3 years

So three years ago today, I decided to start blogging.  I was looking back at that first post, wondering what I was thinking - inserting myself into this odd world.  Accidentally coming across my old journals and diaries prompted me to try the blog thing.  Looking at them made me remember how much I liked to write, to get things down, to get things out.  It made me remember stuff, stuff that I had forgotten was important, or relevant, or interesting.


I was kind of sick of forgetting stuff.  There are tons of years of memories of things that are somewhere in my brain, buried deep or floating around near the surface, but obscured by my current life. More than likely I won't fully remember those things, those experiences, those moments because I have nothing really to remind me of how I was feeling during a certain time period.


When I read any post that I have written here, I know exactly how I was feeling.  I can see my mood, my feelings in every single post.  I don't believe others can see my mood, necessarily, which is OK.  Because no offense, but this thing is mostly for me, I write here for my own reasons.  I don't ever try to be cryptic or anything.  Sometimes it may work out that way, but that's only to protect something that I half need to get out and half want to keep to myself. 


Anyway, it's kind of neat to look back and watch how I grew more comfortable with this process, with this interesting way of exposing myself to potentially a whole lot of people - some people that I know, and plenty of people that I will probably never even meet.  Great people, interesting people, kind people.  Some people that I actually think I could be friends with in real life.  Typically, I am really a very private person and to be honest, I'm not all that great at being open with most people. I've found that writing often gets me to be a little bit more real, even knowing that there may be a little audience out there getting a glimpse of what's inside this crazy brain of mine.


In these three years, not a heck of a lot has happened that you would consider major.  No new babies, no new jobs, no big moves, no major life changes.  Just regular, normal, every day life, passing by one day at a time.  Some great times, some sucky times, some boringly average times.

Three years ago...

Three years ago, I had a three-year-old in her first year of Pre-K, a 7-year-old in 3rd grade, an 11-year-old in 7th grade, and a 19-year-old in college.  I was still adjusting to being alone - no babies on my hip all day, every day.  Still tossing around the idea of just one more.  Most of my identity was wrapped up in being a mom, so it was kind of scary.  Like, who am I if I don't have one kid or another attached to my body wherever I go?  I'd had that for the past nineteen years, I think that was kind of a big adjustment for me.


In this past three years I've grown some, learned some, accepted some, rejected some.  I'm OK with where I am at the moment, but I'd like to be better than just OK.  I'm working on that.


I have no idea where this will take me, how long I will do this thing.  I figure I'll keep at it til I have nothing left to say, or til I get sick of putting myself out there.


So, three years.  That's a lot of years.  A lot of posts.  A lot of time... I wonder where I'll be three years from now.