Wednesday, December 2, 2015

11 types of people you find waiting on line

So I went to the movies with a bunch of people the other night, and it was one of those kind of nights where it seemed like everyone in the tri-state area had the same idea.  There was like, zero parking and a line winding all the way outside of the theater.  Alex had to drop us at the door so we could get on line for tickets.  He's a good guy like that. Anyway, I'm an observer, I tend to watch people and check things out a lot.  Standing there in line I noticed a few different types of people that you always seem to find while waiting on line, and I thought I would share those observations with you.  Because I am so generous like that.

I think it was Larry David that defined the "chat and cut" style in line waiting.  You know, the kind of person who slyly walks up to someone towards the front of the line and starts a random conversation, moving when the person moves so they can continue the random conversation. Of course they are still chatting when they reach the ticket booth and since they are already there, they might as well get a ticket themselves!  Lady, you're not fooling anyone with that move.  

The "post pay fumble."  The person who just can get their shit back in their purse or wallet in a timely manner. What's so tough about shoving your change or credit card in your pocket and rearranging it later? Seriously.  There's a line! Wrap it up!

The traditional cutter.  The person that boldly steps in front of you with no apologies, daring you to stand up for yourself.  You know, the type of person that was a bully in high school. Clearly they target the meek. Heads up:  I'm not meek in those situations.  Wait your damn turn.

The "I wasn't paying attention so now there's a huge space between us" person.  This person is rather oblivious and gets caught up in something, whether it be playing candy crush on their phone, or yapping with their date about that night they fell off the bar stool at that one bar and hahaha, remember?  Suddenly there's a huge space and you're like, just gooo man, close the gap! Close the gap!

The "up my ass/stop touching me" person.  This person knows no physical boundaries.  They could be distracted and keep bumping you, or they could just be a close stander by nature.  So that's going to merit several passive aggressive glares. 

The "panic at the disco."  That person who finally reaches the ticket booth and suddenly panics and blanks on what they are supposed to do.  Suddenly they don't know what movie to go see, what size popcorn to order, how many tickets they need, etc  Dude, be prepared.

The boss lady.  The person that is also known as the keeper of lines, you know the one that monitors the movement of the line, periodically piping up with "it's your turn!" and, "go!"  Just to be sure everything goes smoothly and moves along in a timely manner. Because they're all bossy like that.

The friend maker.  The super friendly person that you suddenly feel like you've known forever.  You end up Snapchatting and Facebook friending each other before you even make it to your designated seat at the theater.  Where have they been all of your life and why aren't they sitting with you anyway?

The "what's your opinion? guy."  This is the guy who gets to the front of the line but needs to know what movie the ticket taker would see if they were going to the movies or what the concession stand person thinks the best flavor is to put on popcorn, or how the cashier likes their burger cooked.  Typically, this guy never takes the advice anyway, so why bother asking?

The walking germ.  Ugh.  My second worst kind of person in a line.  This is the guy that stands behind you hacking up a lung, sneezing more than seven times in a row and blowing their nose all over the damn place. Phlegm and spit and germs. Gross.  Please oh please, just do us all a favor and get a movie on Netflix!

The small talker. The person who cannot handle a little silence and feels the need to fill that silence by chatting you up.  Small talk sucks for introverts like myself.  Dude, do you not know the universal signal of please don't talk to me?  I have earphones on!

Can you think of any that I have missed?

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