Thursday, April 7, 2016

I have no desire to live in So Cal

Last night we were sitting on the couch half watching TV, half not. We were miscellaneously chatting, discussing the stupid weather that we're currently experiences here in upstate NY. We had our first snowstorm of the year a few days ago. My poor trees are so confused. Last week there were cute little buds popping out, getting all ready to make the trees full with leaves, and this week - ugh.

I love snow. Actually, I love winter. The cold is my favorite, in a weird way. It's also really nice to have different seasons... it's one of the things that I like best about where I live. But it's not winter anymore, it's spring. And snow shouldn't be making an appearance right about now.

Anyway, I was like, "Wow, I can't believe it's April! April 6th already! This snow is ridiculous."

And Alex, who's been super busy at work lately, was paying more attention to important work emails, absently says, "I know, right?"

"April 6th... is that Flag day? Something is on April 6th..." I said. Then I remembered. "Oh! It's (one of my old boyfriend's) birthday!"

And Alex looks up, "You remember his birthday?  That was like, 30 years ago."

So I said, "Well! I'm good with dates!"

Then we got into this whole lengthy discussion about a boyfriend that I had in like, high school. Living across the country, it's not like he and I would ever run into each other or anything, and also I'm pretty sure he hates me, but whatever. I haven't seen that guy's face in so many years. I wonder what he looks like as a grown up. I wonder if people call him by his real name, as opposed to his nickname. I'm not sure I could call him something other than his nickname, it would be too weird.

Then Alex was like, "His firm is one of the ones my group had recently talked about joining, wouldn't that be so weird? I think they can bring their families on their annual partners meetings. Imagine that?"

I was all momentarily startled, "Um, NO. I can't imagine that! That would be horrifying! You know that's my worst nightmare!"

One of my biggest anxieties is accidentally running into people that I used to know. It's probably what keeps me in my house so much. I need mental preparation so I don't come off as a moron. Coming off as a moron is definitely one of my worst things.

It would be much better if we didn't live in my little town where everyone knows everyone else. Everyone knows your past, your history, the branches of your family, the skeletons you have in your closet... everything. It's really one of the things that I don't love about living where I live. A lot of people really like that deep history... living in a place where generations of your family has lived before you. Alex and I both have a lot of history here, family-wise. I do like that I have roots somewhere, and I honestly like my little town in general. I just guess I think I would way rather live somewhere where I could just be me, now.

I'd rather live in a place where people could decide if they like you or don't like you based on what you put out to them, to the world, not based on how you behaved as a 15 year-old, or your grandparent's wealth or something stupid like that. I'd be more comfortable where there are no pre-conceived ideas of who you are. I hate feeling pre-judged.

ANYway, for my sanity's sake, I'm going to do my best to make sure my husband's group stays out of southern California, and definitely far, far away from an old high school boyfriend's firm. 

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