Wednesday, November 7, 2012

which part of please don't bring peanut butter cups into the house didn't you understand?

So you know,  time and circumstance has made me a little plumper than I'd like to be.  Well, OK, a lot plumper than I'd like to be.  There are two key things that help me to trim down and healthy myself up. Exercise and avoiding shitty food that I enjoy.

The exercise part, meh.  I hate the gym.  But walking at night in the dark, listening to music, breathing in some fresh air, dreaming... that I can do with a smile.  Most of the time.  Except crap it's been cold out!  WTF.  

The food part, fuck.  I love food.  I hate feeling deprived, like I am on a diet.  I hate feeling like I can't have something that looks tasty and that looks like it really just wants me to eat it.  I love eating prepared-by-someone-else food - like take out.  I know that's not the best for me, so I try to keep that to a minimum.   Admittedly, take out is quite a hard thing for me to give up.  It's my favorite.  But I try.

I do have a lot of control over what comes in to this house, food wise.  I am the grocery shopper, so it's all on me if a thing of Double Stuf Oreo cookies end up in my shopping cart.  Or those freaking flat crispy chocolately cookies from Trader Joe's, or you guys, butter crunch ice cream.  Mmmmmm.  I have control over that shit and 98.4% of the time, I buy snacks and things that I don't care about, because I know myself.  I know that more than likely, if it was there, I could mindlessly eat a sleeve of Thin Mints.  Because really, who wouldn't just go to town on those amazing little minty cookies of joy??  Damn girl scouts.  I don't care one bit about the goldfish in the orange bag though, or pretzels or graham crackers or something, which is why my poor kids get stuck with that crap in their lunch pails everyday instead of Chips Ahoy.

Here's the thing.  I love peanut butter cups.  We all know that they are one of my top five all time favorite candies.  Halloween can be rough for me because besides certain yummy foods and goodies that are all up in my mug at the store constantly, I have no self control around certain candies.  I make my kids hide their Halloween stash from me to keep me from snagging it and just like, having a sugar frenzied field day.  They get it.  I've given fair warning, which I think is quite nice of me.  They keep that stuff out of my eye, and it works for us.  You know, out of sight, out of mind.  I can do that.

Except, peanut butter cups.  They are a weakness for sure.  They're just so chocolatey mixed with peanut buttery... mmm.   It is rare, RARE, for me to buy them, and like, bring them home as a snack or something.

So one would wonder why someone would bring home a package of peanut butter cups for me, wouldn't one?  The King Sized package no less.  Why?  It's called sabotage.  Because we all know that it would be a crime to toss a King Sized thing of peanut butter cups.  I'm pretty sure that's never happened in my lifetime - the tossing of the peanut butter cups thing.  It's because someone wants to keep me plump, and that sucks.  It doesn't matter if I say please don't bring me peanut butter cups, or Grandma Brown Double Chocolate Fudge cookies, of Subway oatmeal raisin cookies, or anything that I really love to eat.  No matter how often I say that, it never seems to enter the brain of the one that wants to keep me plump.  And pretty much every night, I am presented with a yummy, fattening, high calorie, bad-for-me gift that's really hard to resist.

That's not very nice.


  1. My wonderful (note: wonderful is dripping in sarcasm) husband used to bring me Dove milk chocolates. I used to LOVE them. So he would bring me a bag every time he went to Walmart. And I would proceed to eat the whole freaking bag. So I told him to stop it because I was trying to lose weight. He didn't stop until I really let him have it---I'll save you having to read exactly what I said to him but, being similar like we are, you can probably figure it out for yourself---luckily, I've been on organic sugar for so long that even Dove candies taste terrible to me. But I sure do know what you mean about the candy. Sure do...

  2. "Exercise and avoiding shitty food that I enjoy."
    Peanut butter cups are a weakness for me too. But you know what's been worse lately? Those damn Bud Light Lime-a-Ritas. Not Bud Light lime (blech), the Lime-a-ritas. I was really enjoying those little fuckers, wondering why my pants were getting so tight.
    Then, I saw the calorie count.