friday five

It's late afternoon, a little after 4.  I feel like I have so much going on this weekend!  This is going to be the quickest five minute post ever!


My son is in his first high school musical this weekend - tonight is opening night.  Kara was in every high school musical from sixth grade on - when she went off to college I missed watching one of my kids up there on the stage every year!  Going to her college productions was different, because really, the only kid up there that I knew was Kara.  Anyway, I kind of forced him to do it, and I am so glad that I did.  He really likes it, and is already talking about next year's production.  I love that Alex is so confident.


My sister Jen is coming in to see him, so in about an hour or so, the house will be filled and noisy.  Kara is on her way home too, Alex picked her up in the city on the way back from a meeting, so that's cool.


Tomorrow, Kara and I are going to hop a plane to California for a few days, so that's exciting.  We're going to LA.  I haven't been there since I was a teenager, and I gotta say, I didn't love it then.  Hopefully I'll like it better this time.  Kara is considering moving out there for a little bit, so she wanted to check out Santa Monica.  I'm not sure what the appeal is, but really, she has nothing holding her from going out there and exploring new places.  And then I can go visit her a lot of times.  So it's a win all around!


I'll try to post some stuff next week while I'm out there.  Happy weekend!

why didnt i think of that

Have you ever heard of Urbandictionary.com?  If you haven't, where have you been?  It's this funny website where people submit a word or term, real or made up, and then define it in their own words.  Most of the time, they're pretty logical and make sense.  And you can totally relate.  It's really funny. And I love words and terms. Especially funny words and terms.  Every time I read good ones, I think to myself, why didn't I come up with that?

I'm sharing a few examples.  Because we all know how kind and generous I am.


iFinger
The finger that you purposely keep clean when you eat something easy so you can operate your touchscreen smartphone/tablet/GPS without making the screen look like your plate.
These ribs are delicious and messy, but I have to keep my pinky clean cause its my iFinger.

Curb Shame

Embarrassment at waiting on the curb obediently as other pedestrians ignore the "don't walk" signal in the absence of traffic.

I couldn't stand the curb shame any longer so I crossed with everyone else, even though I needed a break from running all around town.

Freudian Click

Sending a suggestive email to someone by mistake.

A second after I hit "send", I realized that I had made a Freudian Click and emailed a love note to my ex instead of my boyfriend. So embarrassing!

Webtrovert

Someone who is a shy introvert in real life, but turns into a full-on extroverted party animal on Internet forums and social sites.

"Man, she was on Facebook flirting with everyone and talking about all her wild parties, but when we met in person she just stared at the floor and mumbled every time I asked her something.  Obviously, she's a webtrovert."

Facebook Wit
The intelligent humor that nearly everyone seems to gain when they have a half an hour to contemplate a witty response. It is usually a bad comparison to a person's actually conversational skills since they can sit and contemplate the response for as long as they need.

(Facebook wit conversation)
Susie (7:12): So... supposedly the world is ending on Saturday...
Dan: (7:32): Hell yeah! (pun totally intended ;)
Susie (7:34): You think you'll still be here after the rapture?

Dan: (8:01): Oh, I'm throwing a rapture party! Devil juice and Satan cakes, with the Antichrist spinning!
Susie: (8:04): ROFL!

(Real conversation)
Susie (7:12): So... supposedly the world is ending on Saturday...
Dan (7:13): Oh, wow, that's really interesting...
(Crickets chirping)

Sore Winner
A sore winner is someone who wins and spends far too much time gloating over it, to the point that the rest of the people feel poorly about even participating.

Ali was a sore winner when she sang "We Are The Champions" after winning the NCAA Bracket.

Backseat Browser

Anyone who sits behind a someone who is browsing the Internet while continuously instructing them on what to click on or what to type into the address/search bar. Most appropriately applied when the advice or commands are unsolicited and/or unwarranted.

Matt grew increasingly frustrated with Patrick, acting as a Backseat Browser, when he wouldn't stop telling Matt what links he should click on next.

Russian Toilette

After sitting on the toilet to poop, you notice that there is less than one-quarter of a roll of toilet paper, and no spare in the bathroom. You decide to poop anyway, gambling on the fact you will have enough toilet paper to have a satisfying wipe.

Husband: "Honey, I just played Russian Toilette, and lost"
Wife: "Sucks to be you. Try not to bite your fingernails"


eye broccoli
The opposite of eye candy, someone unappealing to look at.


Barney:  So who's the new eye broccoli?
Marshall: My new assistant.

mean girls

My (10 year old) daughter was all upset yesterday after school.


Apparently, (at least) one of her good friends has been teasing her about her weight.  Making digs at her that she eats too much, is lazy, doesn't exercise enough.  And I was seething inside when she was telling me this.  Seething.  Because, really?  Really??

Fat?

She is ten.  


Personally, I feel like it is never too early to have a healthy attitude about exercise and smart food options. I always encourage that stuff, because I sure know that at a certain point, it becomes way more difficult to maintain a healthy weight.  


I keep using the word healthy. Because that's what it all boils down to for me.  Being overweight for the most part is unhealthy - it makes your body have to work much harder, it lends itself to all sorts of health-related problems.  It just does, unfortunately. 

Megan does get tons of exercise - that girl rides her bike like a champion, swims her head off, jumps on the trampoline, runs around outside, etc.  I'm the only (mean) mom in the entire neighborhood that actually makes my kids walk home from school every day - because I believe walking is great exercise. I am hugely opposed to kids sitting around watching TV when it is nice enough to play outside.  My most often used phrase to my kids is, "go outside and play!"  Megan has always had a great, healthy appetite.  Of course she enjoys snacks - but she also loves fruit and veggies, is willing to try anything, and always cleans her plate. I keep very little "crap" food around the house, because I have no willpower. If there is a bag of chips or a thing of cookies in my cabinet, I will eat them. So I don't buy them. I also don't buy soda.  We drink water and milk here, sometimes sugar free iced tea.  The ice cream I buy is sugar free. I make a huge effort to provide healthy things.


Anyway, she is a little girl.  I don't believe she should have to have worries about body image at this age!  She shouldn't have many worries at all at this age.  And frankly, I can't even imagine that in fifth grade, girls are already so mean!  I thought we had a few years before the "mean girl" stage started.  I think she should be able to focus on playing and being a kid for as long as possible.  And for what it is worth, she is not overweight.   She falls on the charts pretty much exactly in the middle, average.  Unfortunately for her, the majority of her closest friends are just naturally skinny.  Like, flat and straight.  My niece Brenna (who is her age and her best friend) is a gymnast.  Her body is solid.  She is basically a tiny little muscle - just like a little rock, six pack and all.  A few of the other good friends have tall, trim parents.  They are little beanpoles.  A couple of the other girls she is good friends with are huge athletes.  They are trim and muscular.  Standing beside them, I can see where they would notice a difference.


I try to tell her all of the time that everyone is different. But this year, I've noticed her standing in the mirror more, checking out her side view, sucking in her belly, and it makes me so sad!  Sad and mad, actually.


How do I get her to see that she is perfect as she is?  That being shorter, less flat-bellied and straight is OK, that she doesn't need to compare herself to other kids.  How do I get her to hear my voice over the mean girls voices? 

one last word, v1

People Magazine has this new feature thing on the last page of their magazine.  I know this because I just recently got a partially free subscription to that great magazine!  WooHOO!  So now I am up with all of the celebrity happenings.  Yes, yes I am.   Anyway, on the last page, they have a new feature called the last word (so clever!) where a celebrity answers a few questions on the last things they've done.


I've decided to copy them even though I am not quite a celebrity yet.  Not the answers, the questions.  Is that plagiarism?  I hope not.  If it is, maybe because I am admitting my question copying in advance I won't get in big fat trouble by the plagiarism police.  Plagiarism is a very serious thing - there must be a task force somewhere out there dedicated to exposing the offenders and publicly flogging them.  Don't you think?


Anyway, the last word...


1. Last thing I cooked.  The last thing I cooked was spaghetti and turkey balls, at the request of my kid Megan, who would have it every night if she could.  I do make a pretty incredible spaghetti.


2. Last time I worked out.  The last time I worked out would have to be last night, if you consider a good long brisk walk a work out.  I have been a gym slacker lately, so walks have been the most consistent form of exercise that I've been getting.


3. Last person I kissed.  That would be Brookie, my little pumpkin head.  I kissed her goodbye when I dropped her off at school this morning.  I love that she still lets me kiss her.


4. Last hangover.  Well, I'm not much of a drinker, so I totally remember the last time that I drank enough to have an actual hangover.  It was two summers ago, after single handedly drinking a pitcher of mojitos at my friend Heather's house.   Oh man.  It reminded me exactly why I don't go overboard more often.


5. Last time I cried.  That may have been within the last week or two.  I was in a sad, sucky mood for a few days and I was a little bit of a crybaby.  I 'm not much of a crier.  More of a suck it up and deal with it kind of girl.  If I do cry, it's rarely with an audience.  Make that never.  Never with an audience.


6. Last movie I watched.  I watched the movie "Easy A" in NYC.  It was actually really good... I love Emma Stone.


7. Last big splurge.  Well, we just went to NYC for a few days with the kids.  We took the train down, got a few rooms at the Hilton in Time Square, and pretty  much did the whole touristy thing.  It was a ton of fun, but also not at all cheap.  Basically, every meal (breakfast, lunch and dinner) was over $100 - that added up pretty quick.


8. Last gift I received.  Hm.  I don't know!  I just had a birthday a few weeks ago, so I got a nice bit of gifts for that.  


9. Last time I cursed.  Well, that would have to be about 10 minutes ago when I was on the phone with my husband.  I was relaying some shocking information that called for an exclamatory curse.


10. Last show I recorded.  Do you even have to ask??  I recorded The Bachelor finale of course!

five

It's late afternoon and I've spent the majority of my day on the couch with a sick kiddo.  Brooke's had a high fever all day... poor little one.  Last night she padded into my room several times saying she was scared and asking for things and I had a feeling something was up.  She isn't a kid who typically messes around at bed time.  She goes to bed at 8, and that's it.  Most times, she'll make her way into bed with us at 3 or 4 in the morning, but I'm fine with that.  I like it even, as long as she doesn't over-snuggle me.  I need my sleep space. Brooke reads in her bed, sometimes plays in there even, but she knows that once bedtime rolls around, there's no messing around.  Mommy is officially off duty.


Anyway, today has basically been me scratching Brooke's back all day while she alternately slept or watched TV.  A sick kid pretty much forces you to just slow down, you know?  I pulled together a great smelling chicken orzo soup for when she is hungry, got some ginger ale out and made some jello.  Gotta have all of the sick kid food available...


Incidentally, there's a lot of crappy TV on during the day.  I don't know how kids can watch most of this stuff.   However, Drake and Josh is hilarious.  I do wish that show was still on.


Well, hopefully Brooke will be up and back to normal by tomorrow.  I hate seeing her sick, and Megan has a thing that we need to go to. I don't want to either (a) have to drag a sick kid to it, or (b) have one of us have to miss it and stay home with a sick kid.  


Hope you all have a happy weekend.

I appreciate a good snappy hot dog

Yes, a snappy hot dog.  Like the kind that are serious German hot dogs.  Like when you take a bite, you can almost hear the skin snap.  Is that gross?  In all honesty, I love most kinds of hot dogs.  I guess you could say I appreciate certain encased meats.  I try hard not to think about what it is I am eating, because I really am a fan of animals.  And not just a fan of eating them.


Unfortunately, I kind of have a hard time eating hot dogs because they are one of the worst things for my sucky heartburn.  Like personally.  Maybe hot dogs don't affect other people like they affect me.  Pain is definitely involved.  Sometimes the pain is worth it.


Every so often, especially when my sisters are in town, we'll go out for a Sunday drive.  We take our coffees and just drive and chat.  Usually we drive out to the country (well, we live in the country, but we drive into the deeper country), and we'll often end up at this awesome little hot dog stand where the hot dogs are fantastic.  And they have fries with vinegar.  Yummm.  I love fries with vinegar.


Anyway, the whole point of this post is that today was such a gorgeous day, all I could think about was taking a drive to that hot dog stand, sitting at one of those picnic tables by the duck pond, and enjoying a good snappy hot dog in the sunshine.   Spring is coming!  How can you not think of awesome grill food on a sunny warm day?  Hot dogs and hamburgers and brats and kielbasa...  


I love this time of year.  

and a rose for YOU, and a rose for YOU...

Writing prompt from MamaKat:


On the Bachelor, a rose is given to the women the (Bachelor) could really see himself spending the rest of his life with. What six things in your life would you like to give a rose to and why?


I'll start with the typical rose ceremony speech... 


Welcome.  I just want to say that you are an amazing group of things, and I'm grateful that you are all here to embarrass yourselves on national blog with me.  I am ready for my second chance at love, and being here, in front of all of you amazing things, really is the chance of a lifetime for me.  This is the hardest rose ceremony yet, because at this point, I've really bonded with so many things...  just, thank you all for being here, for believing in me and this process.  I'd like to think that my one truly favorite thing is in this room with me right now.

And you know, even though Mamakat didn't mention it, I believe that I get to give out a first impression rose.  Because I believe in first impressions.  I'd like to give the first impression rose to books.  Yes, books.  With actual pages. That you actually read.  It just seems like we've known each other forever, we seem so at ease with each other.  I really want to spend more time with books, get to know them better.

With that being said, I would like to give the real first rose to my laptop.  All that I can say is that from the first moment that I laid eyes on it as it slid out of the box, all silvery in the moonlight, it completed me.

I would also like to give a rose to my iPhone.  It also completes me.  In fact, it completes me even more than my macbook and I probably should have given it the first rose.  Maybe I should have thought this through a little better.


Eh hem.

Anyway, I would definitely like to give the next rose to Scramble - a words with friends game.  I can really see myself with this game long term...  

Would you accept this rose, California Roll?  I just want to eat you up, like every day!  I'm finding that I can't stop thinking about you, dreaming about dousing you with soy sauce and rolling you and... wait, let's slow down here.  I might need a reverse-fluffer.  Anyway, I am totally falling for you.

Please accept this rose, Burt's Bees Lip Balm.  You slick little bit of heaven.  I'm totally falling for you.  Wait, I already used that predictable line with California Roll.  Starting over, I just can't imagine a life without you, like, ever.

And finally, in one of the most shocking moments in (thing loving) history, I would like to give my final rose to my iTunes library of great music.  Gone are the days of mix tapes and CDs... replaced only by iTunes - who would have thought things would have evolved so much between us since we began this journey?


Now, anything that didn't get a rose can have a moment to say goodbye.  I'm sending them away inwardly cursing me while telling me they want nothing but the best for me, really, even though I just made out with each of them before the rose ceremony, when they were "stealing me away" for some "alone time."   


Be sure to tune in next time, where I will slo-mo run towards my favorite things on a green grassy hilltop, like we just can't contain ourselves and walk up to each other like normal people/things would do.  Just wait til those amazing things will oh so awkwardly fling themselves into my arms, much like an embarrassingly uncomfortable scene from a really bad romcom starring Jennifer Anniston.  It's going to be out of control with excitement. 


Oh my Dad, will someone save me from reality TV, please?  I think I know way too much.

the opposite of a bucket list.

So you know how all of these people have bucket lists?  I guess I have one, too.  But I also have a non bucket list.  You know, the opposite of a bucket list of things that I hope to never accomplish in my lifetime.  I suppose I could change my mind at some point ... I mean, hopefully I have plenty of time left before my bucket is kicked.


Anyway, besides the obvious things like getting a serious illness, witnessing an accident, watching a loved one in pain, etc,  I've come up with a little list to share with you.  It may give you a little insider info about what I'm not into.


A lengthy list of things that I have no interest in doing in my lifetime...


1.  Going sky diving.  You know, I'm not really a daredevil.  I don't like being out of control.  And as exciting as it may be to some, purposefully jumping to my potential death doesn't seem all that appealing to me.


2.  Swimming with sharks.  Again with the scaredy cat in me.  Also, I have had an irrational shark fear since I was a teenager when I know I got bit by a shark in Mexico.  Even though it was only a little cut. I still know it was a shark and I escaped a grisly death by millimeters.


3.  Riding a camel.  Yeah, not too interested in sitting on a smelly, uncomfortable, spitty animal.


4.  Riding an elephant.  I am an elephant fan.  I think it's mean to cage them up and force them to ride people around for photo ops.  Sheesh, didn't you ever see Water for Elephants?


5.  Hunting an animal recreationally.  I'm not so much anti-hunting as I am anti-hunting for personal pleasure.  I can't imagine looking at an animal and then going ahead and killing it in the next second.  I always think, what if it has babies waiting back at the nest/den/tree waiting for their mom?  Then the babies starve.  And die a painful and pitiful death.  Wah.  However, I do eat meat.  And I guess I would certainly have to hunt if I was on a deserted island and all starving or something.  But it wouldn't be recreational.  It would be survival guys.  Survival.


6.  Eating the worm from a bottle of tequila.  Gross.


7.  Doing a body shot.  Yeah I am so not going to sip a shot of tequila out of some random person's belly button.  What if there was lint in there?!  I'm gagging.


8.  Having a body shot done to (on?) me.  I might laugh because it would tickle, which would ruin the moment of course.  I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that a soft belly with alcohol spilled all over it probably isn't the best look for me. 


9.  Going to a nude beach all nakedly.  I would never.  I can barely glance at myself naked.  The idea of walking onto a nude beach all pale and naked and like, old, may kind of give me an actual nightmare.


10. Seeing a XXX movie.  I'm not a prude.  But I have never watched a movie like that.  I'm not opposed to nudity or sex in movies, just not interested in watching skanky hookups with cheesy music as a form of entertainment.  And I would never in a million years go to see one at a theater.


11. Spending a night in jail.  I assume this one is a no-brainer.  I guess I don't know too many people who would be excited at the prospect of sharing a cell with scary bad guys.


12. Laughing so hard soda comes out of my nose.  I like a great laugh as much as the next guy, but stuff coming in and out of your nose hurts!  I'd rather laugh so hard I get a stomach ache.


13. Hooking up on a beach.  Maybe I am way off here, but sand is scratchy and uncomfortable.  I'm pretty sure being all naked and scratchy and uncomfortable wouldn't be a turn on.  I think it might ruin the moment for me.  I suppose I could stand there and get busy... TMI?


14. Singing on stage in front of an audience.  Horrifying.  I hate getting looked at.


13. Talking on stage in front of an audience.  See above.


14. Doing pretty much anything on stage in front of an audience. Also see above.  And above that one too.


15. Getting a nude painting done of myself.  See number 9.


16. Eating a bug.  Gross.


17. Piercing a private part of my bod.  I find that to be so unattractive.  I am not opposed to normal piercings, but like, I would never willingly jab a needle in my hm, private body part, and call it artistic.


18. Getting gauges.  I also find these to be unattractive.  You take them out and there's this massive wrinkly hole in your earlobe that you can never really fix.  Ugh.


19. Going bungee jumping.  What in the heck would possess me to do such a thing.  Relying on a rubber band to keep me alive?  Joggling my brain and teeth on purpose?  Possibly yanking my limbs out of their sockets for fun?  No thanks. Nah.


20. Milking a cow, or goat, or anything that can get milked actually.  I don't like milking things Focker.  It makes me uncomfortable.


21. Going to a boy band concert.  I think I'm too old.  I've been to plenty of concerts in my day, but never a boy band.  I guess if my girls were dying to go to one, I'd take them begrudgingly.  But I'd definitely be wearing hard core earplugs.


22. Meeting Spencer Pratt, or his irritating wife.  They are straight up morons and I'd have a difficult time being cordial.


23. Running with the bulls.  Again with the scaredy cat in me.  I'd be the one that tripped, got gored in the ass and chucked like a rag doll into the crowd of spectators.


24. Getting a Brazilian bikini wax, or something of that nature.  I'm not one of those types of people who can intentionally yank hair off of my body and not be traumatized by it.  Good grooming habits are great and I'm all for that, but there are other ways. 


25. Learning how to fly an airplane.  Yep. Still a scaredy cat.


26. Injecting myself with a recreational drug.  I'm not shooting anything drug-like into my body.  First of all, I'm not a huge fan of needles, and second of all, I just know it wouldn't end well.  I'd more than likely jab something that wasn't supposed to be jabbed and accidentally die.


27. Going streaking (in the quad).  I can't be nude in public.  Just, I can't.  Trust me.


28. Going base jumping/diving.  Ridiculously scary.  What is wrong with people??!


29. Climbing up on top of a really tall bridge.  Pretty freaking scary.


30. Skiing down a double black diamond.  Scary enough to not want to do it ever.


31. Going on a game show.  I don't like getting looked at.  Or looking dumb.  Pretty sure at least both of those thing would happen if I were ever on a game show.


32. Being on a reality show (except maybe Survivor).  See above.  Survivor is the exception though because I am positive I could win AND lose weight at the same time!  But otherwise, I could never be normal with a camera in my mug.  I'd be sucking in my gut and trying to have my head at such an angle that you couldn't see my double chin.  That would definitely get old quick.


33. Sleeping in non-air conditioned bedroom on the top floor of a sweaty house in the middle of a sickly, sticky hot summer night.  Been there.


34. Meeting, seeing or getting stolen by an alien.  I won't be one of those wackjobs people standing on top of a building holding a "TAKE ME!" sign.  I prefer not having having weird things stuffed into my orifices and being experimented on like a guinea pig.


35. Riding in a two seater (or similarly tiny) airplane.  Death trap.  Might as well put wings on my mini van, drive off a cliff and hope for the best.  No way.




I'm definitely going to add to this list periodically.  MamaKat apparently just recently had this on her site as a writing prompt, however, my husband gave me the idea a while ago, so I have to give him credit.  Also, MamaKat's prompt only asked for TEN things.  Clearly I am an overachiever here with 35 and counting. 

i almost forgot about this song. i like it.

here with me
                   dido


i didn't hear you leave 
i wonder how am i still here
i don't want to move a thing 
it might change my memory

oh i am what i am 
i'll do what i want 
but i can't hide

i won't go 
i won't sleep
i can't breathe 
until you're resting here with me
i won't leave 
i can't hide
i cannot be 
until you're resting here with me

i don't want to call my friends 
they might wake me from this dream
and i can't leave this bed
risk forgetting all that's been

oh i am what i am
i'll do what i want
but i can't hide
and i won't go
i won't sleep
i can't breathe
until you're resting here with me
and i won't leave 
i can't hide

i cannot be 
until you're resting here with me

friday

So, it's Friday.  Again.  It's always Friday it seems.  So let's get to the five minute purge.


So, I was at the grocery store earlier.  My sole purpose was to get fruit and veggies.  I go to a specific store in another town to get them because the grocery store in my town in seriously lacking with their fresh stuff.  Anyway, I'm meandering down the aisles, and suddenly I get stopped in my tracks.  Because, omg.  


Really Nabisco?  That's what you're going to do to me?!

They totally want to ruin my life.


Speaking of horrifying things seen at the grocery store today, I got to witness a woman hacking up a lung in the fruit and veggies section.  Without covering her mouth or coughing into her elbow.  Now if that doesn't encourage you to wash your apples before eating them, I don't know what will.  Because I was so very disgusted.  Phlegm makes me want to vomit.  Oh trust me, I'm not one of those people that thinks her phlegm doesn't stink, I'm disgusted by own as well as the phlegm of others.   On my apples. They should consider themselves lucky that I didn't yak on the yams. (want to know how many times I had to look up how to spell phlegm?  It was a lot.)


Lastly, is it just me, or does the fact that people blindly walk through crosswalks without glancing up from texting, without even a polite "thanks for stopping" nod, or Cod forbid, without picking up the pace just a snitch bother you?  Maybe it's just me.  I get that crosswalks are for pedestrians, but you are making me stop mid-drive so you can cross in front of me, regardless of who was there first.  I am fine with that, but at least show some appreciation that I didn't ram your ass with my Momivan.  It's just courtesy.  COURTESY.  My favorite thing.


I'm cranky.  I need a birthday cake Double Stuff Oreo.  Or six.(teen)