I want to live in his pocket

Is it just me, or is Modern Family genius?  I absolutely am in love with every single character.  In a non-stalkerish kind of way.  And by love, I mean love.  Hearts boinging from my eyes kind of love.

I want to watch that show every single day.  Multiple times every single day even.  I saved last week's episode because I felt the need to rewind (what do you call rewind on a DVR anyway?)  (wait, I think I just dated myself) on more than one occasion.  I have never watched an episode that did not make me laugh out loud several times.  In a row.

I love Phil Dunphy.  He is so perfectly and effortlessly funny.  And Gloria.  I want to marry her voice.  And Cam.  Oh my Cod I just want to live in his pocket.  Is that weird?

Anyway, I was just thinking that if I could hop through the TV and be a part of any TV family, I would hands down pick the (extended) Modern Family.

How about you guys?  What's your absolute favorite show?

not a follower or a leader

I am not a follower.

Come to think of it, I am not really a leader either.

So what does that make me??

A thoughtful OBSERVER, that's what.

I listen, look, watch a bit, debate inwardly -- and THEN I make my move.

I'm not copying anybody because I like to be an individual.

So I got a camera.  Actually, Alex got me a camera.  Not because he is the only one who brings home the bacon in this house or anything.  He got it for me for my birthday.  Actually I physically got it, because he gets all crazy when his foot hits the blue carpet of Best Buy.  But that is beside the point.

I gave him a lot of great hints. Pretty much the best hint of all was that I emailed him a page from Best Buy that said, "This is what I want for my combined Valentine's Day slash Birthday present!"
So about a week before my birthday he calls me on my cell and is all like, "So do you really want that camera you have been talking about, and bombarding me with emails about for like ever?"

And I was like, "Of course I really want that camera I have been harrassing you about Hon."

So he was all like, "Fine, that just happened. Go get it and we'll combine it with your Valentine's Day present."  Which was very romantical of him.

In a moment of, "Shit this camera is really expensive" panic, I initially ended up leaving the store without buying it.  And I called him and told him as I was driving away that maybe I should just look on eBay for it or something.  I never really buy anything big for myself.  Or buy anything big for Alex to give to myself.

Which subsequently threw him into a little panic because then he was all like, "But I didn't get you anything else!  If you don't want the camera, you have to tell me!"

So I got the camera.  And we he got me a couple of cool lenses too, which are fun.  I am still learning, but I LOVE it.

But it sure seems to be the camera of choice for a lot of bloggers out there.  I found out about it a while back, before I even started blogging.  So really I am not a camera copy cat guys.  My friend Merry had one and it took amazing pictures.  So I have been on a mission ever since I saw hers.

So here it is, my new camera that I lovelovelove a really lot:

Isn't it great??

Crazy Indulgence

I am currently on winter break with the kids, so I will be posting previous entries for the week. Since readership was a little on the light side back then, most of you probably haven't seen these.



I can't believe I am going to post this, because I KNOW if my sister's are reading, I will get harassed. But here goes.


A few weeks ago, I stopped over at my friend Merry's house to see what she had done with the place, since she just bought it. On a more accurate note, my sister Ali tricked me into coming over, with the line that I could check out what Merry had done with the place, because she knew if she said it was a little get-together I would never go. Because the old social anxiety thing creeps up when I think there might be too many people there...


ANYWAY, I was TRICKED into going to Merry's, but when I got there, I ended up having a great time (as is usually the case). A few friends were there, and the house looked great, and then Merry offered me a Mojito. I don't drink really, hardly ever. Usually, it's a sorry sight when I do, but for some reason, I went with it. The first thing I noticed when I put the glass to my mouth wasn't the smell of the alcohol that rarely is that close to my nose, but the AMAZING feeling of the heavy glass that the drink was actually in. I know, I know, I am weird like that.


So, the drink was good, I admit, but I wanted to smuggle the glass home to be my very special glass that I get to use without sharing. I wanted that glass. I coveted it. So, I asked Merry where she got it. If I didn't do that, I may very well have snuck it in my purse. Not really, but only because I didn't have my purse with me.

So Merry said she got them as a wedding gift, but they were made by the company Simon Pearce. So I thought, I will go home and order my OWN set of glasses, just because I liked them so much, and I don't usually buy myself anything. So I went right home and googled Simon Pearce, and I found the site and I was so excited. Then I started searching the site and I was not so excited. Because EACH INDIVIDUAL glass was priced at $55.00. Yes, 55 American dollars, you read it right. So I didn't order them. How could I?? Who buys a drinking glass for 55 bucks?? Even if it is hand blown and created by a Master Glassblowing Artisian.




But... it was eating at me. For a few days I was crazy about those damn glasses. The weight of them felt perfect in my hand. I NEEDED one. So I did the next best thing and searched eBay. I have no problem buying a used glass if it meant that I could just have one of my very own. And the exciting thing is, that I FOUND it! I found a set of four that were new even. And I bought them.


I BOUGHT THEM.


And I am not going to tell you the price because it is embarrassing. But I will confess that they were a good amount less than the price that was listed in the catalog. And that's what made me decide to buy a whole set of four. My glasses just came in the mail, and they are great! I LOVE them! And I am glad I bucked up because they make me happy every single day.

Really.

Unanswered Questions

I am currently on winter break with the kids, so I will be posting previous entries for the week. Since readership was a little on the light side back then, most of you probably haven't seen these.



My one unanswered question is this.



Why do tighty-whities have a little pocket in the front of them?? I believe they are incredibly nonfunctional. Is that even a word?





Really, I have been trying to answer this question for many years, and I just can't seem to come to a great conclusion. It happens to be a question that I have posed to several people, and the general consensus is that if the man doesn't want to pull his underpants down the whole way he can just go through the little peephole pocket thing.


Really??


I mean, why wouldn't a guy pull down his underpants all of the way? I'm not talking to the floor, but, you know, down the way enough to be comfortable. Wouldn't it take more effort and maneuvering to get your business through the peephole? I mean, the angle of the pocket is all skewed and stuff. I guess I can understand it on boxers, because they are looser fitting than briefs, but, who came up with that dumb design anyway?? I mean, why even give them that option in the first place.
I think it could be a good place to carry loose change if you have no other pockets. Maybe I should write to the manufacturers about it.

Fanny Packs

I am currently on winter break with the kids, so I will be posting previous entries for the week. Since readership was a little on the light side back then, most of you probably haven't seen these.



Fanny packs. I'm going there.
I just happened to see a guy wearing one the other day (not naming any names, Unc), and it made me think and also chuckle a little at his expense. Hey!! It was a MANNY PACK! I think I just made that up!
(pause for a quick check on urbandictionary.com)
Damn. THREE People thought of it before I did. Oh well, they were pretty funny definitions, I particularly liked the third one.


Anyway, back to fanny packs. I did have one. Way back in the nineties. I admit it. For a fanny pack, it was pretty cool, if I do say so myself. It was black leather and I wore it with pride (along with some awfully high-waisted jean shorts, I might add). Please note that my fanny pack also doubled as a camera carrier. Please also note that my legs look like toothpicks, and I might be swayed to give up one of my children if someone could just guarantee me my old toothpicks back again.





Here are two elusive photos of me wearing my fanny pack (in the 90's) for your viewing pleasure. Sometimes, we have to share embarrassing pictures of ourselves to prove a point. However, I am not exactly sure what point it is that I am making here. Maybe the point is, that although fanny packs are admittedly functional and helpful in some travel-type situations or a yard sale, wearing one may cause you to be the butt (or "fanny" - ahahhahahaha - I "crack" myself up) of unmerciful teasing, taunting and the like.

Streaking and Cell Phones

Winter break for the kids, so I will be posting previous entries for the week.  Since readership was a little on the light side back then, most of you probably haven't seen these. 

My son Alex loves his cell phone. All he talked about for Christmas was an Envy 3. Blue, not red. He researched it, he saved pictures of it to the desktop computer... it was definitely big on the wish list this year. Needless to say, he was beyond excited when he received the one he was wishing for on Christmas morning.



I have found that just the threat of taking it away as punishment is really effective in curbing obnoxious behavior. Most of the time.


Tonight at dinner, Alex was doing his best to irritate me and his sisters. When he took his phone out at the table to answer a text, I decided to take it from him, as it was blatantly going against the old "no-cell-phone-at-the-table rule," and I was about to the end of my patience with his behavior.


"Maybe I will give it back tomorrow if you can behave," I said.


After being subjected to several minutes of alternately begging and trying to butter me up, he asks, "What do I have to do to get it back?"


"If you eat three spoonfuls of peas, I will give it back to you." I said, knowing full well that he could never complete this simple task.


"NO! Nooooooo Mom, you know I can't! NEVER!"


Then, he brilliantly asks me, "If I streak around the house, will you give it back to me?"


"Outside?" I asked.


"Yes!" he answers.


"Sure, go for it Alex." I said while clearing the table. I chuckled to myself again, knowing that he, as a 12-year-old modest boy, would likely never strip and make a run for it - we live in a neighborhood, and though there are no streetlights, we have neighbors on each side of us. It was like, 20 degrees out. There is, in fact, a girl from Alex's class just a few doors down. He would never chance such a thing just to get his phone back.


All of a sudden I hear the garage door slam shut, and my daughter Megan squeals, "Oh my GOSH, he's DOING IT!!!"" Wouldn't you know, I look out the back door, and see his naked behind flying through the yard.


At least he had his sneakers on.


Seconds later, the garage door slams shut again, I meet him in the front hall. Red faced and breathless, he holds his hand out and I hand over the cell phone without a word.


That kid of mine sure has some spunk.

Six Degrees to Monica Lewinsky

Speaking of Bill Clinton, I know Monica Lewinsky.

But not really.

In fact, I only know her through the tangled web of my mind.

And I really believe the whole Six Degrees to Kevin Bacon thing -- we really can connect ourselves to pretty much anyone.  I decided to connect myself to Monica Lewinsky because I thought about her the other day.  And she is pretty famous in a household name-ish way.

So my cousin Greg traveled in her circles back in the day in NYC, mostly because he is kind of a hot shot.  His partner Scott also had a questionable cigar at our party over Labor Day, and that is where I drew the connection.

Cigar at a party at Scott + Greg's house = my connection to Monica Lewinsky.  Because Greg knows Monica.  And I know Greg.  And the cigar was the clincher.  Get it?

I have photographic proof of a "cigar incident," and even though Monica wasn't there per se,  there were a lot of shenanigans going on and a cigar was involved in many ways.

First off, someone in my family whose name begins with an M and ends with a om, was smoking that cigar.  And then one of my sisters may also have been smoking that cigar.  I won't go so far as to name names to protect their identities.  Since smoking cigars (or other things) isn't exactly something that either of them ever often do, and they do have reputations to uphold.  I do have the shocking photos to prove the entire incident though.  I can also prove that one (or both) of those girls and possibly my husband were dirty dancing with Scott after a few too many alcoholic beverages were imbibed.  Scott is rather hot though, so it's OK.  And we're practically family, so that makes it OK-er.  And I'm pretty sure that Greg didn't mind one bit.

So anyway, taking all of this into account: the cigar, the real live connection to Monica, the shocking behavior with the cigar at the party... one can only conclude that I sort of know or at the very least have a six degree relationship with Monica Lewinsky.

Can't one?

I am participating in Jenny Matlock's Alphabe-Thursday.  Letter S, of course. 

I am Sofa King. Hear me roar!

Are you at work?

I'm not.

Well, mostly because I don't have a "real job," but that is just a technicality.

So, this one time (side note: every time I say "so this time," I want to add "at band camp." like American Pie) when I was at work at one of my real jobs, this guy I worked with came up to me with a little note scratched out on a piece of paper and asked me to read it out loud.

So I was all like, "Huh?  Why?"

And he was all like, "It's a joke.  Just read it.  It's funny"

So I opened the little note, and this is what it said:

I am Sofa King.  We Todd did.

So I read it mentally, and said, "Wait, this doesn't make any sense."

And he was smiling weirdly and he was like, "Just read it out loud Jessee.  You'll get it when you read it out loud."

So I read it out loud, "I am Sofa King. We Todd did."

And I looked at him and he was laughing and I was like, "I still don't get it!"

And he goes, "Just keep reading it out loud and repeating it.  You'll get it."

Now I have to admit, I am a little slow in the joke department.  Sometimes it takes me a while, OK?

So of course I read it out loud again, "I am Sofa King. We Todd did." and of course he laughed harder.

And I read it a couple more times, each time louder and faster, 
"I am Sofa King. We Todd did. I am Sofa King. We Todd did!  I am Sofa King. We Todd did!!"  And by this time he was basically rolling on the floor and some of my other co-workers had come up and started laughing (not with me.  At me.) too. 

Eventually I had a crowd of people around me laughing so hard tears were flowing and I was getting frustrated and annoyed and kept reading it louder and louder til finally, I got it.

I got it.

And I didn't think it was very funny! :/  He totally played on my blonde-ness.  And I don't even say the R word in real life because I think it's mean.

It took me a while to live down the nickname of the Sofa King at work.  Anyway, I got facebook friended the other day by the meanie who got me into that whole predicament.

So do you think I should I should accept him?

It Always comes back to Bill Clinton and the Sex Scandal

So I was just purging a bunch of old emails, and came across a little dialogue between my BIL John, Alex and my mother.  It only took me a second to remember why I had saved it.  John's emails are in black, Alex's emails are in red, and Mom's emails are in green.  My explanatory comments are highlighted in this intersting shade of yellow.

This has turned out to be a rather colorful post.

-From: John B
-Subject: Your mom’s stuff
I just was made aware that Jen is in charge all of your moms "stuff." (Mom mentioned to my sister Jen in passing that when she dies, Jen and her husband John could manage her estate)  We thought it would be a good time to put together a preliminary schedule on the Cooperstown camp. (My Mom and step father Steve own a vacation house on a lake in Cooperstown) In an effort to be fair we will each get 3 months. Here is what Jen and I were thinking:

Jan, Feb, March - India
Oct, Nov, Dec - Jessee
April, May, Sept - Ali
June, July, August - Jen
-----
-From: Alex B
-To: John B
-The Mother
-Subject: Re: Your mom’s stuff
You have way too much time on your hands. Go sell a boat or something.  And anyways, don't forget I did the closing. (Alex is an attorney and did the closing on the Cooperstown property for my mom and Steve) Mom only has a life estate on the property and then it reverts to me and Jessee.
I like to call that “creative deed drafting.”
-----
-From: John B
I am sure you forgot to file the deed or it is sitting on your tool box in the garage with all the gifts you got from Jessee and did not open. Dink, dink. (Alex has been known to “forget” to file something important or “forget” to get back to someone important, etc. He also hates every gift that I get him and stores them all unopened in the basement, pretending that he actually does like them and just hasn’t gotten around to using them yet.)
-----
-From: The Mother
-Subject: Re: Re: Your moms’ stuff
Hmmm, isn't this something....... reminds me of all the sticky notes on the back of my furniture!! (John has been known to leave sticky notes on the back of or under several of Mom’s pieces of furniture or other objects that he wants to get when she dies.) Guess I'd better make some actual legal plans and surprise you all!
.................actually ...Ralph and River (Mom’s dumb dogs) really like camp, so ..............
-----
-From: John B
I have already had my lawyer (not Alex) draft up adoption paperwork for Ralph, River and Steve and will then acquire all of their assets.
-----
-From: The Mother
-Subject: Re: RE: Re: Your mom’s stuff
You make me laugh so hard John........you're adopting Steve (My stepfather) too?
-----
-From: Alex
-Subject: RE: RE: Re: Your mom’s stuff
I have already filed papers in court for the appointment of a guardian for Steve as the dogs seems to be controlling a lot here. Also, that keeps my rights to all property intact.... I have also moved for an order of protection against John due to the "pegging" of The Mother incident in North Carolina a few years back in which poor Grandma still has a bruise and several ailments due to John and his theory of, and I quote: "I had to take the shot." The court order of protection does not allow John within 500 yards of The Mother, Steve or the dogs.
-----
-From: John B
-Subject: Re: RE: Re: Your mom’s stuff
I do not negotiate with hostages. I don't know how much clearer I can make this. I'll store Steve in my garage and take the dogs til they go. You cannot have dogs because (1) You will have allergies or (2) Jessee will sell them for profit. (I have been accused of selling pets and making a profit on said pets. No comment.) I have proof that I am the #1 son in law. Who knows, you keep up your banter Big Daddy and maybe you will be out of the whole equation. Lol. Dink dink. (Big Daddy and dink dink refers to an inappropriate comment made to Alex by a woman at his office)
-----
-From:  Alex 
These emails only prove your thirst for blood and your contempt for the human race. Because of your warped rules on life the dogs were almost without a mother. That bruise almost traveled to The Mother’s heart which also reactivated a dormant blood clot. The Mother has been fitted for a leg brace like the one on her wrist. Luckily The Mother was on many other medicines so we all averted the worst. (My mother tends to have a lot of ailments and medications to help those ailments) But what would happen John, if your actions can't be counter balanced by the many medicines The Mother is on? What would happen to those dogs? Who would wash their paws when they came in from playing after school? Who would make their surf and turf for dinner every night? Who would bring them to the hospital for every bee sting? Who would cancel all their plans for the entire summer so they can take care of them if one of them had a fall? Who would be there to comfort the dogs through their night terrors or wipe their mouths when they are done with dinner? The list can go on and on and on. This is why I had to get the order of protection. Those dogs deserve it. (My mother is somewhat freakish about her dogs in many ways. I cannot say that the above comments about the care of her dogs are entirely untrue.)

The court agreed you are not fit to be within 500 yards of Mom, Steve or the dogs.
 
Love you Mom I will protect you. Steve can live in my basement by the way.
-----
-From: The Mother
-Subject: Re: Re: RE: Re: Your mom’s stuff
Al, I have to say, you're right up there with Johnny B. making me laugh hard.......... who would have thought that a random comment made at lunch while chewing quickly so Indi could be home by 2:30, would have started such a controversy? It's very obvious to me that we will have to make very wise decisions so Steve will never have to be put in the cellar......... and GOD only knows what lifestyle changes would be in store for my Ralph and River........ (I did forget where my injury started Al, thanks for reminding me..... by the way, has the statute of limitations expired on injuries sustained due to a cruel and unusual beanbag shot?) (Several years ago, John threw a beanbag at Mom very hard while trying to hit Timmy [my sister’s ex-husband] at the pool. Timmy had tried to use Mom as a human shield, assuming that John wouldn't throw a beanbag at a senior citizen. John threw the beanbag anyway and hit Mom and made her cry.)
-----
-From: John B
-Subject: Re: RE: Re: Your mom’s stuff
Jen thought my political satire was a little over your heads so I am going to dumb it down a little for the ones that will not get it.
I (representing US military under republican rule) took the shot at Timmy (representing Bin Ladin) while holding Jackie (representing a US innocent) in his clutches. I took the shot because I do not negotiate with hostages.
Alex (representing Bill Clinton) would not take the shot because he was in a closed door meeting with his lawyer consulting on his possible impeachment hearing because he got a BJ from L, his secretary (representing Monica Lewinsky). When the US sharp shooters had their opportunity shot to take out Bin Ladin (represented by Timmy in this political satire). They could not get in touch with Bill Clinton (represented by Alex in this story) because he was too busy trying to get himself out of trouble for getting a BJ and lying about it by Monica Lewinsky (represented by L, Alex's new secretary).

So, based on my policy we would have taken out Timmy years ago avoiding all the drama while Alex would not have been available to make that decision.
-----

Somehow, everything always comes back to Bill Clinton and the sex scandal.  We'll never live it down.

14 THINGS THAT I LOVE

Well guys, here it is.  My second ever attempt at a linky party.  I really hope you all can make it. 

After my shameless begging Friday, I hope you don't feel too embarrassed for me to show up.  Remember, if you blow this off I have to wear black clothes and a black veil that hides my face in shame for all eternity.

And please, think of the children.  How terrible would you feel if your child invited his whole class to a birthday party and nobody showed up??  Imagine the wilted balloons, the uneaten cupcakes, the saddy crushed little face.  Stained with tears.  Tears guys. 

Please don't sentence me to a lifetime of black clothes.  And a tear-stained face.  And a black cloud of shame.

Anyway!  In honor of Valentine's Day,  I will provide you with a smattering of the highly random 14 Things That I Love, in no particular order:

Grand pianos.  One day I will have one of these in my house.  And it will be cherry wood.

Libraries.  There is just something about a building full of books...

Old lamps.  Is that weird?

Rock walls.  Just imagine all of the hard work that went into creating those things...

Covered bridges.  This might sound odd, but these make me think of romance and lovey dovey stuff.  There aren't too many of these left out there either...

Cupcakes.  Need I say more?

Clinique make up.  Somebody at Clinique did me a solid when they finally made the moisturizer with an SPF in it.

Double sinks in the bathroom.  Because there is just never enough space when everyone wants to brush their teeth at the same time.

My sewing machine.  Even though it is dusty more often than not, I like that I know how to use it.

Pure jill comfy cropped pants from jjill.  I live in these. 

Mercury Glass.  I am an admitted glass lover.  And mercury glass is so, so pretty.

Fireplaces.  Warmth, coziness.  Nothing better than that.

Slippers.  Warmth and coziness on my feet.  Ah.

Lists.  Lists mean almost everything to me.

And one last Bonus thing that I love.  For good measure:

Post-its. These squares run my life and help my early onset memory loss. Probably one of the greatest inventions of all mankind.

OK! That was fun! So now is your turn to share! To show me that you love me as much as I love you!


Oh no. I just said the L word. Out loud.


Well. That was awkward. What if it was just me misunderstanding the signals all of this time? Oh my Cod. What if you don't love me back??


Now this just feels like ninth grade all over again. I am having palpitations. I think I need a therapist.

shameless begging

So I once tried having a **linky party and I got stood up.  By every one of you three losers meanies readers!  I had appetizers and cocktails.  And it was so humiliating and lonely and I had very hurt feelings so I had to take a bubble bath and cry while reading a sad story and listening to Enya.

OK.  One person showed up and I love her for it but it was a little bit awkward.   It was just me and her and the silence was deafening and we tried to dance and pretend it was still fun but it all just fell flat.  She snuck out early.  I don't blame her.

So anyway, I am tentatively putting myself out there again, filled with painful thoughts of rejection and worrying if anyone will even show up...

Oh just come on and link up!  It'll be really fun!  I promise!  We can all wear purple matching shirts and spike our coffee with alcohol and just pretty please with a grape on top, it'll be fun.  So don't be so LAME.  

I just want you guys to show up, OK?

Wow.   I feel so passive aggressive.

Maybe that's why nobody showed up before.

Well anyway, here are the details.  In case you feel like coming.  You know.  To the party.

Who:  Me

What:  A linky party, called "14 THINGS THAT I LOVE," in honor of Valentine's Day

When: Valentine's Day, of course.  Monday Feb 14.

Where:  Right here on Jessee's Spot.

Why:  Because it'll be FUN and we can share cool stuff and all be BFFs.

So don't hurt me all over again guys.  I will wipe the slate clean and we can start fresh and forget all about the disastrous first party that nobody showed up to and pretend this is the first party.  And it will be a great success, I just know it!

Don't forget to RSVP so I know how many purple shirts to get!  And make sure to mention what your favorite coffee spiking alcohol is.

And if it isn't  a great success then I will just give up and never try a linky party ever again in my whole life.  And I will wear a black dress and a black veil that covers my face in shame.  For all eternity. 

**So my spell check tried to change "linky" to kinky.  This is NOT going to be a kinky party!  Because that is not how I usually roll.  I promise!  Unless of course that will get you all to show up and then maybe we can discuss it.  Just don't tell anyone else.  It will be our secret.

blog love

So I got this really nice blog award from Deni, and the rules of acceptance are that I have to share 5 interesting things about myself and also that I have to share this award with five deserving bloggers. 

  

So first, THANKS for loving my blog Deni!  It's really nice to know that actual real live people read and semi enjoy my rambling and sometimes long-winded irrelevant posts.

So, hm.  Five interesting facts.  Hm.

(one) I like crabs legs and lobster.  To eat I mean.

(2) I can't stand the smell of musky perfume/cologne.  It makes me want to gag.

tres.  I want to take a course or three on photography. 

4.  I love finding cool and interesting pieces of glassware.  Especially old Fire King, Pyrex and carnival glass.

[cinco]  I think I want to enter a half marathon.  Shoot me now.

So there you have it.  Unfortunately, five rather mundane facts.  I couldn't come up with anything too interesting.

So I have an abundance of blogs that I read and love daily, so narrowing it down to just five is impossible.  But I will do it.  I think I am going to go with my favorite five newest blogs.  I mean new to me.  As in I just started reading them.  I will inform them of my blog love at some point soon. 

In the meantime, I guess I will share with you five (of the hundred or so) blogs that I love:

Sunnyside Up Erin is a mom and wife and she just seems to have such a sunny and cheerful way about her.  Plus she takes really nice pictures.

Pistols and Popcorn  Apparently, Jodi has been around for a bit.  I can't believe it has taken me this long to stumble upon her blog, but I love it.

Mommy Wants Vodka Aunt Becky will make you laugh pretty much every day.  What I'd like to know is where has she been all my life?

Raising Colorado Zakary is a squirrel lover.  And even though I am not, I still think she writes some pretty great posts.

Bungalow56 Dana is great.  I love reading about her family.  And she takes some pretty great pictures too.

What could you do without?

So someone posed this question the other day and it really got me to thinking.  Actually, maybe I thought up the question myself in one of my deep thought walking sessions.  Anyway, the question is, what electronic device that you have now that wasn't around 30 years ago could you live without, and also, not live without.

It got me to thinking about some of the things we have now that I didn't have when I was a kid. 

Like the remote control.

And if you are old like me, do you remember when remote controls actually came out?  Like got invented?  I totally do.  They were nothing like they are now, because let's face it, nowadays you could probably get your remote control to get up and get you a glass of ice water with lemon if you could figure out how to program it.  But when I was a kid, the remote control had 2 buttons on it.  The on/off button and the channel button.  That's it.  So if we were on channel 2 and wanted to go to channel 11, we had to go through every channel to get there.  And speaking of channels, there were only three for a really long time in my house - ABC, NBC and CBS.  And if we messed with the antenna, we could sometimes get PBS.  To get that Sesame Street fix.


Then

And speaking of TV, I remember getting our first color television.  It was so exciting.  Because before that, we had one 13" black and white in the living room, and me and my three sisters had to crowd around it to watch Little House on the Prairie.  In black and white.  Did you pick up on 13"?  As in thirteen.  As in about the same size as the ruler my kids have in their desks at school.  And what the heck is up with the 52" screen that I saw at the store last weekend.  Really?  We need 52" now??

And DVR??!  That might be the thing that I couldn't live without.  Well, I guess I could live without it, but I  really really really don't want to.  I love my DVR.  It makes me very happy to be able to pause.

You know, it just occurred to me that I am pretty much ten paragraphs in and all I have talked about is TV.  Well, that's embarrassing.

Shocker, right?? 

But really, gosh.  There have been so many great inventions over the last 30 years!  Just think about the music situation.  We went from vinyl records (my kids have never even seen a record) to 8 track tapes.  Then from 8 track to cassette.  Then from cassette to mp3.  In the mix we had Walkmans and boom boxes and now ipods.  Like you better not blink or something newer and greater will be out!  I totally remember having a stereo in my room with an 8 track tape player.  We thought we were so cool.  And I totally remember my first Walkman.  I loved that thing.

And microwave ovens!  Oh my cod when I was 10 if I wanted a hot dog I had to boil water and wait til it cooked!  Popcorn got popped on the stove (til the air popper came out!) and TV dinners took 20 minutes to cook in the oven.

Well.  That's it.  I can't accurately answer the original question anymore.  I have too many inventions rolling around in my head and I don't even know if I remember the original question anyway.

But I do know that I want some popcorn and a hot dog.  And I am going to listen to my ipod while I throw them in the microwave.

Let's revisit this topic again when I am less hungry, OK?

Abysmal

So I was at a get together the other night with a couple of friends, and we were late because we had some event to go to earlier.  When I got there, my sister was already tipsy and sporting purple teeth, so I went to join her in a circle chat.

I walked up and my cousin Kat was there in a very nice low cut top and I really felt the urge to put my hand down her shirt because it looked very inviting.  We are a close family, so you know, she wouldn't mind.  There was a lot of conversation about her bra, and how uplifting it was, and how a good bra is very important when you are on a man hunt.

Well, first of all, I am not on a man hunt.  And second of all, I already like my bras.  But Kat went around the circle and said that all of our bras were abysmal at best and that we were going to have to go on a bra buying date, and it would be the best thing that ever happened to us.  And I said, "I like my bra and I think it is not abysmal."  Kat wouldn't accept my answer.  I wasn't going to flash her in the middle of the party to prove my point, but I know that my bra is uplifting.  It might be a little on the boring side, but it does it's job. 

My poor BIL Ty looked like he would have preferred being in the group across the room that was dancing to Neil Diamond.

Every time I get together with my cousins, the conversation gets funny.  They can definitely throw back some drinks, so there is very little censoring going on.

Some how I am always the sober one at the party.

I had to leave Alex because he is so annoying and can't ever walk away from a conversation.  Then when he finally realized that I actually left him (I was only faking him out - I just went to fill up with gas), he called me and was like "Did you leave me here?"  and I was like, "YES.  I gave you the I am leaving your ass eye twenty minutes ago!  You missed the boat.  You are going to have to jog home."  And he was all like, "Please come back and get me."  He said it in his nicest voice, so I said I would be there in one minute.  And guess what??  I went back to get him and then ended up waiting in the driveway for another freaking 7-9 minutes before I decided to leave again.  I gave a courtesy call, and it didn't work.  So when I was almost out of the driveway, Alex finally came running out.  So then I had to drive 5 mph for a little bit to see if he could catch up.  After a block, I gave in.  But only because he had his big smile on while wogging behind me the whole way.  It was rather funny.

I think that it was pretty nice of me to let him in.  Maybe because it is my birthday month and I am in a very chipper mood.

Let the festivities begin!

It's my birthday month!

Yes!

I've been waiting all year, and now, the birthday extravaganza can begin! 

And so it did.

Today I went to get my hair cut and colored up at my favorite spa/salon in Albany.  I love when they wash my hair.  If I won the lottery, I would hire a professional hair washer.  For me.  For every day.  Because it feels so good, I can hardly stand it.  Sometimes I throw it out there, like to the hair washing girl.  Like, I wish you could come and do this every day?  With a little question on the end.  Like maybe she would throw herself at my feet and say, "Yes!  Take me with you!  I will wash your hair for you every day!"

And then we would skip out of the salon together, hand in hand.  And live happily ever after amen.

Ah.  What a great dream.

So anyway, the extravaganza has begun, and now my hair looks great so it's perfect timing.  And because my hair looks so great, I had to get a few pieces of clothes and a pocketbook to go with it.  So yeah.  That's what I did all.day.long.  Which wasn't exactly the plan because I hate shopping for myself.  And I also hate trying on clothes.  I got home just in time to pick the kids up from school.  I really meant to be home at lunch because I can't stand spending the entire day away.  I like being in my red chair at home relaxing.  But my hair took a very long time.  Then the shopping.  Then the getting of the yummy wrap at the health food store.   Which incidentally was so freaking great, I want to drive back up there to get another.  And on that same note, they had the most amazing smoothies, like ever.  Ahh.

So anyway, here I sit, with all of my great hair, and  I am so late in posting and Megan is dragging me out the door to pick up her friend for a sleepover play date and so sorry if this post isn't up to the typical quality, but sheesh.  It's been a long day and I'm tired.

Is it wrong for me to pray for a school day?

My kids are almost sick of snow days.  Can you believe that??  At the beginning of the season, they were putting their frozen spoons under their pillows, sleeping with their PJ's on inside out, and leaving their winter boots by their bedrooms windows.


Apparently all of those things magically bring a snow day. 

 I
When I was a little kid, we had to wake up and listen to the radio to listen for our school's name to be called.  Cod forbid you stepped away from the radio for a second to comb your hair and you missed the C's.  You'd have to sit through the whole alphabet again to figure out if you got the day off from school or not.  Ah, the good old days.  Now kids just get a text from the school, or the phone call at 6:30 am from the automated thing that warns us of a delay or closing.  Where's the fun and anticipation in that?

Our school district has just used up all of their snow days.

Which means they tack on additional days at the end of the school year to make up for the missed days.  Which is kind of sucky because at the end of the school year, my kids are done.  They need a break.

But anyway, Cod DARN it this is a lot of snow!  And I just want the routine back!  We have kids up until all hours, we have kids trying to do sleepovers on a school night, we have kids just plain out of sorts.  Brooke has been cranky, Megan has been tired, Alex has been annoying.

When they are out of sorts, I am out of sorts.

Please, oh please, pretty please with a grape on top, let there be a school day tomorrow... 

Hey! I said that!

So you know how I mentioned a while back one of my all time favorite mantras?  Well guess what??  Apparently, someone else believes that mantra too, and that somebody could actually be God.  Or more likely a church worker guy, because I saw it on a church billboard while I was driving through town the other day.  It was very exciting.

See?

I'm linking this favorite Quote of mine to Jenny Matlock's Alphabe-Thursday.  We are on Q.  Obviously.

false advertisement?

So one of the great debates of my weekend in CT with family was something that my brother-in-law John has long claimed to be true.  He believes whole-heartedly that SPANX are false advertisement.  Also, that new Victoria's Secret "Bombshell" push up bra.

In case you live under a rock, SPANX are the devil these girdle-like underpants that can go pretty much from your armpits to your knees.  Their claim to fame is to make you look a few sizes smaller by consolidating all of your flab into one nice neat, silky smooth little bundle.  SPANX can get control over back fat, dimply legs, and a flabby belly in one fell swoop!  Forget the gym!  They definitely help if you are trying to fit into that little black dress that you wore before you had your last little munchkin though.  I have a close and personal love/hate relationship with SPANX, and we are not BFFs.

The Bombshell Bra completely makes a flat chested girl look voluptuous.  Like it seriously gives her the cleavage that she's never had and really makes her go up 1-2 bra sizes.  I saw this actually work with my own two eyes and it was mighty impressive.  Personally though, a) I would never spend that kind of money on a bra, and b) I don't exactly need the help.  My cup runneth over on its own.  (TMI?)

Think about it.  You and your girlfriends decide to go out to a bar to pick up men have a few drinks, dance the night away, hangout, you know.  That kind of thing.  But before you go, you of course pull out all of the stops in looking your best.  You cram yourself into some SPANX, coerce your smallish boobs into a Bombshell bra and you hit the town.  You look hot.

So over the course of the evening, you meet a guy, go home together and get naked to know each other.  Don't you think that once he peels back all of the layers of fake, he is going to be in for a little shocker?

Cod forbid he is a boob man - you totally just cheated!  At the bar, your healthy C cup is suddenly a nice flat A, and the guy is all like WTF?  Now I get what Victoria's Secret was!  And the smooth, fit-looking legs and belly are softish and floppy once they have been released from the nightmare of SPANX.  The poor guy has just been bamboozled into hooking up with a completely normal different girl than he thought he was hooking up with!

That's my BIL's take on it anyway.

In theory, I can see where it might be a little shocking if like, a guy wore one of those Spiderman costumes under his clothes that makes him look like he has a lot of big muscles.  And a sock in his pants to enhance his package or something.  Personally, I might be a little scared of an enhanced package and Spiderman costume and wouldn't have given that guy the time of day anyway, but some girls might be drawn to that kind of thing.  And imagine their dismay when all of the props are removed and the guy just went from Rambo to Shia Labeouf* in the space of like 34 seconds.

Come to think of it, he does make a pretty good argument.

Well.  What do you guys think?

*On a side note, I kind of prefer Shia Labeouf, although I did have to google him to get the spelling of his name right.