easier but not better

Do you ever get the feeling that too many parents are less concerned with teaching their kids right from wrong and more concerned with making sure their kids like them? I really think we aren't doing out kids any favors raising them this way. They need us to be their parents first - not their friends. Being friends will come later, after they grow up a bit, after they have learned about managing behavior, using their manners, consequences.


Don't get me wrong, I do want my kids to like me.  But not just because I gave them an iPod or let them go to a party til 11.  I want them to like me because they know that they can count on me.  To be consistent and be fair.  To be hard when necessary, but also a soft place to land. To cheer them on, but be there to pick them up and dust them off if they need a hand. To give advice, but also to be quiet and just listen sometimes.  To be firm, but yielding.  To accept apologies, and to give them out.  To be honest and answer their questions truthfully and age appropriately.  To expect them to use their manners, and also to expect that they are respectful of others.  But most of all, I want them to know that they can count on me to be present.

You know, as much as I do my best to be at every game, every concert, every show, and as much as it seems I devote my every waking moments to my kids, there are times when I just nod and pretend to be listening.  There are times when I have absolutely no desire to sit down and play another game of Yahtzee Junior.  There are times when I'm ready to have nobody to talk to, when I crave just some peace and quiet.  When I just want to flip channels and space out and not answer any questions, or wipe any more noses.

I really think that's normal.

And then there are times when I would rather just turn away and pretend I didn't see one of my kids misbehave, or do something bratty, rude or fresh.

Because certainly that would be easier, don't you think?

But it seems to me that how we deal with those moments of misbehavior and brattiness are someof the most important moments we have as parents.  Those are the teaching moments.  Those are the moments that we get to do our jobs as moms and dads, as parents.  Those are the moments when we have to reprimand, point out what is wrong and steer them to the path of what is right. 

Sometimes, it kind of feels like I am alone in this way of thinking.  I'm not liking this time period where so many parents make excuses for their kids when they mess up, instead of letting them deal with the consequences.  Where parents insist their child "would never do such a thing!" instead of finding out the facts and going from there.

It's tough being the bad guy.  But kids need us to lead them.  And sometimes it is hard, and sometimes it seems thankless, and sometimes it is downright exhausting, but it's what we signed up for when we decided to have kids.

That's what I think anyway.