the 18 worst kind of Facebook posts...

Well, what do you know?  Another list.  This one has been in the making for a while now, because Cod darn it it there are so many offensive status updates out there.  The only problem is, if we got rid of these types of posters, who would I have left to mock?

The 18 most annoying kinds of Facebook posts

1. Mysterious woe is me sympathy bait post.  I can't stand the posts where people are begging you to comment, to pooh pooh them, to pat them on the back, head, ass and placate them.  For example:  "Trying to be strong after everything that happened today..."

2. The "I'm so physically fit" posts.  You know, those posters who want to make you feel like a lazy slob.  "Just did 8.234 miles up hill and in the rain in under 45 minutes!  Next, taking out the bike for a quick spin around town, and I'll probably have just enough time for an hour of yoga when I get back.  Hit me up if you want to shoot some hoops later!"  Um, nah, I'll just watch you while I eat this bag of Cheetos...

3. Disgusting weird TMI posts.  I promise you that nobody wants to see your kid's latest diaper bomb, the hugest poop you ever took proudly photographed in your toilet, or your placenta.  Please trust me when I say that nobody cares what your kid shat.  For example:  "Check this out!  I'm not sure what just happened, but Little Bobby just left a poop bigger than my arm in the toilet!" Sure friend, you just wait there while we all collectively throw up in our mouths... 

4. The passive aggressive post.  To me, some of the most annoying kinds of posters of all.  For example:  "Don't you just hate it when certain people can't give you the time of day, but somehow find plenty of time to help their other "friends" all weekend long? Wow.  Just wow."  Dude, certain people don't give you the time of day because you are a whiney bitch.

5. The spoiler alert poster.  Ugh.  You know how you Tivo'd that final episode of the Biggest Loser, so you could watch it after dinner on the couch with a bowl of ice cream?  Somewhere, one of your friends will have already posted, "OMG I can't believe Danny just won!!  Doesn't he look fantastic?" 

6. The fucking idiot.  "Imma be realllz witchu bitchezz rite now aiiight?  Dis shiiiit be off da hizzzle.  Wooorrrdddd."  Um, Imma slap your face, moron.

7. The "I'm-so-great-please-envy-me" posts.  For example:  "Fiji sure looks great from the Penthouse suite!  Ordering room service, then off to get some sun on the yacht.  Life is great!"  Yay!

8. The cheesy quoter posters.  Oh gag me please.  "If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you, it's meant to be..."  posted of course by a picture of some bird flying off into the sunset.

9. The poster who wants to be sure that you know he is down with the 2000s and understands text-ese.  For example:  "ROTFLMAO at Jane 2nite!  :) Don't 4get to BYOB to the party!  C U all L8R!"  We get it buddy.  You're hip.

10. The inspirational post.  From the guy that you just know has those successory posters framed and hanging all over his house, you'll get one of these types:  "Success is not measured in how many times you fall, but how many times you get up after you fall."  Or something like that.

11. Weather complaint posts.  Omg.  Weather changes.  Sometimes it's hot.   Sometimes it's cold.  And sometimes, it's just right!  We all get it.  In winter, they post:  "It's freezing!  I hate this state!"  then, same poster in the summer, "If we get one more day of 90 degree weather I swear I'm going to move to the North Pole!"

12. The obscure poster.  The kind of poster who is dying for you to ask what the fuck they are talking about with an update like,  "And so it is."  Yes, yes it is, douche.

13.  The Facebook fighter.  Those online fights that you'd see between a couple.  Mortifying train wrecks.  "So Darren thought it was appropriate to text his ex-girlfriend over the weekend, then decided to go out and get drunk with some buddies for 6 hours Monday night while I stayed home with the kids.  I live a great life.  Not!"  Please, nobody wants to know...

14.  The backhanded complimenter.  This is the kind of poster who ultimately wants to make you feel like shit, that guy who just can't be happy for you without trying to bring you down a snitch. "Wow Brian!  Congrats on the huge promotion!  Hard to believe you're the same guy who peed his pants every day in second grade! LOL!"

15.  That doofus who still posts in the third person.  "Jocelyn is tired and sick and really wishes she could just go home and crawl under the covers til tomorrow."  Facebook has changed.  Roll with it.

16.  The dramatic threatener.  You know you've seen these kind of posts: "I hate all of this petty bullshit.  I'm deleting my account."  And then of course, they don't.

17.  The misguided campaigner.  Those people that constantly post things like, "If you truly care about helping animals that are being abused, repost this as your status!"  No, you fuck.  A Facebook status update will not help abused animals.  If you want to help abused animals, volunteer at the nearest ASPCA.

18. The horrifying PDA posts.  Please, oh please.  Someone stop these people from procreating.  "My honey is the cutest, sweetest lover boy out there.  Dumpling pudding sugar pie baby-poo, I love you soooo much!  You'll always be my Boo!  <3 <3 <3  I could never live without you! xoxoxoxoxo MUAH!"  I've officially vomited.

So, I'm sure I will have annoyed some Facebook Offenders with this post.  Sorry!  I couldn't help it.  I may actually have been an offender myself at one point.  Maybe.  But probably not.  Definitely let me know if there are any irritating post/ers that I've missed!

when in rome

"Yes, go on."


Ahaha.  I am a fool for Anchorman.  Sometimes I could be considered a fool in general, but whatever, you say tomayto, I say tomayto too.

So something totally cool happened today.  And it happens to do with me stumbling on this great blog which, in turn, made me stumble on to a couple of other great blogs.  Are you following me?  That's OK if you're not, because let's face it.  I can be confusing on occasion.  But anyway, I love stumbling across cool blogs!  It makes me very happy, and then alternately stressed.  Because really, there is only so much time in the day to devote to reading blogs.  And I am pretty much 3 great blogs away from tipping that scale from acceptable to the opposite of acceptable.

Anyway.


You know how every so often you have to do a little facebook purging?  Like you go through your friends and sort of stealthily delete the ones that really aren't your friends but you accepted them because they friended you and you are sort of nice?  Well, I haven't actually done that yet, for fear of being a meanie, but I have thought about facebook purging.  And I think I need to purge some of my blogroll too.  I pretty much focus of a large handful of blogs that interest me, and even though it looks like I follow a ridiculous amount of blogs, I don't read them all.  Because who has time to read 196 posts a day?  me Not me.  Because I have a lot going on.

So, the point of this post, "when in rome," is about writing a mini bucket list so I can try to win a book.  And not just any old book either.  A brand newly published book by a brand newly published author and fellow blogger, Melanie Jacobson.  If you click on this link, http://melaniejacobson.net/, you can read the first chapter.  Which is exactly what I did.  The book looks like some good beach reading, and it came highly recommended by my friend Erin.  So I am going all out to try to be a winner.  WINNER! 

So that's the cool thing that happened today.  Well, that and the fact that my son's vuvuzela turned up under a melted pile of snow in the yard (yippee).

So, without further ado,

My mini bucket list of things that I want to do before I don't want to do them anymore:

1.  Go on a getaway out west.
2.  Learn how to knit.
3.  Make a real cheesecake with the pan that comes apart on the edges.
4.  Go to a writer's and/or photography conference or workshop.
5.  Meet and moviestar make out with Damien Rice.  (Did I just say that out loud?)
6.  Bike ride really far.

There it is.  Rather lame, I know.  I want to pull together a real bucket list though.  Because everyone's doing it!  No, really because I think it's a neat idea.  And because I love lists.  And I love to cross things off lists. 

And I love lamp.

*sorry, I couldn't help ending with an Anchorman quote.

Cleaning like sarah

What is it with fall that makes everyone want to purge?

I have a whole notebook of lists (I love lists), room by room, of crap that needs to be done around my house.  And it involves a lot of purging of miscellaneous stuff that has accumulated over time.  So I started by going all Sarah at Cloverlane.  She has this black garbage bag theory... and I went there.  Yes, yes I did.  So far I am only on three big bags of crap to bring to the curb, but it's a start!  A good start, considering that it was all from one room.  In fact, one might say that I am ahead of the game, because Sarah does Forty Bags in Forty Days.  And I did three bags which means technically, I could skip tomorrow and the next day if I wanted to.

Actually, it's not from one room exactly.  More like one closet.  My closet, to be specific.

In my defense, it is a pretty big closet.  And I share it with my husband who is a hoarder.  I'm not a hoarder.  Well.  Some might disagree, but whatever!  Lots of things that look like garbage to your average person could possibly have meaning! So anyway.

So in tweaking Sarah's method, I start with piles.  There are ONLY three piles.  The keeper pile.  The tosser pile and the donating pile.  Actually, the donating pile gets broken down a little further, into the donate to people I know category, and the donate to the Salvation Army category, but I still consider it one category.  It is my system (sorta) so I can do that.

So the thing that makes this plan so effective is the fact that the bags are black, so kids (and husband) can't see what is being tossed or donated.  Which leads to no meltdowns.  Because really, I am tossing things that are just done, you know what I mean?  Done = played out, worn out, never looked at, never played with, never worn.  But isn't it funny that when kids (or husband) think something is getting tossed (disgusting holey undershirts and underpants that don't fit, etc) they panic?  They try to save the item or items by rationalizing or crying or moaning.  They may even try to sneak the holey undershirts back into their drawer.  Hon.

Anyway.  I am starting my purge and clean.  Yay for fall!