on becoming a wino

Sometimes I feel like such a loser because I don't drink much.  Like, all everyone talks about is wine.  How great wine is, how much wine they drink, how fun and relaxing it is to be a wino, how wine apparently is just like sunscreen.

I mean, who knew?  Get drunk instead of have to apply annoying thick, sticky cream to your bod every few hours?  Sign me up!!  On a side note, would it be considered child abuse if I gave my kids wine to potentially stave off skin cancer on really sunny days?  Because really, it is kind of a catch 22...

What does catch 22 mean anyway?  It means a no win situation, that's what it means.

I hate applying sunscreen.  It's so annoying.  What ever happened to the good old days, when we could go play in the woods without having to worry about pervs, and roll down hills without having to worry about Lyme disease, and we could go outside and play without having to worry about skin cancer.  Sheesh.  We had it good back in the day, didn't we?

Anyway, back to my loser status regarding personal wine consumption.  So like, what's so great about it anyway?  I think I would prefer to carry a glass around so I just looked the part of sophisticated drinker.  So I fit in with all the cool kids.  And besides, I'm sick of always being the assumed driver.  Everyone always assumes that I won't want to have a drink!  Well, I'll show them... and in the process I will make an ass out of u and me.  Or wait.  No, I'll make an ass out of them and themselves because lets face it, I'm not the ass here.

Anyway, I think I'm going to start drinking wine.  I'll start with red.  Something fruity maybe?  Nothing dry.  I hate dry.