Tuesday, February 23, 2016

was jake ryan actually a jerk?

So I'm going to go out on a limb and just say it: I thought Jake Ryan was the hottest guy ever.  Like, I really thought that if I tried hard enough, I could meet Jake Ryan and get him to kiss me (also, John Kennedy Jr, but that boat has sailed).  I figured once we made out, it would be love at first smooch and we'd live happily ever after.

Let's be real, Jake Ryan was every 80's girl's fantasy guy.

But, was he really a jerk?

Now that I can look back with some perspective, the perspective of an old person who has been in real relationships with real guys, I'm distressed to say that I think he could have been.

I know, right??

First of all, if you've lived under a rock for a really, really long time, or fine, you never watch (the all-time coolest) movies from the greatest decade ever, fondly referred to as the 80's, you might not know who Jake Ryan even is.  Shocking turn of events, I know, but I feel like I have to explain, to the people who never watched Sixteen Candles.  Really??  You never watched Sixteen Candles, the iconic John Hughes film??  How, even?  I'm officially ashamed.

Jake Ryan's name is actually Michael Schoeffling.  I knew that without looking it up, not even kidding.  Jake Ryan was the love interest in the movie Sixteen Candles, he was a senior. He was this adorable, attractive, completely popular guy, who was Abercrombie & Fitch-esque before A & F was even a thing.  He wore plaid flannel shirts, cargo pants, sweater vests and Levis like he was born in them.  No guy has rocked the sweater vest quite the same since.  He had a sweet, slightly shy grin. Also, he had great hair.  He didn't have a cheesy mullet or feathered Sean Cassidy hair, just a good head of thick, dark hair in a cool and timeless style.  Admittedly, he did wear very short shorts with tube socks, but we can't be winners all the time, right?  In Jake Ryan's defense, it was the style at the time.

Now that we are all on the same page, and we all know who Jake Ryan is, the question of whether or not he was actually a jerk begs to be asked.  So, was he? 

First of all, Jake Ryan had to have been rich, being that he was driving a Porsche.  He also had a house with a wine cellar in it.  A private wine cellar reeks of wealth, lets be real.  At the end of the day, rich, Porsche driving teenage guys with wine cellars are almost always a douchebag.  

Secondly, it's pretty convenient that Jake Ryan suddenly seemed interested in poor, quirky Sam Baker when she said that she wanted to lose her virginity to him.  Interesting Jake... very interesting. Why didn't he notice her before he thought he could get into her pants?

Third, when you really think about it, when he calls to leave a message for Sam and her grandparents answer the phone, he turns on the sickly sweet, super polite charm.  It's lovely to have manners, but you're not fooling anyone, we can all spot a suck up, Jake Ryan.

And last, but certainly not least, Jake Ryan was checking out Sam while he was going out with another girl.  Not cool Jake Ryan, not cool.

On the flip side, Jake Ryan did get Sam's underpants back from the dorks without being creepy about it, and he picked her up in his Porsche gave her a birthday cake and kissed her on her birthday... and, well, he is Jake Ryan. 

What do you think??  I think it's time for you to watch Sixteen Candles. Just a heads up, if you watch the uncensored version, don't watch with your kids.  I learned the hard way. I completely forgot that there is a straight up naked scene of Jake Ryan's hot cheerleader girlfriend in the shower.  My kid's eyeballs almost popped out of her head before I got the chance to frantically fumble with the remote control and turn it off.

Anyway, watch it and chime in.  What's your opinion?  Was Jake Ryan really a jerk?

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