what the eff?

There's really only one thing about fall that I can't stand.  The fucking fall fundraisers.  Or, as I like to refer to them, the FFF.

Fine, I don't refer to them as the FFF, but they are so annoying!  Maybe it's just me.  But really?  Come on, they have a whole assembly to show all of the kids the super cool awesome prizes they can win if they sell only 299 rolls of wrapping paper!  So then I have to break the news to my kid that she won't be selling 299 rolls of wrapping paper, because who buys wrapping paper for $4.99 a roll?!   And, and you guys?  You know that $4.99 roll of wrapping paper that you just bought?  Well, it wraps about 3 presents!!  Seriously, have you ever seen what it looks like under my tree on Christmas morning?  $4.99 rolls of wrapping paper are not going to cut it here.

Sometimes, I try the old sneak and toss method, where I just sneakily toss the whole fundraising packet, and if the kids remember about it before it needs to be turned in, I claim ignorance.  Sometimes you just have to do that.

You know, I get fundraisers.  I understand why they do them.  I just don't like them.  I think, you know, I pay my school taxes.  And I pay a lot!  Why can't that be enough?  They should  make it really clear that the fundraisers are optional.  Because you know what ends up happening every damn time??  I feel guilty and buy the cute checkbook cover, the huge tub of cookie dough, a roll of effing $4.99 wrapping paper and a key chain, spending approximately $89.00 on junk that I will never use (except the huge tub of cookie dough. who am I kidding.  mmm), all so my kid can get a crappy plastic necklace prize that will break way before she loses it.  Like in ten minutes.  So, in other words, I just spent $89 on a cheap plastic kid's necklace.

Huh?  I don't even spend $89 on a necklace for myself!  Well.  Except that one time when I bought myself that fantastic necklace from Tiffany's by accident.  But whatever!  You know what I mean!

Here's the kicker, which is maybe why I get so annoyed by fundraisers in general.  I have 3 kids in school.  I get those packets from each kid twice a year (minimum!).  That means I have to deal with that crap SIX TIMES a school year.  And that's only the school fundraiser!  Last week I got two dance class fundraisers and a soccer fundraiser!  My Cod.  I cant even keep up anymore!

Anyway, that's my rant for the day.  Sorry.  I'll move on now.

wtf. cookie dough, sexy shoulders, supermodels and camel toes

A bunch of misc things:

*Remember that time I was all, wtf blogger??  That was back when blogger lost several of my unfinished and unposted posts out there somewhere and I was semi-freaking and peeved because one or two of them may have actually been entertaining, informative and/or interesting.  Or not.  But whatever.  Uh, still pissed about that blogger, because I'm pretty sure I never got those posts back...

But ANYWAY, so like, is it just me or did blogger go and change everything without mentioning it?  Like seriously, wtf?  I feel confused.  I don't like change when I don't ask for it.  I don't want to go all Facebook-timeline postal or anything, but man... can't I have a choice?  How about a heads up at least?  I don't like it.  I'm sure I'll get used to it and get over it, but I am not digging it at the moment.

*I am so in the mood to make cookie dough and eat it right now...  better yet, how about you make me a batch of cookie dough, then I'll come over, and when I get there we will have a slow motion hug and eat the whole damn bowl like the ravenous sloths we are.

*Also, guess what?  I went to the movies this afternoon - yes, by myself - no, I don't mind, I kind of enjoy it.  I got popcorn with butter and Raisinets and a blue frosty.  It was all very exciting.  Spending $20 bucks on a movie and movie food wasn't very exciting, but just going and eating crappy junk food was.  I went to see a new release movie that got sucky reviews.  Can you guess what it was?  What if I mention that it was a total girl movie and the guy lead is so very, very appealing, in a 25 year old ridiculously HOT kid kind of way...

Yep, it was The Lucky One.  I'm not sure about reviewing it here - I hate to give my opinion on movies and books actually.  In fact, I'm not a big fan of endorsing much of anything.  Like, what if I say, it was so great! Go see/read/eat/look at it!  and everyone is like, really?  she has the lamest taste ever!  All I will say is this, throughout the movie I was constantly asking myself, "What did he just say?"  because I couldn't hear him over how awesome his beard is.  I am so attracted to a cute beard.  And beautiful abs.  And sexy shoulders...  OK ok!  Moving on.

*I recently read this article where Elle McPherson (the 50-year-old supermodel) said that she stresses over trying on bathing suits in stores, so instead of trying them on there, she has them shipped to her.  I was like, huh.  She is amazingly attractive, still totally rocking a supermodel bod.  It's so funny to think of a women who like, 98% of the public thinks is perfect, has fears about what she looks like.  I mean, I absolutely abhor trying on bathing suits - abhor even wearing them in fact, but I am so far removed from looking nice in a bathing suit that it's understandable.  Elle McPherson feeling self conscious is just crazy talk.

*I just want to point out how shocking it is the way people will answer a door these days.  If you drop by and I answer the door in skin tight leggings with a camel toe, or a sheer t-shirt with no bra, please slap my face.  I don't care if you come over unannounced.  There is no excuse for such a thing.  Like, ever.

OK, I'm done.

Not that he frequents nudie bars or anything

I am so not the kind of wife who tells her husband he can't do something.  I don't do the whole "rules" thing very well at all.

See, the thing is, I pretty much consider myself Alex's wife, not his mother.  He's a grown man, and the only thing that I am going to tell him he is allowed to do is make his own decisions.  If he wants to go grab a beer downstreet and watch a game at the bar, what do I care?  Actually, the only thing that I care about is him not driving after he's had a beer or two, but otherwise, what's the big deal?

Alex recently said to me, "Thanks for letting me go to the game."  I was like, "Don't ever say that to me again.  I didn't let you do anything!"  Here's how it works with us:  he asks me if I care if he does something, and I say yes I care or no I do not care.  And then he makes a decision.  Like a big boy. 

There have been plenty of times that I have cared - typically, I care if whatever it is that he wants to do majorly conflicts with something else, or if I am seriously wiped out and need a break.  But Alex ultimately makes his own decision (with my input) and I do the same.  I wholeheartedly believe that it's really really healthy for spouses to have things that they do with their friends, that they don't have to be chained to each other 24/7.  That it's OK to have outside interests. 

Like really,  I'm not too interested in going to see a football game and it's no skin off of my nose if he wants to go off and tailgate and hang with his friends.  Just like he could care less if I wanted to spend the day at an auction or wandering through book stores, or going out to dinner and drinks with my friends.  Obviosuly if I asked him to join me he would, but it doesn't threaten him to watch me walk out the door without him.

Once I remember having a conversation with this lady, and she proceeded to list all of the things her husband wasn't allowed to do.  I was appalled.  First I was thinking that I really felt sorry for her man because he had to put up with such a control freak, and then I was thinking, really lady?  Really?  Who are you?  Why would our husband's need rules?  They are not our children.

I mean, I don't exactly appreciate the thought of my husband going to a nudie bar or something, because I kind of think it's inappropriate for a married guy to be out ogling naked women, but I wouldn't ever tell him that I forbid it.  I would absolutely tell him that it makes me uncomfortable and that I wouldn't like it.  But from there it is entirely his decision.

Because he is a grown up.

One of the things that this lady's man wasn't allowed to do was speak to specific women.  Again, I was like omfg really?  In a million years, if my husband forbid me to do something, I would probably freaking do it and give him the finger while doing it just because I hate people telling me what to do.  I know for a fact that I would dig my heals in and be like, you can't tell me not to blahblahblah.

And seriously, if you have to forbid your partner from speaking to specific people, clearly there is a huge lack of trust there.  And the real question should be, why are you with someone that you can't trust?  And also, why is your partner such a wimp that they allow you to give them rules??  Honestly, I can't stand wimpy guys.  I would much rather a man who stands up for himself than lays down and meekly accepts that kind of thing.  Because nobody is the boss of me.  And the only people I am the boss of are my kids.  And that's only temporary.

To me, marriage = partners. 

Huh.  Go figure.  That turned into an unexpected rant.  Sorry guys.