I'm not so narcissistic that I think you really care about 20 random things about me, but I'm posting them anyway because why not? You may or may not already know about some of these random things. If it's of no interest to you, keep it in your heart, Celine Dion.
1. I suck at meeting new people.
2. I used to wear glasses, then contacts. Then I quit wearing anything and now I can't see very much.
3. My first real boyfriend died in a car accident when we were in 10th grade.
4. I like the smell and taste of bourbon, but I'm not very great at drinking it.
5. I used to think I wanted a tattoo but now I'm just iffy. I do think I've found the perfect for me word to get printed on my body forever til I die though.
6. The first concert I ever went to was Guns 'n Roses and Aerosmith and I kind of hated it.
7. I used to pass out for no particular reason. That hasn't happened in a while.
8. I have been on a 7 year quest to find the perfect jeans. So far so bad.
9. I hate being hot and sweaty unless I can have at least one foot in cold water, or at least be in the shade. It makes me nauseous and dizzy. Weird.
10. I got my first job when I was 14.
11. I thought I didn't have any grey hairs but now I think I do.
12. The last concert I went to was Morrissey and I kind of hated it. See a theme here?
13. I wish I had a talent.
14. 97% of the clothes in my closet are black.
15. I forget to wash off my makeup pretty much every night.
16. A memory of an amazing moment can affect me almost as much as the actual moment did.
17. I have had my heart broken exactly twice, by the same person. Jerk.
18. I hardly hate anybody.
19. I want to learn how to play the soprano sax.
20. I actually can dance okay, I just don't do it in front of people unless I am super tipsy.
Now it's your turn to share 20 random things about you.
Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Monday, November 19, 2012
monday listicle - ten things 2012
The Monday Listicle topic this week is ten things that I've learned in 2012. So I sat here feeling all stumped. Like, hello? I've already learned everything I've needed to learn in these past 42 years! But then I was thinking, you know, I really haven't learned everything. Then I was thinking there are still lots of things that I want to learn. See how much thinking I did about this topic? Lots and lots of thinking, apparently.
So I'm going to break it up, or down, into 5 things that I've learned in 2012, and 5 things that I still want to learn.
Things that I have learned this year:
1. That even if my husband or kids don't fold the laundry the way I would, it's still folded, and it's OK.
2. That puppies really are nice to have, and a lot less trouble than I was thinking.
3. That freaking Pinterest is addictive.
4. That freaking things on Pinterest are not as easy to make as they appear to be.
5. That it's way easier to gain weight than to lose it. Ah, I guess I kind of already knew that one. But it's still not fair. Damn it.
Things that I would like to learn one of these days:
1. How to use my Silhouette machine. I've had it for two years already!
2. How to get over the blogger conference fear.
3. How to make creme brulé.
4. How to forget things that make me feel sad.
5. How to be a travel writer.
So I'm going to break it up, or down, into 5 things that I've learned in 2012, and 5 things that I still want to learn.
Things that I have learned this year:
1. That even if my husband or kids don't fold the laundry the way I would, it's still folded, and it's OK.
2. That puppies really are nice to have, and a lot less trouble than I was thinking.
3. That freaking Pinterest is addictive.
4. That freaking things on Pinterest are not as easy to make as they appear to be.
5. That it's way easier to gain weight than to lose it. Ah, I guess I kind of already knew that one. But it's still not fair. Damn it.
Things that I would like to learn one of these days:
1. How to use my Silhouette machine. I've had it for two years already!
2. How to get over the blogger conference fear.
3. How to make creme brulé.
4. How to forget things that make me feel sad.
5. How to be a travel writer.
Monday, November 12, 2012
one little lie among a bunch of random facts
Today I'm posting nine truths and one lie for the Monday Listicle. I switched it up though, because it's actually supposed to be nine lies and a truth. Sorry, sometimes you just gotta buck the system. Anyway, if you read this blog every once in a while, the one lie should be kind of easy...
1. I have horrible eyesight in one eye. The other eye is better than 20/20 vision though, which makes any eyeglasses I try look ridiculous.
2. I had my first child when I was 19 years old, but I always said I was 20 because I hated being labeled a teen mom.
3. I have a college degree, but it's not good enough.
4. I have a fear of swimming in the dark, Stephen King scarred me for life.
5. I always wanted a monkey, til the ripping off of the face incident...
6. I was in marching band in high school. I sucked so bad at marching, it was embarrassing.
7. I hate flying, I need to be either medicated or intoxicated to get on a plane.
8. I love hospitals, including hospital food.
9. I'm pretty sure that my favorite season is autumn. If I ever got remarried, it would definitely be in the fall.
10. I don't like beer. I kind of wish I did because it just seems cool to enjoy a nice cold beer every now and then.
What do you think?? Which one of these bad boys is NOT true?
1. I have horrible eyesight in one eye. The other eye is better than 20/20 vision though, which makes any eyeglasses I try look ridiculous.
2. I had my first child when I was 19 years old, but I always said I was 20 because I hated being labeled a teen mom.
3. I have a college degree, but it's not good enough.
4. I have a fear of swimming in the dark, Stephen King scarred me for life.
5. I always wanted a monkey, til the ripping off of the face incident...
6. I was in marching band in high school. I sucked so bad at marching, it was embarrassing.
7. I hate flying, I need to be either medicated or intoxicated to get on a plane.
8. I love hospitals, including hospital food.
9. I'm pretty sure that my favorite season is autumn. If I ever got remarried, it would definitely be in the fall.
10. I don't like beer. I kind of wish I did because it just seems cool to enjoy a nice cold beer every now and then.
What do you think?? Which one of these bad boys is NOT true?
Monday, November 5, 2012
monday listicle - Ten Memories
For the Monday Listicle at The Good Life, Ten Memories From a Not So Distant Past:
1. Watching my little Brookie's goldie hair flying behind her as she rode her two-wheeler, smiling hard with her little bare legs furiously pumping on a bright sunny day, she was so proud that she was finally doing it by herself.
2. Smiling to myself listening to Megan singing with gusto to some old Morrissey in the car. I love that kid.
3. A snack pack that my husband made for me, complete with a stick figure drawing on the front of the brown paper bag. He makes me laugh.
4. Feeling so small and melancholy, just looking out the window of the airplane, watching the buildings and trees and houses and people of San Francisco grow smaller and smaller, until they just faded into flat grey clouds. Like they were never there at all.
5. Hearing my brother-in-law's nervous voice shake a little as he read his vows to his new wife. Emotional and sweet.
6. Accidentally, inappropriately hysterically laughing in someone's face over something that was not even very funny.
7. Feeling cozy and warm and good in my big deep tub on a cold fall day.
8. Hugging my biggest kid hard and helping her pack some boxes for a big move from Queens to Brooklyn.
9. My teen-aged boy genuinely thanking me for being there at all of his soccer games. I love when he notices and appreciates the things that I do.
10. Shivering and cold, sipping an icy Horchata and eating a yummy fajita while watching a strange Ben Stiller movie. Kind of looking around, wishing for time to wait, and just stand still for a little while longer and let me just have that moment for as long as possible.
Go ahead, link up! I promise it's fun...
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| Thanks KB |
1. Watching my little Brookie's goldie hair flying behind her as she rode her two-wheeler, smiling hard with her little bare legs furiously pumping on a bright sunny day, she was so proud that she was finally doing it by herself.
2. Smiling to myself listening to Megan singing with gusto to some old Morrissey in the car. I love that kid.
3. A snack pack that my husband made for me, complete with a stick figure drawing on the front of the brown paper bag. He makes me laugh.
4. Feeling so small and melancholy, just looking out the window of the airplane, watching the buildings and trees and houses and people of San Francisco grow smaller and smaller, until they just faded into flat grey clouds. Like they were never there at all.
5. Hearing my brother-in-law's nervous voice shake a little as he read his vows to his new wife. Emotional and sweet.
6. Accidentally, inappropriately hysterically laughing in someone's face over something that was not even very funny.
7. Feeling cozy and warm and good in my big deep tub on a cold fall day.
8. Hugging my biggest kid hard and helping her pack some boxes for a big move from Queens to Brooklyn.
9. My teen-aged boy genuinely thanking me for being there at all of his soccer games. I love when he notices and appreciates the things that I do.
10. Shivering and cold, sipping an icy Horchata and eating a yummy fajita while watching a strange Ben Stiller movie. Kind of looking around, wishing for time to wait, and just stand still for a little while longer and let me just have that moment for as long as possible.
Go ahead, link up! I promise it's fun...
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
5 ways to relax, damn it
1. Breathe. Yes, dummy. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves to breathe. I know, I know, the brain stem basically has the breathing thing figured out for us, but sometimes we need to breathe consciously. Like, when we are upset or tense or stressing because someone just dropped a glass of sticky apple juice on the kitchen floor pretty much 5 minutes after you mopped. Or when you asked your kid no less than 11 times to pick his fucking sneakers up. Those times. You know that old thing, count to ten slowly? Really, it works. Count to ten slowly, while consciously breathing, and you'll feel better. Maybe not all better, but better.
2. Do something you like. Us moms, we are usually last on the list of people we aim to please. Or maybe that's just me. But you know, a pissy, stressed mom makes an unhappy family. If reading a book is your thing, carve out a snitch of time to read. Even if it's reading a few emails while you're on the crapper, at least it's better than trying to read those same emails with a maniacal 2 year old trying to climb up your body and get your attention. Do something little, that you like, just for you. Smell something delicious or eat something exciting, take a bubble bath or listen to music. Just, whatever it is, enjoy it in the moment.
3. Exercise. Wait, what? I always thought that exercise stressed me out, not calmed me down. And then I realized that it's more the thought of exercise that stresses me out. When I force myself to exercise, I inevitably feel kinda good when it's all over. I mean, it feels like I have accomplished something good for myself, and it definitely is relaxing. Pop on some tunes and dance around if you're not into formal, sneaker wearing exercise. It's fun, and it's something you can do anywhere. Well, maybe not the boardroom of your office, but if you're creative, I'm sure you can find some time and space to get your heart pumping. Go on, get some fresh air and sunshine on your face!
4. Take a power nap or meditate. This might sound like a no brainer, but even if you close your eyes for 15 minutes and just calm the voices in your head, it's worthwhile. Taking a little nap gives you that recharge that you so desperately need once the afternoon fog sets in. Your brain needs a breather at some point. Give it a rest.
5. Dump your inbox. Seriously. You know those people who have no piles? I just envy those people. I envy the people that seem to grasp the whole "now/later/never" philosophy on mail and papers and emails. We just have to declutter sometimes. A cluttered life is stressy, it just is. If you know that you have eleven hundred emails to respond to, or fourteen school papers to fill out, or a stack of bills to open and pay - you're just going to be stressed. That stuff sits in your mind, looming and hanging there like a black cloud of doom. Deal with things as they come in and the black cloud of doom will be over some other dingbat's head, I promise. Get a system in place. And use it.
What to you guys do to chill out?
Monday, September 24, 2012
stuff around the house
This week's listicle topic is 10 things in my home. So, I can do that.
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| puppy |
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| flower from the garden |
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| "Elephantie" |
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| baby pumpkins |
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| books |
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| lonely piano |
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| pictures |
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| favorite fall scented candle |
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| chalkboard |
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| kids drawings |
Thursday, September 13, 2012
to-not-do list
I have so much crap to get to today, I feel overwhelmed.
So instead, I think I will sit on the computer and alternate between Blogger, Facebook and Pinterest pretty much all day. You know, basically ignore my responsibilities because well, it's easier that way. And funner.
Oh whatever, I know funner isn't a word. I just like the way it rolls off the tongue. So there.
So instead of checking a bunch of stuff off of my arms length to-do list, I am going to make a to-not-do list, and check things off of that. Because I can.
I'm the boss of me.
To-Not-Do Today
1. Call twenty seven doctor's offices to make twenty seven doctor's appointments. (slight exaggeration)
2. Eat breakfast. I want coffee instead. It's an either/or kinda thing.
3. Vacuum the downstairs. Did I not just vacuum yesterday?
4. Call EZ Pass to fix my account.
5. Call cable to get a mistaken charge removed.
6. Call the vet for a puppy appointment.
Seeing a pattern here? I abhor making phone calls.
7. Hose the back porch. Puppy training... at least she didn't go the bathroom in the house.
8. Go to the gym. I'm sick of that dumb place.
9. Clean up the guest room. Dang but it's turned into a second playroom up there. I didn't make a Polly Pocket house from one end of the room to the other, so I am pretty sure I'm not picking that shit up.
10. Write a decent blog post. Self explanatory.
So instead, I think I will sit on the computer and alternate between Blogger, Facebook and Pinterest pretty much all day. You know, basically ignore my responsibilities because well, it's easier that way. And funner.
Oh whatever, I know funner isn't a word. I just like the way it rolls off the tongue. So there.
So instead of checking a bunch of stuff off of my arms length to-do list, I am going to make a to-not-do list, and check things off of that. Because I can.
I'm the boss of me.
To-Not-Do Today
1. Call twenty seven doctor's offices to make twenty seven doctor's appointments. (slight exaggeration)
2. Eat breakfast. I want coffee instead. It's an either/or kinda thing.
3. Vacuum the downstairs. Did I not just vacuum yesterday?
4. Call EZ Pass to fix my account.
5. Call cable to get a mistaken charge removed.
6. Call the vet for a puppy appointment.
Seeing a pattern here? I abhor making phone calls.
7. Hose the back porch. Puppy training... at least she didn't go the bathroom in the house.
8. Go to the gym. I'm sick of that dumb place.
9. Clean up the guest room. Dang but it's turned into a second playroom up there. I didn't make a Polly Pocket house from one end of the room to the other, so I am pretty sure I'm not picking that shit up.
10. Write a decent blog post. Self explanatory.
Monday, July 9, 2012
things she will miss and things she won't
I was reminded in the Huffington Post that in Nora Ephron's last book, "I Remember Nothing: And Other Reflections," she listed what she will miss and what she won't miss, though she didn't really disclose her diagnosis of cancer. She obviously knew that it wasn't in the cards for her to reach old age. In the spirit of Nora Ephron's list, this week's listicle is things that I will miss and that I won't. Just in case I don't have long for this world, I'll share. Because you never know...
Things I Won't Miss
1. Saying goodbye when I am not ready
2. Worrying
3. Bathing suits
4. Department store mirrors and sucky lighting
5. Wrinkles
6. Dusting
7. Dieting and juice fasts
8. Fake people
9. Guilt
10. People who judge each other
11. Crying
12. Feeling alone
13. Working out
14. People in my space
15. Bad breath
16. Close talkers
17. Feeling pressured
18. Aches
19. When it's too hot
20. Cold feet
21. Overthinking things
22. Feeling vulnerable
23. Stressing over what to wear
24. Being late
25. People who are needy and clingy
Things I will miss, besides my kids, husband and family
1. Dreaming and wondering
2. Long cozy baths
3. Late night moonlit walks
4. An amazing meal
5. Warm sunny days
6. Crunching fall leaves under my feet
7. Sounds of deep, real laughter
8. Singing great music in the car with my kids
9. The smokey smell of a fireplace fire
10. The smell right before it snows
11. The smell of clean skin
12. Warm snuggly sleepy kids in pjs
13. Catching a glimpse of a new wobbly baby deer
14. Dessert
15. Good converzation
16. Getaways
17. Loungey lazy days
18. Watching movies in bed
19. Foot rubs
20. Sparkley blue eyes
21. Pancakes with ridiculous amounts of butter and syrup
22. When the leaves change color
23. The mountains
24. Notes from my kids
25. Loving, and feeling loved
Well sheesh. What a sad topic! Now I may or may not have a little tear in my eye and a sniffle.
Things I Won't Miss
1. Saying goodbye when I am not ready
2. Worrying
3. Bathing suits
4. Department store mirrors and sucky lighting
5. Wrinkles
6. Dusting
7. Dieting and juice fasts
8. Fake people
9. Guilt
10. People who judge each other
11. Crying
12. Feeling alone
13. Working out
14. People in my space
15. Bad breath
16. Close talkers
17. Feeling pressured
18. Aches
19. When it's too hot
20. Cold feet
21. Overthinking things
22. Feeling vulnerable
23. Stressing over what to wear
24. Being late
25. People who are needy and clingy
Things I will miss, besides my kids, husband and family
1. Dreaming and wondering
2. Long cozy baths
3. Late night moonlit walks
4. An amazing meal
5. Warm sunny days
6. Crunching fall leaves under my feet
7. Sounds of deep, real laughter
8. Singing great music in the car with my kids
9. The smokey smell of a fireplace fire
10. The smell right before it snows
11. The smell of clean skin
12. Warm snuggly sleepy kids in pjs
13. Catching a glimpse of a new wobbly baby deer
14. Dessert
15. Good converzation
16. Getaways
17. Loungey lazy days
18. Watching movies in bed
19. Foot rubs
20. Sparkley blue eyes
21. Pancakes with ridiculous amounts of butter and syrup
22. When the leaves change color
23. The mountains
24. Notes from my kids
25. Loving, and feeling loved
Well sheesh. What a sad topic! Now I may or may not have a little tear in my eye and a sniffle.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
monday listicle
Monday listicle link... questions:
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, and find line 4.
"Angela went to sit at a black-topped lab table exactly like the ones I was used to." Megan is finally reading Twilight. She is sucked in deep - up til 11 sneak reading in her bed every night. I love it.
2. How many times a day do you say Hi? You know, not much. Maybe once or twice? I'm more of a "hey..." kinda girl.
3. Have you ever worn a uniform? Yes, yes I have. When I was a senior in high school, my band teacher convinced me to join the marching band. Apparently they were shorthanded with the instrument that I played, the baritone. I sucked so bad (At marching, not the baritone. I was actually kind of good at the baritone.). I am really not a very coordinated person in general, but put me in a hot, sweaty polyester pantsuit, give me a heavy horn and expect me to play while walking at the same time? Not impressive. Trust me.
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| Proof of me in the embarrassing uniform. And apparently quite the large ribbon in my hair. In 1987 huge ribbons were all the rage. Trust me. FYI, Brooke just got a glimpse of this picture over my shoulder and said, "Really mom? Really? That is an ugly sweater!" So I said, "It's not even a sweater, it's a band uniform Brookie!" And then she laughed at me. |
Family, the truth, guilt, the future, wishes, wants, dreams, my appearance, music
5. How many keys are on your keyring? One. My car key. I hate carrying too much crap - I think I mentioned once or twice that I am anti-purse, pro-pocket. I need to minimize as much as possible so I can fit everything either in a tiny purse or my pocket, and one key is all that I have room for.
6. What was the last thing you bought? Soccer cleats. I just got back from the store, because Megan needed cleats. Somehow I got roped into also buying a track jacket and gym shorts. Which is exactly why I usually shop alone.
7. Are you growing anything these days? I am! Besides a bunch of house plants that I cannot manage to kill, I have a nice vegetable garden growing in the back yard. Actually two gardens in the back. I am growing tomatoes, peppers, asparagus, onions, garlic, broccoli, lettuce, watermelon, dill, basil and rosemary. Everything is looking pretty good!
8. What is under your bed? Shockingly, very little. When I got a bunch of new bedroom furniture a little bit ago, I cleaned out under there, and I haven't built back up a cluttery mess yet. So, besides a little bit of dust, there are a pair of black espadrilles, a boot box with a pair of new boots in it, a Barbie and Alex's man shoes.
9. What is most important in life? To me: following my dreams, being true to myself, setting a good example for my children, doing good, making a difference. Also, love, respect, honesty, appreciation, commitment, compassion, belief in something, gratitude, patience, sacrifice...
10. What is the strangest word you used this week? Hm. I have to be honest here and say, "discomboobulated." A goofy play on discombobulated, obviously.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
i love lists. i love lamp.
*repost
Somewhere out there is a really really funny blog post that this lady wrote about 23 things she has learned so far in her lifetime. I have searched and googled and binged and for the life of me, I can't seem to find it. It was hilarious. And it gave me the idea for this post. I wish I could find it to share with you.
Twenty Three Things that I have Learned:
One: Those new hand dryer things are very blowy. Seriously, some of the new ones are like industrial strength and they absolutely have the power to flip your dress up Marilyn Monroe style. However, it is very amusing to watch that crazy strong air moving the skin on your hands around.
Two: Just let your kid wear the fringed pleather cowboy boots with the tacky Christmas dress to school if she really wants to. Or also in my case, the full on sparkly ballet costume including matching headdress thing. Because in the scheme of life, who really cares? If it makes your kid feel happy and awesome, that definitely matters more than your mild embarrassment over the double takes and weird looks. Trust me, other parents totally get it. I promise you they do not think you picked that hideous outfit out.
Three: Appreciate your skin when it is flawless and young. Because there will come a time when your kids ask you if you're mad every day because your wrinkled forehead totally looks like a scowl. There is virtually no way to keep it as great as it was in your twenties. So love it, and take care of it while you can.
Four: In keeping with that theme, also appreciate and take care of your bod when its young and tight and cute. You can't fight gravity and age, but you can slow the hands of time a little. Take my word for it, it fucking sucks to hear, "Mommy, why do you have those dents in your leg?" Slather up with sunscreen and good lotion now and it will pay off later.
Five: You know that little "ass practically on the ground" squat that two-year-olds can get into, and stay into for the duration of an entire episode of Dora the Explorer? Yeah, don't attempt that. Or if you do, definitely have somebody stronger than a two-year-old nearby to help you get up off the floor. Because I think the ability to hold that squat goes away somewhere around the same time as the your amazing skin and tight bod. Also, I'm pretty sure that the same goes for attempting cartwheels and herkies when you're old enough to have a teenager.
Six: When you've been standing on line to get into Test Track at Epcot for an hour and fifteen minutes with cranky annoying kids and sweat on your brow, and you notice that the guy in front of you all of a sudden is chatting heavily with a girl that just "happened" to walk by, please recognize that you just got scammed with the traditional "chat and cut" move that sly people try to use to jump the line. How you choose to deal with that offense is entirely up to you.
Seven: A snore now will be a snore later. It doesn't matter if they are freaking adorable and a great kisser. If you have nothing in common (besides the great kissing), nothing to talk about and the person is just plain boring, you will never be able to change that.
Eight: You don't have to be fall off the bar stool drunk, but let's faced it, talking to certain people is just way more tolerable with alcohol in your system. I'd say a mellow three drinks or so should do the trick if you need a buffer.
Nine: And on that note, never drink a double bottle of cheap wine by yourself. Unless you were planning on throwing up in, on or near your bed, and having the worst fucking hangover of your life the next day.
Ten: There are two kinds of people in the world: party makers, and party fillers. If you're fun to be around, chat and generally have a good time, you're probably a maker. If you stand there looking at your drink and the clock and talking on your cell phone the entire party, you're probably a filler. You should really figure that out.
Eleven: Everybody needs somebody. Be a somebody. It feels really good.
Twelve: Small hands and feet don't necessarily mean anything other than you have small hands and feet. Give the guy with the little fingers a chance, he may just surprise you.
Thirteen: You can pretend you don't hear that awful thumpy bumping a car makes when the tire is flat because you don't want to deal with the fact that your tire is flat, but pretending something doesn't exist won't make it not exist. You have to deal with shitty things sometimes, just get it over with now, because it only gets worse the longer you wait.
Fourteen: Perfection doesn't actually exist. So quit knocking yourself out trying to find it or be it.
Fifteen: If you quit something to avoid failure, you've pretty much actually failed.
Sixteen: Ridiculously good looking guys are dicks. I don't mean to generalize on an entire population, but I would venture a guess that it is true approximately 97% of the time. It has to be a proven scientific fact somewhere. Because there's just no denying that when you're extremely attractive, you get away with much more. And it's a rare person that can be hot and humble and nice and sweet all at the same time.
Seventeen: Recognize that you can't make everyone happy. Sometimes, you just need to worry about what makes you happy. And that's OK. Really.
Eighteen: Good looks will only get you so far, and that stuff eventually fades. Smart and kind and genuine usually lasts forever. Seek those kind of people and surround yourself with them. Better yet, be one of those kind of people.
Nineteen: Realize that nobody is looking at you and nobody cares. And if they are looking and they do care, it's none of your business what they are thinking anyway. If you don't do things because you are worried about what people might think or say, or you're afraid you'll look stupid or mess up in front of someone, you're tossing away potential valuable experiences. When someone dies, you don't usually hear people say, "Remember that time when she was so pretty..." You hear, "Remember that time when she totally went for it and ended up hitting a home run?"
Twenty: Don't leave things on the table. Too many times people walk away from a situation and say, "I should have..." and feel regret. Regrets suck.
Twenty One: Trust people. Life is hard if you have a green pit of worried jealousy in your stomach all of the time. If someone is going to deceive you, its going to happen whether you're up their ass or not.
Twenty Two: If you are in the line that is going at a snail's pace and you are watching everyone moving swiftly through another line, as soon as you make the decision to bail and switch lanes - it's almost a give in that your original line is going to speed up and you're going to feel pissed that you didn't just wait it out. Sometimes you have to wait it out.
Twenty Three: A crappy bra isn't your friend. Do yourself a favor get fitted. Suck it up and let the girl at Victoria's Secret feel you up for a second, and take a true measurement of your boobs. Everything looks better when your bra fits right.
Somewhere out there is a really really funny blog post that this lady wrote about 23 things she has learned so far in her lifetime. I have searched and googled and binged and for the life of me, I can't seem to find it. It was hilarious. And it gave me the idea for this post. I wish I could find it to share with you.
Twenty Three Things that I have Learned:
One: Those new hand dryer things are very blowy. Seriously, some of the new ones are like industrial strength and they absolutely have the power to flip your dress up Marilyn Monroe style. However, it is very amusing to watch that crazy strong air moving the skin on your hands around.
Two: Just let your kid wear the fringed pleather cowboy boots with the tacky Christmas dress to school if she really wants to. Or also in my case, the full on sparkly ballet costume including matching headdress thing. Because in the scheme of life, who really cares? If it makes your kid feel happy and awesome, that definitely matters more than your mild embarrassment over the double takes and weird looks. Trust me, other parents totally get it. I promise you they do not think you picked that hideous outfit out.
Three: Appreciate your skin when it is flawless and young. Because there will come a time when your kids ask you if you're mad every day because your wrinkled forehead totally looks like a scowl. There is virtually no way to keep it as great as it was in your twenties. So love it, and take care of it while you can.
Four: In keeping with that theme, also appreciate and take care of your bod when its young and tight and cute. You can't fight gravity and age, but you can slow the hands of time a little. Take my word for it, it fucking sucks to hear, "Mommy, why do you have those dents in your leg?" Slather up with sunscreen and good lotion now and it will pay off later.
Five: You know that little "ass practically on the ground" squat that two-year-olds can get into, and stay into for the duration of an entire episode of Dora the Explorer? Yeah, don't attempt that. Or if you do, definitely have somebody stronger than a two-year-old nearby to help you get up off the floor. Because I think the ability to hold that squat goes away somewhere around the same time as the your amazing skin and tight bod. Also, I'm pretty sure that the same goes for attempting cartwheels and herkies when you're old enough to have a teenager.
Six: When you've been standing on line to get into Test Track at Epcot for an hour and fifteen minutes with cranky annoying kids and sweat on your brow, and you notice that the guy in front of you all of a sudden is chatting heavily with a girl that just "happened" to walk by, please recognize that you just got scammed with the traditional "chat and cut" move that sly people try to use to jump the line. How you choose to deal with that offense is entirely up to you.
Seven: A snore now will be a snore later. It doesn't matter if they are freaking adorable and a great kisser. If you have nothing in common (besides the great kissing), nothing to talk about and the person is just plain boring, you will never be able to change that.
Eight: You don't have to be fall off the bar stool drunk, but let's faced it, talking to certain people is just way more tolerable with alcohol in your system. I'd say a mellow three drinks or so should do the trick if you need a buffer.
Nine: And on that note, never drink a double bottle of cheap wine by yourself. Unless you were planning on throwing up in, on or near your bed, and having the worst fucking hangover of your life the next day.
Ten: There are two kinds of people in the world: party makers, and party fillers. If you're fun to be around, chat and generally have a good time, you're probably a maker. If you stand there looking at your drink and the clock and talking on your cell phone the entire party, you're probably a filler. You should really figure that out.
Eleven: Everybody needs somebody. Be a somebody. It feels really good.
Twelve: Small hands and feet don't necessarily mean anything other than you have small hands and feet. Give the guy with the little fingers a chance, he may just surprise you.
Thirteen: You can pretend you don't hear that awful thumpy bumping a car makes when the tire is flat because you don't want to deal with the fact that your tire is flat, but pretending something doesn't exist won't make it not exist. You have to deal with shitty things sometimes, just get it over with now, because it only gets worse the longer you wait.
Fourteen: Perfection doesn't actually exist. So quit knocking yourself out trying to find it or be it.
Fifteen: If you quit something to avoid failure, you've pretty much actually failed.
Sixteen: Ridiculously good looking guys are dicks. I don't mean to generalize on an entire population, but I would venture a guess that it is true approximately 97% of the time. It has to be a proven scientific fact somewhere. Because there's just no denying that when you're extremely attractive, you get away with much more. And it's a rare person that can be hot and humble and nice and sweet all at the same time.
Seventeen: Recognize that you can't make everyone happy. Sometimes, you just need to worry about what makes you happy. And that's OK. Really.
Eighteen: Good looks will only get you so far, and that stuff eventually fades. Smart and kind and genuine usually lasts forever. Seek those kind of people and surround yourself with them. Better yet, be one of those kind of people.
Nineteen: Realize that nobody is looking at you and nobody cares. And if they are looking and they do care, it's none of your business what they are thinking anyway. If you don't do things because you are worried about what people might think or say, or you're afraid you'll look stupid or mess up in front of someone, you're tossing away potential valuable experiences. When someone dies, you don't usually hear people say, "Remember that time when she was so pretty..." You hear, "Remember that time when she totally went for it and ended up hitting a home run?"
Twenty: Don't leave things on the table. Too many times people walk away from a situation and say, "I should have..." and feel regret. Regrets suck.
Twenty One: Trust people. Life is hard if you have a green pit of worried jealousy in your stomach all of the time. If someone is going to deceive you, its going to happen whether you're up their ass or not.
Twenty Two: If you are in the line that is going at a snail's pace and you are watching everyone moving swiftly through another line, as soon as you make the decision to bail and switch lanes - it's almost a give in that your original line is going to speed up and you're going to feel pissed that you didn't just wait it out. Sometimes you have to wait it out.
Twenty Three: A crappy bra isn't your friend. Do yourself a favor get fitted. Suck it up and let the girl at Victoria's Secret feel you up for a second, and take a true measurement of your boobs. Everything looks better when your bra fits right.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
listicle - husbands
So I've been reading this new to me blog, The Good Life, and it's fun and funny. And guess what? That Stasha does a feature thing that is called Monday Listicles. There are different topics every Monday where you list ten things, then link up. Well. You all know how much I love lists. So I have to participate. Because, you know, it would be a crime if I passed up an opportunity to write a list and link it to other list writers and then like, love my list so hard. So apparently this week's topic is "Ten Things a Husband Should Do." Well huh. This shouldn't be too hard for an opinionated girl like myself.
1. A husband should never say, "Boy, you really need a pedicure." My husband hardly ever does that of course, because he is far too busy squeezing my feet to notice that they need to be a little more done up.
2. A husband should relax and enjoy the positive things that come from all of his hard work a little bit more often. He needs to have some spontaneous breaks and real, decent down time.
3. A husband should know better than to mention that he hates the way you put his clothes away. Because sometimes, fifteen years after the comment, that husband might really want you to put his clothes away, any way.
4. A husband should happily let the wife be the boss of the remote control. Unless there is nothing on that the wife wants to watch, which is when he can be the back-up boss.
5. A husband should sometimes ask, "So, what should I pick up for dinner on the way home tonight?" A minimum of twice a week is an awesome number of times to do this.
6. A husband should have a great sense of humor - he should be able to laugh at himself andat with you. He should be able to see the humor in every day life.
7. A husband should never pretend that he doesn't smell a crappy diaper or hear a screaming baby screaming in the middle of the night.
8. A husband should definitely do the sucky jobs. Because he's a man. A masculine man. Like cleaning out the garbage can, handling raw bacon, tossing moldy crap from the fridge or picking up smelly gross things. Cleaning out the traps in the drains also falls into this category.
8a. A husband should always carry the bags.
9. A husband should sometimes just put the blackberry away and be present.
10. A husband should always offer to eat the stuff that dropped on the floor or burned grilled cheese sandwich, toast, burger, hot dog, etc. Men like burned stuff.
1. A husband should never say, "Boy, you really need a pedicure." My husband hardly ever does that of course, because he is far too busy squeezing my feet to notice that they need to be a little more done up.
2. A husband should relax and enjoy the positive things that come from all of his hard work a little bit more often. He needs to have some spontaneous breaks and real, decent down time.
3. A husband should know better than to mention that he hates the way you put his clothes away. Because sometimes, fifteen years after the comment, that husband might really want you to put his clothes away, any way.
4. A husband should happily let the wife be the boss of the remote control. Unless there is nothing on that the wife wants to watch, which is when he can be the back-up boss.
5. A husband should sometimes ask, "So, what should I pick up for dinner on the way home tonight?" A minimum of twice a week is an awesome number of times to do this.
6. A husband should have a great sense of humor - he should be able to laugh at himself and
7. A husband should never pretend that he doesn't smell a crappy diaper or hear a screaming baby screaming in the middle of the night.
8. A husband should definitely do the sucky jobs. Because he's a man. A masculine man. Like cleaning out the garbage can, handling raw bacon, tossing moldy crap from the fridge or picking up smelly gross things. Cleaning out the traps in the drains also falls into this category.
8a. A husband should always carry the bags.
9. A husband should sometimes just put the blackberry away and be present.
10. A husband should always offer to eat the stuff that dropped on the floor or burned grilled cheese sandwich, toast, burger, hot dog, etc. Men like burned stuff.
And one more for good measure: A husband should always have your back and be your biggest fan - in public or to other people, regardless of what he really thinks. Because he knows you always have his back and are his biggest fan.
Monday, May 14, 2012
listicle - things I wish I could delete
Ten things that I wish I could delete, in other words, things that I am sorry for.
I'm going back kinda far here. I mean, I might as well...
1. I'm sorry that I bit my sisters Ali and Indi on the forehead. More than one time. Don't ask.
2. I'm sorry that I threw my sister Jen's Puff the Magic Dragon record down the stairs on purpose and broke it.
3. I'm sorry that I told my sixth grade teacher Mr. Potts that I hated him. Ah, nah. I'm not sorry about that, he was a jerk.
4. I'm sorry that I beat Patrick Longthon up on the way home from school sometimes.
5. I'm sorry that I was mean to this kid Andy when he made (and gave) me a Valentine in 5th grade.
6. I'm sorry that I messed things up with a high school boyfriend. I have a ton of guilt.
7. I'm sorry that I didn't take school seriously enough, high school and college. Absolute regret.
8. I'm sorry that I had somewhat of a screaming fight with Kara one Easter, one Christmas and one high school Graduation. That girl knew exactly the button to push to get me to lose it. I shouldn't have gotten so upset.
9. I'm sorry for the times that I spanked my son Alex in frustration.
10. I'm sorry that I threw an Allen wrench at my husband Alex when I was hormonal and pregnant. I missed on purpose. I swear I am not violent.
There are so many more things that I am sorry for, things that I wish I could delete or at least do differently! I know that I learned important lessons with most of these things, so in a way, even though there were some tough moments, I guess they taught me stuff that I needed to learn.
It just stinks that most of those lessons were learned at the expense of someone else. Anyone care to share a moment you wish you could do over? Come on, I feel all exposed here.
I'm going back kinda far here. I mean, I might as well...
1. I'm sorry that I bit my sisters Ali and Indi on the forehead. More than one time. Don't ask.
2. I'm sorry that I threw my sister Jen's Puff the Magic Dragon record down the stairs on purpose and broke it.
3. I'm sorry that I told my sixth grade teacher Mr. Potts that I hated him. Ah, nah. I'm not sorry about that, he was a jerk.
4. I'm sorry that I beat Patrick Longthon up on the way home from school sometimes.
5. I'm sorry that I was mean to this kid Andy when he made (and gave) me a Valentine in 5th grade.
6. I'm sorry that I messed things up with a high school boyfriend. I have a ton of guilt.
7. I'm sorry that I didn't take school seriously enough, high school and college. Absolute regret.
8. I'm sorry that I had somewhat of a screaming fight with Kara one Easter, one Christmas and one high school Graduation. That girl knew exactly the button to push to get me to lose it. I shouldn't have gotten so upset.
9. I'm sorry for the times that I spanked my son Alex in frustration.
10. I'm sorry that I threw an Allen wrench at my husband Alex when I was hormonal and pregnant. I missed on purpose. I swear I am not violent.
There are so many more things that I am sorry for, things that I wish I could delete or at least do differently! I know that I learned important lessons with most of these things, so in a way, even though there were some tough moments, I guess they taught me stuff that I needed to learn.
It just stinks that most of those lessons were learned at the expense of someone else. Anyone care to share a moment you wish you could do over? Come on, I feel all exposed here.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Things that I suck at
Well you know I recently wrote a post about ten things that I am good at. I guess it would only be fair to list ten things that I suck at. I have to balance it all out so you don't just walk away thinking I am perfect or something, right? This is just the tip of the iceberg though guys, because for some reason, I tend to suck at a lot of things.
1. I suck at talking myself up. I just can't sit around and go on about how great I am at like, dog training. Jenney.
2. I suck at talking to people that I don't know. Look. I am always over analyzing how I sound, how I come off, if I say something stupid. It's just hard to chit chat when you have a constant monologue with yourself in your head like, me: "Did you really just say that?" then, me: "Yes, yes I did." and then again, me: "Are you fucking kidding me, me? You moron."
3. I suck at talking to people that I do know. See a pattern here? I suck at talking in general. Most often I feel like a bumbling idiot.
4. I suck at slapping sense into people who need sense slapped into them. I'm just not good at hurting people's feelings on purpose. Or not on purpose I guess.
5. I suck at getting looked at. I cannot stand when people look at me. I don't like to feel like a guy that I don't know is checking me out. It makes me skin-crawly uncomfortable. You can check me out if I do know you though. :)
6. I suck at getting looked in. I know I have had four kids and spent my share of time at the gynecologists office, but it never gets any more comfortable having a doctor guy's face in your naked crotch, or feeling you up while talking about the weather. I'm pretty sure it never will.
7. I suck at biting my tongue when someone is an asshole. Let's just leave it at that. I have no room for people like that in my life. And I have a quick temper in very specific situations.
8. I suck at letting mean things people say or do roll off my back. Mostly, I just sit on things and rehash them in my head for oh, like ever. Pretty much forever, yeah. I'd probably be accurate in saying that I am a holder-onner.
9. I suck at forgetting mean things. In keeping with number 8 above. More than likely if you're mean to me, I'll never forget it. So, use caution. Just saying.
10. I suck at forgiving people who have hurt me. You know, I want to be more forgiving. I try. But eight and and nine above hinder that most often. It's hard to forgive something when you can't forget it, or how it made you feel. However, I have certainly forgiven some really difficult things that I never expected to. Which is odd.
1. I suck at talking myself up. I just can't sit around and go on about how great I am at like, dog training. Jenney.
2. I suck at talking to people that I don't know. Look. I am always over analyzing how I sound, how I come off, if I say something stupid. It's just hard to chit chat when you have a constant monologue with yourself in your head like, me: "Did you really just say that?" then, me: "Yes, yes I did." and then again, me: "Are you fucking kidding me, me? You moron."
3. I suck at talking to people that I do know. See a pattern here? I suck at talking in general. Most often I feel like a bumbling idiot.
4. I suck at slapping sense into people who need sense slapped into them. I'm just not good at hurting people's feelings on purpose. Or not on purpose I guess.
5. I suck at getting looked at. I cannot stand when people look at me. I don't like to feel like a guy that I don't know is checking me out. It makes me skin-crawly uncomfortable. You can check me out if I do know you though. :)
6. I suck at getting looked in. I know I have had four kids and spent my share of time at the gynecologists office, but it never gets any more comfortable having a doctor guy's face in your naked crotch, or feeling you up while talking about the weather. I'm pretty sure it never will.
7. I suck at biting my tongue when someone is an asshole. Let's just leave it at that. I have no room for people like that in my life. And I have a quick temper in very specific situations.
8. I suck at letting mean things people say or do roll off my back. Mostly, I just sit on things and rehash them in my head for oh, like ever. Pretty much forever, yeah. I'd probably be accurate in saying that I am a holder-onner.
9. I suck at forgetting mean things. In keeping with number 8 above. More than likely if you're mean to me, I'll never forget it. So, use caution. Just saying.
10. I suck at forgiving people who have hurt me. You know, I want to be more forgiving. I try. But eight and and nine above hinder that most often. It's hard to forgive something when you can't forget it, or how it made you feel. However, I have certainly forgiven some really difficult things that I never expected to. Which is odd.
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