I don't want to get strangled while I'm on vacation, so I guess I'll just stay married then

Sometimes I remain married mostly because every other guy out in the world seems to be a freaking psycho. (just kidding, hon)

I just read this thing about a person about my age who was dating someone, a professional, normal looking guy. A lawyer, even. And it turns out they went on vacation and besides whooping it up, drinking margaritas on the beach and having raucous hotel sex, as people generally do when they're on vacation, the guy decided to strangle his girlfriend. So now she's all dead.

So that's slightly terrifying for single people out there, just trying to meet someone nice.  How does one go about avoiding the psychos out there when they are so clever at hiding in plain sight, looking all normal and non-murderous?

A lot of times, it seems like the people that are getting divorced are the people in my age group - their 40's or so. Its not like people my age can just meet another guy walking along on campus, or strike up a flirty conversation with that cute guy you sit next to in Psychology 101. You have to actively try, like actually put yourself out there, if you're interested in meeting someone and/or dating. 

How the hell is an introvert like myself supposed to meet someone?  I don't go out really. I'm not a bar hopper or anything. And I don't actually even work (outside of the house). The only opportunity I ever have to meet people is like, at a kids school or sporting event. And who wants to get into that whole ball of wax anyway? I'd have no interest in dating locally... way too uncomfortable, if you ask me. How else are people my age supposed to meet decent, non-murderous guys to date?  There must be a general checklist of questions to ask someone before you get to the point of kind of digging them.

Here are a few questions that I would ask a potential date PRIOR TO actually going someplace alone, and in the dark, with someone new:

1. Are you a psycho?

2. Will you strangle me if we go on vacation?

3. What kind of thing would encourage you to strangle me if we were on vacation?

4. Have you ever strangled someone on vacation?

5. And lastly, about the strangling, have you ever considered strangling someone on vacation?

5. If you are normal and non-murderous, do you enjoy sitting on the couch and watching reality TV while eating takeout?

6. And finally, do you listen to stupid music? Because if so, this interview is OVER.

It's not me, it's you. Online dating shocker.

So about online dating.


I was talking with someone this weekend who is currently doing the online dating thing and has had the most hysterical, disgusting and scary stories about her experiences.  She typically goes on several dates a week, and so far so bad pretty much.


She has met some nice guys, no keepers, but it seems like the majority of them are players, looking for a quick hook up.  In fact, just last week she went on a lunch date with someone -- first date -- they had a nice lunch and good conversation. He was driving her back to work when all of a sudden, he unzipped his pants and sort of took out his business.  Right there, as he was driving.  First of all,  Who does that???!  And secondly, how did he manage to maneuver himself in such a way that it was even comfortably possible?  I mean, I know I have been out of the dating scene for like, fifteen years or so, but that can't be the norm these days.  I don't care how many dates we've been on, if you are going to expose yourself to me like a perv, it's pretty much a deal breaker.  Like immediately.


He seemed a little surprised when she asked him to put his business back where it belonged, and then even more shocked when she emphatically told him she was not even remotely interested in hooking up.  I'm kind of curious to know if that approach has ever worked for him before.  And when she told me this story, I was a little afraid for her life because that scene just reeks of serial killer.


I've suggested she write a blog detailing her crazy experiences.   And trust me, this story is just the tip of the iceberg.  

She's strong, funny, fun, sociable, attractive -- actually a great person all around.  She started the online dating stuff because after a divorce, she moved far from home to a town where she knew pretty much a tiny handful of people.  She is sociable, and having friends and hanging out is important to her.  It just seems so hard to meet nice, mature people in a "normal" environment these days.

So anyway, I think she should quit the online dating stuff.  It's definitely been great fodder - and great to laugh at her and also with her about the oh so awkward situations she has ended up in, but I have to admit I am a little scared for her life.