Tuesday, December 4, 2012

MILFs are freaks of nature.

I was reading this blog the other day written by this lady who has six kids, and it was a great blog - funny mom-blogs tend to be my favorite.  I am typically drawn to those.  But so like, in the process of reading back a bit, because I had just sort of stumbled across this blog, I saw a bunch of pictures that she had posted while she and her family were hanging at the beach.

This is not a picture from the mom-blog, just a random six-pack from google.  
At first I was like, aw, the poor mom has a hot nanny.  Hopefully her husband isn't a jackass.  And what dumb mom would hire a hot nanny anyway?  But then, then you guys, I realized that the "nanny" with the six pack was actually the mom.  The mom of six kids - and one of those kids was a baby!!  

Like, really??!  Where are the non-perky boobs?  The floppy arms?  Where is the triple double chin?!  Where are the fucking stretch marks that look suspiciously like a road map to Florida is covering her belly?!!  It's not fair.

I remember this girl I went to school with who had a baby kind of young - the year before I did, and she completely led me to believe that I could be cute while pregnant.  She wore a bikini, like 8 or 9 months pregnant, and no joke, totally rocked it.  So of course I was all like, I'll be cute and pregnant!  Yay!

And then I learned first hand that not all pregnant people are created equal.  If I wore a bikini when I was pregnant with any of my four kids, somebody may have reported me to whatever agency out there that would haul my ass home and cover that shit up.  The fashion police?  The pregnancy fashion police!  Trust me, I did not wear anything even remotely resembling a bikini for 9 months times four kids.

If I'm being honest, even when I was cute and young and trim, I rarely wore a bikini.  Actually, it was even hard for me to wear a one-piece without a t-shirt on top.  I was always going out of my way to fade in to the background and not get looked at, and bikinis aren't exactly the way to go with that.

So anyway, it's not fair.  Why can't we all just be MILFs?  Actually, I don't exactly aspire to be a MILF, I just want to look acceptable in public.  I don't think that's too much to ask for.  However, a six-pack would be really nice, but who am I kidding?  I'd settle for a two pack.


  1. She's probably really nice, too, so you can't hate her like you want. I'm with you. I didn't even wear a bikini when I was young, buff, and thin. Not a chance on this earth that I would pregnant or (shiver) now.

  2. i was a proud bikini wearer for about 2 years. then i grew up, got married and that was the end of that. no matter how fab my figure might be now(not that it is, but if it was...), i think skimpy clothes that can be interpreted as hootchie, aren't the way to go when you're hanging out with your kids. hot date with the husband is a different thing though. bring on the miniskirts and cleavage tops.