Anyway, besides the obvious things like getting a serious illness, witnessing an accident, watching a loved one in pain, etc, I've come up with a little list to share with you. It may give you a little insider info about what I'm not into.
A lengthy list of things that I have no interest in doing in my lifetime...
1. Going sky diving. You know, I'm not really a daredevil. I don't like being out of control. And as exciting as it may be to some, purposefully jumping to my potential death doesn't seem all that appealing to me.
2. Swimming with sharks. Again with the scaredy cat in me. Also, I have had an irrational shark fear since I was a teenager when I know I got bit by a shark in Mexico. Even though it was only a little cut. I still know it was a shark and I escaped a grisly death by millimeters.
3. Riding a camel. Yeah, not too interested in sitting on a smelly, uncomfortable, spitty animal.
4. Riding an elephant. I am an elephant fan. I think it's mean to cage them up and force them to ride people around for photo ops. Sheesh, didn't you ever see Water for Elephants?
5. Hunting an animal recreationally. I'm not so much anti-hunting as I am anti-hunting for personal pleasure. I can't imagine looking at an animal and then going ahead and killing it in the next second. I always think, what if it has babies waiting back at the nest/den/tree waiting for their mom? Then the babies starve. And die a painful and pitiful death. Wah. However, I do eat meat. And I guess I would certainly have to hunt if I was on a deserted island and all starving or something. But it wouldn't be recreational. It would be survival guys. Survival.
6. Eating the worm from a bottle of tequila. Gross.
7. Doing a body shot. Yeah I am so not going to sip a shot of tequila out of some random person's belly button. What if there was lint in there?! I'm gagging.
8. Having a body shot done to (on?) me. I might laugh because it would tickle, which would ruin the moment of course. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that a soft belly with alcohol spilled all over it probably isn't the best look for me.
9. Going to a nude beach all nakedly. I would never. I can barely glance at myself naked. The idea of walking onto a nude beach all pale and naked and like, old, may kind of give me an actual nightmare.
10. Seeing a XXX movie. I'm not a prude. But I have never watched a movie like that. I'm not opposed to nudity or sex in movies, just not interested in watching skanky hookups with cheesy music as a form of entertainment. And I would never in a million years go to see one at a theater.
11. Spending a night in jail. I assume this one is a no-brainer. I guess I don't know too many people who would be excited at the prospect of sharing a cell with scary bad guys.
12. Laughing so hard soda comes out of my nose. I like a great laugh as much as the next guy, but stuff coming in and out of your nose hurts! I'd rather laugh so hard I get a stomach ache.
13. Hooking up on a beach. Maybe I am way off here, but sand is scratchy and uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure being all naked and scratchy and uncomfortable wouldn't be a turn on. I think it might ruin the moment for me. I suppose I could stand there and get busy... TMI?
14. Singing on stage in front of an audience. Horrifying. I hate getting looked at.
13. Talking on stage in front of an audience. See above.
14. Doing pretty much anything on stage in front of an audience. Also see above. And above that one too.
15. Getting a nude painting done of myself. See number 9.
16. Eating a bug. Gross.
17. Piercing a private part of my bod. I find that to be so unattractive. I am not opposed to normal piercings, but like, I would never willingly jab a needle in my hm, private body part, and call it artistic.
18. Getting gauges. I also find these to be unattractive. You take them out and there's this massive wrinkly hole in your earlobe that you can never really fix. Ugh.
19. Going bungee jumping. What in the heck would possess me to do such a thing. Relying on a rubber band to keep me alive? Joggling my brain and teeth on purpose? Possibly yanking my limbs out of their sockets for fun? No thanks. Nah.
20. Milking a cow, or goat, or anything that can get milked actually. I don't like milking things Focker. It makes me uncomfortable.
21. Going to a boy band concert. I think I'm too old. I've been to plenty of concerts in my day, but never a boy band. I guess if my girls were dying to go to one, I'd take them begrudgingly. But I'd definitely be wearing hard core earplugs.
22. Meeting Spencer Pratt, or his irritating wife. They are straight up morons and I'd have a difficult time being cordial.
23. Running with the bulls. Again with the scaredy cat in me. I'd be the one that tripped, got gored in the ass and chucked like a rag doll into the crowd of spectators.
24. Getting a Brazilian bikini wax, or something of that nature. I'm not one of those types of people who can intentionally yank hair off of my body and not be traumatized by it. Good grooming habits are great and I'm all for that, but there are other ways.
25. Learning how to fly an airplane. Yep. Still a scaredy cat.
26. Injecting myself with a recreational drug. I'm not shooting anything drug-like into my body. First of all, I'm not a huge fan of needles, and second of all, I just know it wouldn't end well. I'd more than likely jab something that wasn't supposed to be jabbed and accidentally die.
27. Going streaking (in the quad). I can't be nude in public. Just, I can't. Trust me.
28. Going base jumping/diving. Ridiculously scary. What is wrong with people??!
29. Climbing up on top of a really tall bridge. Pretty freaking scary.
30. Skiing down a double black diamond. Scary enough to not want to do it ever.
31. Going on a game show. I don't like getting looked at. Or looking dumb. Pretty sure at least both of those thing would happen if I were ever on a game show.
32. Being on a reality show (except maybe Survivor). See above. Survivor is the exception though because I am positive I could win AND lose weight at the same time! But otherwise, I could never be normal with a camera in my mug. I'd be sucking in my gut and trying to have my head at such an angle that you couldn't see my double chin. That would definitely get old quick.
33. Sleeping in non-air conditioned bedroom on the top floor of a sweaty house in the middle of a sickly, sticky hot summer night. Been there.
34. Meeting, seeing or getting stolen by an alien. I won't be one of those
35. Riding in a two seater (or similarly tiny) airplane. Death trap. Might as well put wings on my mini van, drive off a cliff and hope for the best. No way.
I'm definitely going to add to this list periodically. MamaKat apparently just recently had this on her site as a writing prompt, however, my husband gave me the idea a while ago, so I have to give him credit. Also, MamaKat's prompt only asked for TEN things. Clearly I am an overachiever here with 35 and counting.
You have the most unique outlook on life, and writing, of anyone I know. Now let me go back and see how many of those I have actually done! (I was scamdalous in my younger years!)
ReplyDelete#2 - I didn't personally see them but I'm pretty sure there are sharks hanging out in the gulf of Mexico!
#9 - sort of - it wasn't a nude beach ... but I jumped off a boat and my bikini came off ... the bottoms caught on my ankles, the top was around my neck and I was hanging out somewhere in the middle! Please note that I have outgrown the bikini stage!
#9b - skinny dipping in a private pool which probably doesn't count!
#10 - years ago, when the cable guys used to have to put some sort of straps on the poles to block certain channels ... something kept going wrong with our strap and we got Playboy and something else. I confess to having paused for a few moments while channel surfing late at night! And we kept calling the cable company to fix that signal I swear!
#12 - hurts like the dickens but not nearly as painfully humiliating as laughing so hard that you wet your pants ... which I have also done!
#13 - not on the beach but in the lake ... in broad daylight ... and yes there were other people in the water! I was married and it was with hubby! Don't judge! :)
#14 a.b.c. - yep! been there ... done that ... lived to tell
#16 - not on purpose but when it flies into the back of your throat ... what alternative do you have! Note to keep mouth closed in buggy situations!
#26 - Vitamin B - and it was a little needle (worth it too!)
I'm not sure who Spencer Pratt, or his wife, are. I think I could gleefully SHOOT Brendan & Rachel (on Big Brother for 2 seasons and now on Amazing Race) - her for incredible whininess and him for being stupid enough to keep listening to it! And I am leaving now before I completely ruin my testimony! (Which by the way is the reason that you will never catch me on Reality TV. I just know I would swear on camera ... or do something worse!)
Is that the longest comment EVER?
ReplyDeleteyou seem to have a theme of fear and humiliation going on here.
ReplyDeletei've ridden a camel and an elephant. and i've had my days of public nudity, however, age and birthing a child put a quick end to those days. i've got a little bit of the thrill junkie in me and i'd like to bungee jump and sky dive, but in reality, i think that being a mom removes such risk taking from my list of real options.
I'm with you on most of those.
ReplyDeleteI could never jump out of a plane. No way. I'd cry.