Wednesday, October 29, 2014

what to do here

I'm not sure how I am going to approach blogging again.  

I liked blogging for a while there.  Then it got stressful.  Then I got a mental block.  So there was a quitting, which truthfully isn't terribly uncommon for me.  I'm a quitter, sadly.  And then  there were a few restarts that never really became a thing again.

What made it stressful I think, was knowing that some people I actually knew in real life were reading.  I mean, I definitely like that there are readers out there, I think.  Just, when I actually knew some of the real live people, I started worrying, I started being concerned that maybe I should censor myself.

I hate censoring myself!  

But also, I don't want to look or sound stupid to anyone who actually knows me.  It's one of my top five worst things.  A lot of times, I just kind of wrote whatever was there and it worked because I didn't have to think about if I actually did look or sound stupid, or who I could potentially be offending or hurting or something.

I hate drama, but sometimes, if I read back, I have a few posts that might seem a little drama-y.  I hate whiners, but sometimes, if I read back, I have a few whine-y posts.  Like, in the real world I do my best to put that mask on every day, nice and straight, so nobody notices that I am actually a freak in sheep's clothing.  Or something.

Here, I was feeling like it was OK to be my own freaky-sheep self.

So anyway, the question becomes, do I really actually care what anyone thinks?  I guess yes.  And no.  Yes because I still don't want to say or do anything that could potentially embarrass or hurt my family, my kids.  But no because fuck people who want to judge me for just being my own freak self.

So that's where I'm at.  If I want to sound like a dumbass who doesn't know proper English like I did right there, I will!


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