Fat Barbie, yay or nay?

So its been a few months now that Mattel came out with their new Barbie dolls.  If you aren't in the know, the makers of Barbie added three new body types to the "regular" disproportionate doll that they've been selling since my mom was a kid. This was following the big changes that were made last year, where they added Barbies with a bunch of different skin tones and hair textures. The purpose for the latest big, secretive change was that the dolls are supposed to better represent the kid population in all of it's glorious diversity.

Tall, petite and curvy.

So, how do you feel about it? 

I'm not sure how I feel.  On one hand, it's so important for little kids to actually see diversity and differences in the dolls (toys) that they play with, because imaginative play is one of the ways they practice being grown-ups. But is Mattel missing the mark by focusing so much on body shapes and sizes? Why not just introduce a few new Barbies without concentrating so much on physical attributes, but just quietly adding them? Like say, putting out an athletic looking Barbie, who might have thicker, stronger thighs and flatter feet (better than the typical tippy-toe Barbie for cleats and sneakers). Instead of calling her "big-legged Barbie," they'd be focusing more on her strength and athleticism. I mean - why are we still so absorbed with "looks?"  Shouldn't we be paying more attention to more important attributes, like being smart, strong, independent?  Is beauty an important attribute?

I mean, chubby Barbie can certainly come packaged like a doctor, right?  Not all doctors are thin.

The truth is, physical characteristics can definitely play a role in how a person is viewed by others, and there are plenty of physical characteristics that people are born with that cannot (and should not) be changed. I think if beauty is an important attribute, the dolls should represent a broader view of beauty, but it definitely shouldn't be the sole focus.

Images that kids are bombarded with on a daily basis are not often true to nature, or at the very least, aren't the norm.  Seeing these images consistently equated with "perfection," or "beauty" discourages kids from accepting their own beautiful imperfect selves.  Ultimately, we should all be encouraging our kids to embrace the unique physical characteristics that they were born with, since those characteristics make them who they are. Dolls and toys that represent more of the general population is a step in the right direction.

I'm down with the idea of the new Barbies, I'd just like to see the focus move from "looks," to "strengths." What do you think?

Things I did as a kid that a modern day mom would lose her shit over

Every now and then (usually when I feel like drinking a TAB and locking my kids outside for a few hours) I think back to how much simpler it seemed when I was little. It just seemed like the worries and stresses were so much less, things were easier and parents didn't get all up in your junk for every little thing you did. Kids were allowed to be kids. Silly, crazy, energetic, curious little hooligans.

I wonder if every generation thinks they had it better, in some capacity. But crap guys, I might actually sound like my Nan when she used to scold us and say, "In my day..." Back then, I thought she was just old and cranky and lame. Sorry Nan.

Well anyway, in MY day,

We could go out to play after breakfast and come back when the street lights turned on. Jeez, when I was a little kid (I'm talking elementary school age), this was totally the norm, and we didn't have cell phones. We were not in constant contact with our parents. The rule was that we had to go home by the time either the church bell rang (6 pm), or when the street lights came on. So basically Mom had zero clue as to where we were all day. Usually she'd ask the mailman at some point if he had seen us, and he'd tell her where we were last spotted. We did have to stay in the neighborhood though. We'd be out in the woods, (with Swiss army knives no less) cutting shit to make forts and stuff. As I recall, we also attempted to crawl through the culverts to the other side of the street as often as we could. We never did make it the whole way... THAT'S SO DANGEROUS GUYS! In my wildest dreams I can't imagine not knowing where my kids are for an entire day. Or not flipping out if I found them scurrying like rats through a filthy, grimy underground culvert pipe, MOM.

I would ride my bike to the grocery store. Sometimes even alone. The grocery store in our town was a little less than a mile from where I lived. Often times Mom would ask one of us to ride our bike to the store for milk or paper towels or something. Nine times out of ten she would give us like $2 for $5 worth of stuff. It was always so embarrassing. But yeah, we'd pedal our little selves to the store WITH NO HELMET, park our bikes and go inside and attempt to buy 5 bucks worth of stuff with two dollars. 

We walked to the candy store by ourselves. The candy store was just about as far away as the grocery store, and we were totally allowed to walk there whenever we had scavenged enough money to get a baggie filled with goodies. I remember actually being shorter than the snowbanks, walking alone with a handful of change in my mitten. Oof, anything for penny candy. What was my mom thinking??

We would walk to school. God forbid. When I make my kids walk to school I am looked at as the mean mom. Which is absolutely ridiculous. Most kids have legs, so it really shouldn't be a hardship for kids to use them for all of 9/10 of a mile. My mom RARELY drove us to school. We had to walk. Every day. Rain or shine or snow (or lugging along a freaking heavy-assed tuba-like instrument). There were no parents dropping their kids off and picking them up after school. Kids were encouraged to actually walk or ride their bikes and get exercise and breathe fresh air. Go figure.

We rolled down grassy hills and played in the woods (omg ticks). These days I have a mild panic attack if one of my kids rolls down a hill or plays around in the woods. Isn't that so sad?? We live in deer tick country, and I am super paranoid about Lyme Disease. It's a real issue around here. When we were kids, that threat was a non-issue. There were no moms frantically chasing after their kids trying to squirt them with DEET to avoid death by Lyme tick. I seriously find this to be really sad... it's like just playing and being a kid is so much harder these days. No wonder all of those little a-holes sit around on their cell phones all day. 

We played on merry-go-rounds. Oh jeez, there were merry-go-rounds everywhere when I was little. Who knew they were so dangerous?  All I knew was how awesome it felt to be twirling around in a cloud of dusty dirt til you almost threw up. We had one at the elementary school and one at the local playground and we would get those things going so fast... I remember my one skinny little sister would literally be hanging on for dear life with her legs flailing in the air. It was really funny. We had no clue someone could easily get really hurt on those things. I don't think my kids even know what a merry-go-round looks like.

We would ride in the back of pickup trucks. Doing this was the norm out in the country. If someone had a pickup truck, it was a guarantee that there would be people riding in the back of it, end of story. I can't imagine that none of us ever fell out because we were generally idiots, misbehaving and cheating death left and right. I actually rode through the entire state of Texas ON A HIGHWAY in the back of a pickup truck filled with blankets and pillows and teenagers. WTF, MOM?! I could be dead right now! I would never let one of my kids ride in the back of a pickup truck, what am I, a moron?

Our dad took us out driving well before it was legal. I seriously learned how to drive at like 12 or 13 years old. My dad or uncle would take us driving out in the country every now and then. My uncle in particular would pick up a forty (or three), and let us drive him around for hours. That's why I am such a great (and so modest too!) driver. A week or so ago my dad mentioned taking my 14 year old out to drive and I was like, THERE'S NO WAY!

We could go to the gate at the airport. Remember the days when you didn't have to wait 45 minutes to go through a security check line fumbling through your bag removing anything that could potentially be deemed as terroristic, with your shoes and jacket off? Remember when you could bring whatever you wanted on a plane, even a jack knife or an open container of mayonnaise?  Remember when you could meet your person at the gate, just like the movies... all exciting and amazing, waiting and waiting and waiting for the plane to just land. I miss that.

Everyone in the universe could blow smoke in your face. Back in the day, you could smoke anywhere, at any time, for however long you wanted. The days of everyone smelling like a god damn ash tray are over! Because now people give a crap about inhaling someone else's shitty, cancer causing, tar-filled second hand smoke. It makes me gleefully happy that I don't have to be forced to waft the smoke from my eyes when all I really want to do is chill with my friends, or watch a movie without hacking, or sit on an airplane breathing relatively decent air. I have to admit on my most recent flight, I wanted to secretly light a cigarette in the bathroom just to see what would happen. I'm such a rebel. A rebel without a cigarette.

We got some serious (and well deserved) bare hiney spankings. Oof. Kids these days have no idea of how scary it was when your Mom said, "Just wait til your Dad gets home!" Which actually meant, "Just wait til your Dad gets home and whips your ass, you little jerks!" When I grew up it was totally acceptable to get a bare hiney spanking for being a shitty little brat. When we would misbehave enough to get my Mom frazzled enough to utter those terrifying words, we would hustle upstairs and put on as many layers of underpants as we could fit on our butts, hoping that our Dad wouldn't notice the extra paddding when he smacked us good for being naughty. Apparently you're not really supposed to mention that you're not opposed to giving your kid a swat on the ass anymore as needed, or other parents will promptly report you to DSS for child abuse. There's a huge difference between abuse and a smack, in my opinion. 

Your safety was definitely over-rated back in those days. Seat belts, bike helmets, sunblock? What's that? Locking the door to your house, wouldn't think of it! Letting your kid walk home from school alone to an empty house? No big deal... and while you're at it, why don't you start the noodles for dinner? Going for a Sunday drive with the fam? Don't forget to grab Dad's six-pack! The more that I think about it, the more I am shocked so many of us actually survived.

second guessing, over indulging and the domino effect

I was just thinking about the time that I went to the moving up ceremony at the elementary school when my youngest was going from kindergarten to first grade. Several of the parents brought flowers, balloons and/or gifts for their kid. I was like, these guys are 5 years old for fucks sake! Nothing like setting them up for a lifetime of thinking they get a huge prize for every footstep they take! I don't know, maybe that sounds cynical and mean, but when did a kiss and hug and, "Wow great job!" become too little?? Don't these over-indulgent people realize the domino effect that they'll have on the other, normal-ish parents?? You're all thinking, greaaaaat, now at the next event, everyone will be bringing their kids fancy prizes to avoid looking like that one single DoucheParent, and to keep up with all of the other SuperParents... where does it all end?!

Truth be told, I felt shitty and caved. My kid came off the stage and ran to me all excitedly looking for her balloon and WRAPPED PRESENT, and she promptly asked, "Where's my present?" My husband and I looked at each other like, shit... I felt so guilty, I told her that her present was going for an ice-cream cone and to the local dollar store to pick out a shitty prize. I wish I had it in me to just be like, "Your prize is being a Kindergarten graduate! And isn't it awesome that you got a certificate for Outstanding Student?  WooHOO! Now lets go to the playground and I'll push you on the swing til I'm so bored I can't think straight." 

I hate when I cave to things like that!!  It never even occurred to me that anyone would bring their kid a bouquet of flowers. Because, why?? Why would you? If I had known that was normal protocol, I would have been better prepared mentally. For future reference, I'd appreciate a heads up when we are all supposed to be over-indulging our kids. Not that it would change my stance or anything, but at least I'd have some pre-thoughtout response when my kid looks around at the 5 year old in the ballgown getting a dozen roses for doing something that every other kid in the universe does.  Like, come on!  I am barely even exaggerating when I say a kid was in a ball gown getting a dozen roses. I was like, huh? 

On another note, is it just me or is it stupid that there is a moving up ceremony for every freaking step of the way in school? First there's a "Moving Up from 3 year old Pre-K to 4 year old Pre-K." Then there's "Moving Up from 4 year old Pre-K to Kindergarten, " then "Moving up from Kindergarten to First Grade." At least you get a break between Elementary and Middle School. Because yes, yes there is a "Moving up from Fifth Grade to Middle School" ceremony. When I was a kid, at the end of 6th grade when all of us dumb bells were leaving Elementary School and heading to Junior High, my mom handed me a brown bag with a soggy tuna sandwich in it and said, "Have a great day!" And then I walked almost a mile to school (God forbid!) with my little sisters tagging along behind me like I was the Pied Piper, asking me to tell them a story for the walk. The only real ceremony we had was when we actually graduated (from High School) and were heading to college!

We of course had like, a last day of school doing cool stuff, playing games and eating popsicles and bouncing around with excitement at the upcoming summer vacation, and that was good enough! It was fun! I almost think having a million different ceremonies sort of dulls the excitement of the real achievement - graduating from High School. The kids are all like, "Oh. Another party. Bleh."

I guess my biggest issue is that I hate second guessing my parenting skills because I know that I am a good, smart, logical and kind parent with a shit ton of experience and patience. I really, honestly did raise some decent humans, which means I've done something right, right? 

What are your thoughts on presents, awards and prizes for every damn achievement under the sun?

18 pretty important manners kids should learn

I'm by far a perfect parent, but I have been one for 26 years, so I have a little experience. I still screw things up often enough, yet somehow I ended up with some pretty decent kids. Go figure. I guess I'm doing something right. It's always been super important to me that my kids are respectful, polite and have decent manners. Because manners still matter guys. 

I often find it kind of surprising how many people don't use (or teach their children) basic manners these days. I pretty much feel like as parents, it's our job to grow decent adults. That's what we signed up for when we decided to have kids, right? 

From the very beginning, we've done our best to model this stuff at our house. Of course the best role models that kids have are their parents, so for kids to learn what is appropriate, the most important thing you can do is show them by example. It makes sense that it's not going to stick when you tell your kid she has to use an inside voice, but you scream at her brother for not picking up his toys all of the time. Those mixed messages are hard for kids to reconcile. Except when you step on an errant lego. That's totally worth an errant psycho scream.

It's best to begin with the basics, then add age appropriate etiquette rules as children get older and have more of an understanding of things. I think when you continually reinforce polite behavior and good manners, kids will eventually catch on. Coaching, reminders and positive reinforcement are very important in getting manners to stick. With consistency, even toddlers should have the basics down.  I actually still remind my kids about manners and polite behavior sometimes, and they're all in double digits now. Does it ever end?  One would wonder.

I've put together a few of the basics. I'm sure I'm missing some. If you think of more, let me know in the comments!

1. "Please," and "thank you," "no thank you," and "you're welcome," are great to start with. It shows respect and appreciation.

2. Don't interrupt when someone is talking, and if you do need to get someone's attention, say "excuse me."

3. Look at me when I am talking to you. It makes me feel like you are hearing me.

4. Respond when someone is speaking to you or asking you a question.

5. Call adults Mr. and Mrs, unless they tell you otherwise.

6. When meeting someone new, say, "It's nice to meet you."

7. Eat what you're served, or at least try a bite of everything.

8. Clear your own plates from the table. 

9. Make your own beds.

10. Say excuse me.

11. Knock before entering a closed door.

12. Ask to help.

13. Don't badger. Badgering is a surefire way to not get what you are asking for in our house.

14. Write a thank you note  when someone gives a gift. 

15. Say "goodbye," and "thank you for having me," when leaving a friend's house.

16. Don't call people names or make fun of others. This is a hard and fast rule, there shouldn't be any exceptions.

17. Say "I'm sorry," if you hurt someone, or do something that you didn't mean to do.

18. Be a good sport. Even if you lose a game, it's nice to say "Good game," to your opponent. Good sportsmanship also means not to gloat or be what we call a "sore winner."

Just think about it. Then, slowly step away from your devices.

I was recently out to dinner in a kind of casual spot, and I was seated across from a young couple with a baby, probably somewhere between 1 and 2 years old. I try not to judge, but man, I couldn't tear my eyes away from this family.  Both parents were on their cell phones, no joke, the entire time they were seated. They weren't talking on their phones, but scrolling through social media.  They propped an iPad in front of the baby with a cartoon on, and he just kind of sat there, watching the cartoon.

I try not to judge but it was pretty much directly in front of my face, so I couldn't not see it, and I do have an opinion on it.  I figure, why not share it and see what you all think.

So this might be the time we live in, but I felt pretty sad for that family. Nobody talked, nobody interacted... every now and then someone would reach over and readjust the ipad for the baby. I feel like I sound like an old person, but I just don't understand this. I tried to see the justification of popping the baby in front of a video, maybe they wanted to enjoy a meal out together and didn't have a babysitter.  Maybe the baby freaks out and the TV calms him... maybe they were wiped out and just wanted peace and quiet and food.

I think that this lack of actual human interaction is going to create a problem in the future. Looking at this situation in particular, what was so glaring to me was that there was so little real life actually happening. There was no talking about what to order for dinner, no chatting about how their day was, no knowing glances between two partners, no commiserating over a cranky baby at the table. These missing things are all things that make us human. 

Kids learn by example, and even though he was a little guy, he was still learning and assessing and processing the environment around him. From what I saw in that tiny chunk of time, the opportunity for several small lessons were lost. When a kid goes out to dinner with his parents, he learns how to behave in public, he learns how to properly use utensils, he learns how to interact in a different environment, he learns how to use an inside voice, how to entertain himself, manners, how to wait patiently. He also learns by example how his parents treat each other, how they treat the waiter, how they communicate.  

Clearly there are plenty of other opportunities for these little lessons to be learned, but it makes you wonder what lessons were lost. Some things that he probably did subconsciously learn from that outing were that perhaps his parents are often distracted, that he can't behave without having a TV to watch, that it's normal to not communicate verbally.  Little kids learn about their world largely through face-to-face interactions, vocalizations and touching with parents. They also develop language skills this way. What are the developmental implications if kids do not get this?  Of course this was an isolated incident, who knows what life is like at home for that little family. I'd like to think there is a lot more interaction...

Children who constantly see their parents distracted by technology at the dinner table must feel neglected, insecure or not worthy of their parents time. They’re absolutely going to miss a lot of the benefits of eating meals together as a family. I really believe that kids have to have emotional, physical, and verbal presence of a loving caretaker.

At the very least, if parents "unplug" during meals, it will set a positive example for children, since it will just be a matter of time before these kids have their own devices to be distracted by.

6 legit excuses for being a shitty tooth fairy

What constitutes a shitty Tooth Fairy, you ask? I think it's pretty self explanatory. Just so you know I'm not here to judge shitty fairies, I'm here to help shitty fairies.  Because I've been there several times once, and it's no fun. See how nice I am, using my parenting fails to help others? You can thank me later.

ANYway, us fairies aren't as perfect as we look. We forget things sometimes.  We're busy making sure we have enough fairy dust and that we didn't forget our god damned wands! But jeez, it does suck when you forget about leaving your kid a little prize under their pillow, mostly because they're just so excited about it. Have you been on the receiving end of the look of complete disappointment from your toothless kid?  I have.

In case you ever find yourself in such a crappy parenting predicament, feel free to refer back to this helpful post. Us fairies need to stick together, you know?

First and foremost, don't panic.  You have to be quick on your feet to salvage this situation. Use one of these previously tested and fail proof excuses:

1.  She saw you starting to wake up, and she didn't want you to see her. This is very plausible.  Everybody knows that you aren't supposed to actually see the magical fairies and bunnies and elves doing their business. Huh. That makes it sound like they were in the bathroom, doesn't it?

2.  She couldn't find the tooth. The old "turn it around on you" tactic often works.  You tell her that the tooth fairy must not have been able to find it because it may have been too deep under her pillow. Tell her that standard tooth fairy protocol when those things happen, is to just comes back the next night, because she really doesn't have a ton of time to look for it.  There are other kids with teeth under their pillow you know.

3. She hurt her wing.  Even fairies get sick days.  You could say that you saw it on the news. 

4. Blame the weather.  It was too hot, too cold or too windy for her to come out, weather conditions can be dangerous to fairies. There are rules for hazardous flying conditions.

5. Remind her that she wasn't behaving. This is a little mean, but you can kill two birds with one stone if your kid is prone to giving you a hard time when it's time for bed. Just like Santa's elves know when you've been naughty, the Tooth Fairy just knows.

6. The dog (or cat or bird...you get the idea) scared her.  This is also very plausible if you have a pet.  You could remind her that your dog often growls at people he isn't expecting, and she must have startled him.

A few times once when I forgot about the Tooth Fairy, I helped my daughter look around her bedroom for her missing prize, just in case it fell off the bed during the night. When I magically "found it" on the floor on the side of her bed, I totally saved the day. I went from being a Tooth Fairy Jerk to a god damned hero. Definitely try this, it totally works.

Also, if your child has an older sibling who is past the point of believing, you could always sneakily give them the prize, and have them come in to say that the Tooth Fairy must have left it in the wrong room by mistake. Boom. You just saved the day again.

With whatever excuse you use, you should also probably sit down and help your kid write a reminder note to the tooth fairy, because it really can be a huge disappointment for your kiddo and it might make them feel better.  You could have them put it under their pillow with the tooth.  And then you should promptly set an alarm on your phone to freaking remember to leave your kid a dollar, Tooth Fairy Jerk.

ps - Also, relax. Remember that you're not a bad parent.  None of us are perfect, cut yourself some slack, mama.

six year old's have no business knowing about wee

So you know, I'm a lover of all kinds of music.  I honestly don't believe in censoring music for the benefit of the kids - I've always kind of considered it a form of art.  Like, almost the same thing if my kid saw a nude painting or you know, that famous statue of the naked guy with the small penis.  What is it, Michelangelo or something?  I can't remember.  ANYWAY I've always been very anti-censoring.  Music, art, books, whatever.  I pretty much feel like if it is relevant, or it isn't like blatantly obnoxious, I am fine with it.  And if there is something that I do find offensive, I just don't put it out there to my kids. I'll just change the channel, turn the station on the radio, fast forward the tune.  We parents have plenty of control over that crap.

On a similar note, I do not swear in front of my kids at all.  We all know how much I love swearing, but I know my audience. And my audience is a very small one without children in it.  Unless if you include the internet, because sometimes I forget about that audience. 

Obviously, rap and hip hop always have a ton of swear words in their songs.  I enjoy a some music from that genre, however I don't usually play it in the car with the kids because it really is very glaringly inappropriate.  Every other word is a bad word, and you can't like, sing along at all without singing some version of Effing effity eff car, g.d. effing gun, em effing drugs, you get the point.  Pretty much every other word is the F word.  And I don't mean "fart."  

Well, so even though I don't believe in censoring, I think I am pretty careful about avoiding the inappropriate tunes.  I'm trying to keep my kids from sounding like a bunch of scuzzy dirtbags for as long as I can.  It's usually about middle school around here before the kids try test out the swearing thing.  

So anyway, I was driving Brooke to school today and it reminded me of a funny thing that happened a few years ago when Brooke and I were driving to elementary school.  A song by Drake and Nicki Minaj came on - Moment 4 Life.  It's pretty inappropriate, for sure.  Normally I would have switched it, but I wasn't paying much attention because Brooke and I were talking about the field trip she was going on that day - she was so excited, she didn't shut her yapper the entire ride.  The song seriously went right over my head, just kind of like light music was playing in the background.

So all of a sudden, Brooke stops mid-sentence and says "There are bad words in this song Mom."  And I was like, "You know, there are some bad words in this song Brooke."  And she goes, "Want me to tell you one of the bad words Mom?  Fuckin'."  And I cringed.  And I was like, shit, how does she know the real F word is a bad word at 6 years old??  Thank you very much Nicki Minaj.  So I don't act all shocked or freaked out because I kind of feel like if you make too much of a big deal about the bad words, those words suddenly become really attractive to a kid, just because they aren't supposed to say them.  So I said, "Yeah, that's a really bad word - you're not allowed to say that."  And she goes, "Yeah, like I couldn't just go into school and say, 'I'm going on a fuckin' field trip today' to my teacher, right Mom?"

And inwardly I was like, omg.  Also, I felt a snitch proud that she completely used the eff word in context.  High five!  No, just kidding.  Kinda.  So I said, "No, no you can't say that word at school, or anywhere.  You'll get in big trouble if you do because it's really inappropriate."  And she goes, "Well what will happen?"  And I said, "Bare hiney spanking."  So she mulls it over for a second and goes, "I know Mom.  I won't say it."  At this point we've reached the crazy stupid drop off line at the elementary school, so I'm just about to kiss her goodbye and she stops and says, "Is 'wee' a bad word?"  And I was like "Wee?"  And she goes, "Yeah, like in the song it says 'smoke some wee.'"  As in weed.  As in pot.  As in currently illegal drug.  

Ugh.  I definitely went straight home and switched around the playlists on my iPod.  Hearing a sweet little innocent voice saying fuck and KIND OF saying weed, and grasping that they are bad things to say made me rethink the censoring of the music in front of little ears thing.  

Because six year old kids have no business knowing about wee.

What do you think about censoring? I sometimes wish I could go back to that time. With one kid in college, one in high school and one in middle school, it seems like they all know about wee, AND all of the bad words.

do you like your kids?

Did you see that clip on the Today Show this morning with the mother who wrote an article in Redbook about the fact that she didn't/doesn't like her daughter? 

Just to be clear, I am not posting to trash and judge the mom, because that's just not what I do.  I am posting to give you my opinion.  Because I have one and I want to share it I guess.

If you haven't heard about it, the mom (who remained anonymous) went on the show to discuss the fact that she could never identify with her child.  She was disappointed in her child because she didn't reach the typical milestones that children are supposed to reach timely enough, that her child didn't make good eye contact.  She didn't like her child because she didn't sleep great and looked uncomfortable when playing or interacting with other kids.  Basically, the mother didn't like her child because she didn't meet her expectations. 

I really wanted to have some sympathy for her because I think (and know personally actually) that many moms today have this idealistic (and unrealistic) idea that somehow they will be able to be perfect mothers and have perfect children.  They feel this pressure to show the world that they have it all together, all of the time.  

That pressure comes from all sources of course, but I believe it comes mostly from inside of yourself.  You are looking at that one mom who's kid never seems to throw a fit in the grocery store, the one mom whose five kids somehow sit quietly through church every week, the mom who just made the cutest cupcakes for the bake sale effortlessly, or the mom who always seems to breeze through the school with her child looking like she just came from a photo shoot.

And then you look at your child, who refused to wear the dress you put out for school, then smacked her brother's cereal bowl off of the table and dumped baby powder all over the bathroom floor.  On purpose.  And you feel like a failure.  You  feel like people are judging you, you're judging you, and you're like, what is wrong with me?

I had to learn that it's just not realistic to ever expect perfection.  Type A or not, nothing in child rearing is ever going to be perfect.  Nothing.  So if you are going into parenting with that expectation, prepare to be disappointed.  Prepare for the "poop-up-the-back of the onesie diaper explosion as you are walking out the door to an important meeting" moment.  Because it's going to happen.  If not poop up the back, certainly something equally unexpected.  And gross.

So anyway, I wanted to be sympathetic.  I really did.  But then I heard what she had to say and I felt terrible.  Not for the mother, but for her poor daughter.  The one who has to suffer the ultimate rejection.  I wanted to scoop her up and bring her home with me, and love her - regardless of her struggles.

I will say that I appreciated the mother's honesty.  But I was devastated for her daughter. I am so not one of those perfect moms who has perfect children and a perfect marriage. I am not ridiculously happy radiating sunshine every moment of every day.  So basically, this opinion is coming from a pretty imperfect person.  

As a mom of four kids, there are definitely moments when I don't like something my child has done.  Definitely.  And there are definitely moments when I am disappointed in one of my children.  But never have I been disappointed at who they are, or at what I got.  And never have I felt a dislike for my child as a person.  Sure, a dislike of an attitude, a moment, something that one of them has done.  But never would I look at one of my children and wish that I got something else.

I think our kids are in many ways a reflection.  Some things, some characteristics, are just intrinsic of course, but for the most part kids learn what they live.  Parents are the single most important role models their children have. 

I think it is cruel to tell your child that you don't like them.  I do.  I think those words from a parent cut deep, and they are words that will not really ever be forgotten.  I think it is 100% acceptable to tell your child that you don't like something that they did or said.  I'm not suggesting we sugarcoat life and give our children the impression that everyone is going to like them all of the time.  But I sure do think we need to tell our kids that out of everyone in the world, we are always going to like them.  Even if they do misbehave, even if they have trouble making friends, even if they mess up on a math test, even if they don't sleep well.  I guess I feel like those are the moments when our children need to feel our like/love for them most of all.

What did you guys think?