what would Jessee do

What Would Jessee Do?
That is the question.


The other night I saw this comedian on TV, and he was doing this sketch about how his 18 year old self reacted to situations vs. how his 25 year old and 40 year old self would react to the same situations.  It was really funny, and it really made me think about myself, and how my reactions to things have changed over time.


So I took his questions and applied them to me - 18 year old me, and 40(42!) year old me.  

1. Someone encourages you to have a drink (or substance) that you don't like or want:
WWJD?
18 yr old self - Take it and either drink it or pretend to drink it.  I was always so worried that I would look like a baby or not cool.  I did some really dumb things because of that, and many a plant ended up downing a glass of rum.
40 yr old self - Say no thanks.  If I don't want something, I feel no pressure what-so-ever to fit in at this point in my life.

2. Your boyfriend or girlfriend was acting distant:
WWJD?
18 yr old self - Be pissed, then probably turn it around and be distant back to him.  Because who does he think he is anyway??! 
40 yr old self - Talk.  Ask if something is up.  Try to work things out. 

3. Someone gossips about you, true or not, it's not nice at all:
WWJD?
18 yr old self - I would be devastated.  But I would so act like I didn't care, and nobody would ever see me cry over something like that.   
40 yr old self - I would be mad.  I would either A: get to the source, and confront them.  I hate confrontation, but I would not let anyone talk crap about me without speaking up.  or B: I would give the evil eye every time I saw them and never speak to them again. (I'm guessing it would be B.  I might talk big, but I really am not so good at confrontation)

4. A guy asks for your number, but you are already committed to someone:
WWJD?
18 yr old self - I probably would give them someone else's number, because I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings.  Actually, I did do that once.  But the guy was so freaking ADORABLE, I couldn't even tell him I was dating someone else.  Then he called and found out I gave him a fake number and he came to my work and confronted me about it.  Then I went out with him because I couldn't even help myself.  But that's a long story.
40 yr old self - I would say "Do you know how old and wrinkly I am?? Thanks anyway, but someone's already stuck with me."

5. You get stuck behind an old fogey doing about 15 in a 55 MPH zone:
WWJD?
18 yr old self - Probably fume.  Then ride his tail, then pass him on a double line.  I am ashamed to admit I was obnoxious like that.
40 yr old self - Seriously, I would chill and wait it out.  I don't sweat the small stuff anymore.  I usually create these little scenarios in my head as to why they are driving so slow, and honest to Cod, I usually smile about it.

6. Someone is really rude to you, and it's uncalled for:
WWJD?
18 yr old self -  I am sure I would just stand there and do nothing.  I would take it, I had no guts to stand up to people who were mean to me.
40 yr old self - I would definitely (and I have) speak up.  I would also say don't be rude to me.  And in a rare occasion I could possibly give them the finger behind their back but I would never admit it.   Then I would go home and replay the incident in my head 87 times and come up with brilliant things that I should have said in the moment.

7. You trip in front of a large group of people and fall flat (FLAT) on your face with two plates full of food that ultimately go flying on the floor in front of you (not that this has ever happened to me before.  well, maybe.):
WWJD?
20 something yr old self - Lay there for a second while your mortified husband laughs so hysterically that someone else's husband feels sorry for you and helps you up.  Then slink away, far far away.  And hope you never run into that same group of people, ever again.  And hope that if you do happen to run into one of them, they don't recognize you standing upright.
40 yr old self - probably the same thing...

one last word, v2

People Magazine has this new feature thing on the last page of their magazine.  On the last page, they have a new feature called the last word (so clever!) where a celebrity answers a few questions on the last things they've done.

So even though I'm not a celebrity or anything, I'm going to go ahead and answer the questions.  Because, why not?

1. The last time I laughed: It's actually pretty sad when you have to think hard about when the last time you laughed, isn't it?  I'm going to go with last night, when Megan accidentally dropped her dad straight to the floor with a well placed  karate kick to the groin.  Poor guy.  Unfortunately, I laughed til I cried.  It was hilarious.  I'm mean.

2. The last time I hosted a party:  I believe the last actual party I officially hosted was a little super bowl party.  Complete with home made pizza, wings and yummy dips.

3. The last thing I bought for my home:  The last thing I bought for my home was a living room.  Like, a couch, chair, coffee table, end tables, lamps, etc.  It might seem like a bit of a large purchase, but it was a good deal!

4. The last celebrity crush I had: Oh man.  I have a love triangle crush on Stefan and Damon from the Vampire Diaries.  I can't help it.  I want to make out with both of them, not at the same time.

5. The last country I visited:  Well, technically, the last country I visited was Mexico, like, forever ago.  I think I was 16.  It was great.  The next country I want to visit might be Greece.  I think I need a passport.  I better get on that.

6. The last thing I cooked:  The last thing I cooked would have to be last night's dinner, which was this crockpot masterpiece with chicken and prosciutto and onions in a wine sauce on bow ties.  Yummm.  It was such a good easy meal.  I am actually in mid-cook of peanut butter cookies as we speak.  They smell so great.  I may or may not be fighting salmonella at this very moment.  How can you not eat the cookie dough?

7. The last sport I picked up: Hm.  Is weight training a sport?  I'm not very sporty.  Oh yeah!  I've been running a little and I haven't been hating it!  It's very exciting.  I need to build up some endurance though because I can't go very far before I have to slow down and walk a bit.

8. The last prank I pulled: Wow.  I can't even remember.  Maybe I will stand behind the door and scare one of my kids.  That could be funny.

9. The last tattoo I got: I've never gotten a tattoo.  I might though.  I'll keep you posted.

10. The last TV show I watched: Well, SpongeBob doesn't count because while I may have been listening to it with half of an ear, I wasn't technically watching it.  I may have chuckled once or twice.  But I believe the last TV show I actually watched and paid attention to was International House Hunters a few nights ago.  I really feel that I deserve a vacation house in Belize.  

Don't we all?

motor boating with your eyes. oh, we know.

So I went to this doctor appointment a few weeks ago.

You know how as a girl, you can totally tell if someone is motor boating you with their eyes?  Well I think I was doing that.  Sort of.   But it wasn't my fault!  I had no control over it.

See, the doctor walked in, and I was seated in such a way that I was face to face with his crotch.  Like, he's a tall doctor, and until he actually sat down across from me, I was completely staring him in the pants.  And really, I felt very uncomfortable.  Because guess what?  He had a dribble right there on his pants.  Very noticeable and very inappropriately placed, I might add.


Ugh.  It's like when someone has food in their teeth or a massive mole on their face, and that is all you can focus on.


So all the while, I was sitting there making a concentrated effort to not look at his crotch, and it felt so obvious.  He was talk, talk, talking himself up, and I was barely hearing a word he said because I was so busy thinking about how obvious I must have looked.


Fairly recently, I made the revelation to Alex that women absolutely know when you are checking out their boobs and not their face, and he was shocked.  Shocked.  Then we did a little play-acting so I could prove it to him, because he didn't believe me.  I was all like, "What are you, a moron?  Your eyes are totally focused directly on my chest!"


So now he's mortified, because there are just far too many women with boobs to ogle in his work environment, and here he thought he was doing the ogling all discreetly.  Thank Cod he has me to look out for him.

Not exactly part 2. Instead, all over the damn place. Roll with it.

I was going to finish up with a play by play account of my little jaunt to the West (still not sure if I should be capitalizing the W here.  Someone help me.) coast.  Wait!  Just wait a second here.  Let's just delve into the rules of English for a moment.  I was trying to not make this a long, boring post but damn, here we go again... 


Why do I feel the need to capitalize the W in west but not the C in coast?  One would wonder how my brain works.  I claim to be a lover of words, and I can't grasp this simple little thing of capitalization.  And just in case you were wondering, I can't type the word capitalization without having spellcheck automatically fix it for me.  Every. Damn. Time.  Oh don't be so high and mighty!  You try to spell it fast and correctly without spellcheck!  


So I know I have literally tens of readers every day who would love to help me with this issue that plagues me like, well, the fucking plague.  For the love of Cod and all of the Baby Cheeses, what is the rule?! (See how I did that?  I capitalized Cod and Baby Cheeses.  I know how to capitalize proper nouns, yes I do!)


OK, phew.  Now that I know I will have someone help me, I feel much better and I can wipe the sweat from my brow.  I can't wait to know the rule you guys.


Oh shut up, I know I am a word nerd.  


Sorry, that was rude.  I've been very fresh today, haven't I?  Sorry.  We don't say shut up in this house.  My kids think the "S" word is shut up.  I think telling someone to shut up is pretty rude, so we've always considered "shut up" a bad word(s).  We say please be quiet.  Even if it is screamed PLEASE BE QUIET at the top of one's lungs like a lunatic, it sounds much nicer and more polite than shut up, don't you think?


Want to hear some other weird bad words in our house?  Besides the normal bad words that everyone already knows I mean.


Pee.  I blame my mom for this because we weren't allowed to say it growing up.  Oh my Cod I am my mom! (If you're reading this mom, that wasn't exactly an insult.  It was more like an exclamatory revelation!)  Anyway, I know pee is very acceptable in every other house in the universe.  You might wonder what the replacement word is, and I will tell you.  It is "wet."  You can bet your ass that people look at my husband funny when he says, "Be right back guys, I have to wet," to his co-workers.  I told him maybe he should say "Take a wetter," to sound a little more socially acceptable.  I think it works.


I know my son sneakily says pee.  I've heard him on several occasions. *sigh* There's only so much a parent can do these days...  


Also they think the "F" word is fart.  Yes, yes, I know that fart is also socially acceptable.  I just always think it sounds kind of crass.  Not that we often sit around discussing bodily functions.  And not that I am judging you for saying the "F" word.  I mean really, I say a lot of real, normal bad words, and I am totally fine with that.  I love bad words.  I love to swear.  In fact, I often sound like a truck driver when I am out of kid-range. There's just something about those words though.


When I was a little kid, I was all embarrassed that we weren't allowed to say pee or fart (Ugh I swear I am cringing writing that.  I've been conditioned.  Just like Pavlov's dogs!  But not really.).  My sisters and I thought we were all rebellious when we said those words.  We'd be like saying them all in a whispered tone so Mom wouldn't hear.  We'd be like, "Ew.  Somebody farted."  then we'd look around nervously to see if Mom heard us.


Hm.  I have to be honest here.  I'm not sure how to wrap up this post.  And I am really not sure how the topic of this post changed so dramatically.  Welcome to my brain guys.


Maybe I will wrap with this - I'm not going to write a play by play of the rest of my getaway like I said I would because I really think that it might be a little on the boring side.  Not the getaway, the getaway was not on the boring side at all.  It was on the awesome side.  But you know, it was awesome to me -- I grasp that it probably isn't awesome to you.  So I will save you the rest of the long-winded, awesomely boring details.


EXCEPT one.  I have to tell you all one detail, because it is like, the best detail ever!  And I can't not share it with you.


We saw Stiffler!!  Yes, we were face to face with Stiffler at LAX, and he had eye contact with Kara and gave her a little cutie smirk.  And he was scruffily and adorable.  That may have been one of the highlights of the LA part of the getaway.  When Kara pointed out that he was standing right in front of my face in a hushed and furious whisper with her eyes, I was all, omg!  A real live famous person!


It was very exciting.  I controlled myself though.  I acted very nonchalant, when inside I was having a mental flashback of all of the hilariously inappropriate things Stiffler says.  Kind of like when you die, you have a mental flashback of all of the highlights of your life.  So I'm definitely not the kind of person who would ever just mosey up to Stiffler and say, "Loved you in American Pie, dude."  But I did love him in American Pie, and I thought he was really funny in Role Models.  I've always been pro-Seann William Scott.  It was really cool to see him in person, like just a normal guy in an airport.


I'll also include a couple shots from the rest of the LA trip, just because.

Got Kara laughing at Killer Shrimp

The streets of Marina del Rey

Beach feet

Lunch in Santa Monica

The Santa Monica Pier

Beach

The pier

So there you go.  Officially wrapped.

a couple days in review

So I mentioned before that Kara and I were heading out to California for a few days.  So I was MIA because I was hanging West coast style, yo.


I'm so gangsta.  I'm actually so gangsta, I have no idea if I should capitalize the W in the word "West."  Yes?  No?


Anyway, we flew out Saturday afternoon and got in at around dinner time.  So we took a taxi to our hotel in Marina del Rey, and when we pulled up, I was thinking, hm.  This doesn't look like the pictures on the review site.  But you know, we were tired, so we rolled with it.  For about 11 minutes.  Because when we got to our room, I was thinking that this definitely wasn't the hotel on the review site.


I don't need luxury.  But when I go away I like to be comfortable - at the very least, equally as comfortable as I am in my own home.  I was not comfortable.  In fact, I thought we may actually be on the wrong side of the tracks.  Are there tracks in Marina del Rey?  I don't know, but if there are, we were definitely not on the right side of them.


So, I set out to figure out what the hell happened to my well thought out plans of relaxing in a luxurious comfy bed in a sweet room looking out over the Pacific.


What I discovered was that I accidentally booked a hotel from hell, the hotel with the practically same exact name as the place that I meant to book.  The place I read the reviews on, checked out pictures of, etc.  (I'm an admitted review freak)  So I called a taxi.  And I called the original hotel and hoped for the best.  And then, we got the heck out of dodge.


We ended up in the good, comfy, cozy place.  The place on the right side of the tracks.  Ah... cocktails in the lobby/bar area.

The room was nice, the bed super comfy.  After a light meal and some cocktails at the hotel bar/restaurant, where I am going to go out on a limb and suggest that I ended up with the best tomato soup that I have ever eaten (and may or may not have actually licked my bowl) in my life, we settled in and just hung out in our beds for the rest of the night.  

Tomato soup from heaven, and a burrata salad... yummmmmm

The next morning we took our time being lazy in the room, and ended up getting out late for a little breakfast at this place called Joni's.

It didn't look like anything special from the outside, it was actually in a strip mall, but it had good reviews for the coffee and breakfasts, and supposedly, it's a favorite of the locals.

So yeah, the coffee was great.  Strong, but great.  And the breakfast was ridiculous.  They must have thought that I looked like I needed something to eat, because I thought I ordered a little egg sandwich on a croissant, and I ended up getting a massive egg sandwich on a croissant, hungry man's style.  There was no way that I was going to finish that yummy beast.  Kara's was equally as huge - too bad we didn't just share!

This croissant is actually on a dinner plate.  It literally took up 3/4 of the plate.
Who knew you could even get a croissants that's about the size of my head.

So after we were chatted up by this older local guy at Joni's who tried to get us to take a ride with him down to the pier, we walked.  We made our own way down to the pier, thank you very much.  It was just a couple of blocks away, and even though it was crazy windy, we went down to check out the ocean, which was gorgeous.

Crazy windy hair like this the whole time.

We didn't spend too much time down there because it was super windy and actually a bit chilly.  I was glad that I had a decent coat with me.  We stopped in this little boutique and Kara found some cool funky tops that she loved.  After a bit, we made our way into Santa Monica to this place called the Third Street Promenade, where there are three blocks of great shopping, all in this closed-off-to-cars street.  There were tons of great shops, and Kara loves to shop, so we spent a looooong time there.  We only made it half way if you can believe it!   We wanted to get back to go to this place called Killer Shrimp for dinner, and we had a tip from the hostess to come at a certain time so we wouldn't have to wait for a seat, so we decided to come back to the Promenade to finish shopping the next day, and we figured we'd also check out the Santa Monica Pier then too.

So I really have to go eat some sushi because I am starving and I might eat my arm off if I don't get food in my belly, like, right now.  So I'll wrap this up here, and continue tomorrow with... dinner at Killer Shrimp.  Stay tuned...

lie to me

One of my escape, what else can I say

I'll play dead and you can stay

And I'll help you kill your time

If you help me kill my night

And maybe one day get it right

Go ahead and lie to me

I'll believe in anything you say tonight

Go ahead and lie to me

Write "I love you," while I sleep

And hide it for another day to find

I will not confuse this with something true

Only that what gets us through

And I wonder down the line

When both of us are fine

Yeah, my  mind wanders there sometimes

I don't mind playing the fool, no

I don't mind playing the fool

friday five

It's late afternoon, a little after 4.  I feel like I have so much going on this weekend!  This is going to be the quickest five minute post ever!


My son is in his first high school musical this weekend - tonight is opening night.  Kara was in every high school musical from sixth grade on - when she went off to college I missed watching one of my kids up there on the stage every year!  Going to her college productions was different, because really, the only kid up there that I knew was Kara.  Anyway, I kind of forced him to do it, and I am so glad that I did.  He really likes it, and is already talking about next year's production.  I love that Alex is so confident.


My sister Jen is coming in to see him, so in about an hour or so, the house will be filled and noisy.  Kara is on her way home too, Alex picked her up in the city on the way back from a meeting, so that's cool.


Tomorrow, Kara and I are going to hop a plane to California for a few days, so that's exciting.  We're going to LA.  I haven't been there since I was a teenager, and I gotta say, I didn't love it then.  Hopefully I'll like it better this time.  Kara is considering moving out there for a little bit, so she wanted to check out Santa Monica.  I'm not sure what the appeal is, but really, she has nothing holding her from going out there and exploring new places.  And then I can go visit her a lot of times.  So it's a win all around!


I'll try to post some stuff next week while I'm out there.  Happy weekend!

why didnt i think of that

Have you ever heard of Urbandictionary.com?  If you haven't, where have you been?  It's this funny website where people submit a word or term, real or made up, and then define it in their own words.  Most of the time, they're pretty logical and make sense.  And you can totally relate.  It's really funny. And I love words and terms. Especially funny words and terms.  Every time I read good ones, I think to myself, why didn't I come up with that?

I'm sharing a few examples.  Because we all know how kind and generous I am.


iFinger
The finger that you purposely keep clean when you eat something easy so you can operate your touchscreen smartphone/tablet/GPS without making the screen look like your plate.
These ribs are delicious and messy, but I have to keep my pinky clean cause its my iFinger.

Curb Shame

Embarrassment at waiting on the curb obediently as other pedestrians ignore the "don't walk" signal in the absence of traffic.

I couldn't stand the curb shame any longer so I crossed with everyone else, even though I needed a break from running all around town.

Freudian Click

Sending a suggestive email to someone by mistake.

A second after I hit "send", I realized that I had made a Freudian Click and emailed a love note to my ex instead of my boyfriend. So embarrassing!

Webtrovert

Someone who is a shy introvert in real life, but turns into a full-on extroverted party animal on Internet forums and social sites.

"Man, she was on Facebook flirting with everyone and talking about all her wild parties, but when we met in person she just stared at the floor and mumbled every time I asked her something.  Obviously, she's a webtrovert."

Facebook Wit
The intelligent humor that nearly everyone seems to gain when they have a half an hour to contemplate a witty response. It is usually a bad comparison to a person's actually conversational skills since they can sit and contemplate the response for as long as they need.

(Facebook wit conversation)
Susie (7:12): So... supposedly the world is ending on Saturday...
Dan: (7:32): Hell yeah! (pun totally intended ;)
Susie (7:34): You think you'll still be here after the rapture?

Dan: (8:01): Oh, I'm throwing a rapture party! Devil juice and Satan cakes, with the Antichrist spinning!
Susie: (8:04): ROFL!

(Real conversation)
Susie (7:12): So... supposedly the world is ending on Saturday...
Dan (7:13): Oh, wow, that's really interesting...
(Crickets chirping)

Sore Winner
A sore winner is someone who wins and spends far too much time gloating over it, to the point that the rest of the people feel poorly about even participating.

Ali was a sore winner when she sang "We Are The Champions" after winning the NCAA Bracket.

Backseat Browser

Anyone who sits behind a someone who is browsing the Internet while continuously instructing them on what to click on or what to type into the address/search bar. Most appropriately applied when the advice or commands are unsolicited and/or unwarranted.

Matt grew increasingly frustrated with Patrick, acting as a Backseat Browser, when he wouldn't stop telling Matt what links he should click on next.

Russian Toilette

After sitting on the toilet to poop, you notice that there is less than one-quarter of a roll of toilet paper, and no spare in the bathroom. You decide to poop anyway, gambling on the fact you will have enough toilet paper to have a satisfying wipe.

Husband: "Honey, I just played Russian Toilette, and lost"
Wife: "Sucks to be you. Try not to bite your fingernails"


eye broccoli
The opposite of eye candy, someone unappealing to look at.


Barney:  So who's the new eye broccoli?
Marshall: My new assistant.

mean girls

My (10 year old) daughter was all upset yesterday after school.


Apparently, (at least) one of her good friends has been teasing her about her weight.  Making digs at her that she eats too much, is lazy, doesn't exercise enough.  And I was seething inside when she was telling me this.  Seething.  Because, really?  Really??

Fat?

She is ten.  


Personally, I feel like it is never too early to have a healthy attitude about exercise and smart food options. I always encourage that stuff, because I sure know that at a certain point, it becomes way more difficult to maintain a healthy weight.  


I keep using the word healthy. Because that's what it all boils down to for me.  Being overweight for the most part is unhealthy - it makes your body have to work much harder, it lends itself to all sorts of health-related problems.  It just does, unfortunately. 

Megan does get tons of exercise - that girl rides her bike like a champion, swims her head off, jumps on the trampoline, runs around outside, etc.  I'm the only (mean) mom in the entire neighborhood that actually makes my kids walk home from school every day - because I believe walking is great exercise. I am hugely opposed to kids sitting around watching TV when it is nice enough to play outside.  My most often used phrase to my kids is, "go outside and play!"  Megan has always had a great, healthy appetite.  Of course she enjoys snacks - but she also loves fruit and veggies, is willing to try anything, and always cleans her plate. I keep very little "crap" food around the house, because I have no willpower. If there is a bag of chips or a thing of cookies in my cabinet, I will eat them. So I don't buy them. I also don't buy soda.  We drink water and milk here, sometimes sugar free iced tea.  The ice cream I buy is sugar free. I make a huge effort to provide healthy things.


Anyway, she is a little girl.  I don't believe she should have to have worries about body image at this age!  She shouldn't have many worries at all at this age.  And frankly, I can't even imagine that in fifth grade, girls are already so mean!  I thought we had a few years before the "mean girl" stage started.  I think she should be able to focus on playing and being a kid for as long as possible.  And for what it is worth, she is not overweight.   She falls on the charts pretty much exactly in the middle, average.  Unfortunately for her, the majority of her closest friends are just naturally skinny.  Like, flat and straight.  My niece Brenna (who is her age and her best friend) is a gymnast.  Her body is solid.  She is basically a tiny little muscle - just like a little rock, six pack and all.  A few of the other good friends have tall, trim parents.  They are little beanpoles.  A couple of the other girls she is good friends with are huge athletes.  They are trim and muscular.  Standing beside them, I can see where they would notice a difference.


I try to tell her all of the time that everyone is different. But this year, I've noticed her standing in the mirror more, checking out her side view, sucking in her belly, and it makes me so sad!  Sad and mad, actually.


How do I get her to see that she is perfect as she is?  That being shorter, less flat-bellied and straight is OK, that she doesn't need to compare herself to other kids.  How do I get her to hear my voice over the mean girls voices? 

one last word, v1

People Magazine has this new feature thing on the last page of their magazine.  I know this because I just recently got a partially free subscription to that great magazine!  WooHOO!  So now I am up with all of the celebrity happenings.  Yes, yes I am.   Anyway, on the last page, they have a new feature called the last word (so clever!) where a celebrity answers a few questions on the last things they've done.


I've decided to copy them even though I am not quite a celebrity yet.  Not the answers, the questions.  Is that plagiarism?  I hope not.  If it is, maybe because I am admitting my question copying in advance I won't get in big fat trouble by the plagiarism police.  Plagiarism is a very serious thing - there must be a task force somewhere out there dedicated to exposing the offenders and publicly flogging them.  Don't you think?


Anyway, the last word...


1. Last thing I cooked.  The last thing I cooked was spaghetti and turkey balls, at the request of my kid Megan, who would have it every night if she could.  I do make a pretty incredible spaghetti.


2. Last time I worked out.  The last time I worked out would have to be last night, if you consider a good long brisk walk a work out.  I have been a gym slacker lately, so walks have been the most consistent form of exercise that I've been getting.


3. Last person I kissed.  That would be Brookie, my little pumpkin head.  I kissed her goodbye when I dropped her off at school this morning.  I love that she still lets me kiss her.


4. Last hangover.  Well, I'm not much of a drinker, so I totally remember the last time that I drank enough to have an actual hangover.  It was two summers ago, after single handedly drinking a pitcher of mojitos at my friend Heather's house.   Oh man.  It reminded me exactly why I don't go overboard more often.


5. Last time I cried.  That may have been within the last week or two.  I was in a sad, sucky mood for a few days and I was a little bit of a crybaby.  I 'm not much of a crier.  More of a suck it up and deal with it kind of girl.  If I do cry, it's rarely with an audience.  Make that never.  Never with an audience.


6. Last movie I watched.  I watched the movie "Easy A" in NYC.  It was actually really good... I love Emma Stone.


7. Last big splurge.  Well, we just went to NYC for a few days with the kids.  We took the train down, got a few rooms at the Hilton in Time Square, and pretty  much did the whole touristy thing.  It was a ton of fun, but also not at all cheap.  Basically, every meal (breakfast, lunch and dinner) was over $100 - that added up pretty quick.


8. Last gift I received.  Hm.  I don't know!  I just had a birthday a few weeks ago, so I got a nice bit of gifts for that.  


9. Last time I cursed.  Well, that would have to be about 10 minutes ago when I was on the phone with my husband.  I was relaying some shocking information that called for an exclamatory curse.


10. Last show I recorded.  Do you even have to ask??  I recorded The Bachelor finale of course!

five

It's late afternoon and I've spent the majority of my day on the couch with a sick kiddo.  Brooke's had a high fever all day... poor little one.  Last night she padded into my room several times saying she was scared and asking for things and I had a feeling something was up.  She isn't a kid who typically messes around at bed time.  She goes to bed at 8, and that's it.  Most times, she'll make her way into bed with us at 3 or 4 in the morning, but I'm fine with that.  I like it even, as long as she doesn't over-snuggle me.  I need my sleep space. Brooke reads in her bed, sometimes plays in there even, but she knows that once bedtime rolls around, there's no messing around.  Mommy is officially off duty.


Anyway, today has basically been me scratching Brooke's back all day while she alternately slept or watched TV.  A sick kid pretty much forces you to just slow down, you know?  I pulled together a great smelling chicken orzo soup for when she is hungry, got some ginger ale out and made some jello.  Gotta have all of the sick kid food available...


Incidentally, there's a lot of crappy TV on during the day.  I don't know how kids can watch most of this stuff.   However, Drake and Josh is hilarious.  I do wish that show was still on.


Well, hopefully Brooke will be up and back to normal by tomorrow.  I hate seeing her sick, and Megan has a thing that we need to go to. I don't want to either (a) have to drag a sick kid to it, or (b) have one of us have to miss it and stay home with a sick kid.  


Hope you all have a happy weekend.

I appreciate a good snappy hot dog

Yes, a snappy hot dog.  Like the kind that are serious German hot dogs.  Like when you take a bite, you can almost hear the skin snap.  Is that gross?  In all honesty, I love most kinds of hot dogs.  I guess you could say I appreciate certain encased meats.  I try hard not to think about what it is I am eating, because I really am a fan of animals.  And not just a fan of eating them.


Unfortunately, I kind of have a hard time eating hot dogs because they are one of the worst things for my sucky heartburn.  Like personally.  Maybe hot dogs don't affect other people like they affect me.  Pain is definitely involved.  Sometimes the pain is worth it.


Every so often, especially when my sisters are in town, we'll go out for a Sunday drive.  We take our coffees and just drive and chat.  Usually we drive out to the country (well, we live in the country, but we drive into the deeper country), and we'll often end up at this awesome little hot dog stand where the hot dogs are fantastic.  And they have fries with vinegar.  Yummm.  I love fries with vinegar.


Anyway, the whole point of this post is that today was such a gorgeous day, all I could think about was taking a drive to that hot dog stand, sitting at one of those picnic tables by the duck pond, and enjoying a good snappy hot dog in the sunshine.   Spring is coming!  How can you not think of awesome grill food on a sunny warm day?  Hot dogs and hamburgers and brats and kielbasa...  


I love this time of year.  

and a rose for YOU, and a rose for YOU...

Writing prompt from MamaKat:


On the Bachelor, a rose is given to the women the (Bachelor) could really see himself spending the rest of his life with. What six things in your life would you like to give a rose to and why?


I'll start with the typical rose ceremony speech... 


Welcome.  I just want to say that you are an amazing group of things, and I'm grateful that you are all here to embarrass yourselves on national blog with me.  I am ready for my second chance at love, and being here, in front of all of you amazing things, really is the chance of a lifetime for me.  This is the hardest rose ceremony yet, because at this point, I've really bonded with so many things...  just, thank you all for being here, for believing in me and this process.  I'd like to think that my one truly favorite thing is in this room with me right now.

And you know, even though Mamakat didn't mention it, I believe that I get to give out a first impression rose.  Because I believe in first impressions.  I'd like to give the first impression rose to books.  Yes, books.  With actual pages. That you actually read.  It just seems like we've known each other forever, we seem so at ease with each other.  I really want to spend more time with books, get to know them better.

With that being said, I would like to give the real first rose to my laptop.  All that I can say is that from the first moment that I laid eyes on it as it slid out of the box, all silvery in the moonlight, it completed me.

I would also like to give a rose to my iPhone.  It also completes me.  In fact, it completes me even more than my macbook and I probably should have given it the first rose.  Maybe I should have thought this through a little better.


Eh hem.

Anyway, I would definitely like to give the next rose to Scramble - a words with friends game.  I can really see myself with this game long term...  

Would you accept this rose, California Roll?  I just want to eat you up, like every day!  I'm finding that I can't stop thinking about you, dreaming about dousing you with soy sauce and rolling you and... wait, let's slow down here.  I might need a reverse-fluffer.  Anyway, I am totally falling for you.

Please accept this rose, Burt's Bees Lip Balm.  You slick little bit of heaven.  I'm totally falling for you.  Wait, I already used that predictable line with California Roll.  Starting over, I just can't imagine a life without you, like, ever.

And finally, in one of the most shocking moments in (thing loving) history, I would like to give my final rose to my iTunes library of great music.  Gone are the days of mix tapes and CDs... replaced only by iTunes - who would have thought things would have evolved so much between us since we began this journey?


Now, anything that didn't get a rose can have a moment to say goodbye.  I'm sending them away inwardly cursing me while telling me they want nothing but the best for me, really, even though I just made out with each of them before the rose ceremony, when they were "stealing me away" for some "alone time."   


Be sure to tune in next time, where I will slo-mo run towards my favorite things on a green grassy hilltop, like we just can't contain ourselves and walk up to each other like normal people/things would do.  Just wait til those amazing things will oh so awkwardly fling themselves into my arms, much like an embarrassingly uncomfortable scene from a really bad romcom starring Jennifer Anniston.  It's going to be out of control with excitement. 


Oh my Dad, will someone save me from reality TV, please?  I think I know way too much.

the opposite of a bucket list.

So you know how all of these people have bucket lists?  I guess I have one, too.  But I also have a non bucket list.  You know, the opposite of a bucket list of things that I hope to never accomplish in my lifetime.  I suppose I could change my mind at some point ... I mean, hopefully I have plenty of time left before my bucket is kicked.


Anyway, besides the obvious things like getting a serious illness, witnessing an accident, watching a loved one in pain, etc,  I've come up with a little list to share with you.  It may give you a little insider info about what I'm not into.


A lengthy list of things that I have no interest in doing in my lifetime...


1.  Going sky diving.  You know, I'm not really a daredevil.  I don't like being out of control.  And as exciting as it may be to some, purposefully jumping to my potential death doesn't seem all that appealing to me.


2.  Swimming with sharks.  Again with the scaredy cat in me.  Also, I have had an irrational shark fear since I was a teenager when I know I got bit by a shark in Mexico.  Even though it was only a little cut. I still know it was a shark and I escaped a grisly death by millimeters.


3.  Riding a camel.  Yeah, not too interested in sitting on a smelly, uncomfortable, spitty animal.


4.  Riding an elephant.  I am an elephant fan.  I think it's mean to cage them up and force them to ride people around for photo ops.  Sheesh, didn't you ever see Water for Elephants?


5.  Hunting an animal recreationally.  I'm not so much anti-hunting as I am anti-hunting for personal pleasure.  I can't imagine looking at an animal and then going ahead and killing it in the next second.  I always think, what if it has babies waiting back at the nest/den/tree waiting for their mom?  Then the babies starve.  And die a painful and pitiful death.  Wah.  However, I do eat meat.  And I guess I would certainly have to hunt if I was on a deserted island and all starving or something.  But it wouldn't be recreational.  It would be survival guys.  Survival.


6.  Eating the worm from a bottle of tequila.  Gross.


7.  Doing a body shot.  Yeah I am so not going to sip a shot of tequila out of some random person's belly button.  What if there was lint in there?!  I'm gagging.


8.  Having a body shot done to (on?) me.  I might laugh because it would tickle, which would ruin the moment of course.  I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that a soft belly with alcohol spilled all over it probably isn't the best look for me. 


9.  Going to a nude beach all nakedly.  I would never.  I can barely glance at myself naked.  The idea of walking onto a nude beach all pale and naked and like, old, may kind of give me an actual nightmare.


10. Seeing a XXX movie.  I'm not a prude.  But I have never watched a movie like that.  I'm not opposed to nudity or sex in movies, just not interested in watching skanky hookups with cheesy music as a form of entertainment.  And I would never in a million years go to see one at a theater.


11. Spending a night in jail.  I assume this one is a no-brainer.  I guess I don't know too many people who would be excited at the prospect of sharing a cell with scary bad guys.


12. Laughing so hard soda comes out of my nose.  I like a great laugh as much as the next guy, but stuff coming in and out of your nose hurts!  I'd rather laugh so hard I get a stomach ache.


13. Hooking up on a beach.  Maybe I am way off here, but sand is scratchy and uncomfortable.  I'm pretty sure being all naked and scratchy and uncomfortable wouldn't be a turn on.  I think it might ruin the moment for me.  I suppose I could stand there and get busy... TMI?


14. Singing on stage in front of an audience.  Horrifying.  I hate getting looked at.


13. Talking on stage in front of an audience.  See above.


14. Doing pretty much anything on stage in front of an audience. Also see above.  And above that one too.


15. Getting a nude painting done of myself.  See number 9.


16. Eating a bug.  Gross.


17. Piercing a private part of my bod.  I find that to be so unattractive.  I am not opposed to normal piercings, but like, I would never willingly jab a needle in my hm, private body part, and call it artistic.


18. Getting gauges.  I also find these to be unattractive.  You take them out and there's this massive wrinkly hole in your earlobe that you can never really fix.  Ugh.


19. Going bungee jumping.  What in the heck would possess me to do such a thing.  Relying on a rubber band to keep me alive?  Joggling my brain and teeth on purpose?  Possibly yanking my limbs out of their sockets for fun?  No thanks. Nah.


20. Milking a cow, or goat, or anything that can get milked actually.  I don't like milking things Focker.  It makes me uncomfortable.


21. Going to a boy band concert.  I think I'm too old.  I've been to plenty of concerts in my day, but never a boy band.  I guess if my girls were dying to go to one, I'd take them begrudgingly.  But I'd definitely be wearing hard core earplugs.


22. Meeting Spencer Pratt, or his irritating wife.  They are straight up morons and I'd have a difficult time being cordial.


23. Running with the bulls.  Again with the scaredy cat in me.  I'd be the one that tripped, got gored in the ass and chucked like a rag doll into the crowd of spectators.


24. Getting a Brazilian bikini wax, or something of that nature.  I'm not one of those types of people who can intentionally yank hair off of my body and not be traumatized by it.  Good grooming habits are great and I'm all for that, but there are other ways. 


25. Learning how to fly an airplane.  Yep. Still a scaredy cat.


26. Injecting myself with a recreational drug.  I'm not shooting anything drug-like into my body.  First of all, I'm not a huge fan of needles, and second of all, I just know it wouldn't end well.  I'd more than likely jab something that wasn't supposed to be jabbed and accidentally die.


27. Going streaking (in the quad).  I can't be nude in public.  Just, I can't.  Trust me.


28. Going base jumping/diving.  Ridiculously scary.  What is wrong with people??!


29. Climbing up on top of a really tall bridge.  Pretty freaking scary.


30. Skiing down a double black diamond.  Scary enough to not want to do it ever.


31. Going on a game show.  I don't like getting looked at.  Or looking dumb.  Pretty sure at least both of those thing would happen if I were ever on a game show.


32. Being on a reality show (except maybe Survivor).  See above.  Survivor is the exception though because I am positive I could win AND lose weight at the same time!  But otherwise, I could never be normal with a camera in my mug.  I'd be sucking in my gut and trying to have my head at such an angle that you couldn't see my double chin.  That would definitely get old quick.


33. Sleeping in non-air conditioned bedroom on the top floor of a sweaty house in the middle of a sickly, sticky hot summer night.  Been there.


34. Meeting, seeing or getting stolen by an alien.  I won't be one of those wackjobs people standing on top of a building holding a "TAKE ME!" sign.  I prefer not having having weird things stuffed into my orifices and being experimented on like a guinea pig.


35. Riding in a two seater (or similarly tiny) airplane.  Death trap.  Might as well put wings on my mini van, drive off a cliff and hope for the best.  No way.




I'm definitely going to add to this list periodically.  MamaKat apparently just recently had this on her site as a writing prompt, however, my husband gave me the idea a while ago, so I have to give him credit.  Also, MamaKat's prompt only asked for TEN things.  Clearly I am an overachiever here with 35 and counting.