Thursday, January 24, 2013

Underachievers, UNITE!

So I was all gung ho about writing up my New Year's Resolutions and posting them for all of the world to see.  I like to think that posting them for all of the world to see will shame/force me into taking a snitch of accountability and actually making the changes that I want to make.

Yeah.  So no, that doesn't usually happen.  What usually happens is that I make a list.  I check it twice.  Then I post it.  And then, maybe I will make an effort for three to five days.  Then, I'm done.  Fuck this shit!  In the famous words of Calvin, (from Calvin and Hobbes, obviously)  "Resolutions?  Me??  What are you implying??   That I need to change??!"

I just read an article that said only 8% of New Year's resolutions actually stick.  So like, do I really want to set myself up for failure?  Of course not.  Of course I don't want to be a failure at life, like pretty much 92% of the resolution making population out there.

So in order to not suck at life, my one and only resolution this year is to be realistic about my typical resolutions.  Does that make any sense?  Maybe I should give you a few examples of my typical resolutions, just so we can all be on the same page here:

Typical Resolution:  This year, I resolve to circuit train at the gym at least three days a week and walk a minimum of five days a week for at least 45 minutes.

Realistically:  I may or may not do this.  If the temperature is so cold out there that my nose holes freeze together while walking, the walk isn't happening.  And screw the gym!  It's too busy until like, mid-February, when everyone else finally gives up on their resolutions to go to the gym at least three days a week.

Typical Resolution:  This year, I resolve to make dinner and eat together as a family at least five days a week.

Realistically:  This probably will not happen.  Chances are slim that we are all home for dinner at the same time anyway.  That's typically my biggest excuse.  Usually, what happens is this:  Pinterest has I have the best ideas about what to make and serve for dinner, then all of a sudden it's like, 4:45 and I haven't even attempted to have the ingredients needed to make said meal.  Then suddenly, silly suppers and fend for yourself nights sound so much more do-able.  And take-out, take-out is my bff... 

Typical Resolution:  This year, I resolve to organize 13 years of photographs.

Realistically:  I set this goal every damn year, and every year, I don't even get as far as logging on to the shitbox old, slow desktop computer that I cannot get rid of because it holds thousands of pictures and videos from way back when.  I need help!  It's very overwhelming.  Sheesh.

Typical Resolution:  This year, I resolve to lose weight and get in shape.

Realistically:  I love food.  I hate exercise.  Cod damn it.

Typical Resolution:  This year, I resolve to put down the electronics and be more present in my real life.

Realistically:  Why??  Why do I need to do this?  I like to read blogs.  I like to play Words.  I like to peruse Pinterest and pretend that I will someday make/eat/bake that cool thing and wear/design/fit into that neat outfit, while lounging in my gorgeous house with funky/interesting/amazingly awesome decor.

Typical Resolution:  This year, I resolve to go to church regularly, and on time.  Every week.

Realistically:  But, Sunday's are so nice for lounging... in your pj's.  All day.  And having coffee like gentlemen in your leisure suit.  Church makes such a thing kind of of rushed...  and sometimes, it's really cold out.  Or hot and sweaty.  And sometimes, it's OK to just say a prayer in your head while you're sipping coffee like gentlemen!

Typical Resolution:  This year, I resolve to purge all of the shit in this house, and subsequently organize the stuff that I haven't purged.  In colorful boxes.  Like those fucking overachievers do on Pinterest.

Realistically:  Screw those overachievers!  I have too much crap!  My bonus room is slowly turning back into an "episode of Hoarders" room.  I'm positive one of these days I'll use that seam ripper and fancy paper crinkler!  Everyone needs a seam ripper and fancy paper crinkler!  Right?  Right?!

So there you have it!  I feel so much better and realistic already. Care to join me?  Underachievers, UNITE!

1 comment:

  1. Why do you think I've made the resolution to judge more 4 years in a row? I need to perfect my judging skills.