Tuesday, March 8, 2016

I don't want to get strangled while I'm on vacation, so I guess I'll just stay married then

Sometimes I remain married mostly because every other guy out in the world seems to be a freaking psycho. (just kidding, hon)

I just read this thing about a person about my age who was dating someone, a professional, normal looking guy. A lawyer, even. And it turns out they went on vacation and besides whooping it up, drinking margaritas on the beach and having raucous hotel sex, as people generally do when they're on vacation, the guy decided to strangle his girlfriend. So now she's all dead.

So that's slightly terrifying for single people out there, just trying to meet someone nice.  How does one go about avoiding the psychos out there when they are so clever at hiding in plain sight, looking all normal and non-murderous?

A lot of times, it seems like the people that are getting divorced are the people in my age group - their 40's or so. Its not like people my age can just meet another guy walking along on campus, or strike up a flirty conversation with that cute guy you sit next to in Psychology 101. You have to actively try, like actually put yourself out there, if you're interested in meeting someone and/or dating. 

How the hell is an introvert like myself supposed to meet someone?  I don't go out really. I'm not a bar hopper or anything. And I don't actually even work (outside of the house). The only opportunity I ever have to meet people is like, at a kids school or sporting event. And who wants to get into that whole ball of wax anyway? I'd have no interest in dating locally... way too uncomfortable, if you ask me. How else are people my age supposed to meet decent, non-murderous guys to date?  There must be a general checklist of questions to ask someone before you get to the point of kind of digging them.

Here are a few questions that I would ask a potential date PRIOR TO actually going someplace alone, and in the dark, with someone new:

1. Are you a psycho?

2. Will you strangle me if we go on vacation?

3. What kind of thing would encourage you to strangle me if we were on vacation?

4. Have you ever strangled someone on vacation?

5. And lastly, about the strangling, have you ever considered strangling someone on vacation?

5. If you are normal and non-murderous, do you enjoy sitting on the couch and watching reality TV while eating takeout?

6. And finally, do you listen to stupid music? Because if so, this interview is OVER.


  1. Oh my gosh! This is funny. I think all of those question are valid and relative. So glad Hubs has yet to show his strangling side. Good luck!!

    1. :) So valid! I think I'd be scared out in the dating world!

  2. Then there's the guy who pushed his new bride off a cliff while pretending to take a picture of her. I don't think they knew each other very long either. No thanks. I like staying alive. If the hubs kicks the bucket, I'm done with men.