Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Letters from Grandpa; things to read when you're high

A long time ago, I was hanging out with a crowd that was kind of into smoking (you know who you are) a lot of pot on the weekends. A looooong time ago, like pre-several kids ago. Even though I wasn't as much of a weekend stoner as some of the people I hung out with, I was usually kicking around with everyone.

Most nights started with some loud 90's alternative music, chatting and drinking shitty beer, and ended with a toke or seven, aggressively toasting entire loaves of white bread (because, munchies), and reading letters from Grandpa. Not my grandpa.  My grandpa pretty much just signed birthday cards, unless my grandma forged his signature. The Grandpa Letters were from (fake name>) Juan's Grandpa, who was the most unintentionally hilarious old guy ever. When Juan was in college, Grandpa wrote him religiously, which was really so sweet.

So anyway, eventually Juan would bring out a letter, precariously stand on something tall, and proceed to read it to everyone, high.

If you've ever been high, you know that basically everything is hilarious. So a typical sentence like, "Nan and I really miss going to your band concerts, you are the most talented trombone player we've ever heard!" was basically the most knee-slappingly hysterical sentence ever written. Everything Grandpa wrote made me us them literally laugh til we they got cramps in their sides. Half the time Juan couldn't get through a single sentence without laughing til he was crying. If I recall it felt like it took hours for Juan to finish reading one letter.

Grandpa letters were really long and really detailed, all handwritten of course, and they gave us a ton of material to enjoy when we were a little toasted. Juan still has the letters and we recently discussed bringing them out. 

I wonder if they would still get us going the way they did back then. I have a funny feeling they would... I was recently in the presence of a few of the original members of the Pot Smoking Grandpa Letter Reading Crew, and it just so happened they may have been a snitch on the stoned side. Being that the simplest, most innocent of statements was sending them into lengthy fits of hysteria, I'd bet on the Grandpa letters still being pretty effective. Truth is, we still occasionally quote various things that Juan's grandpa said, and they seem to be just as hilarious when everyone is completely sober. 

That Grandpa was a funny guy.

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