I don't get when parents allow themselves to be short order cooks for their kids.
Like, I just don't understand if you've planned a lovely meal of spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, but then you go ahead and make kid one chicken nuggets instead and kid two a grilled cheese sandwich instead, because well, um, they don't really like spaghetti and meatballs.
Hm. Guess what? At my house, too bad.
When I was a kid, dinner was dinner. That's it. And if you didn't like it, well, then you went to bed kinda hungry and you ate a big breakfast the next day to make up for it. No snacks, no substitutions, no dessert -- dinner was dinner.
I'm a little more lenient I guess. I mean, Brooke isn't a fan of sauce, so when I make pasta, I leave her noodles bare. Alex cannot stomach peas, so if I make like, a bag of mixed veggies, I don't care if he picks the peas out.
But I am not making three different meals because of picky kids. I feel like pickiness is 95% the parents fault for indulging it, 5% kids problem because they really just can't stomach something. So basically, I'm coming right out and telling you it's your fault if your kid is a super picky eater. Yeah I said it. And I'm not sorry.
I promise, I am not about force feeding, or dinner time hassles. I'm not going to make peas every night just to torture my kid. But, I do expect my kids to eat what I make. And if it's something that they don't love, they still have to eat at least a bite or two. One big rule in my house is that my kids have to try everything on their plate. And if they don't like it, well, I'll remember that. But I am not making something else and they know it. I don't think that's the least bit mean.
I think because my kids have always known that I am not going to make something else, they just kind of gave up about fighting it. In all honesty, we rarely have dinner time issues, because this is something that they are well aware of and used to. If anything, I am consistent. My one great piece of parenting advice is consistency. Life is easier when your kids know what to expect from you. Trust me.
If you give your kid frozen Elios Cheese Pizza every single night because that is all they will eat, then pretty much you are setting yourself up for a life (and freezer full) of frozen Elios Cheese Pizza every single night. You're also allowing your kid to be the boss, to set the tone, to make the rules. And you're also setting your kid up for difficulties outside of your house. What happens when they are invited to a friends for dinner and the mom serves meatloaf? Are you going to send a little baggie with frozen pizza along with instructions on how exactly your kid needs it cooked?
Hate to break it to you, but your kid wont be getting a second invitation.
Clearly, if your child has allergies or other food issues, this little rant wouldn't apply.
But what's wrong with the parent setting the rules, the tone? Why can't you say, sorry you don't like the chicken parmigiana that I just made, you do not have to eat it, but the kitchen will be closed to you til breakfast if you don't at least eat some of it?
Your kid will not starve if you do this. I promise. And if they have a tantrum, they will eventually get over it. And if they scream and fuss, it wont kill them if you walk away and ignore them. My pediatrician always told me that kids will eat if they are hungry. And it's true.
And maybe, just maybe, one night of a grumbly belly will make them a little more interested in trying new foods, or things that they think they don't like.
ps -- You might be saying, ah, what's the big deal about just throwing my kid a grilled cheese sandwich if she doesn't want to try the chicken parm. But just know that you're teaching her something valuable there, and it isn't a good thing. And it also isn't just about the chicken parm. You're teaching her that in life, she will be catered to if she doesn't like something, doesn't feel like doing something. And she will sure have a rude awakening when she realizes that the real world doesn't cater to anyone. And really, isn't it our job as parents to teach our kids how to manage themselves in the real world?
preach it sista!!!
ReplyDeletemy kids learned early on, its a long time between supper and breakfast and ya get kinda hungry in between!
I also think, no wonder we have a problem with childhood obesity in America!!
Ah, but it sounds to me like you don't have kids with radical food restrictive issues, and thus don't understand how some kids get to be picky in the first place, and how you can reach a point when you'd jump for joy because your kid ate a freaking weiner.
ReplyDeleteThere are also kids who become picky specifically because they had to be part of the "you eat it or you're not leaving the table" club.
And then there are the kids with major sensory issues. 25% of children with a behavioural disorder also have issues with what they eat, for myriad reasons, such as a hypersensitivity to texture and smell.
Some kids are terribly picky because they had problems at one of the stages of food development, ie;, the transition from smooth pureed foods to strained foods with texture due to a weakness in their chewing ability.
I think it's a good point to say that kids can become too picky due to permissiveness, and due to a well-developed love of junk food/convenience food, but it may be facile to conclude that if a kid is picky it's the parent(s)'s fault.
Good post! Very thought-provoking.
I'm 100% in agreement with you (as usual--swear to God we must be related). I was the very same way with the lovelies. If they didn't like something (Birdie hates brussels sprouts to this day) they didn't have to eat it but I didn't make them a separate meal. And they had to taste something at least once that they'd never had before. They grew up eating just fine and are wonderful young women now. And not a one of them is a picky eater!
ReplyDeleteFirst time poster long time reader. Jesse I love your blog, and I agree parents these days spoil their kids rotten. And rotten kids grow up to be rotten adults. Speaking of from what you've posted about your husband alex I'm sure he's not a picky eater at all. Keep on posting!
ReplyDeleteI agree! We always ate what my mom made for us. End of story.
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister! If my kids don't like what I have made for dinner, they are free to make THEMSELVES a PB&J but must still sit at the table with us. But that rarely happens, and my kids will try most anything. My son dislikes pot roast, but he always shovels in the mashed potatoes and gravy that goes with it.
ReplyDelete