damn.

So this past weekend my friend Diane was the last of my grade school friends to turn forty.


My 40 yr old friends Patty and Diane - the birthday girl is on the right

Of course a celebration ensued, but in the midst of all of the wine drinking and appetizer eating and inappropriate (kid-free) chatter, I started thinking, damn.  This means that now we are all going to start turning 41.  Holly first, Valerie second, then me.  Double damn.

41 is old.  And time waits for no man.  Did I just make that up?

Lets all just take a moment of silence and think about how very effing old 41 actually is.

Yeah.  That wasn't pleasant, was it?

I remember when my mother was 41.  Yes, yes I do.  I was about 15 years old and I thought I would never have wrinkles.  And I thought I would never have a mom butt, and I was positive that I would be cool forever and I would never, ever have a few too many pounds sticking to my body like a guest who won't just get the freaking hint and leave already.

It's all good when you're fifteen.

Sometimes I wonder if I could go back to 15, what I would do differently.  You know, with the perspective of an older person.  I'm pretty sure I would change a few things.

I was definitely way too concerned with my boyfriend(s) at fifteen, I was way not concerned about grades and school.  I was busy trying to think of deviant ways to pull the wool over my parents eyes and just have fun.  But really, I am pretty sure that I didn't have nearly as much fun as I could have and should have had.

I was a little on the quiet, stand-offish side.  I didn't show up to too many parties, or have too many sleepovers and get-togethers with other girls.  That is one thing that I would change.  The fact that I didn't open myself up to maintaining those years of friendships with girls that I've known since I was five.

I really had a rough situation with someone who I just thought was the greatest, most awesomely cool person in the history of ever.  She was my best friend for years, and we spent every waking moment together.  The rough ending of it totally ruined all future close girl/friend relationships for me.  It sort of still affects me actually, twenty five years later, with allowing myself to let my guard down around (girl)friends and stuff.

Yeah.  I don't know where I am going with this windy post either.  Let's just recap and wrap up by saying that I am freaking old, shockingly bitter about a mean girl and pensively reflective about the past.  That's a couple of big words I just used there.

Even though I'm 40 I'm still cool like that.