Some other things that bother me in no particular order are:
-Trying on jeans. Like why can't sizes be the same in every store. I appreciate vanity sizes as much as the next girl, but if you are a 6 in Anne Taylor Loft, you really should be a 6 in the Gap. Don't you think? (I am not a size 6 in any store, thankyouverymuch.) ps: aren't vanity sizes dumb? it's like they are lying to you about your size, and you know and they know that you know and we allknow, so what the heck is the point, anyway? I mean, if the number in the store makes you feel happy for a minute, it's only fake happy because you know in the back of your head that in real life it's all just a big fat lie.
-Trying on bathing suits. Shock and horror. That is all I can say about that.
-Dressing rooms in general. Because A) The lighting sucks, and B) Either you look like a house, or you look like a beauty queen, and it's all relative. Obviously if you look like a house, it will be bad for business because nobody buys crap that makes them look huge, but if you look like a beauty queen in the dressing room then go home and try to rock that beauty queen look in real life, then realize that it was all FAKE and you still look like a house, well that is bad for business too.
-Wrinkles. What a rip off. When you had great skin you never appreciated it and slathered up every summer so you could get a great tan, then you turn 40 and your kids ask you 50 times every day if you are mad because your forehead looks like you are mad even if you aren't.
-Cold feet, but ball-y socks. You know the kind of socks that have gotten linty, so you try to put them on when you have cold feet but they are just more annoying than they are worth.
-Balliness in general. On clothes, gutter-minds. I hate when you wash stuff and it gets all ball-y. I can't take that. Then it's just a total loss. I don't have the patience to de-lint stuff.
-When it looks really nice out and you wear something accordingly. Then you get out and it's COLD and you are unprepared. Or vice versa. Because being hot unprepared sucks too.
-When people make the same "funny jokes" that bug you, whenever you see them. Like they get the same laugh at your expense with every visit. Jokes that are more like digs. That's shitty. It's like they can't come up with any new material or something.
-When you do everything that needs to be done - clean up after dinner, get kids bathed and in bed and tucked and read to and then you go to happily veg out and sit on the couch and flip channels and eat your jello in peace, and someone needs water. Or someone has to go to the bathroom one more time. Or someone can't see and they are scared. Or someone's battery on their headlamp died. Or someone needs a tissue. Or someone wants you to help them put their hair in a bun. Or someone wants to show you his new armpit hair.
-Trying on jeans. Like why can't sizes be the same in every store. I appreciate vanity sizes as much as the next girl, but if you are a 6 in Anne Taylor Loft, you really should be a 6 in the Gap. Don't you think? (I am not a size 6 in any store, thankyouverymuch.) ps: aren't vanity sizes dumb? it's like they are lying to you about your size, and you know and they know that you know and we allknow, so what the heck is the point, anyway? I mean, if the number in the store makes you feel happy for a minute, it's only fake happy because you know in the back of your head that in real life it's all just a big fat lie.
-Trying on bathing suits. Shock and horror. That is all I can say about that.
-Dressing rooms in general. Because A) The lighting sucks, and B) Either you look like a house, or you look like a beauty queen, and it's all relative. Obviously if you look like a house, it will be bad for business because nobody buys crap that makes them look huge, but if you look like a beauty queen in the dressing room then go home and try to rock that beauty queen look in real life, then realize that it was all FAKE and you still look like a house, well that is bad for business too.
-Wrinkles. What a rip off. When you had great skin you never appreciated it and slathered up every summer so you could get a great tan, then you turn 40 and your kids ask you 50 times every day if you are mad because your forehead looks like you are mad even if you aren't.
-Cold feet, but ball-y socks. You know the kind of socks that have gotten linty, so you try to put them on when you have cold feet but they are just more annoying than they are worth.
-Balliness in general. On clothes, gutter-minds. I hate when you wash stuff and it gets all ball-y. I can't take that. Then it's just a total loss. I don't have the patience to de-lint stuff.
-When it looks really nice out and you wear something accordingly. Then you get out and it's COLD and you are unprepared. Or vice versa. Because being hot unprepared sucks too.
-When people make the same "funny jokes" that bug you, whenever you see them. Like they get the same laugh at your expense with every visit. Jokes that are more like digs. That's shitty. It's like they can't come up with any new material or something.
-When you do everything that needs to be done - clean up after dinner, get kids bathed and in bed and tucked and read to and then you go to happily veg out and sit on the couch and flip channels and eat your jello in peace, and someone needs water. Or someone has to go to the bathroom one more time. Or someone can't see and they are scared. Or someone's battery on their headlamp died. Or someone needs a tissue. Or someone wants you to help them put their hair in a bun. Or someone wants to show you his new armpit hair.
to be continued...
This might be weird, but I refuse to look at my face in the mirror in dressing rooms. The lighting is so bad, and it shows every poor, pimple, and dark spot, that I can't take it.
ReplyDeleteYou are a deep thinker Jess, "balliness" never even occurred to me. I agree with most of yours, but I like to blow the nose and clean out the clog!
ReplyDelete