Thursday, November 29, 2012

Don't tell me you're not impressed with my verbal skillz, yo

I've never called anyone a douche bag.

Incidentally, is douche bag one word or two?  I'm going to go with two, since blogger spell check told me I was wrong when I initially wrote it without a space by putting a red wiggly line under it.  Not that you can ever trust blogger spellcheck because that asshole always tries to tell me that OMG and crotchal, ho-bag and hiney aren't really words.

Like, really?  OMG isn't in the latest dictionary?  It always suggests changing it to OMB.  Like Oh my Bob?  Blogger spellcheck is intolerant of religion??!  An atheist maybe?  To each his own, but let's call a spade a spade - blogger spellcheck is definitely a douche bag.  And apparently an intolerant douche bag.

So yeah, honestly, I've never really been a user of the DB word.  It's just that the image of what a DB actually is always pops into mind when I think it or say it, and then it like, grosses me out.  Sort of like moist or vagina.

But I've recently decided that I need to get over the issue with those words.  I've been trying to use them more.  I even told my single dad friend Jake that his girlfriend's pumpkin cake was moist (ugh) over Thanksgiving.  And I didn't even gag when I said it!  Apparently she's a very good cook, because that cake freaking rocked.  But you know, moist was really the only descriptive word that fit!  I mean, how do you avoid saying it?  I mentioned previously that the only synonym for moist is dampish.  That's dumb. And not very fitting for a cake if you ask me.

You know what really gets my goat?  Besides the fact  that saying "gets my goat" makes me sound like my grandmother?  It's those people that can say skeevy words without cringing.  They say vagina with authority!  They say it like they mean it!  With conviction!  There's no fear, no inward gagging, no mild aftertaste of throw up in their mouth.  Clearly there is something wrong with me.  I just want to be able to call someone a douche bag as needed!  I don't think that's a lot to ask for.

I am flawed!  A flawed human that cannot utter the word udder without a shudder.  Heh.  Did you see how I did that right there?  Don't tell me you're not impressed with my verbal skillz, yo.

Hm.  I went all gangsta right there.  Yes, yes I did.  That happens occasionally - let's just roll with it.

I think it's time to wrap this post up, because you know, I mentioned to someone recently that this blog really doesn't have much substance, and it's posts like this that make me kind of agree with myself.  Like, does anyone really give a shit about my verbal skillz?

I'm guessing no.  Even though I do have a fairly recently new follower!!  Hey #101!  Wanna come over and do each other's hair and have a sleepover?  I puffy heart love you! 

OK, that's weird.  Sorry #101, I just got excited.   

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