friday five - things not to say to your wife

It's Friday, about 5:45.  Not the best day ever, but I'm hoping it'll look up at some point.  I'm not banking on it though, there just aren't enough hours left in this day to really turn it around.

I was thinking maybe I'd post something upbeat.  I was thinking I could grab some post that I'd written before, on another day, and tweak it enough so it was post-able.  I did make an effort.  I weeded through some unposted posts, started tweaking... I guess I'm just not feeling it.

There's no real rule, that I have to post something substantial today.  I'm the boss of me, here.  So since I'm just not in the mood, I'll post something funny, that made me chuckle a little when I needed something to smile about.  Check it out:

text conversations I have with my husband v1

disclaimer: If you've never seen Anchorman (The Legend of Ron Burgundy), this exchange will most definitely be very confusing to you.  

Me:  Where are you?  You said you were just leaving.

Husband:  I am a man.  Doing man things.

Me:  OK Ron Burgundy, should I expect you any time soon?

Husband:  Can you pick me up.  I'm too old for Man Day.  Those growlers were strong and I may or may not be drunk.

Me:  When in Rome...

Husband:  Yes, go on.

Me:  If I recall correctly, Ron Burgundy walks home.

Husband:  I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal.   I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. 

Me:  Why don't you try that new fad, jogging.  I believe it's jogging or yogging.  It might be a soft j.

Husband:  But I'm in a glass case of emotion!

Me:  Son of a bee-sting.  

Me: Fine, I'll be there in a minute.  You better be ready because I am not waiting on your drunk ass.

Husband:  When you get here, I'll give you two tickets to the gun show, and see if you like the goods.

Me: I'm going to punch you in the ovary. 

Husband:  60% of the time, all of the time.

Me: OMG. Please stop talking before I change my mind.

Husband:  Agree to disagree?

Me: You're a smelly pirate hooker.

Husband:  Poop mouth!  Poop in your mouth!

Me:  Oh, you are going right to bed.

Husband: Take me to pleasure town?

Me:  OMG.  Get in the car. 

breakfast wars

We were at this resort that has the most amazing food.  Amazing.  And we get an option of eating in the fancy dining room or the huge casual dining room, where they have buffet style food for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  We always go buffet.

This is no average buffet.  The buffet is like crazy town where anything you could possibly want is available.

So in order to bug my sister Ali since we were at the resort and she wasn't, I sent her a few breakfast pictures while we were eating.  You know, because I am all sharing like that...

You know, the thing is, you really have to sample everything.  On my first plate, I filled up on some fresh fruit and banana bread, then the second plate of course had pancake, waffle, eggs, bacon, sausage and a um, maybe another piece of banana bread.  There  may or may not have been a third plate that involved yogurt with granola and raspberries.  Who eats like that??  

All I know is, I ate like a champion.  I will put out there though, that I like to have tastes of as much as I can when I am at this place because everything is so good, but I did not lick my plate.  Also, I feel like I need to point out that that was not just one day of breakfast photos.  Because you know, that would be slovenly.  And their food is so rich, there's no possible way that I could get all of that down.

There was also an omelet bar, but oh man, I was way too full to go there.  There was a fishy thing that I didn't try, all sorts of eggs and potatoes and breads and muffins.  Oh whoa.  My mouth is watering.

So for two days, Ali received my breakfast food pictures, and this is what she sent back:

Burned bacon, boxed cereal, a miscellaneous piece of fruit... they so made me laugh.  That's why I like those guys.