Wednesday, March 16, 2016

That Being Said, and Other Bachelor Stuff - no spoiler

Is it just me or does every other sentence on The Bachelor start with "That being said?"  I'm not sure why that is so annoying to me, but it is.  Maybe it's because I have a splitting headache that four extra strength Motrin won't even touch, and I'm a little cranky.

But wait.  More importantly, I'm pretty sure that I just outed myself as a Bachelor watcher. 

Apparently I did.  And since I've already gone there, I may as well just keep on going.  So who did Ben pick anyway?  Wouldn't you like to know?? (I know) I thought I liked him.  I was iffy when they announced him as the new Bachelor because NICK! and because I was thinking he could be a snore, but he got cuter to me as the season went on.  Then at the end I did rethink that thought.  A) I'm not a fan of his tattoo, and B) he is very intense with his staring eyes.  I get a little panicky when someone looks too deeply into my eyes. It freaks me out. He has a couple of cool things going for him though, he's tall, pretty cute, lives in Denver...  He did turn out to be a little bit of a snore though. Not that everyone has to be "on" constantly, but just, I don't know, entertain me.  Entertain me with more than just make-out after make-out with every single girl there, back to back.  

I get that he has to test the chemistry, but sheesh, that is so rude!  He literally still has a lipstick smudge on his lip from one girl while he is kissing another girl. He's like, making out with two girls in the space of like 27 seconds. 

And I am just going to go out on a limb and say that I thought the group date to swim with pigs was a horrible, horrible choice.  I mean, I like a pig as much as the next gal, but those swimming pieces of ham were HUGE. And aggressive! Jeez.  And who even knew pigs could swim? And I bet those pigs crapped in the water!! GROSS. If I got picked for that date I would have been all, "I was cheated!! Where's my helicopter ride?? Where's my private meet with a cool singer?? Where in the hell are the fireworks?!"

Remember that other Ben from San Francisco? The winery owner guy with the stupid hair? I still remember his face in hand kissing technique, which was very offensive to me.  Just kiss the girl!  Why do you have to be handling her face at the same time?  Like petting her face?  Ugh.  You know who was the worst Bachelor offender of that kissing technique?  The Seattle guy, Jason I think his name was.  Oh my word I almost had to stop watching that season because I couldn't take it anymore. At least current Ben seems like a good kisser. And we all know how important that is.

Well anyway, I'm sure Ben was entertaining himself with all of that kissing. Because why not? I mean, how many other opportunities will you have to make out with 25 gorgeous and willing girls in the space of a few weeks?

Speaking of that, do you ever wonder what kind of contract these guys have to sign?  Like, what happens if you know, things get a little heated with all of that kissing beautiful people stuff?  Is there a cut off?  Like, does a guy step in and say, "Uh OK guys, settle down?" I wonder what the cutter offer guy's job title would be.  Ooh.  I know.  The C Blocker.   Can you imagine that job ad in the classifieds?

Producer, Script Writer, Host, Sound Guy, C Blocker.  Job description:  the opposite of a Fluffer.

Sorry, I'm not saying the c word out loud in print.  It looks too crude.  I'll just say it to your face.  Nah, probably I wouldn't say it to your face.  Not in mixed company anyway.  There are only a few swear words that are tougher to roll off of my tongue, and that's one of them.  I mean, I'll say it.  It just doesn't roll smoothly and effortlessly, like other swear words do.

Wow, there is a lot of jacked up emotion on that show.  In real life, do girls really cry like that over a guy that they barely know?  They are sobbing under the covers and hiding in corners and professing their love for this person, and I would venture a guess that they don't even know his freaking middle name.  I'm sure they don't even know his Mom's name, or like, his favorite flavor of ice cream, or how he takes his whiskey.  Or if he even likes whiskey.

And yet here I sit, thinking about the next season and the grand and likely possibility of the new Bachelorette's mom chugging wine from the bottle like a BOSS.  That would be so entertaining. It's a girl's season, so we'll all have to beware of tons more jacked up emotion.  Guys might typically seem much less emotional than girls, but it comes out in different ways than it does with girls, like, way less sobbing under the covers and way more aggressive competition.

I'm a little embarrassed to say that I already can't wait.


  1. Haha! "Opposite of a fluffer" - funny! I don't watch the show and now I'm wondering what they do about that little problem. Maybe save the footage for Bachelor Blooper porn or something.

    1. Haha! There you go... add that to the blooper reels! That show is such a guilty pleasure - I've even somehow convinced my husband into like it as much as I do - not suite sure how THAT happened. :)