|This is funny. And strangely, kind of accurate.|
2. Stop shoving shovelfuls of shitty food in your mouth. Yes, you.
3. Drink a shit ton of water. You don't like water? It's boring? Well, too bad. That "Diet" Coke (I used air quotes there if you didn't notice) that you drink 3 liters of a day isn't making you any slimmer, dumbass. The fact is, diet soda actually makes you hungrier. So going through the drive thru getting a Big Mac, Large Fries and a Diet Coke isn't helping. No, no it is not. If you want to go through the drive thru at McDonald's, get a baked chicken sandwich and some apple bites. Or a cheeseburger and kid sized fries. Just don't get the diet soda, get a bottled water. Put a lemon or lime in your there if you want some flavor. And some ice for good measure. Maybe even get some bubbles in there, to make it fizzy. You know, like seltzer water. Everyone likes fizzy things, right?
4. Track what you eat. And just because you don't track the part where you cleared your kids plate and ate 3 peanut butter and jelly sandwich bread crusts, 4 forkfuls of mac and cheese, and the bottom part of the cupcake with no icing on it doesn't mean you didn't eat it. Be real. Be honest with yourself. Write that shit down every day, every bite. If you've never done this before, you'll be shocked. We eat way more than we think we do. Studies show that when you track your food, you're more conscious of what you put in your mouth. Who knew?
5. Find a friend. You're not very friendly?
Most importantly, (this makes 6 ways, a bonus!) STOP BLAMING PEOPLE, and take responsibly, now. It doesn't matter how or why you got here. It doesn't matter if you're 200 pounds overweight or 20. Life is short and being overweight is unhealthy. You're the only one who has the power to fix it.
Now c'mon. Let's go. We got this. I can be your motivational friend, and you can be mine. Maybe. But wait! I'm not good at friends! Don't call me, I'll call you?