I use this tracking thing for my blog that tells me the most popular posts that I have written, as far as numbers are concerned. I wouldn't say they are the most popular as far as comments are concerned, because you know, I don't really get a shit ton of comments or anything. Which is fine with me. Because comments don't define me! I don't need comments to make me feel whole! Fine, comments define me and make me feel whole as blogger. Can you please comment?
That was pathetic. Comment only if you feel the need. Don't you worry that I might have a tear in my eye if one of my posts gets 0 comments. It's not your job to comment to validate my existence. Wah. I'm not sniffling. I have dirt in my eye.
ANYway, I've decided to repost some old popular (by the numbers)posts on Wednesdays. If you've already had the pleasure of reading the reposted posts, feel free to click away from this page. The post:
EIGHT (more) DATES GONE AWRY
When I mentioned to my husband that I was posting a part two of some of the crappy dates (you can see part uno here!) I've been on before we got together, he tried to act all offended. Then I reminded him that he knew pretty much all of these stories, and has had plenty of laughs about them over the years. So he got over it. That's what I like about him. Hearing about the interesting situations that I have found myself in in the past doesn't throw him all into a jealous tizzy. He just goes with it and laughs at my expense. He's all cool like that.
So I figured that I had plenty more amusing stories of dates gone awry that would be worth sharing with the whole world. So here they are:
My friend Dani gave my number out to this restaurant owner/boss of hers and I was SO NOT INTERESTED. I had specific instructions for my friends not to give out my number to random guys, but she felt pressured to hand over the goods and threw me right under the bus. So he called several times and left messages on my machine, which I ignored. Finally I ended up accidentally answering one of his calls and he very snottily asked me if I wanted to go out, which I politely declined. I think he was so shocked that I said no, he didn't even know how to react. He definitely thought he was a catch, and wasn't used to rejection. I guess he didn't know that I almost always avoided the guys that were considered to be a "catch."
Then there was an English professor at college. He was very sweet, but also sort of quirky. He wore bow ties every day. I kid you not. Anyway, I have been known to be attracted to quirky, and I liked him enough to have several chats and stuff in the classroom and while walking though the halls, but I was a little surprised when he asked if I wanted to go for a ride one day after class. So I said sure. Then he made a stop in the men's room before we left and he came out with a very noticeable dribble on the front of his pants. Like it looked a bit like he definitely wet himself a little. Yeah, that was sort of hard for me to get past. I did get an A in the class though.
This is considered a two-fer. Once my sister Jenney set me up with this really nice guy who had Cystic Fibrosis. She met him at the hospital she worked for when he came in for treatments. So anyway, we were supposed to meet at a concert, like a group date. I had mentioned to this other guy that I was friends with (who liked me) that I was going to this concert - just mentioning it, you know? Anyway, me, the CF guy, my sister and my sister's [now husband] boyfriend were hanging out chatting in the parking lot before the concert, and all of a sudden, John says "Hey, is that Florence Nightingale?" (That is what they called my friend who liked me - don't ask). Sure enough, the guy who liked me showed up in the parking lot. It was a little on the awkward side. I felt bad for the CF guy, and I was mad at the friend/guy who liked me for showing up when he knew I was on a date. I've sort of blanked on what ended up happening with the CF guy, but I know for sure that John encouraged the friend/guy to crowd surf and the crowd parted like a bad movie and he got dropped straight on his head, which was not very nice. Well, at least the concert was good. Blues Traveler. Yeah.
I met this really attractive guy at a funeral of all places. We started a conversation and he asked for my number, which I gave him, because he was so darned cute. Really. I know, I know. This sounds awful. Anyway, we started talking on the phone and we both really liked the Smiths (love Morrissey). So he was calling me and we were talking. I really kind of was into this kid. But unfortunately, when I say kid, I mean kid. Come to find out that I was a good few (OK, several) years older than he was, which I didn't realize til we got together and were in mid-smooch and his step father came up all furious because he was kind of a senior in high school. How was I to know??!! In my defense he was tall and mature looking and he dressed really cool. Well. So that was pretty embarrassing. *Side note, I saw in the news that hot funeral boy was arrested for doing drugs in an elementary school parking lot. Wow.
I used to work at a Lumber Yard, and this adorable guy with a great smile came in with his uncle to get some building supplies. I waited on him. He was all shy, but he ended up asking for my number, which I gave him. Which was actually very bad because I was kinda dating someone else. He was wearing these Carhart coveralls, and I didn't even care because he was such a little cutie with nice teeth and a great smile. But I was a little bit in a bind because I had just started dating this other guy. I knew I should have just mentioned that the timing was bad, but I just didn't. So I can't believe I am putting this out there, but it was summery and we met up and went hiking/walking up this trail in the mountains. All on the sly. So I inadvertently sat on poison ivy and got it all over the backs of my legs terribly, which was my punishment for stepping out on a new guy. Then the poison ivy guy left for boot camp very shortly after the incident, and I got more serious with guy #1, so I had to write cutie shy poison ivy guy a Dear John. He was not very happy. I still feel guilty.
I was asked to go to the drive-in to see Batman with this guy who was nice - a tennis player I met at school, he had a nice warm smile. We had been friends for a bit, but I didn't realize he was liking me in a way other than friend-like. I was actually involved with someone else pretty seriously. The whole time at the movie, he was trying to put the moves on me, and it was totally cheesy and of course falling flat. I was so turned off by his fake "game," that I couldn't wait to just leave. What a jerk. I am still offended. That friendship was never the same, and I totally learned my lesson about going on harmless "dates" with friends.
I was invited to go to a Guns and Roses/Aerosmith concert with this guy and a few friends and I assumed he had bought the tickets, because he invited me. Clearly I made an ass out of u and me, because when we arrived at the venue my "date" proceeded to drag me through the woods to hop the (really tall and spiky) fence and sneak in. Without tickets of course. We ended up getting chased by the security guards. Yes, yes we did. Thankfully we escaped, but I was not very thrilled with that criminal experience, and we never went out again. I have to admit it was a great concert though.
So there you have it. I could potentially do another post on 8 Mortifying Moments (more dates gone awry), but I'd really have to think that one through.
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