Thursday, February 4, 2016

The passive aggressive eff you

Nowadays, people who can hide behind the cloak of their computers or other devices are pretty freaking bold.  It's like, because they aren't looking you in the actual eyeball, they feel more confident saying fuck off.

Incidentally, fuck off is one of my favorite things to say, in my head and out of my head even.  In case you were wondering.  I do try to curb it and keep it in my heart if I am in the vicinity of my kids though, jeez.

For the most part, your average person is a little more reserved and not so quick to say fuck you even if you deserve it, and even with the relative anonymity of the Internet and computer. But still, they find a way to convey the message, to say it without exactly saying it.  You know, the passive aggressive "fuck you." Except if you are a Mormon, because Mormon's don't say eff you.  Well actually, are they allowed to say EFF, but not fuck?  That's a legit question for any Mormon who might actually read this.

ANYway, being passive aggressive doesn't mean you're a bad person, rather, it's a way that people can vaguely get their point across when they don't feel comfortable speaking their mind, or are afraid to be honest.  Sometimes, they don't even realize what they are doing.  Someone really needs to call those people out because that behavior is really pretty annoying.

I'm more of a straight up eff you say-er, but it sure takes a lot for me to get there, and it usually flies out of my mouth when I've been poked to the point of not taking a moment to censor myself.  Passive aggressive eff you-ers bug me.  Because usually it's like, YOU know what you mean, and THEY know what you mean, so you might as well just fucking go for it and let the chips fall where they may, right?

Here are some of the ways you can be passive aggressive if you've left your balls in your Mom's purse and you're too much of a wimp to actually come out and directly say what you mean:

You can say, "no offense, but..."  This basically means, don't take offense but I am about to totally offend you. Everybody knows this.

You can deliberately do something to bother someone, but then act like you didn't know it would bother them.  Like you could blast your favorite post punk tunes when you know your brother is studying for a huge exam, because you're pissed at him for not giving you a ride home from school.  When he stamps into your room having a fit at your infantile behavior, you feign complete shock and say, "What? I had no idea it was so loud! Jeez! Relax!" This is when he should respond with, "Grow up, asshole."

You can say, "fine." or "whatever."  This one bugs me, seriously.  Probably because most of the offenders are of the teen-age variety. They'll say it when they've reached the end of their argument and know that they are going to lose, so whatever. Whatever makes me want to smack you, or at least pull your perfect little pony tail. 

You could say/text, "JK" or "just kidding."  Like, I absolutely hate you, bitch.  Haha, jk.  Riiiiight... you're just kidding.  Because that's so funny?  I don't know, there's something about nasty sarcasm that I'm supposed to consider a "joke" that really turns me off.  

You could give a backhanded compliment.  Like, "Your dress is gorgeous!  It's really too bad you couldn't find it in a bigger size..." Insulting me but attempting to soften it with a slight compliment is so obvious. How about, just shut your mouth if you aren't into it. A lot of times backhanded compliments are really about jealousy.

You could ignore a text when you have the read receipt function.   I know you read my text.  You know that you read my text.  You know that I know that you read my text.  This is a way of punishing the sender by giving them the silent treatment or cold shoulder.  Just be an adult, communicate clearly and fucking respond! Jerk!

Huh.  It seems that writing about these passive aggressive kinds of people have me feeling a little aggressive myself... maybe I should go find someone to be all cranky at.

No comments:

Post a Comment