your friend request was totally unacceptable!

I know Facebook has been out there for like, 10 years or so but I'm still kind of feeling my way.  I know, I know!  But it takes me a while!  Sheesh.  How can you help it though when the Facebook peeps find the need to change things pretty much right about when you finally feel like you have a handle on it?  

I actually kind of get a kick out of watching people lose their shit over changes on Facebook.  I'm not one of those people, in case you were wondering. I try to roll with it. Changes happen!  It's social media guys, not like, something really important, right?

So anyway, my issue is with the most random of random people friend requesting you. I just don't get it. I grasp the spammer type request - like everyone seems to get the occasional friend request from that incredibly unrealistic hot person who has like, one photo, who just joined Facebook yesterday and has 297 completely random friends from all over the place, right?  I have no trouble denying that faux-hot spammer who really wants to be my friend. 

I just find it so uncomfortable being on the receiving end when someone I met once at a college party in like, 1987 (who for what it's worth was kind of cute back in the day) requests to be my pal. Because like, why? Why do you want to be my friend? Curiosity? How come you even remember my name?  Did we share a magical moment and I forgot about it?  Ugh.

I can't stand denying someone because it makes me feel all like a mean girl who is like, "No you can not sit at my lunch table!  Go away, loser!"  I really try to be a nice person but I don't want someone that I totally don't know potentially perusing my pics and things.  I mean, maybe they just want to reach out.  Maybe they just want to say what up.  Like, ok?  But I don't even know you.

I've had random townies request me.  People I know of, and some that I really don't.  Some people I recognize as having mutual friends, so maybe we've met before?  But still, I really really don't like thinking about them checking out personal pics of my kids!  

I also had a weirdo stalker lady friend request me and Facebook message me a few times.  And I had to forward that info to my parents (heh, that makes me sounds like a little kid), because it's a person who is kind of stalking my family, and they're working with the police about it.  So that was weird.

And also, the very few people that I have accepted that I don't exactly know never even comment on things or like things or message me - like they basically don't interact with me at all.  So like, are they just watching me like a peeper??  Isn't that kind of creepy??  OK now I feel a little skin crawly and I might actually go delete some people.

I don't know, how do you guys deal with that stuff?  Am I just a weirdo overthinking things, as I usually do?

what my kid just said v1

"I mean, I'd like to consider myself Switzerland and not get involved, but don't get me wrong, I will talk about both of you behind your backs."  Megan, age 12

This comment was regarding who's side she was on in my son's recent groundation from his new car.  When he just got his driver's license two weeks ago.  He thinks I'm being excessive.  I think he's damn lucky I didn't knock his block off and take away his damn car.  And Megan is Switzerland.

me and my funny kid, Meg

the last word, v14

People Magazine has this feature thing on the last page of their magazine.  On the last page, they have a feature called the last word (so clever!) where a celebrity answers a few questions on some of the last things they've done.  So even though I'm not a celebrity or anything (wait. what?!), I'm going to go ahead and answer the questions.  Because, why not?

The last thing I borrowed was hm.  My mom's nail polish remover?  I can't even think of the last time I borrowed something other than that!  I guess I'm not much of a borrower.  I had black chippy nail polish on, and we were going to church...(I know!  Right?)  I was kind of feeling like maybe it wouldn't go over too well with the old ladies. 

The last book I read was well, I'm still reading it actually.  I just started Allegient, the third book of the Divergent trilogy.  I bought it the day it came out, but I let Megan read it first, because we were both reading the series so we could chat about it.  Then like, the next day, after obsessively reading it, she stamped down the stairs and threw the book and had a minor meltdown because she was so mad about the ending.  I did not let her tell me what happened, but I've avoided reading it all of this time because I don't want to be so upset! 

The last text I received was, "I'm not the one who grounded me!" from my son.  It was about him not having a ride somewhere, because I grounded him from his car for two weeks.  Which was very deserved.  That's all I will say about that.  For now.

The last girls night I had was actually last week, when I met up with a few girl friends from high school for drinks and apps at this place I'd never been to before.  It was SO good.  I had these batter fried green beans (good food choices, holla!) with a horseradish dipping sauce.  Mmmmm.  My mouth just watered even.  It was nice to have a few hours to yap and laugh though, and one of the girls I literally haven't seen in person since like the last days of 11th grade.  That's a damn long time.  And she sort of looks like she hasn't aged.  Day-um.  It was also pretty nice to eat those deep fried beans beans from heaven. 

The last sunburn I had was like, two days ago.  I still have it a little even :).  I was floating in my mom's pool in West Palm Beach for several hours.  Just floating in the sun, talking and hanging and relaxing  (have I ever mentioned that I could probably be a professional olympic-grade floater?).  It was so nice and relaxing in fact, that I forgot to put on sunscreen.  I also forgot to take of my second brand new fitbit, and wore it in the drink like a dumbass.  More about that later. grr

My last obsession was, and still is, Trader Joe's Crunchy Cookie Butter (if we're talking food here).  Oh my word.  It's straight up heaven in a glass jar with a plastic lid.  I dare you to try it.  Just have a spoonful.  Or even like, dunk some skinny pretzels in there.  Ugh.  A. Maze. Ing.

Friday Food - Huevos Rancheros

I am trying to make better food choices.

I love food.  I like pretty much all types of food, and for that I am lucky.  When I feel like I have to curb my eating habits, or reign in a particular food group, or even focus more on another food group, it's not usually too much of a hardship.

My brother-in-law John (come to think of it my other BIL, T-bone, too) usually wants to pull out his gun app when I talk about food, because I can be long winded.  And apparently, who wants to discuss acorn flour for more than five minutes?  Wait, what?  Well sorry if I find acorn flour interesting, John.

Anyway, I have been working on healthy choices - buying good, often organic, clean stuff, preparing good stuff, and obviously, eating good stuff.  So I was thinking maybe I would share some of those choices, with pics and recipes and things, occasionally.  You know, change things up a little.

Do you think that sounds OK?  Maybe I will just share a little food picture of my recent favorite healthy breakfast, to entice you.  Surprisingly simple, not a ton of calories or fat, and pretty much hitting every food group.  The only thing missing is fruit, and I often have that as a side.

Any interest in the recipe?

It's basically a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

So I lost my em effing fitbit.  Normally I would swear like a mother fucker about that, but I'm not feeling it today.  Also, Brooke is around.  I gotta watch my mouth, you know?

So yeah, I lost that little piece of awesomeness and I am PISSED.  Because you know what?  All of my steps that I took after the losing of the fitbit aren't recorded!  And it looks like I had a shitty day of footsteps, when in reality, I probably walked close to my goal!  That is so annoying to me.  Also, it's like I flushed a hundred bucks down the crapper.  And I have cart my ass to Dick's to get a new one.  I said dicks.  ::snicker::

So damn.  Now over half of yesterday and most of today, every single footstep is pointless.  grr.  And I have a cold.  grr.  And it' a half day at school, which puts a cramp in my alone time.  grr.  And the cleaning lady is here so I have to make myself scarce all damn day.  grr.  And I have to pack because I am going to go to Florida in the morning.  grr.  And I have to go to Brooke's conference, and what if I run into people I don't want to see and feel like I have to talk while I look gross.  grr.  And I accidentally deleted my favorite spotify playlist a week or two ago and I can't remember all of the songs and I really wish I had that playlist back.  grr.  And I promised I'd take Megan to see Divergent as soon as it came out which means I have to go tonight at 8 pm when I am sick and not packed and I won't be home til kinda late when I should be going to bed early because I have to get up early in the morning for my flight.  double grr.

So basically, it's a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Alright, alright, FINE.  I'm turning my frown upside down.  I am taking every stupid negative and somehow turning it positive.  Because that's how I roll.  It's pointless to be all cranky.  

Lost fitbit, pointless footsteps.  On the plus side, I haven't had very many footsteps anyway, because I missed the gym yesterday because I was super busy and not feeling well.  So that means I have a great excuse for sucky footsteps!

I have a dumb cold.  That also means I have a great excuse for not getting a lot of footsteps!  And also maybe eating candy because everyone knows it makes you happy to eat candy when you are sick.

It's a half day at school.  That means my little pumpkin is kicking around and I get to hear her cute little voice and see her cute little face more than usual, and I will miss that stuff when I am in Florida.

The cleaning lady is here.  That means, yay!  Somebody else will dust and change sheets and vacuum!  And my house smells great!  WooHOO!

I have to pack because I am going to Florida in the morning.  That means, YAY!  Warm!  Sun!  Visiting with my parents!  Relaxing!  TOMORROW!

I have to go to Brooke's conference.  That means I get to hear how well my little goosie is doing in school.

I accidentally deleted my favorite spotify playlist.  Well.  Wah.  I'm still very sad about that.  But, I suppose on the plus side, it has forced me to find more awesome music to organize into cool playlists.

I'm going to see Divergent tonight.  That means I get a couple of hours to hang with my middle kid Meggo and I know she's really excited, so it makes me happy that she will be happy.

Well gosh.  That actually kind of worked.  I actually feel a little less cranky.  And guess what?  I got a new car yesterday!  So that is definitely a happy thing.  Maybe I will try to remember to post the new car details in the next day or two.  If you are interested.  And you know, if you're not interested, just click away.  OK?

paul blart, mall cop - top 3 worthy?

You know, I am not always attracted to the traditional hot guy.  9 times out of 10, I am attracted to other things before looks.

This simple fact, the fact that I am so not shallow, has been fodder for my sisters since I was a teen-ager.  The fact that I preferred Cameron Frye over Ferris Bueller, or would have gone out with Duckie way before I'd have even glanced at Blane or Steff - they never got that.  

They found reasons to make fun of pretty much every guy I went out with.  Eff them though, those jerks!  Every time I went for the traditionally hot guy, I ended up bored out of my skull.  I can remember one time this guy who was considered the catch of the school put the moves on me and I was all like, um no.  I was positive that he was way too good looking to be equally as nice.   He actually was a really nice guy, even though he was hot.  That may have been a poor judgement call.  He's still rather attractive.  I see him around town occasionally.  I wonder if I would have liked him if I gave him a chance.  Ah well, hindsight...

Anyway, my point is, my friend Jackie has Paul Blart, Mall Cop in her top 3.   When my sister Ali threw that out there, I had to text her for verification.  Even I was a little surprised at that.  I got made fun of by my jerk sisters and their husbands for having Dave Matthews in my top 5.  Even though he's not in my top five anymore, I will always think he's cute and free-kiss worthy.  AND, he wasn't replaced because I caved in to their shallow meanie-ness, but only because it was time to move on after 10 years or so.  Sometimes you have to switch it up.  I'm not very fickle, obviously.  He was on my list for a long time!  I'll share my latest top 5 in another post.  I know you are all on the edge of your seats.

So I saw Jackie this weekend and she explained that it was his humor that she found so attractive.  I totally get that.  Humor is one of my very favorite qualities in a guy.  If you can make me laugh, you get lots of points.  Anyway, I went home and googled him to see if I thought he could be all that, because I could only picture his character in Mall Cop.  Not that I ever watched that movie.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.  When he is less Paul Blart (a character), and more like Kevin James (his real self), he is definitely more attractive.  I don't think I'm into the whole porn-stache thing.  I kinda love a nice soft beard, but really do not dig a plain old hipster moustache.  

Who is in your top 3?

the five stages of grief - in response to snoring

The stages of mourning and grief are universal and are experienced by people from all walks of life. Mourning occurs in response to an individual’s recognition of their own issue, or to the issue of a valued being, human or animal.  

This also happens when you realize, after 17 years of marriage or so, that you've accidentally married a snorer, and you straight up told said spouse that you could never marry a snorer, or sleep beside a snorer, or SLEEP AT ALL in the presence of a snorer.

Many people do not experience the stages in the order listed below, which is okay. The key to understanding the stages is not to feel like you must go through every one of them, in precise order. Instead, it’s more helpful to look at them as guides in the grieving process — it helps you understand and put into context where you are.  If you find yourself purchasing a sharp object to keep beside you in bed, seek immediate help.

1. Denial and Isolation

The first common reaction to learning of your partner's snoring is to deny the reality of the situation. Some might exclaim, "WTF!" or something quite similar, or continuously jab, shake or smack the offensive partner in hopes that it will shock the snorts out of him or her.  It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the thought of the snoring and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.

2. Anger

Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process.  Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless or overwhelming.  You may find yourself clenching your teeth so hard you fear a broken tooth, or clenching your fists so hard, you break a nail.  The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family.  Anger will most certainly be directed at our snoring loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we will resent the person for causing us to suffer through the sound of a freight train in our ear while we are trying to sleep, or for just snoring in our faces hour after hour, night after night, to infinity and beyond. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.  Obviously.

Take your time.  Try not to pull your partner's hair or plug their nose til they almost suffocate.  You may plug their nose til they gasp for air and startle themselves awake.  This will probably make you feel slightly better.

3. Bargaining

The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–

• If only we had picked up on the snoring sooner…
• If only we went to the store and got more Breathe Strips before bed…
• If only Breathe Strips actually worked...
• If only we were deaf...
• If only we had tried harder to find effective ear plugs…

Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality that snoring is going to happen in the immediate future.  And it's not going to be pretty.

4. Depression

Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss of sleep and comfy rest in your once happy bed. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs of putting together a new bedroom for the snorer. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. We worry that in our extreme tiredness from lack of sleep we could accidentally smother our loved one. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell from the family bed. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.  And a good set of earplugs.

5. Acceptance

Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. The end of snoring could happen suddenly and unexpectedly, without explanation, leaving us to be edgy and constantly wonder when the next shoe will drop, or we may never see beyond our anger or denial.  This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness.

Loved ones that snore appear to go through a final period of withdrawal themselves. This is by no means a suggestion that they are aware of their own snoring. Their behavior implies that it is natural to reach a stage at which social interaction is limited.  Clearly they are exhausted and potentially bruised from late night jabs. The dignity and grace shown by our snoring loved ones may well be their last gift to us, as they accept their fate and begrudgingly move their things into their new bedroom, far far away.  As far away as possible even.

Coping with snoring is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing.

Headphones with white noise or light music might help.  And if you are unwilling to kick your partner out of bed to save yourself, you are a better man than I am.  Also, buck up and invest in some good, heavy duty earplugs.  Trust me, it'll save your partner's life.

friday five... it's been a while...

2:45 pm

So jeez, it's Friday already.  I keep feeling surprised at the way this year is just flying by.  It seems like before I know it, summer will be here, all sunshiny and warm and green.  Well, we have to get rid of all of this snow first, but I feel it coming.

This time of year just puts me in a mood to want to purge and clean and organize.  I look around and feel like everything is so messy and cluttered and grungy, I just want to simplify and clean.  I have so much unnecessary stuff.  I'm really going to purge.  Soonish.

On a completely unrelated note, apparently Dunkin' Donuts K-cup hot chocolate is seasonal!  That's a goddamn nightmare right there.  I pretty much have at least a cup every day!  I asked Kara to pick me up a box one day last weekend, and she came home and was like, they're discontinued.

So I panicked and drove all over the tri-state area to empty the shelves.  Because I really do like my hot cocoa!  I get very set in my ways.  I don't want to try another brand, I like the brand I like.  So I think I have myself covered for the next few months, as long as nobody else tries to use them.  I actually hid my hot cocoa.  I don't think that makes me a mean old mom.

Yesterday Brooke came home from school and said, "you have to play a game with me because I have no life."  She's so funny, that kid.  The problem is, she puts all of her eggs in one friend basket, and when that friend is busy, she's screwed.  I try to force her to branch out, but who knows what will happen there.  She definitely has her own ideas on things.

I just officially booked a get-away to Vegas, but I'm not too excited about it.  I guess I feel like it's a place I have to see at least once, but I'm really more interested in trying to go on a few days trips from there, see some interesting sights.  I'd really rather go to Utah or Montana I think - there are some National Parks that I'd love to go visit.  I'm pretty sure one of those places might be my next travel destination - maybe I can make that happen in June.

So, I suppose five minutes are up and it's time to wrap up this very scattered post.  Sorry it's all over the place, but that's me these days.  I need to settle down and focus.

Happy weekend!

#tbt throwback thursday - a post from last march

it's hard to be a parent

It's hard to be a parent.  I know this because I am one, and I totally get how not easy it can sometimes be to just manage simple things every day.

When I first became a parent, I recognized that it was my responsibility to make sure that my little person turned out to be a decent human being, a decent grown up.  Some kids are easier than others, and no two situations are ever the same, but the general ideas that I had to accomplish this were pretty simple. The most important lesson that I wanted my kids to learn was respect.  Respect for themselves and others, specifically.  I kind of think that respect is the building block for all of the other life lessons out there.

I'm not in the habit of judging other parents, partly because I know I am not perfect, and I know I don't do everything "right" and by the book all of the time.  Sometimes, you have to adjust your thought process to accommodate the kid.  But for the most part, I'd like to think that us parents are all in this together, that we all have the same general goals in mind when it comes to our kids.

There are some parents though, that really make it harder on the normal parents, like myself, of course.

The parents that let their 3rd grader have a cell phone definitely make it hard on the parents who (a) can't afford to add another freaking line to their plan, (b) recognize that an 8 year-old who can't even keep track of her own eyeglasses (that she wears on her face) has no business owning an expensive bit of technology, and (c) kind of have to wonder who the hell an 8 year-old is going to be calling anyway.

The parents that don't give their kid a curfew make it hard on the parents who believe that teen-agers need to really be home and in bed, asleep, before the night turns into the next day.  Kids need rest.  And they need to know that they don't get to be the boss of their time til they are out of the house or in college.

The parents who don't give their kids chores make it tough on the parents that believe chores build character and help make kids more responsible and hard working.  Even putting water in the dog's dish every day can give a kid a sense of accomplishment, and the sense that her place in the family is important and valued.

The parents who say "not my kid," make it hard on the parents who take responsibility for their child's actions, and in turn, expect them to take responsibility for their own actions, even if it sucks, and even if the lesson learned was a hard one.

The parents who send their kid to school sick make it hard on the parents of the other healthy kids in the class who are definitely touching your kid's snotty, germy, sneezy things.  Then of course, your now unhealthy kid is inadvertently bringing that home and getting their family sick, snotty, germy and sneezy.  It doesn't hurt to have a sick plan in place. 

The parent who makes the perfect cupcakes makes it hard on the parents who try, but just cannot pull together the green frosting-ed cupcakes with the rainbow sprinkles in the shape of a rainbow, and the faux pot-o-gold (how the hell did they fit all of that on a cupcake anyway??), while entertaining a teething toddler, cleaning the cat vomit off of the living room couch, and attempting a shower before the big class St. Patty's Day party.

The helicopter parent makes it hard on the parents who think that sometimes it's OK for kids to have a mild tiff in the sandbox without interruption.  Kids need to learn how to deal with conflict.  Give it a moment before you jump in and yank your kid out of there while giving the other three year-old the evil eye.  It might surprise you when they work it out! 

The parent who hands their kid whatever they want on a silver platter makes it tough on the parents who believe that kids need to actually work hard and save for things to appreciate and value them.

The parents that let their kid wear slutty clothes and costumes make it tough on the parents who think that 2nd graders (or teen-agers, actually) have no business wearing shorts so short that you can see their buns.  Or sexy costumes with plunging necklines, thigh high stockings and super short skirts!  A kid that age doesn't need to wear a sexy vampire costume for Halloween, seriously.  Who are they being sexy for??  There's plenty of time for experimenting with clothes and make-up, we're lucky right now because we have all of the power in what our kids have in their closets.  And a little modesty goes a long way.

This in tongue in cheek, obviously, because really, we are all in this together.  But wouldn't it be great if all of the parents could be pretty much on the same page?  My page, specifically. 

Any thoughts?

yapp

So my son got his driver's license today.  He is so happy, he makes me smile.  The instructor guy let me ride along, but he told me that I wasn't allowed to speak.  I was like, well, OK!  I can do that!  I really had just told Alex that I wished I could be a fly on the wall.  He gets so nervous about certain things.

He's actually a great driver, but the instructor guy was so like, in his face!  I was surprised at how much the guy talked!  He did not shut his trap the entire time, and I could see him getting Alex all flustered.  I just wanted to say, "just hush up buddy, let him do his thing!"  But I was banished to the back seat with a piece of imaginary tape over my mouth.  I was pretty sure the guy was going to fail him because he was just so critical, but then we pulled back into the parking lot and he was like, "Congratulations, you are a licensed driver!"

My little buddy's smile was so big and cute.  Then he got all cocky and thought he was all that for a few minutes.  When I told him to settle down, he said, "Mom! I am a licensed driver!"

I love him.

hey. listen.

I'm a pretty self reflective person.  I try not to regret too much though, because I really feel like all of my life experiences, good and bad, will bring me to where I am supposed to be.  Being a teen-ager is so angsty though... I often wish I could go back with some of the wisdom I have as a grown up to tell myself to chill out and relax and just have fun.  The question is, would I have listened?
       
   10 Things I would tell my teen-aged self...

1.  You are smart and capable - work harder in school.  It's totally worth it.

2.  Spend more time with girlfriends and focus more on building and solidifying those relationships.

3.  Spend more quality time with family.  These people will be with you forever.  Value them.

4.  You have plenty of time to grow up - slow down, stop wishing the days away, and enjoy being a teenager!

5.  Stop being so resistant to criticism.  Pay attention, listen and process.

6.  Stop worrying so much about boys.  And stop worrying so much about gossip and mean girls.  You know who you are.

7.  You are a very lucky girl.  Be appreciative. 

8.  Stop being so mean to yourself.  Be kind.  You are worthy.

9.  Be more open, be less guarded.  Be less wary of people who just want to know you.

10.  It gets easier.  You are going to be OK.

If you could go back, what would you say to you?