this is it

Sometimes I sit here and think to myself, dude, WTF are you doing?

I mean, one life.  That's all we get (I think?).  And this is it.
All of the things I want to see, all of the things I want to do, each day creeps up and steals another moment from me.  But I let it.  I have nobody to blame but myself.

I got into this mode of blaming.  Like, well, I can't do this because I have a baby.  I can't do this because I need to be around when the kids get home from school.  I can't do this because there isn't enough money.  I can't do this because what if I am not smart/good/ enough? 
So, so many I can'ts.  Is can'ts a word?  I think not. I just can'ts believe it.  OK, so I recognize that it is not a word but I am still using it because we are all bright enough to grasp the usage of it.  Right?

I have a Fifty by Fifty list of things that I want to do within the next ten years or so, and fifty things is a lot of things!  And fifty years old is OLD.  (No offense to anyone currently 50, over 50 or knocking on 50s door.  Really.  I just don't want to be that old yet.)  I don't feel 40 even!  I think 40 is the new thirty.  So maybe fifty is the new forty and when I actually do turn fifty it'll really just be like I am turning forty!  Woo, that just got a little confusing there.

I hate thinking about turning fifty.  I hate that each year goes by so fast and nothing will just slow it down.  I need to do stuff!  I need to see stuff!  There is so much out there to do and see and I feel like time and my opportunities are just slipping through my fingers.  I really am on a quest to see and do some of these things that I think are important, to me.

I know that plenty of people are content with what they have and really have no interest in getting out there too far, but I do!  And I want to be young enough for it to still be easy and fun. 

I keep adding to my places to go list, whenever I find a place that I want to see.  And I add things to my things to do list all of the time.  I am planning on crossing off several things on my 50/50 lis within the next few weeks.  I'll tell you all about my adventures when I am done. 

Sorry I left you with a cliffhanger!