Normal? I think not.

*Fair warning. This is kinda gross.  Like the reality of living with kids kind of gross.

I grew up in a household with three sisters.  There were no boys in the mix, and the way my sisters and I fought was pretty tame.  We weren't very physical at all - we pretty much screamed at each other and pulled hair.  Yeah, hair pulling and pinching was about as aggressive as it got.  However, if you've ever had a chunk of your hair pulled out of your head in a hair pulling standoff (I had a handful and she had a handful and neither of us were letting go), you might rather get a swift punch in the arm and be done with it.

Anyway, as my son has grown up some, he knows that physical fighting doesn't go over in our house, so he has come up with some creative ways to irritate his little sisters.  Typically, it involves verbal teasing, toothbrush hiding or surprise attacks - pretty innocuous stuff. 

So the other night after dinner, the kids and I were cleaning up the kitchen and clearing the table, and Alex went to put his hand on Megan, to like move her out of his way or something - innocent enough.  She immediately screeched and jumped out of his way, so I was like "What did he do?"  (poor guy gets blamed for a lot because he isn't as loud as the girls are when they are annoyed), and Megan was like "I don't want him to touch me!  He just had his hands down his pants!"  Ah yes, a typical boy.  I guess I've grown accustomed to the hands in the pants thing.  I pretty much don't even notice it anymore.

So anyway, as soon as Megan said that, I saw this evil little look cross over Alex's face and I knew exactly what it meant.  He had something on her.  He had a way to drive her crazy.  So he starts chasing her around the kitchen and she grabs me to hide behind me and I almost fall over trying to keep him from touching her with his private handling hand.  She is screaming and really, on the verge of tears with disgust, and he keeps trying to touch her and I am like "Enough!"  Meanwhile, Brooke is standing there all bewildered like, "WTF just happened here?"

So Alex stands there grinning while poor tortured Megan is still clinging to me with fear that as soon as she leaves the safety of my body he is going to touch her, so I make the HUGE yet innocent mistake of saying to Alex, "Well if I were you, I wouldn't even go there.  She could do the same thing to you but it would be way worse.  If you touch her with hands that were down your pants, you might as well be touching her with your arm because it's all just skin down there for boys."  In other words, it would be far more... let's just say "gross," if she touched him with a hand that was down her pants.

If you get my drift.

I kid you not, from behind me, Megan releases me then laughs this evil little laugh and starts jamming her hand down her pants while simultaneously chasing Alex, and Alex is so disgusted he runs up to his bedroom and slams the door and bars it with a chair.  He pretty much ran up the stairs faster than he has ever run.  Seriously.    

I immediately marched Megan into the bathroom to wash her hands and made a mental note to think before I speak.

Please someone chime in and tell me that my kids are normal.