I want.

I want a few things. Not just one. A few. First, I want there really to be a vampire like Edward. Oh RELAX.  I know! I know!! Edward and Twilight and vampires are so last year. But I can’t help it. I wouldn’t be into the bloodsucking though because that’s just gross.

Also, I want a bunch of chickens – running around deep in my backyard so they don’t bug me, but they lay a lot of eggs so I can just go out to my yard and pick them up and eat them without having to pay anything, and knowing that they are clean(ish) and not injected with all sorts of gross stuff. Which brings me to wanting a great garden, without having to actually do the gardening part. For all of the reasons of the chicken except the egg part. And I would take a cow for the same reason but I think I would feel too guilty to kill it and eat it so it would turn into a pet cow and then I might have to name it something all cute, like… Mister Moo or something. And while I am being all earthy and stuff, I definitely want a windmill.  That crap would be the bomb.  Not just because of the green-ness of it all, but also because I hate my electric bill and I think electric companies are a racket.  And finally, I want a craft room. And an upstairs vacuum, and a black Labradoodle and definitely a really good but easy to use camera. With a zoom. And knitting. I want that too. I want to be a knitter. And a sewer. NOT a SEWER but a SEW-er. Like, a person who can sew!! Just to clarify. Because who would want to BE a sewer?? Nobody would. Because there there would be far too much poop and chemicals involved. Anyway. That’s all I could come up with on such short notice.

Oh yeah!! I forgot one thing!! I want a pool that has its own tube slide thing that goes far and fast, like at a water park. I hate water parks because I hate getting in a bathing suit in public and I hate the thought of germs and people peeing in the pool and swimming in some random person’s pee and germs. Because the thought of that makes my skin crawl.  So yeah. I want one of those. But it has to be huge, otherwise the ride is too short and the effort to climb back up for another ride would just be exhausting.  Unless of course there was an elevator involved.  An escalator would be better though, because my sister is neurotic scared of elevators and confined spaces and it would be less fun if my sister couldn't come over and go down my slide with me.

(That is not me.  I know this because I have a bigger boob.  And I don't have a monkey.)

Fine. I’ll take a cute monkey that is little like a baby and wears baby clothes and a diaper too (is that weird?). But definitely not the kind that gets all scary and violent and rips your face off.  And I would teach it sign language so we could communicate.  And possibly a dolphin in my (water slide) pool. Except it would have to be able to do cool tricks. Which would probably mean a trainer. So then I’d have to have a guest house too because the trainer is definitely NOT sleeping in my house. I hate sleepovers. I would make an exception if the dolphin trainer was Edward Cullen. And then he could sleep in my bed. With me, of course.  Alex wouldn't even mind because Edward is my new free kiss.

So I think I've pretty much covered everything.  Except a cleaning lady and a personal chef (only if he would wear a chef hat the whole time he was cooking though).  And a driver and personal trainer.  Shoot.  Somebody stop me.  This I want thing is getting out of hand.  So what do you want?

ps.  You can all blame the Bloggess for this long-winded and self serving post.  It all started with me commenting on her post about insomnia.  And weird wants.  But I'm pretty sure her readers are way more freaky than you guys.