So a funny thing happened the other day.
My sister told me how she had been chatting with her friend (lets call her) Bob, and Bob told my sister that she went to facebook a mutual friend, (let's call her) Richard to see if Richard's kid could come over for a play date.
You know, because really, what is a better way to communicate in this day and age than facebook?
Personally, I hate talking on the phone. I am not a phone chatter, so the facebook and the texting helps make me a happier, more communicative person. And less of a person who ignores responding to a back log of phone messages.
So back to Bob and Richard. Bob and Richard have known each other for years, and their kids are in the same grade and are friends. So Bob goes to facebook Richard, and realizes that she's been inexplicably defriended. Richard defriended Bob for no apparent reason. I mean, WTF Richard? So needless to say, the playdate was a little more difficult to make happen. And maybe a feeling or two ended up getting hurt there.
Hm.
So how do you decide if defriending someone is offensive or not?
I got defriended before. I have to admit I was a little offended. At first I couldn't decide if I was offended or relieved. Then I was all, "That asshat that I haven't spoken with since 11th grade defriended me?? Who does he think he is??" And now it's all awkward when I walk past him in the Grand Union. But whatever, at least he has the balls that I don't. I mean literally and figuratively, because you know, I don't really have balls. And I also don't really have the balls to defriend people. Mostly because I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Who knew I was so nice?
Facebook is a tough thing. You start up with it, you get excited to reconnect, you get all feeling like you're popular because you have 276 friends. Woo hoo! Then you realize that you kind of lost contact with most of those "friends" for a reason. Like, maybe they weren't really your friends to begin with. So initially you get caught up in the whole thing but then you find yourself stuck with friends who aren't your friends, and you really aren't sure if you want them looking at that adorable picture of your placenta.
FYI, I never posted an adorable picture of my placenta. I may actually gag at the thought. I've heard that people have posted pictures of their placentas and other miscellaneous disgusting things and I'm not really sure why. I mean, I'm sure my placentas were as adorable as everyone else's placentas, but for the love of Cod, someone please tell me why we would post such things?
Anyway, I don't really think there is a delicate way to defriend someone. I've just really learned about the ways to make certain things private, and I use those features for people I don't feel close enough to share everything with.
Not that I'm hugely into facebook or anything. But it really does make a playdate set-up happen effortlessly.
And I am all about effortlessly. It is almost my favorite word.
** You know, blogger really needs to get with the times and make some updates. The word defriend is a word of the times, right? I mean, it's a facebook word. It's got to be in the dictionary, and blogger spellcheck keeps giving me options to change it to befriend or behead. Come to think of it, this post would have been a lot more interesting if I initially said that Richard beheaded Bob. Don't you think?
I usually don't even know when someone has defriended me. When I have found out, I am usually more curious than anything.
ReplyDeleteI doubt I would care if I got defriended on FB or unfollowed on Twitter but it has happened on my blog twice and that kind of did bother me.
ReplyDeleteI normally say unfriend because defriend sounds so much like defend. Anyway I friended a bunch of old high school "friends" - more like people who knew my name, then I unfriended them when I realized we were still not really anywhere near being more than people that knew each other's names.
ReplyDeleteYeah, the hide button covers a lot of ills. And defriending is passive/aggressive. I've seen several people warn everyone that they're going to make cuts just because they need tho thin out their friends. I think that's okay. They're people I haven't seen in years, etc. so I figure I won't being seeing them anymore. But then I always make the cut so I think it's because they find my status updates mildly entertaining.
ReplyDeleteI think that defriending spontaneously without reason is a total chicken shit way to end a beautiful yet impartial relationship. If you no longer want to read my bowel updates via my status then tell me I'm a disgusting gross animal who needs to keep their poo to themselves but, really, to defriend suddenly without stating the reason is like slapping a visually impared person.
ReplyDeleteI never realized that this particular subject was a sore one for me. I think I may have to blog about it. As a matter of fact I believe that a generic letter of intent should be created for asshats that defriend randomly. I think I may just go and make one.....