I disagree

There's this one blog that I have been reading for pretty much ever, like for as long as I have been reading blogs.  I love it.  I envy it.  I really feel like even though I am way more of a lurker than a commenter, this blog speaks directly to me.  I could easily comment on every post.  It's written by a mom who really just seems to strive to be a good mom to her children, a good wife to her husband, a good daughter, sister, friend.  That's it.  She is sort of old fashioned in her beliefs about raising kids, about being a housewife (is that even a word anymore?), about taking care of her family.  I like that.  I think in the years that I have been reading her blog, I have never disagreed with a post, and she writes some riveting, thoughtful ones.

I have been sitting on this feeling though for a little bit, about a post that she wrote that bothered me, dug at me.  No, I did not comment on it.  I pretty much would never be a negative commenter, sort of like that old, "If you don't have anything nice to say..." kind of thing I guess.  But gosh, it's been bothering me, what she said.

I am not sure if it is wrong to quote her, but part of what she said that bothered me is this: "It's not so much all about us anymore, and what we want, and who we want to see. We live in a time when I think we have been fed this belief that we deserve to be totally happy and fulfilled constantly. Emotional entitlement, in a way. I read article and article about how we need to take care of ourselves, and find out what makes us happy. We deserve to be fulfilled, we are not our best for our children unless we are. That might be true in a way, but I also don't think we have to be willing to sacrifice what is best for the loves of our lives, our children, before we subscribe to this belief that all this happiness, self-care, fulfillment is "out there" somewhere, with our children far away, and us gone from our homes. We can find it in our homes, if we are willing to look!"

Not so bad, really.  And to many, it may seem right on.  Actually, there were many positive comments on that post.  She's a great, effective writer.  She has a way of getting words out on paper that just seems very natural, very honest.  But I just disagree.  Wholeheartedly.  I kind of felt this sting of judgement, and it made me question myself.

I like the term "emotional entitlement."  I understand what she's saying, but wow.  Being a mother is not my only role, it is not all that I am, all that I want to be.  Does that make me bad?  A bad mother?  I think that for the most part, a happy mother makes happy kids.  Trying to be fulfilled in life, trying to find some meaning other than just being Mom, sacrificing wants, needs, desires... I truly don't think it has to be an all or nothing kind of thing.

Feeling happy for me comes from a lot of different things.   Being Mom to my kids makes me the most happy, it really does.  I love being a mother.  I love taking care of my family.  Being a wife and mother was the thing I wished most for, for as long as I can remember making wishes, and I feel very grateful for the life I live.  But I am also kind of a solitary person.  I enjoy being alone.  It makes me feel peaceful.  I enjoy exploring, finding new things that are beautiful.  It makes me feel filled up, emotional... alive.   

I do not believe that I deserve to be "totally happy and fulfilled constantly," but I see nothing wrong with having snippets of time where you do get to do the things outside of taking care of your family that makes you happy!  That can't be wrong, can't be a bad thing!

Besides being a mother, I am also an individual.  There is no cookie cutter that we should all be cut from.  I think it's dangerous to take this word, "mother," and try to lump all of us into it in one neat little, perfect little circle.

If emotional entitlement means that I get to find ways to feel fulfilled while balancing the needs of my family, well, I guess I am OK with that.