Today is supposed to be all wootWOOT! Back to normal, no more whiney sad face posts, right? That is what I said, so I am digging deep guys. I even did yoga this morning.
Actually, the yoga instructor guy, his voice is so relaxing, he kind of shut my brain off for the half hour. It was sort of shocking. At the end, I was laying there when you're all in the relaxing pose thing, whatever they call it - you know, the thing where you're just laying there on the floor, and all of a sudden I was like, hey. I didn't think about sad repetitive bullshit for like a whole half hour! All I did was focus on the poses and the guy's voice (which kind of makes me feel like I am dreaming or something). So, maybe I'm on to something there... that was Hatha Yoga, I can do Flow Yoga with the same guy tomorrow maybe. The stretches make me a little nervous with my shoulders. Both shoulders suck right now, so that's lame. But hopefully, the stretches will strengthen them. If I tear them fully I am fucked. oh blahblahblah. This is boring. Definitely not wootWOOT!
So I mentioned I got kidney punched three times by my sister recently in my last post. Thankfully she was too drunk to karate chop me - she is a black belt in Karate! She could have kicked my ass. I definitely would have been on the losing end. I only know defensive moves, I quit Tae Kwon Do before I got to really learn the beating up parts.
The thing is, my sister Jen rarely drinks. She's like me. A once in a great while drinker. Her drink of choice is champagne, and how often is champagne just sitting around, right? So, we were at my cousin's wedding, and there was a lot of really excellent champagne flowing. I was originally planning on being a wedding drinker and Jen was going to drive, but then there was a lot of great champagne, and I couldn't pull the trigger. The wine was not cutting it for me, so we ended up trading positions. A lot of times, alcohol gives me heartburn. It'd be great if we just lived in CO and I could smoke up, if you know what I mean. But you know, NY isn't exactly there yet, legally speaking, unfortunately. I hate being hung over. So I only had a few drinks early on.
Well, we had an excellent night. We felt a lot of pressure to be extra fun because my cousin told everyone that he was so happy that we were coming because my sisters and I are the fun cousins. He's so cute. So of course we literally were the last to leave. Like, we were leaving while they were taking the tablecloths off of the tables, last car in the parking lot - basically, pushed out of the place. So the punching happened because someone said that out of the four sisters, he always liked me best. :) Well, in my defense, I was having a great hair day and my earrings were banging. Plus I pulled out some Beyonce dance moves that were very impressive. Who knew?
She was highly offended. And of course since she was super tipsy, she was extra highly offended, and could not grasp the fact that I was number one. She was trying to win him over and it wasn't working, she tried convincing him... it was really funny. And we kept having to rehash it the entire night. So at one point, she got all frustrated and stamped around like a kid and punched me! In my dress! On the dance floor of a very fancy wedding! And I was wearing way fucking high heels, like way higher than I ever wear. I could have broken an ankle trying to fight back!
Being the only sober one, I had to drag everyone out of there. My sister Indi was funny. Then Jen was taking her sweet time, still trying to convince the guy Chris to like her better than me, so I had to pretend to slowly drive away and she had to chase me through the parking lot and jump into the car.
So then, then, the guy called me in the car and serenaded me on speaker phone the song "You are so Beautiful to Me," on the way home which made her punch me one final time for good measure. It was a really fun, silly night. My other sister Ali also got smacked in the face, and we had to run into the house to hide from Jenney. It sort of brought me back to the olden days, when we were teenagers and would go to obnoxious high school parties together. Which, come to think of it, is why we don't really drink that often...