On Becoming a Wino
It's Gin O'clock Somewhere
To Drink or Not to Drink. That is the Question
I always liked the way it looks, to hold a glass of red wine in your hand. It just seems casually cool somehow. There are definitely drawbacks though! Not all wines taste alike, so it's a crapshoot whether you'll like what you've been poured, if you ask me.
Red wine gives you stained teeth. That is a fact. Did you know they actually make teeth wipes for that? If not, they will change your life. You're welcome.
Red wine gives you a purple mustache. Like the kind you got when you were a kid and just chugged a glass of grape Kool Aid. It's not the best, most flattering look... unless you're Tom Selleck. Because everyone knows he can rock a mustache, no matter what color it is.
Also, red wine has a lot of calories. Especially if your drink of choice is normally water or seltzer. I hate to drink calories. I'd rather have a peanut butter cup. Seriously.
On the plane home from somewhere recently, I got free wine. I was all excited, because alcohol on flights usually run like ten bucks for a portion the size of my fingernail, so of course I got some, because, you know, free stuff! Unfortunately, it was disgusting. It had to have been cheap crappy wine. Besides, what airline gives out anything for free? Maybe those stewardesses were trying to shut us up. I took one sip. Then gagged a little. Then unfortunately had to hold my plastic cup of gross red wine til the stewardess decided to come back for garbage. Because I was stuck like a sausage between two tall guys with extra long legs and could barely lift my arms, let alone get up to throw something away.
So ANYway, the whole point of this post was that guess what guys?? I finally found a wine that I really like!! I didn't even have to fake drink it OR sandbag!! It is not, however, a red. The unfortunate thing about this wine is that it is rather expensive, and I have to special order it. Also, they seem to only come in miniature, smaller than the norm bottles. Those guys at the Mondavi Winery are killing me. Or maybe they have my back, because I could definitely drink too much of this stuff. It's called Moscato D'Oro, and my sister found it at the Mondavi Winery in California.
It's just sweet and fruity and mmmmmm... I think it is considered a dessert wine, but it's somewhat of a dessert in itself.
I felt the need to share this exciting news with you. Remember, you probably will have to special order it - also, please make sure to have it chilled before I come over. It was really good cold. I'll bring the glasses.
Ok, we're alike on the drinking thing. But, we have a difference- can you believe it? LOL I will drink a glass of wine IF it is dry and not sweet at all. I'm not a drinker and, if I get a glass of sweet wine, I'm REALLY not a drinker. I become more of a thrower upper. hahaha Glad you found one you like though. I found one 26 years ago that I LOVED. I could drink it every single day. But we didn't save the bottle and haven't found it again since. All I know is that is was a Spanish red. We've tried many different ones over the years but to no avail. Sad.
ReplyDeleteWine wipes? For someone like me, who's totally anal about teeth whitening? (Wow - putting "anal" and "teeth" in same sentence is just. . . Horrifying. Sorry.)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, thanks for the wine tip and especially the wipe tip! Now I don't have to use a cocktail straw with my red wine anymore!
Incidentally, my fave red is Yellow Tail Shiraz. About $7.99. Took it to a fancy wine tasting party once, it was everyone's favorite, and they all laughed like hell when I told them I'd picked it up at the gas station on the way there.