Do not pee in my panic room

I am totally building a panic room.

And really, on a related note, I kind of need to start stockpiling for 2012.  Because Cod darn it we're all going to die.

But about the panic room, I really want one.  I think it's a very smart thing to have.  If a bad guy starts wiggling your door knob, you simply wrangle the kids up and run for the panic room.  My panic room will have a phone in it and also food and candy and comfy cushions with good seating and maybe a gun.  Definitely a gun.  And also probably it should have a potty.  Because I am definitely not going to let anyone pee on my panic room floor if we're in there a while.

Because eventually someone will have to pee.  Probably not me because I have a bladder that's the size of a small camper.  Not one of those really small campers though, more like a mid-sized camper, with sides that slide out.  That's about the size of my bladder.  Did I ever tell you about that time I drove all of the way to Florida without a bathroom break?  High five to my bladder.  Because from where I live, that a damn long drive.   Like 23 hours or so. 

So anyway, when we built our house, I freaking forgot to make a panic room.  I was so mad.  Then my sister Ali was building her house and she had the perfect spot for a panic room and even though she is way more of a scaredy cat chicken than I am, she didn't pull the trigger.  But she did get a home alarm system wired, so I guess she's a little less likely to need a panic room.  My sister Jenney has an unplanned panic room and an alarm system.  I can't tell you where the panic room is in the house though, you know just in case you are a bad guy and you are planning on using your secret sleuth-like skills to try to sneak into Jenney's house and rob her blind.  If you are a bad guy, I just should probably point out that they have guns and they know how to use them.  And they also have a mutant attack Pomeranian.  If I were you, I wouldn't chance it.  Because Pepe the Pomeranian will cut you.  Or at the very least, he will pee on your leg and smile while doing it.

Jenney took a gun safety course.  So she could learn how to safely use her gun, obviously.  I wish I took a gun safety course.  I wish I had a gun.  Kinda.  I do have a fear of having a gun in my house because my son is an idiot sometimes doesn't use his brain, and would more than likely touch it.  Also my husband doesn't like guns. 

Speaking of Alex, don't let me forget to put a few rescue inhalers in my panic room.  Because I think that he would panic in the panic room, and when he panics, his asthma comes out.

Wouldn't it be terrible if you were all safe in your panic room but your husband had a deadly asthma attack in there??  And then you'd have to make the choice, do I chance it and make a run for safety from the bad guys and potentially die from gunshots to the back of the head during the great escape, or do I let him wheeze and cough and slowly drown in his own mucous?

That would be a tough choice right there.  Death by gunshot, or death by mucous.  I guess I would go death by gunshot. 

What's that you say?  No, I most certainly do not have an overactive imagination.