friday five

It's Friday, about 3:00 and I have to go pick Brooke up form school soon.  This past week has been gorgeous.  Super, awesome perfect fall weather.  My absolute favorite!  Can you tell?  It's just so nice because I hate sun beating on me without a breeze or hint of cool air or shade somewhere.  That's why I'm pretty sure I would die if someone tried to force me to live in some sweaty, hot muggy region.  Like Florida.

I was talking to someone recently about my favorite weather (pretty exciting topic, eh?)  and he told me that San Diego would be my ideal climate.  So, San Diego.  Hm.  I could live in a whale's vagina.  OK, that sounded so hideous, please click the link so you grasp what I am saying.  I can not say San Diego without thinking about that stupid clip from the Anchorman where Ron Burgundy is trying to tell Veronica Corningstone that San Diego was discovered by the German's and the name translates to "a whale's vagina."  Sorry.  It had to be said.

So anyway, yeah.  I guess I can see it.  Just packing up and moving to a whole other coast.  I'm not sure that my family would be on board.  Well, I'm sure the kids wouldn't hate living by the ocean.  Come to think of it, Alex's firm actually has an office in San Diego.  Hm. Kara would be all over it, she's dying to get to CA.  She's been angling for a move to Santa Monica since we visited in March.  I would never move to LA.  I did not love it there.  But if she was in Santa Monica and we were in San Diego, at least we would be close enough to visit easily.   I think I might be afraid of earthquakes.  In NY, we don't really have any of that scary weather crap looming over our heads that could kill us.

I'm going to California in about a month, actually.  I'll be heading out there with my sister and her friend, then I'll stay a few extra days by myself when they leave.  I'm really looking forward to it.  Last year I was in SF during the fall, and it was so nice.  I'll have to think of some fun things to do and see while I'm there.  And eat.  There are tons of great places to eat.

Speaking of food, I'm hungry.  Gotta go eat some lunch!  Happy weekend.

5 ways to drop some damn pounds

This is funny.  And strangely, kind of accurate.

1.  Get your ass off the couch.  Pick up a dumbbell, or a kid (one and the same sometimes, eh?) and put on your damn sneakers and take a walk.  Or a jog.  Or even a wog.  Just, do something.  Something other than watching 12 back to back episodes of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, wondering why you can't be thin and rich and like, have a shapely ass.  Yes, the Kardashians do have money, they can afford gym memberships and trainers and cute sneakers, wah wah wah.  I know, it sucks not to be the Kardashians, (In the financial way.  And maybe also the shapely ass way.  And kind of maybe in the Brody Jenner super hot step-sibling way.) but let's be real, you don't need any of that crap to get your butt out the door.

2.  Stop shoving shovelfuls of shitty food in your mouth.  Yes, you.  I mean me.  Let's be real, those amazing Grandma Brown Chocolate Fudge cookies are not doing anything to help you get Kim Kardashian's shapely ass.  Not at all.  And the creamer, and sugar in your coffee?  Not good.  No, because trim people use skim milk.  It tastes like shit?  Wah wah wah.  You can drink the creamy sweet stuff when you drop a few pounds.  Now step away from the donut and eat a freaking banana.

3.  Drink a shit ton of water.  You don't like water?  It's boring?  Well, too bad.  That "Diet" Coke (I used air quotes there if you didn't notice) that you drink 3 liters of a day isn't making you any slimmer, dumbass.  The fact is, diet soda actually makes you hungrier.  So going through the drive thru getting a Big Mac, Large Fries and a Diet Coke isn't helping.  No, no it is not.  If you want to go through the drive thru at McDonald's, get a baked chicken sandwich and some apple bites.  Or a cheeseburger and kid sized fries.  Just don't get the diet soda, get a bottled water.  Put a lemon or lime in your there if you want some flavor.  And some ice for good measure.  Maybe even get some bubbles in there, to make it fizzy.  You know, like seltzer water.  Everyone likes fizzy things, right?

4.  Track what you eat.  And just because you don't track the part where you cleared your kids plate and ate 3 peanut butter and jelly sandwich bread crusts, 4 forkfuls of mac and cheese, and the bottom part of the cupcake with no icing on it doesn't mean you didn't eat it.  Be real.  Be honest with yourself.  Write that shit down every day, every bite.  If you've never done this before, you'll be shocked.  We eat way more than we think we do.  Studies show that when you track your food, you're more conscious of what you put in your mouth.  Who knew?

5. Find a friend.  You're not very friendly?  I mean me.  You're shy, kinda introverted? Uh, me again.  Hate people you don't know and already like?  Tough.  Suck it up.  If you don't have it in you to ask a buddy to walk with you, find an online friend.  There are online friends every fucking where.  Everyone wants to be your weight loss buddy online.  Just avoid meeting them in a dark alley if they suggest getting together to "discuss your weight loss progress."  Apparently, when you have someone to commiserate with, someone to push you as you push them, someone who isn't a judgey asshole in your corner, you're likely to lose more weight and keep it off.  I guess sometimes we just need a motivational friend.

Most importantly, (this makes 6 ways, a bonus!) STOP BLAMING PEOPLE, and take responsibly, now.  It doesn't matter how or why you got here.  It doesn't matter if you're 200 pounds overweight or 20.  Life is short and being overweight is unhealthy.  You're the only one who has the power to fix it.  

Now c'mon.  Let's go.  We got this.  I can be your motivational friend, and you can be mine.  Maybe.  But wait!  I'm not good at friends!  Don't call me, I'll call you?  

doing the lakey weekend thing

We went to Cooperstown a few weekends ago.  My mom has a place on the lake, so Ali and I went up with our families and met up with Mom and Steve for some fun. 

It's so nice and relaxing there... we spent tons of time on the lake - we don't usually go into town at all.  In fact, I have never even been to the Hall of Fame!  Not that it's really on my to-do list.  No offense to all of the people that have it on their to-do lists or anything, it's just not really too interesting to me.

The town is pretty neat though.  I like a place with a cool main street, neat little shops and a five and dime type of store or two.  The one time we did go into town, Alex and I walked along the main drag and grabbed some yummy ice cream cones for a minute. 

The lake is gorgeous, and there are so many nice houses and little cottages to look at.  In fact, we're strongly considering a great deal on a little lake cottage fixer-upper there, and we got a chance to walk through it and check it out. 

I love little lake cottages.

Fishing cousins. 

Brooke's first catch of the summer!

My big catch.  Yuck.

Anyway, there was fishing - tons of fishing.  There was marshmallow roasting and speed boating and slow boating and lake swimming and tubing.

Brooke had her first tubing encounter, and loved it.  After lots of "slow down!" signals, she started getting braver and turned into a little daredevil.  Alex could not be dumped - he was quite the champ. 

The "slow down" signal

Woohoo!

There was eating and barbecuing and coffee drinking and yapping.  The kids used the paddle boat to paddle around, and they did tons of happy running dock leaps. 

Such a great way to spend a few beautiful days.

friday five

It's Friday!  I'm not sure if I should be excited or not.

It's a little after 1:00 and I've been working on some stuff.  Writing.  Going a little bit out of my comfort zone, and working on a different style.  I don't hate it.  I wish I could put music to it actually.

I'm a little out of sorts today.  I need to figure out a way to get myself cheerier, need to figure out a way to not let things get to me.  It's hard sometimes.  

This song called "Love, Love, Love," was just playing, by Of Monsters and Men and I love these lyrics.  Sometimes I am so distracted listening to the words of a good song, I forget what I was even doing.  This part is really visual, it's like a painting.  Does that sound weird?  

     these fingertips

     will never run through your skin

     and those bright blue eyes

     can only meet mine

     across a crowded room 

     filled with people 

     less important than you

I wish I could paint.  I want to paint a picture of those words.

I guess I don't have much going on this weekend, which makes me happy.  I quite enjoy a rare weekend with nothing on the calendar.  It feels good.  I do have a few little excursions to plan this weekend - airplane tickets to get booked.  In mid-October, I'm hopefully going to California for a few days with my sister, and then heading to South Carolina for a wedding towards the end of that month.  Hoping to make it out to Denver for another wedding around the New Year, which should be great.  Then, who knows where I'll go?  Any suggestions?  For my next big solo trip, I'm thinking Seattle.   

Time's up!  Happy weekend guys!

to-not-do list

I have so much crap to get to today, I feel overwhelmed.

So instead, I think I will sit on the computer and alternate between Blogger, Facebook and Pinterest pretty much all day.  You know, basically ignore my responsibilities because well, it's easier that way. And funner.

Oh whatever, I know funner isn't a word.  I just like the way it rolls off the tongue.  So there.

So instead of checking a bunch of stuff off of my arms length to-do list, I am going to make a to-not-do list, and check things off of that.  Because I can.

I'm the boss of me.

To-Not-Do Today

1.  Call twenty seven doctor's offices to make twenty seven doctor's appointments. (slight exaggeration)

2.  Eat breakfast.  I want coffee instead.  It's an either/or kinda thing.

3.  Vacuum the downstairs.  Did I not just vacuum yesterday?

4.  Call EZ Pass to fix my account.

5.  Call cable to get a mistaken charge removed.

6.  Call the vet for a puppy appointment.

Seeing a pattern here?  I abhor making phone calls.

7.  Hose the back porch.  Puppy training... at least she didn't go the bathroom in the house.

8.  Go to the gym.  I'm sick of that dumb place.

9.  Clean up the guest room.  Dang but it's turned into a second playroom up there.  I didn't make a Polly Pocket house from one end of the room to the other, so I am pretty sure I'm not picking that shit up.

10.  Write a decent blog post.  Self explanatory.

text conversations I have with my husband v1

disclaimer: If you've never seen Anchorman (The Legend of Ron Burgundy), this exchange will most definitely be very confusing to you.  

Me:  Where are you?  You said you were just leaving.

Husband:  I am a man.  Doing man things.

Me:  OK Ron Burgundy, should I expect you any time soon?

Husband:  Can you pick me up.  I'm too old for Man Day.  Those growlers were strong and I may or may not be drunk.

Me:  When in Rome...

Husband:  Yes, go on.

Me:  If I recall correctly, Ron Burgundy walks home.

Husband:  I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal.   I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. 

Me:  Why don't you try that new fad, jogging.  I believe it's jogging or yogging.  It might be a soft j.

Husband:  But I'm in a glass case of emotion!

Me:  Son of a bee-sting.  

Me: Fine, I'll be there in a minute.  You better be ready because I am not waiting on your drunk ass.

Husband:  When you get here, I'll give you two tickets to the gun show, and see if you like the goods.

Me: I'm going to punch you in the ovary. 

Husband:  60% of the time, all of the time.

Me: OMG. Please stop talking before I change my mind.

Husband:  Agree to disagree?

Me: You're a smelly pirate hooker.

Husband:  Poop mouth!  Poop in your mouth!

Me:  Oh, you are going right to bed.

Husband: Take me to pleasure town?

Me:  OMG.  Get in the car. 

getting sent to the principal

Norman Rockwell, from The Saturday Evening Post

I was a really naughty kid in elementary school.  I was sent to the Principal's office often.  Me and good old Mr. Gerrain should have been on a first name basis by the time I left that place.

None of my elementary teachers liked me after like, first grade.  Except maybe my second grade teacher, who invited me to her house to pick strawberries.  I'm not sure why my mother didn't find that somewhat alarming.  I'd absolutely find it alarming if Brooke's teacher invited her over to do anything.  Maybe it's me but I just think it's kind of crossing some odd, invisible Mary Kay Letourneau-ish line.  It was all good though, I don't remember anything weird going on - just more of a love for that nice teacher with frizzy hair and huge glasses.  She had a bathtub in her classroom.  It was called the reading tub, and I absolutely loved that thing.  It wasn't hooked up or anything of course, it was just an old cast iron foot tub thing, and it had pillows in it.  If you finished your work, you could climb in there and read, two kids at a time.

One day, this girl climbed in to read with me.  I was saving the extra spot for my best pal Val,  who hadn't completed her work at that point, so I was pissed.  But that annoying girl refused to get out!  So I did what any self respecting second grader would do.  I climbed out of the tub and hid that brat's shoes.  And then refused to confess.  At some point, the shoes were found, but not because I told.  I was a stubborn little thing. That may have actually been my first trip to the Principal's office.

My third grade teacher Mr. Kipp hated me.  He was super short and had a red beard.  He definitely had a short man's complex. His wife was really short too, and incidentally, so was his son.  Their family happened to live on my street growing up.  Man, we tormented that poor, short, nerdy kid... I wonder how he turned out.  Maybe I should look him up on facebook and apologize for ding-dong ditching him like, every freaking day til they moved.  You'd think that the kid would catch on after a while.  But anyway, yep, Mr. Kipp hated me.  Within the first few weeks of third grade, I got sent to the Principal's office for making frog noises in the hallway.  Really?  That's so offensive?  Clearly that short meanie had no sense of humor.

Also, he would dump your desk if it was messy.  He totally took pleasure in doing it too.  With no notice, he'd just come up, peer into your desk, and if it was messy, he'd overturn it, and dump every last thing on the floor.  Then of course we had to pick up the mess and reorganize everything.  I think that may border on highly inappropriate behavior from a teacher.  Once he dumped my desk and broke a jewelry box that I brought in to show one of my friends. 

I also got sent to the Principal's office in his class because I was selling stuff out of my desk.  Nothing bad, just like, loose leaf paper and pencils.  And I also sold looks at the smallest pencil in the world for 10 cents a pop.  I was making all kinds of candy money.

Apparently that was frowned upon, being an 8 year-old entrepreneur.  I mean, is it my fault if the dumbass kids in my class forked over 10 cents to see a stubby pencil in an old Sucrets's tin?  I should have been awarded a medal for my savvy money-making skills. 

My fifth grade teacher Mrs. Halley absolutely had to have hated her life the school year that I had her.  She had this super short, fire-engine red hair.  She was a little overweight and she dressed like, really out there.  There were a bunch of kids in my class that were equally as naughty as I was that year.  She called us "dishgushting individuals" every single day.  One time she brought us out to play kickball, and she went to kick the ball and missed, and fell down and ripped her panty hose.  We all laughed and she cried.  That's so mean!  I still feel a little guilty about that...  do people still wear panty hose anyway?

I told my sixth grade teacher Mr. Potts that I hated him when he wouldn't let me wear a hat in class, and he told me the feeling was mutual.  Those were his exact words.  I was upset because I had just gotten a bad perm and let me tell you, I was horrified.  My mom sent me to the lady across the street who was practicing to be a beautician to do the perm.  Thanks MOM.  What the hell were you thinking?  Let's just say I looked a little like Orphan Annie.  Anyway, the guy couldn't have just let me wear a hat?  Sheesh.  Let me just tell you, when my daughter Kara had him as a science teacher in middle school, I did not visit that class during open house or communicate with him once the entire school year.  I didn't want him to dislike her through association.  Thankfully she was a good kid who had no trouble in science.  I would have most definitely had an anxiety attack if I had to go see him.  I was definitely scarred.

The summer between sixth and seventh grade was seriously dramatic as far as my behavior was concerned.  We moved from elementary school to junior high, and it was like someone hit me over the head with a wand, because I was completely different from that point on.  I absolutely preferred fading into the background over having anyone look at me, and never once visited the 
Principal after sixth grade.

Want to know something funny?  The Principal that I visited so often in elementary school is my son's friend's grandfather.  I see him a lot at soccer games and things and he is really nice and friendly.  Not the least bit scary, like I remembered him as a kid.  It's never been discussed, but I'm sure he remembers me as that naughty kid.  That's so embarrassing.

Any getting sent to the principal's office stories you wanna share?

monday listicle 10 songs

So the Monday Listicle topic this week is 10 songs.  Well.  I was kind of hemming and hawing, not sure of how to approach the ten songs thing because you know, I listen to music a ton, like every day.  And I really like all kinds of music.  So what 10 songs?  What kind of songs?  Randoms?  Faves?  Cheesy?  80's?

Then I was thinking about how everyone in my life makes fun of the weird tunes that I like, until they are forced to listen to them a few times. Then they decide that the tunes are in fact, rather cool.  Have to admit that it gets me smirking when I see my 7 year-old singing along to an obscure tune called, "Love your Shoes," by Furniture.

Either way, it's still hard to pick, because a large majority of the tunes that I find myself listening to would probably be considered weird by your average top 40 listeners.  So here's a little smattering.  Sorry if any of them have ads or aren't official videos.


10 WEIRD TUNES THAT I LIKE

1. Love Your Shoes by Furniture



2. Dirty Paws by Of Monsters and Men



3. I Don't Believe You by The Magnetic Fields



4. Lonely, Lonely by Feist



5. Slow Show by The National
 


6. Swim Until You Can't See Land by Frightened Rabbit



7. Everything in its Right Place by Radiohead



8. Video Games by Lana Del Rey



9. Lippy Kids by Elbow



10. Atmosphere by Joy Division



linking up

friday five

It's 1:55 and the kids should start rolling in in less than an hour.

Where did the day go?!

It seems like every year when my kids go off for the new school year, I have a period of adjustment too.  I mean, I know that they have to readjust - it's a lot to have to get back into nights where they have to shower and eat dinner and be in their beds by 8ish.  Days where they can no longer get up at their leisure, where they can swim their faces off all day.  Where they can eat breakfast at oh, maybe 11, and then lunch somewhere around 3 or so, and 500 Popsicles in between.

Sorry kiddos, those days are OVER.  At least til next summer.  

My readjusting comes in the form of figuring out what the hell to do with myself all day.  Sometimes I think, maybe I will make one of those crafts that look so easy on pinterest, or bake one of those awesome goodies, or maybe even cook one of those yummy dinners.  Then instead, I just laugh heartily at that thought and keep pinning more shit til I realize that if I don't get in the shower now, I'll never make it to the school in time to pick up Brooke.  Then suddenly, take-out pizza starts to seem really appealing. 

Aw, who am I kidding?  I'm going sushi.

Times up!  Happy weekend guys.

cider sky

Every time I close my eyes I can touch the colors around meSuddenly I realize everything I thought was impossible is hereAnd my heart sings in a world so incredibleAnd everything burns much brighter
I want to fly into this beautiful life I think it'd be nice with you
Fingertips, northern lights, tracing colors right through the skyUnderneath a lullaby I never felt as blissful as I do hereAnd my heart sings in a world so incredibleAnd everything shines much brighter
I want to fly into this beautiful life I think it'd be nice with you

Set the night on fire if we want toHanging out with the stars and the big moonI'm very well, thank you how do you do
Set the night on fire if we want toHanging out with the stars and the big moonPull them down for a dance with your lasso

I think it'd be nice with you