So I forgot that I said I'd post more about Thanksgiving in CT, and even left you all with a teaser about potentially sharing Alex's freaking hilarious post-Thanksgiving dancing. So, I asked him. And this is how it all went down.
me: How do you feel about me possibly posting your super awesome dance routine on my blog? (see what I did there with the compliment? I'm so smooth.)
him: People at my office read that!
me: ::pause while deflating a snitch because the compliment didn't seem to sway him as much as I was hoping:: Well, it could be great entertainment! Great fodder for chats around the water cooler even! I'll bet they have no idea that you can blend Gangsta moves with Irish Step dancing, Russian Cossack dancing, the stanky leg, booty shaking and a perfect Herkie. That is very impressive you know. Besides, you shouldn't have shown them my blog in the first place!
him: I didn't! Your brother did!
me: I don't have a brother. Well. We all know that I cannot say that with certainty. But, I don't have a brother that I personally know, currently. Though I could provide you with the name of a potential.
him: You know who I mean.
me: Yay or nay?
him: *scowl*
me: Thumbs up? C'mon you little dancer, you.
him: *scowl*
me: Fine!
So sorry guys, I'll continue to try to get him to sign the release and waiver. Maybe if you collectively beg him through your comments, he'll relent. Trust me, it's worth it.
However, if I do get him to agree to post it, I may or may not pretend that I don't know him.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Don't tell me you're not impressed with my verbal skillz, yo
I've never called anyone a douche bag.
Incidentally, is douche bag one word or two? I'm going to go with two, since blogger spell check told me I was wrong when I initially wrote it without a space by putting a red wiggly line under it. Not that you can ever trust blogger spellcheck because that asshole always tries to tell me that OMG and crotchal, ho-bag and hiney aren't really words.
Like, really? OMG isn't in the latest dictionary? It always suggests changing it to OMB. Like Oh my Bob? Blogger spellcheck is intolerant of religion??! An atheist maybe? To each his own, but let's call a spade a spade - blogger spellcheck is definitely a douche bag. And apparently an intolerant douche bag.
So yeah, honestly, I've never really been a user of the DB word. It's just that the image of what a DB actually is always pops into mind when I think it or say it, and then it like, grosses me out. Sort of like moist or vagina.
But I've recently decided that I need to get over the issue with those words. I've been trying to use them more. I even told my single dad friend Jake that his girlfriend's pumpkin cake was moist (ugh) over Thanksgiving. And I didn't even gag when I said it! Apparently she's a very good cook, because that cake freaking rocked. But you know, moist was really the only descriptive word that fit! I mean, how do you avoid saying it? I mentioned previously that the only synonym for moist is dampish. That's dumb. And not very fitting for a cake if you ask me.
You know what really gets my goat? Besides the fact that saying "gets my goat" makes me sound like my grandmother? It's those people that can say skeevy words without cringing. They say vagina with authority! They say it like they mean it! With conviction! There's no fear, no inward gagging, no mild aftertaste of throw up in their mouth. Clearly there is something wrong with me. I just want to be able to call someone a douche bag as needed! I don't think that's a lot to ask for.
I am flawed! A flawed human that cannot utter the word udder without a shudder. Heh. Did you see how I did that right there? Don't tell me you're not impressed with my verbal skillz, yo.
Hm. I went all gangsta right there. Yes, yes I did. That happens occasionally - let's just roll with it.
I think it's time to wrap this post up, because you know, I mentioned to someone recently that this blog really doesn't have much substance, and it's posts like this that make me kind of agree with myself. Like, does anyone really give a shit about my verbal skillz?
I'm guessing no. Even though I do have a fairly recently new follower!! Hey #101! Wanna come over and do each other's hair and have a sleepover? I puffy heart love you!
OK, that's weird. Sorry #101, I just got excited.
Incidentally, is douche bag one word or two? I'm going to go with two, since blogger spell check told me I was wrong when I initially wrote it without a space by putting a red wiggly line under it. Not that you can ever trust blogger spellcheck because that asshole always tries to tell me that OMG and crotchal, ho-bag and hiney aren't really words.
Like, really? OMG isn't in the latest dictionary? It always suggests changing it to OMB. Like Oh my Bob? Blogger spellcheck is intolerant of religion??! An atheist maybe? To each his own, but let's call a spade a spade - blogger spellcheck is definitely a douche bag. And apparently an intolerant douche bag.
So yeah, honestly, I've never really been a user of the DB word. It's just that the image of what a DB actually is always pops into mind when I think it or say it, and then it like, grosses me out. Sort of like moist or vagina.
But I've recently decided that I need to get over the issue with those words. I've been trying to use them more. I even told my single dad friend Jake that his girlfriend's pumpkin cake was moist (ugh) over Thanksgiving. And I didn't even gag when I said it! Apparently she's a very good cook, because that cake freaking rocked. But you know, moist was really the only descriptive word that fit! I mean, how do you avoid saying it? I mentioned previously that the only synonym for moist is dampish. That's dumb. And not very fitting for a cake if you ask me.
You know what really gets my goat? Besides the fact that saying "gets my goat" makes me sound like my grandmother? It's those people that can say skeevy words without cringing. They say vagina with authority! They say it like they mean it! With conviction! There's no fear, no inward gagging, no mild aftertaste of throw up in their mouth. Clearly there is something wrong with me. I just want to be able to call someone a douche bag as needed! I don't think that's a lot to ask for.
I am flawed! A flawed human that cannot utter the word udder without a shudder. Heh. Did you see how I did that right there? Don't tell me you're not impressed with my verbal skillz, yo.
Hm. I went all gangsta right there. Yes, yes I did. That happens occasionally - let's just roll with it.
I think it's time to wrap this post up, because you know, I mentioned to someone recently that this blog really doesn't have much substance, and it's posts like this that make me kind of agree with myself. Like, does anyone really give a shit about my verbal skillz?
I'm guessing no. Even though I do have a fairly recently new follower!! Hey #101! Wanna come over and do each other's hair and have a sleepover? I puffy heart love you!
OK, that's weird. Sorry #101, I just got excited.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Shopping, sweater puppies, and scary rednecks, among other things...
It's freaking Wednesday already - 27 days til Christmas. Is that shocking to anyone else but me? Yesterday I spent far too many hours on the computer trying to find Cyber Tuesday deals, so I didn't get around to writing a post. What? I was a day late to the party you say? Yeahyeah, I know. I just couldn't get it together enough to make Cyber Monday work in my favor.
Ah, I'm not too concerned. This past week/end, we went to my sister's house in CT for Thanksgiving. During that time, we shopped, ate and shopped. And then ate some more. I couldn't even bring myself to get on the scale when I got home. I mean, I actually even ate sweater puppies at Denny's. I never eat sweater puppies. And I never go to Denny's, except on Black Friday morning. Well OK, they're not actually called sweater puppies, but they're called some kind of puppies and they taste like french toast and look like munchkins. Munchkin-like french toast balls that you dip in syrup or frosting-ish stuff. OMG yum. We call them sweater puppies. Because who wouldn't? So yeah, I ate those things. Among other things, for basically five days straight.
Anyway, back to the shopping. I admit it - I was a Black Friday freak. Except, I was more like a black Thursday Night freak because apparently that's how we do it now?? Sheesh, I couldn't even get drunk on Thanksgiving because we had to drive to Target at 9:00 pm that night. Fine, I wouldn't have gotten drunk anyway, but the fact that I couldn't get drunk if I had a burning desire to was rather annoying. Tyrone apparently didn't get the memo because he got drunk and had to be at Target at 9:00 too. Which is exactly why he forgot his phone and had to aimlessly walk around hoping to run into his wife after they divided and conquered the freaking store. I'd just like to point out that thanks to me and my awesome ability to wheel and deal with boys, Ali and Ty actually ended up with the massive TV they were trying to get. Because I think Dave from Target liked me. He may have winked at me. So after the possible winking, he gave me a sneaky ticket to get the very last massive TV in the store. Woohoo! I definitely rock.
OK, so back to the shopping again, I really got everything I needed on my list so I felt very accomplished. I barely even bought myself things! Except a new pair of yoga pants, a cozy hoodie, a long-sleeved shirt and a Nerd Rope. I really needed that Nerd Rope. See how not selfish I am? Seriously, I am very excited that I finished a good portion of my shopping.
Oh yeah! I almost forgot! Kara and I almost threw down with some scary redneck jerks from West Virginia. No offense if you're from West Virginia. We went to this semi-legal flea market in a very sketchy part of New Haven, and you know, we were trying to park and those scummy losers stole my parking spot!! Like, they literally looked at my face and jammed in there as I was actually backing in to the spot. I was like, really??! That's how you roll on motherfucking Thanksgiving??! Then Kara got all finger waggy and fresh to them since she is a snappy little New Yorker and I had to talk her off the ledge before we got stabbed over a parking spot. Getting stabbed over a parking spot is not my idea of a great way to spend the holiday weekend.
So we found another parking spot. Because I am all about keeping the peace, man. And also they were a little bit scary. And my sister Jenney was nowhere in sight, and she was the only one with us with a black belt in Karate. She could have Karate chopped that girl right in her skinny dreadlocked head. But anyway, we did great at theillegal semi-legal flea market, didn't throw down or get the car keyed. All in all, I consider it a win.
There were more awesome moments during the five days we were there, including an impromptu solo dance routine by my husband Alex, complete with a Herkie at the end, that made me laugh until I almost peed my pants. I'll have to tell you more about that (could potentially post a damaging video of the actual event) and some other highlights tomorrow.
See how I left you with a cliffhanger? I'm all savvy like that...
Ah, I'm not too concerned. This past week/end, we went to my sister's house in CT for Thanksgiving. During that time, we shopped, ate and shopped. And then ate some more. I couldn't even bring myself to get on the scale when I got home. I mean, I actually even ate sweater puppies at Denny's. I never eat sweater puppies. And I never go to Denny's, except on Black Friday morning. Well OK, they're not actually called sweater puppies, but they're called some kind of puppies and they taste like french toast and look like munchkins. Munchkin-like french toast balls that you dip in syrup or frosting-ish stuff. OMG yum. We call them sweater puppies. Because who wouldn't? So yeah, I ate those things. Among other things, for basically five days straight.
Anyway, back to the shopping. I admit it - I was a Black Friday freak. Except, I was more like a black Thursday Night freak because apparently that's how we do it now?? Sheesh, I couldn't even get drunk on Thanksgiving because we had to drive to Target at 9:00 pm that night. Fine, I wouldn't have gotten drunk anyway, but the fact that I couldn't get drunk if I had a burning desire to was rather annoying. Tyrone apparently didn't get the memo because he got drunk and had to be at Target at 9:00 too. Which is exactly why he forgot his phone and had to aimlessly walk around hoping to run into his wife after they divided and conquered the freaking store. I'd just like to point out that thanks to me and my awesome ability to wheel and deal with boys, Ali and Ty actually ended up with the massive TV they were trying to get. Because I think Dave from Target liked me. He may have winked at me. So after the possible winking, he gave me a sneaky ticket to get the very last massive TV in the store. Woohoo! I definitely rock.
OK, so back to the shopping again, I really got everything I needed on my list so I felt very accomplished. I barely even bought myself things! Except a new pair of yoga pants, a cozy hoodie, a long-sleeved shirt and a Nerd Rope. I really needed that Nerd Rope. See how not selfish I am? Seriously, I am very excited that I finished a good portion of my shopping.
Oh yeah! I almost forgot! Kara and I almost threw down with some scary redneck jerks from West Virginia. No offense if you're from West Virginia. We went to this semi-legal flea market in a very sketchy part of New Haven, and you know, we were trying to park and those scummy losers stole my parking spot!! Like, they literally looked at my face and jammed in there as I was actually backing in to the spot. I was like, really??! That's how you roll on motherfucking Thanksgiving??! Then Kara got all finger waggy and fresh to them since she is a snappy little New Yorker and I had to talk her off the ledge before we got stabbed over a parking spot. Getting stabbed over a parking spot is not my idea of a great way to spend the holiday weekend.
So we found another parking spot. Because I am all about keeping the peace, man. And also they were a little bit scary. And my sister Jenney was nowhere in sight, and she was the only one with us with a black belt in Karate. She could have Karate chopped that girl right in her skinny dreadlocked head. But anyway, we did great at the
There were more awesome moments during the five days we were there, including an impromptu solo dance routine by my husband Alex, complete with a Herkie at the end, that made me laugh until I almost peed my pants. I'll have to tell you more about that (could potentially post a damaging video of the actual event) and some other highlights tomorrow.
See how I left you with a cliffhanger? I'm all savvy like that...
Monday, November 26, 2012
recent random phone pics and baby names
Today's Monday Listicle on The Good Life is ten photos from your cell phone. I have so many photos from my cell phone. It often surprises me what decent pictures a phone can actually take, quality-wise. Not that these are an example of that. So anyway, here are a random recent bunch:
As far as names we considered for our kids:
I knew Kara was going to be a girl, so I didn't think of any boy names. I was positive I was going to name her some version of Alex, but I didn't like the way girl Alex long names (Alexis, Alexandra, etc) sounded. I really, honestly didn't know I could have just named her Alex - I was so young and such a dummy. So in the hospital, the girl in the next bed was talking about how her friend just named her new baby Kara, and it just sort of felt right to me. So Kara Elizabeth it was. ELizabeth was after my Dad's mother.
Little Alex we always pretty much knew would be Alex, named after his Dad, who was named after his dad. So he is a third. I threw out the name Tighe (like Ty, but an Irish spelling), but that never happened.
Megan was my worst naming event. We could not even come up with a name for her. In fact, she was actually Julia for two days in the hospital before we came home, but I frantically changed it because she so didn't look like a Julia at all. Then Alex picked Megan, which I didn't love but felt pressured to go with. He kept saying, "Can't you picture a little Meg B running down the soccer field with a ponytail?" And I was thinking, "I guess..." Meg B does not love soccer, but she does wear a ponytail. Her name grew on me after a year or so - it seriously took that long!
Naming Brooke was easy. When we knew she was a girl, I picked Brooke Allison. Her middle name is after my sister Ali. I considered Meredith, and I still have it as a back up for another baby. Not that we're going there, but I still like it. If she was a boy, we were tossing around Eli, Henry or Ari. Henry for Alex's grandpa, Ari after my dad, and Eli just because it was cute.
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| The "note" I found on the counter the other day. My husband definitely gets me. |
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| Dinner with my cutie girls in the city |
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| fuzzy face photo |
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| Black "Thursday night" on the electronics line |
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| How Ty does Black Friday (hangover) shopping |
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| Post bath snuggle |
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| First time rock climber in CT |
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| JJ, my friend's adorable bald man baby, looking all filled with wisdom |
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| Turkey Trotters (Julian & Brooke) |
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| Some of my Thanksgiving dinner |
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| Thanksgiving weekend annual B-Ball challenge - boys against dads (Alex, Will & Kieran) |
I knew Kara was going to be a girl, so I didn't think of any boy names. I was positive I was going to name her some version of Alex, but I didn't like the way girl Alex long names (Alexis, Alexandra, etc) sounded. I really, honestly didn't know I could have just named her Alex - I was so young and such a dummy. So in the hospital, the girl in the next bed was talking about how her friend just named her new baby Kara, and it just sort of felt right to me. So Kara Elizabeth it was. ELizabeth was after my Dad's mother.
Little Alex we always pretty much knew would be Alex, named after his Dad, who was named after his dad. So he is a third. I threw out the name Tighe (like Ty, but an Irish spelling), but that never happened.
Megan was my worst naming event. We could not even come up with a name for her. In fact, she was actually Julia for two days in the hospital before we came home, but I frantically changed it because she so didn't look like a Julia at all. Then Alex picked Megan, which I didn't love but felt pressured to go with. He kept saying, "Can't you picture a little Meg B running down the soccer field with a ponytail?" And I was thinking, "I guess..." Meg B does not love soccer, but she does wear a ponytail. Her name grew on me after a year or so - it seriously took that long!
Naming Brooke was easy. When we knew she was a girl, I picked Brooke Allison. Her middle name is after my sister Ali. I considered Meredith, and I still have it as a back up for another baby. Not that we're going there, but I still like it. If she was a boy, we were tossing around Eli, Henry or Ari. Henry for Alex's grandpa, Ari after my dad, and Eli just because it was cute.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
monday listicle - ten things 2012
The Monday Listicle topic this week is ten things that I've learned in 2012. So I sat here feeling all stumped. Like, hello? I've already learned everything I've needed to learn in these past 42 years! But then I was thinking, you know, I really haven't learned everything. Then I was thinking there are still lots of things that I want to learn. See how much thinking I did about this topic? Lots and lots of thinking, apparently.
So I'm going to break it up, or down, into 5 things that I've learned in 2012, and 5 things that I still want to learn.
Things that I have learned this year:
1. That even if my husband or kids don't fold the laundry the way I would, it's still folded, and it's OK.
2. That puppies really are nice to have, and a lot less trouble than I was thinking.
3. That freaking Pinterest is addictive.
4. That freaking things on Pinterest are not as easy to make as they appear to be.
5. That it's way easier to gain weight than to lose it. Ah, I guess I kind of already knew that one. But it's still not fair. Damn it.
Things that I would like to learn one of these days:
1. How to use my Silhouette machine. I've had it for two years already!
2. How to get over the blogger conference fear.
3. How to make creme brulé.
4. How to forget things that make me feel sad.
5. How to be a travel writer.
So I'm going to break it up, or down, into 5 things that I've learned in 2012, and 5 things that I still want to learn.
Things that I have learned this year:
1. That even if my husband or kids don't fold the laundry the way I would, it's still folded, and it's OK.
2. That puppies really are nice to have, and a lot less trouble than I was thinking.
3. That freaking Pinterest is addictive.
4. That freaking things on Pinterest are not as easy to make as they appear to be.
5. That it's way easier to gain weight than to lose it. Ah, I guess I kind of already knew that one. But it's still not fair. Damn it.
Things that I would like to learn one of these days:
1. How to use my Silhouette machine. I've had it for two years already!
2. How to get over the blogger conference fear.
3. How to make creme brulé.
4. How to forget things that make me feel sad.
5. How to be a travel writer.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Friday five...technology's bitch - in the dark
So it's like only about 4:45 and it's dark already. I am sitting in darkness, all alone. Listening to tunes, multi-tasking between perusing the web, responding to texts... that kind of thing. Technology. WTF did we do without it anyway? Read an actual book? Seriously, I am trying to think of what I used to do on an average day before I was all uber-connected, addicted to my laptop and things. Hm. Clean? Bills? Work? I did a lot of cleaning. I hated having a messy house. I still do, but I can easily get distracted from cleaning by the computer. It's just so... addictive. So now instead of cleaning for a while, I do a lot of mini quick pick-ups. My house still looks presentable though! I swear I am not shirking my SAHM duties! I'm not technology's bitch! Well. Not really.
I read that there's like an actual syndrome/anxiety that they are diagnosing with people who are addicted to technology - blackberries, iPhones, PDAs. Those kinds of things. Like people actually have compulsions about it. I guess I think that's weird, though I have lived through such addiction with someone who will remain nameless
I'm making a complete effort to get off the grid more. Starting another day besides today. Or tomorrow. Eh, maybe we should revisit this thought.
Later guys. Happy weekend.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Wed Repost 1 - 8 (more) Dates Gone Awry
Lots of people do themey Wednesday posts. I'm jumping on the bandwagon. Well, I'm jumping on my own personal wagon because I'm making my own themey Wednesday post.
I use this tracking thing for my blog that tells me the most popular posts that I have written, as far as numbers are concerned. I wouldn't say they are the most popular as far as comments are concerned, because you know, I don't really get a shit ton of comments or anything. Which is fine with me. Because comments don't define me! I don't need comments to make me feel whole! Fine, comments define me and make me feel whole as blogger. Can you please comment?
That was pathetic. Comment only if you feel the need. Don't you worry that I might have a tear in my eye if one of my posts gets 0 comments. It's not your job to comment to validate my existence. Wah. I'm not sniffling. I have dirt in my eye.
ANYway, I've decided to repost some old popular (by the numbers)posts on Wednesdays. If you've already had the pleasure of reading the reposted posts, feel free to click away from this page. The post:
EIGHT (more) DATES GONE AWRY
When I mentioned to my husband that I was posting a part two of some of the crappy dates (you can see part uno here!) I've been on before we got together, he tried to act all offended. Then I reminded him that he knew pretty much all of these stories, and has had plenty of laughs about them over the years. So he got over it. That's what I like about him. Hearing about the interesting situations that I have found myself in in the past doesn't throw him all into a jealous tizzy. He just goes with it and laughs at my expense. He's all cool like that.
So I figured that I had plenty more amusing stories of dates gone awry that would be worth sharing with the whole world. So here they are:
My friend Dani gave my number out to this restaurant owner/boss of hers and I was SO NOT INTERESTED. I had specific instructions for my friends not to give out my number to random guys, but she felt pressured to hand over the goods and threw me right under the bus. So he called several times and left messages on my machine, which I ignored. Finally I ended up accidentally answering one of his calls and he very snottily asked me if I wanted to go out, which I politely declined. I think he was so shocked that I said no, he didn't even know how to react. He definitely thought he was a catch, and wasn't used to rejection. I guess he didn't know that I almost always avoided the guys that were considered to be a "catch."
Then there was an English professor at college. He was very sweet, but also sort of quirky. He wore bow ties every day. I kid you not. Anyway, I have been known to be attracted to quirky, and I liked him enough to have several chats and stuff in the classroom and while walking though the halls, but I was a little surprised when he asked if I wanted to go for a ride one day after class. So I said sure. Then he made a stop in the men's room before we left and he came out with a very noticeable dribble on the front of his pants. Like it looked a bit like he definitely wet himself a little. Yeah, that was sort of hard for me to get past. I did get an A in the class though.
This is considered a two-fer. Once my sister Jenney set me up with this really nice guy who had Cystic Fibrosis. She met him at the hospital she worked for when he came in for treatments. So anyway, we were supposed to meet at a concert, like a group date. I had mentioned to this other guy that I was friends with (who liked me) that I was going to this concert - just mentioning it, you know? Anyway, me, the CF guy, my sister and my sister's [now husband] boyfriend were hanging out chatting in the parking lot before the concert, and all of a sudden, John says "Hey, is that Florence Nightingale?" (That is what they called my friend who liked me - don't ask). Sure enough, the guy who liked me showed up in the parking lot. It was a little on the awkward side. I felt bad for the CF guy, and I was mad at the friend/guy who liked me for showing up when he knew I was on a date. I've sort of blanked on what ended up happening with the CF guy, but I know for sure that John encouraged the friend/guy to crowd surf and the crowd parted like a bad movie and he got dropped straight on his head, which was not very nice. Well, at least the concert was good. Blues Traveler. Yeah.
I met this really attractive guy at a funeral of all places. We started a conversation and he asked for my number, which I gave him, because he was so darned cute. Really. I know, I know. This sounds awful. Anyway, we started talking on the phone and we both really liked the Smiths (love Morrissey). So he was calling me and we were talking. I really kind of was into this kid. But unfortunately, when I say kid, I mean kid. Come to find out that I was a good few (OK, several) years older than he was, which I didn't realize til we got together and were in mid-smooch and his step father came up all furious because he was kind of a senior in high school. How was I to know??!! In my defense he was tall and mature looking and he dressed really cool. Well. So that was pretty embarrassing. *Side note, I saw in the news that hot funeral boy was arrested for doing drugs in an elementary school parking lot. Wow.
I used to work at a Lumber Yard, and this adorable guy with a great smile came in with his uncle to get some building supplies. I waited on him. He was all shy, but he ended up asking for my number, which I gave him. Which was actually very bad because I was kinda dating someone else. He was wearing these Carhart coveralls, and I didn't even care because he was such a little cutie with nice teeth and a great smile. But I was a little bit in a bind because I had just started dating this other guy. I knew I should have just mentioned that the timing was bad, but I just didn't. So I can't believe I am putting this out there, but it was summery and we met up and went hiking/walking up this trail in the mountains. All on the sly. So I inadvertently sat on poison ivy and got it all over the backs of my legs terribly, which was my punishment for stepping out on a new guy. Then the poison ivy guy left for boot camp very shortly after the incident, and I got more serious with guy #1, so I had to write cutie shy poison ivy guy a Dear John. He was not very happy. I still feel guilty.
I was asked to go to the drive-in to see Batman with this guy who was nice - a tennis player I met at school, he had a nice warm smile. We had been friends for a bit, but I didn't realize he was liking me in a way other than friend-like. I was actually involved with someone else pretty seriously. The whole time at the movie, he was trying to put the moves on me, and it was totally cheesy and of course falling flat. I was so turned off by his fake "game," that I couldn't wait to just leave. What a jerk. I am still offended. That friendship was never the same, and I totally learned my lesson about going on harmless "dates" with friends.
I was invited to go to a Guns and Roses/Aerosmith concert with this guy and a few friends and I assumed he had bought the tickets, because he invited me. Clearly I made an ass out of u and me, because when we arrived at the venue my "date" proceeded to drag me through the woods to hop the (really tall and spiky) fence and sneak in. Without tickets of course. We ended up getting chased by the security guards. Yes, yes we did. Thankfully we escaped, but I was not very thrilled with that criminal experience, and we never went out again. I have to admit it was a great concert though.
So there you have it. I could potentially do another post on 8 Mortifying Moments (more dates gone awry), but I'd really have to think that one through.
82410
I use this tracking thing for my blog that tells me the most popular posts that I have written, as far as numbers are concerned. I wouldn't say they are the most popular as far as comments are concerned, because you know, I don't really get a shit ton of comments or anything. Which is fine with me. Because comments don't define me! I don't need comments to make me feel whole! Fine, comments define me and make me feel whole as blogger. Can you please comment?
That was pathetic. Comment only if you feel the need. Don't you worry that I might have a tear in my eye if one of my posts gets 0 comments. It's not your job to comment to validate my existence. Wah. I'm not sniffling. I have dirt in my eye.
ANYway, I've decided to repost some old popular (by the numbers)posts on Wednesdays. If you've already had the pleasure of reading the reposted posts, feel free to click away from this page. The post:
EIGHT (more) DATES GONE AWRY
When I mentioned to my husband that I was posting a part two of some of the crappy dates (you can see part uno here!) I've been on before we got together, he tried to act all offended. Then I reminded him that he knew pretty much all of these stories, and has had plenty of laughs about them over the years. So he got over it. That's what I like about him. Hearing about the interesting situations that I have found myself in in the past doesn't throw him all into a jealous tizzy. He just goes with it and laughs at my expense. He's all cool like that.
So I figured that I had plenty more amusing stories of dates gone awry that would be worth sharing with the whole world. So here they are:
My friend Dani gave my number out to this restaurant owner/boss of hers and I was SO NOT INTERESTED. I had specific instructions for my friends not to give out my number to random guys, but she felt pressured to hand over the goods and threw me right under the bus. So he called several times and left messages on my machine, which I ignored. Finally I ended up accidentally answering one of his calls and he very snottily asked me if I wanted to go out, which I politely declined. I think he was so shocked that I said no, he didn't even know how to react. He definitely thought he was a catch, and wasn't used to rejection. I guess he didn't know that I almost always avoided the guys that were considered to be a "catch."
Then there was an English professor at college. He was very sweet, but also sort of quirky. He wore bow ties every day. I kid you not. Anyway, I have been known to be attracted to quirky, and I liked him enough to have several chats and stuff in the classroom and while walking though the halls, but I was a little surprised when he asked if I wanted to go for a ride one day after class. So I said sure. Then he made a stop in the men's room before we left and he came out with a very noticeable dribble on the front of his pants. Like it looked a bit like he definitely wet himself a little. Yeah, that was sort of hard for me to get past. I did get an A in the class though.
This is considered a two-fer. Once my sister Jenney set me up with this really nice guy who had Cystic Fibrosis. She met him at the hospital she worked for when he came in for treatments. So anyway, we were supposed to meet at a concert, like a group date. I had mentioned to this other guy that I was friends with (who liked me) that I was going to this concert - just mentioning it, you know? Anyway, me, the CF guy, my sister and my sister's [now husband] boyfriend were hanging out chatting in the parking lot before the concert, and all of a sudden, John says "Hey, is that Florence Nightingale?" (That is what they called my friend who liked me - don't ask). Sure enough, the guy who liked me showed up in the parking lot. It was a little on the awkward side. I felt bad for the CF guy, and I was mad at the friend/guy who liked me for showing up when he knew I was on a date. I've sort of blanked on what ended up happening with the CF guy, but I know for sure that John encouraged the friend/guy to crowd surf and the crowd parted like a bad movie and he got dropped straight on his head, which was not very nice. Well, at least the concert was good. Blues Traveler. Yeah.
I met this really attractive guy at a funeral of all places. We started a conversation and he asked for my number, which I gave him, because he was so darned cute. Really. I know, I know. This sounds awful. Anyway, we started talking on the phone and we both really liked the Smiths (love Morrissey). So he was calling me and we were talking. I really kind of was into this kid. But unfortunately, when I say kid, I mean kid. Come to find out that I was a good few (OK, several) years older than he was, which I didn't realize til we got together and were in mid-smooch and his step father came up all furious because he was kind of a senior in high school. How was I to know??!! In my defense he was tall and mature looking and he dressed really cool. Well. So that was pretty embarrassing. *Side note, I saw in the news that hot funeral boy was arrested for doing drugs in an elementary school parking lot. Wow.
I used to work at a Lumber Yard, and this adorable guy with a great smile came in with his uncle to get some building supplies. I waited on him. He was all shy, but he ended up asking for my number, which I gave him. Which was actually very bad because I was kinda dating someone else. He was wearing these Carhart coveralls, and I didn't even care because he was such a little cutie with nice teeth and a great smile. But I was a little bit in a bind because I had just started dating this other guy. I knew I should have just mentioned that the timing was bad, but I just didn't. So I can't believe I am putting this out there, but it was summery and we met up and went hiking/walking up this trail in the mountains. All on the sly. So I inadvertently sat on poison ivy and got it all over the backs of my legs terribly, which was my punishment for stepping out on a new guy. Then the poison ivy guy left for boot camp very shortly after the incident, and I got more serious with guy #1, so I had to write cutie shy poison ivy guy a Dear John. He was not very happy. I still feel guilty.
I was asked to go to the drive-in to see Batman with this guy who was nice - a tennis player I met at school, he had a nice warm smile. We had been friends for a bit, but I didn't realize he was liking me in a way other than friend-like. I was actually involved with someone else pretty seriously. The whole time at the movie, he was trying to put the moves on me, and it was totally cheesy and of course falling flat. I was so turned off by his fake "game," that I couldn't wait to just leave. What a jerk. I am still offended. That friendship was never the same, and I totally learned my lesson about going on harmless "dates" with friends.
I was invited to go to a Guns and Roses/Aerosmith concert with this guy and a few friends and I assumed he had bought the tickets, because he invited me. Clearly I made an ass out of u and me, because when we arrived at the venue my "date" proceeded to drag me through the woods to hop the (really tall and spiky) fence and sneak in. Without tickets of course. We ended up getting chased by the security guards. Yes, yes we did. Thankfully we escaped, but I was not very thrilled with that criminal experience, and we never went out again. I have to admit it was a great concert though.
So there you have it. I could potentially do another post on 8 Mortifying Moments (more dates gone awry), but I'd really have to think that one through.
82410
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
one little lie among a bunch of random facts
Today I'm posting nine truths and one lie for the Monday Listicle. I switched it up though, because it's actually supposed to be nine lies and a truth. Sorry, sometimes you just gotta buck the system. Anyway, if you read this blog every once in a while, the one lie should be kind of easy...
1. I have horrible eyesight in one eye. The other eye is better than 20/20 vision though, which makes any eyeglasses I try look ridiculous.
2. I had my first child when I was 19 years old, but I always said I was 20 because I hated being labeled a teen mom.
3. I have a college degree, but it's not good enough.
4. I have a fear of swimming in the dark, Stephen King scarred me for life.
5. I always wanted a monkey, til the ripping off of the face incident...
6. I was in marching band in high school. I sucked so bad at marching, it was embarrassing.
7. I hate flying, I need to be either medicated or intoxicated to get on a plane.
8. I love hospitals, including hospital food.
9. I'm pretty sure that my favorite season is autumn. If I ever got remarried, it would definitely be in the fall.
10. I don't like beer. I kind of wish I did because it just seems cool to enjoy a nice cold beer every now and then.
What do you think?? Which one of these bad boys is NOT true?
1. I have horrible eyesight in one eye. The other eye is better than 20/20 vision though, which makes any eyeglasses I try look ridiculous.
2. I had my first child when I was 19 years old, but I always said I was 20 because I hated being labeled a teen mom.
3. I have a college degree, but it's not good enough.
4. I have a fear of swimming in the dark, Stephen King scarred me for life.
5. I always wanted a monkey, til the ripping off of the face incident...
6. I was in marching band in high school. I sucked so bad at marching, it was embarrassing.
7. I hate flying, I need to be either medicated or intoxicated to get on a plane.
8. I love hospitals, including hospital food.
9. I'm pretty sure that my favorite season is autumn. If I ever got remarried, it would definitely be in the fall.
10. I don't like beer. I kind of wish I did because it just seems cool to enjoy a nice cold beer every now and then.
What do you think?? Which one of these bad boys is NOT true?
Friday, November 9, 2012
omg, acronyms make me happy. rotfl.
I like words. I'm a wordie. I tend to do a lot of listening, so I often pick things apart - how certain words make you feel, how some strike you as funny or disgusting or annoying.
I think a lot of word people don't love acronyms. Like you're tarnishing something by using them. I'm not sure what exactly is being tarnished by abbreviating a term, but they think something is. The dictionary? The English language? I think that's kind of dumb. I love acronyms. I think admitting that out loud may make me sound a little weird.
Eh, I don't care, I wear my weirdness proudly.
I have this thing though, with acronyms. Whenever I hear them or see them, I mentally switch the words up to make them mean something else. Like, what if when you were texting someone WTF, it didn't mean what the fuck?
It could mean all sorts of things. Like, Where's the food? Or Who took Fluffy? Wash the floor, wrong turn, freak! Wipe the front, wank the flank, where's the fish? Wiggle toes first, wear torn flannel, warty toad feet, we're too fat! Who's that fool?
Or the acronym for stay at home mom, you know, SAHM. That could certainly stand for plenty of other things:
so annoyed, hit me
special access husband material
so awesome, have meat
smile at huge mouths
slap a ho much?
strange ankles, help me
shoot a horny man
sleep angrily, he'll mope
snare a hungry mouse
smelly ass, happy monkeys
stupid annoying happy meals
simple and humble mother
she always hears moaning
snarky about hipster moms
sloppy ass hairy mess
shit ass ho motherfucker
super awesome helluva mama
stare at hippos much?
strip after he moos
slimy apples have maggots
Or, how about LOL?!
loose old loonie
lame or lumpy
look! our laundry!
losers only limp
lunch, or linner?
lift our legs
large oompa loomp
losers often linger
leave our lunch
locate old lobsters
Oh man. I think I better quit now. I could do this all day. So anyway, TTYL, BFF. (try to yell louder, big fat freak) BRB GF! (bring ripe bananas good fellow!) JK, GTG. (Just kiss, grab ten guys)
Please, somebody stop me.
OMG, MYOB! SMH...(Obvious mean girl, make your own bread! Stop mating hamsters...)
OK, I'm done now. Phew.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
which part of please don't bring peanut butter cups into the house didn't you understand?
So you know, time and circumstance has made me a little plumper than I'd like to be. Well, OK, a lot plumper than I'd like to be. There are two key things that help me to trim down and healthy myself up. Exercise and avoiding shitty food that I enjoy.
The exercise part, meh. I hate the gym. But walking at night in the dark, listening to music, breathing in some fresh air, dreaming... that I can do with a smile. Most of the time. Except crap it's been cold out! WTF.
The food part, fuck. I love food. I hate feeling deprived, like I am on a diet. I hate feeling like I can't have something that looks tasty and that looks like it really just wants me to eat it. I love eating prepared-by-someone-else food - like take out. I know that's not the best for me, so I try to keep that to a minimum. Admittedly, take out is quite a hard thing for me to give up. It's my favorite. But I try.
I do have a lot of control over what comes in to this house, food wise. I am the grocery shopper, so it's all on me if a thing of Double Stuf Oreo cookies end up in my shopping cart. Or those freaking flat crispy chocolately cookies from Trader Joe's, or you guys, butter crunch ice cream. Mmmmmm. I have control over that shit and 98.4% of the time, I buy snacks and things that I don't care about, because I know myself. I know that more than likely, if it was there, I could mindlessly eat a sleeve of Thin Mints. Because really, who wouldn't just go to town on those amazing little minty cookies of joy?? Damn girl scouts. I don't care one bit about the goldfish in the orange bag though, or pretzels or graham crackers or something, which is why my poor kids get stuck with that crap in their lunch pails everyday instead of Chips Ahoy.
Here's the thing. I love peanut butter cups. We all know that they are one of my top five all time favorite candies. Halloween can be rough for me because besides certain yummy foods and goodies that are all up in my mug at the store constantly, I have no self control around certain candies. I make my kids hide their Halloween stash from me to keep me from snagging it and just like, having a sugar frenzied field day. They get it. I've given fair warning, which I think is quite nice of me. They keep that stuff out of my eye, and it works for us. You know, out of sight, out of mind. I can do that.
Except, peanut butter cups. They are a weakness for sure. They're just so chocolatey mixed with peanut buttery... mmm. It is rare, RARE, for me to buy them, and like, bring them home as a snack or something.
So one would wonder why someone would bring home a package of peanut butter cups for me, wouldn't one? The King Sized package no less. Why? It's called sabotage. Because we all know that it would be a crime to toss a King Sized thing of peanut butter cups. I'm pretty sure that's never happened in my lifetime - the tossing of the peanut butter cups thing. It's because someone wants to keep me plump, and that sucks. It doesn't matter if I say please don't bring me peanut butter cups, or Grandma Brown Double Chocolate Fudge cookies, of Subway oatmeal raisin cookies, or anything that I really love to eat. No matter how often I say that, it never seems to enter the brain of the one that wants to keep me plump. And pretty much every night, I am presented with a yummy, fattening, high calorie, bad-for-me gift that's really hard to resist.
That's not very nice.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
the last word, v7
Wow, it's been a while since I've done one of these. When I was on the plane the other day without any reading material, I was going through my notes and I stumbled over this list, which I had kind of forgotten about.
People Magazine has this feature thing on the last page of their magazine. On the last page, they have a feature called the last word (so clever!) where a celebrity answers a few questions on the last things they've done.
The last form of public transportation that I took: I was just in San Francisco and I took the BART. Even though I was distracted and missed my stop (that was pretty much 3 minutes away) and ended up going way far out of my way (pretty much a full hour when all was said and done), I love the BART. Is that weird?
The last good deed that I did: Well, the other day when I was going to my son's soccer game, there was this homeless guy looking pretty down and cold and wet, holding a cardboard sign on the street corner. So I gave him $10. I guess that was kind of a good deed.
The last home improvement that I made: You know, it's been a bit since we've made any major home improvements. I guess the closest I can come is getting a new washer/dryer. Pretty boring.
The last card that I sent: I am horrible at remembering to send cards for important events. I really am. I try everything to get to it, and I end up with 50 written out but not sent cards, just sitting there. Recently though, a friend had an unexpected death in their family, so I definitely sent a card.
The last song that made me rock out: Hm. I'm pretty sure Megan and I were rocking out to "I Love Your Shoes," by Furniture in the car on the way home from the doctor's office.
The last time that I was scared: Well, I was a little scared to walk alone from my hotel at night in SF, which I usually really enjoy doing. Unfortunately, I was staying in a hotel that was sort of on the edge of a sketchy part of the city. It was a really cool hotel though.
The last piece of advice that my mom gave me: Sheesh, I don't even know... may have been about not trying to contact this stalker-like person that has been emailing/mailing things to certain people in my family for a while. At this point, I have listened to her advice. No promises though.
The last chore that I did: Well, I do this chore every freaking day of my life it seems - flip the laundry. I put the washed stuff in the dryer, the dry stuff in the folding area, and the dirty stuff in the wash. Sounds mundane I suppose, but doing laundry doesn't usually bug me.
The last family vacation that I went on: Well, I've gone off a few times without the family fairly recently - Boston, NYC, SF and SC. But towards the end of the summer, all of us went to NC and spent a few weeks on the Outer Banks.
The last game that I played: Oh man, I play games every freaking day. It's slightly addictive. The very last one I played though was SongPop on my iPhone about an hour ago. I love that game. Wanna play?
People Magazine has this feature thing on the last page of their magazine. On the last page, they have a feature called the last word (so clever!) where a celebrity answers a few questions on the last things they've done.
So even though I'm not a celebrity or anything (wait. what?!), I'm going to go ahead and answer the questions. Because, why not?
The last form of public transportation that I took: I was just in San Francisco and I took the BART. Even though I was distracted and missed my stop (that was pretty much 3 minutes away) and ended up going way far out of my way (pretty much a full hour when all was said and done), I love the BART. Is that weird?
The last good deed that I did: Well, the other day when I was going to my son's soccer game, there was this homeless guy looking pretty down and cold and wet, holding a cardboard sign on the street corner. So I gave him $10. I guess that was kind of a good deed.
The last home improvement that I made: You know, it's been a bit since we've made any major home improvements. I guess the closest I can come is getting a new washer/dryer. Pretty boring.
The last card that I sent: I am horrible at remembering to send cards for important events. I really am. I try everything to get to it, and I end up with 50 written out but not sent cards, just sitting there. Recently though, a friend had an unexpected death in their family, so I definitely sent a card.
The last song that made me rock out: Hm. I'm pretty sure Megan and I were rocking out to "I Love Your Shoes," by Furniture in the car on the way home from the doctor's office.
The last time that I was scared: Well, I was a little scared to walk alone from my hotel at night in SF, which I usually really enjoy doing. Unfortunately, I was staying in a hotel that was sort of on the edge of a sketchy part of the city. It was a really cool hotel though.
The last piece of advice that my mom gave me: Sheesh, I don't even know... may have been about not trying to contact this stalker-like person that has been emailing/mailing things to certain people in my family for a while. At this point, I have listened to her advice. No promises though.
The last chore that I did: Well, I do this chore every freaking day of my life it seems - flip the laundry. I put the washed stuff in the dryer, the dry stuff in the folding area, and the dirty stuff in the wash. Sounds mundane I suppose, but doing laundry doesn't usually bug me.
The last family vacation that I went on: Well, I've gone off a few times without the family fairly recently - Boston, NYC, SF and SC. But towards the end of the summer, all of us went to NC and spent a few weeks on the Outer Banks.
The last game that I played: Oh man, I play games every freaking day. It's slightly addictive. The very last one I played though was SongPop on my iPhone about an hour ago. I love that game. Wanna play?
Monday, November 5, 2012
monday listicle - Ten Memories
For the Monday Listicle at The Good Life, Ten Memories From a Not So Distant Past:
1. Watching my little Brookie's goldie hair flying behind her as she rode her two-wheeler, smiling hard with her little bare legs furiously pumping on a bright sunny day, she was so proud that she was finally doing it by herself.
2. Smiling to myself listening to Megan singing with gusto to some old Morrissey in the car. I love that kid.
3. A snack pack that my husband made for me, complete with a stick figure drawing on the front of the brown paper bag. He makes me laugh.
4. Feeling so small and melancholy, just looking out the window of the airplane, watching the buildings and trees and houses and people of San Francisco grow smaller and smaller, until they just faded into flat grey clouds. Like they were never there at all.
5. Hearing my brother-in-law's nervous voice shake a little as he read his vows to his new wife. Emotional and sweet.
6. Accidentally, inappropriately hysterically laughing in someone's face over something that was not even very funny.
7. Feeling cozy and warm and good in my big deep tub on a cold fall day.
8. Hugging my biggest kid hard and helping her pack some boxes for a big move from Queens to Brooklyn.
9. My teen-aged boy genuinely thanking me for being there at all of his soccer games. I love when he notices and appreciates the things that I do.
10. Shivering and cold, sipping an icy Horchata and eating a yummy fajita while watching a strange Ben Stiller movie. Kind of looking around, wishing for time to wait, and just stand still for a little while longer and let me just have that moment for as long as possible.
Go ahead, link up! I promise it's fun...
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| Thanks KB |
1. Watching my little Brookie's goldie hair flying behind her as she rode her two-wheeler, smiling hard with her little bare legs furiously pumping on a bright sunny day, she was so proud that she was finally doing it by herself.
2. Smiling to myself listening to Megan singing with gusto to some old Morrissey in the car. I love that kid.
3. A snack pack that my husband made for me, complete with a stick figure drawing on the front of the brown paper bag. He makes me laugh.
4. Feeling so small and melancholy, just looking out the window of the airplane, watching the buildings and trees and houses and people of San Francisco grow smaller and smaller, until they just faded into flat grey clouds. Like they were never there at all.
5. Hearing my brother-in-law's nervous voice shake a little as he read his vows to his new wife. Emotional and sweet.
6. Accidentally, inappropriately hysterically laughing in someone's face over something that was not even very funny.
7. Feeling cozy and warm and good in my big deep tub on a cold fall day.
8. Hugging my biggest kid hard and helping her pack some boxes for a big move from Queens to Brooklyn.
9. My teen-aged boy genuinely thanking me for being there at all of his soccer games. I love when he notices and appreciates the things that I do.
10. Shivering and cold, sipping an icy Horchata and eating a yummy fajita while watching a strange Ben Stiller movie. Kind of looking around, wishing for time to wait, and just stand still for a little while longer and let me just have that moment for as long as possible.
Go ahead, link up! I promise it's fun...
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