Friday, December 28, 2012

That time I talked about my age and sounded dumb. Not a friday five.

This started out as a Friday five post, but then I got chatty and you know how that goes.  Friday five has turned into Friday five times five (that's twenty five for all of you math wizards.  thank you).  

I'm thinking that I would accept going backwards approximately five-ish years for a do-over.  See how much I'm not a taker? I could have accepted going back to my 20's, but I wasn't taking a mile instead of an inch.  Or whatever that saying is about an inch and a mile.

Don't know that saying?  Me neither.  Moving on.

The reason that I'd like to go back to approximately 35 is that so much has changed since then!  Like, crap.  I'm starting to kind of feel 40ish!  And I thought 40 was supposed to be the new 30!!  What happened to truth in that dumb saying anyway?!  Lately, I feel a little creaky when I get up and I'm pretty sure I have holes in my bones.  Also, my bad eye is worse and I need to hold my cell phone out far to read small text.

That's a shame.  It really is.  Like, I never really thought I cared much about being 40ish, but maybe that's when I just turned 40 and I was still basically in my 30's, except on my birthday I pretty much actually turned 40.  

Suddenly I feel like I'm not making any sense. This would typically be the time that I'd just say screw it and move on to botching another potential post, but guess what?  I'm going to keep plugging along to see if we can make something of this shitforpost.

So anyway, I got this new scale (wooHOO!), and it wirelessly syncs information to your iPhone with an app.  Like, weight information, BMI, percentages of fat and water and muscle and all of that crap hanging around in your body.  Anyway, it stores the information and stuff, for tracking purposes. So after an eternity of trying to get it to work this morning, actually standing around naked in my bathroom while messing with the freaking app because of course I could never weigh myself unless I was fully naked.  TMI?  But really, who would do such a dumb thing?  I can't even wear underpants on the scale, and I seriously contemplate removing my necklace, rings and earrings just you know, for accuracy.  It pains me to weigh myself at a doctor's office.  I suppose if I stripped and got naked there for a weigh in it might be inappropriate.  Very scary to others walking along nearby, and very inappropriate.  Yep. 

Also, I hate being naked in the bright light.  Which is exactly why I have dim bulbs in the bathroom.  And I am not talking about my kids.  I was referring to actual dim lightbulbs.  I think I look slightly less disgusting in dim light, I try to not go over 40 watts around this joint.  Trust me, it's better for all of us that way.

I got the scale because I'm supposed to be getting fit at 40 like two years ago, and it's about time I continue that plan.  Because technically I'm almost 43 now.  So now I guess I'll have to adjust and get fit at 43.  That's lame.  But whatever.  I need to get fit.  And by fit, I mean less disgusting.  I think my new scale will help a little with that, because I like gadgety things, and I'll kind of like stepping on the scale and syncing gadgety things and stuff, but I'll only like the cool scale if things start moving in the right direction.  And by "right direction," I mean down, far far down.  And when things start moving in the right direction, I'll feel less old I think.

Also, I took my blood pressure today and I am still hypertensive.  That is definitely not healthy.  And I'm sure that's why I've had a dumb headache for three days.  Probably I am dying.  Watch, I'll make this great effort to get fit, and then I'll die.  That stinks.  I won't even be able to enjoy my fitness.  Well, at least I'll get to wear a nice fit-person death outfit in my coffin!

I'm such a glass half full kinda girl.


  1. You're not going anywhere! You're going to stay here and continue being my comic relief. LOL At least you're not trying to get fit at 53. Holy Crap. I wish I had done this YEARS ago. I guess I really need at least a 10 year regression for my re-do but only if I'm not as stupid as I was the first time around.

  2. You're new scale sounds like the SHIZ! Must get me one of those. And everyone knows you only weigh yourself first thing in the morning, buck (butt?) naked, post-pee, pre-shower. (Wet hair weighs a lot. So does a full bladder.) Oh, and don't die. Please.