like. A guy completely put his face in my boobs. Like, a guy that isn't my husband or like, Paul Rudd. 


Like, what in God's name would give a person that I'm barely an acquaintance with, the impression that I was all like, come hither and mash your face in my boobs? While I am standing at a bar next to my daughter and brother-in-law, basically looking at your wife across the room. That actually happened, guys.

Am I missing something? Maybe that's normal nowadays... I really don't get out much..

So obviously I was appalled and like, completely taken by surprise. As one would be in that situation, I imagine. And then I was like, OMG get away from me, haha. Haha.

Like, I was embarrassed or something for being appalled. In that instant I totally got what it felt like to be a girl who was just groped, but I was the one worried about looking like a jerk, so I laughed it off.

How many women do that? Like, we are so conditioned to be polite or something, that we allow shit like that to happen? That's fucking ridiculous. Come to think of it, I've absolutely been in similar situations many times over the years, unfortunately. What gives someone the idea that that's even a little bit ok?

I mean really, in no uncertain terms was I giving this guy vibes that I would be into that. I barely even noticed his presence, except you know, vaguely taking note of who was around. I was just standing there innocently chatting with friends. I was definitely not eyeballing randoms and mentally inviting them into my personal space.

By no means am I making any excuses for this dude, but he was super drunk. He had just done a few shots (bought me and my husband one, actually) after a long day of drinking, and apparently he thought it was cool to grab the butts of several women at the bar, and get up close and personal with my private body without my permission. AND he actually looked down my shirt. AND I didn't even have a nice bra on! AND I really, really don't like people in my space. What a totally inappropriate, loser jack-ass thing to do. 

About the bra thing, listen. I wasn't planning on going out to a bar and being all sexy. I was being a good citizen and I went to pick up my husband, sisters and brothers-in-law because they had all been drinking. They called me and I just threw something on quick, not expecting to want to hang out. Then of course I got there and actually had fun, so I stuck around a little bit. In my non-sexy bra.

So anyway, I'm mad at my reaction to something so uncool.

And also, to the people who give me a hard time because I don't go out much? THAT.  That right there is one really good reason.


  1. That is so funny but so not funny! But seriously there is a lot of loss of personal control/responsibility when going out for a few drinks.

    I would have loved to see your reaction!

    1. LOL, I was so, so shocked! I think I just stood there like a dummy for a second, like wtf just happened?