Did you get my sly innuendo?
You know if you read this post, that I have been on a mission to try to plug a few extra swear words into my daily life a little more. Well, WTF?
WTF??!
I'm a failure. It just doesn't come naturally to me. Only if I am really mad or really tipsy and with people in my tiny little circle of people. Guess what though? First of all, I am hardly ever really mad. Irritated here and there, but not really mad. And as I have said before, drinking and getting tipsy just isn't my cup of tea. Or rum, I should say. It isn't my cup of rum.
So I'm trying so hard to be badass, (HA!) but there just isn't anyone to swear at and there isn't much of anything to swear about. So what's a wannabe badass girl to do?
Give up.
Yeah, I am giving up. It was a dumb idea and I am over it.
You know, I've been blogging a bit now, and it seems that suddenly my world has opened up to all of the OTHER blogs and bloggers out there. There are some seriously awesome blogs to be read. Really freaking funny stuff. Everyone should make an effort to find them, because I am literally chuckling out loud by my own bored self reading this stuff every day. In fact, I make a point to not put on mascara til after I read the bloggess. Trust me on that one guys. Something that I have noticed in reading a lot of these blogs is that a lot of Mom bloggers swear like a bunch of G.D. sailors and I'm feeling a snitch surprised, yet also a tad jealous.
Like, I love to swear, but I don't often enough. And usually not in front of a crowd. I mean, I am surrounded by kids an awful lot, and I can't be screaming "Get your ass out of the car Donald!" like I heard a mom scream one day at her kid in front of a bunch of pre-schoolers. Donald was actually a pre-schooler himself, poor little guy. I swear to God it was his first day of pre-k and he was nervous and didn't want to get out of the car... my sister and I looked at each other like, whoa. Well, no offense to all of Moms who swear at their kids out there, but I think it might be a little bit scary to a pre-schooler. But I'm not judging!! Or maybe I am, but you'll never know because I usually just keep those thoughts in my own head.
Anyway, now that all of the rugrats are in school, and I am without kids for exactly 6 hours and 36 minutes five days a week, I think I might start swearing more often. Not at my kids or in their presence, but you know, just in general. For the fun of it.
You might wonder who or what I could swear at, being that I am alone during the day for the most part. Well, there was a dishwasher repairman here the other day, and he was effing annoying and very talkative and sniffley. I could have sworn at him, because in my head I was. I was thinking, "Just fix my effing dishwasher and get out dude, you're totally cutting into my magazine reading!" Or Bob, the UPS delivery guy. But I like Bob - we've become less like strangers with all of the freaking deliveries that I get. I mean really, who orders all of this crap anyway? And I could never have sworn at the cable guy, who was here last week too. I wanted to politely scream at him for wiping his nose on his sleeve several times, "DUDE, use a G.D. tissue. PLEASE. Or I will vomit on your big effing mud tracking man boots!" But I couldn't. I mean, he did deliver and install my second DVR. He installed it slowly and sniffley, but it is functioning. And that thing is really important to me.
Some guys swear at the TV - you know, while watching sports and stuff. Except I don't really watch sports on TV. Come to think of it, the TV is off for 6 blissful hours and 36 minutes a day. I like the quiet. It's been a looooong time since I've had such quiet in my life.
I don't know, since all of the other mothers in blog land are doing it, I might as well jump on the bandwagon! Everybody else is doing it! We could all just UNITE and start effing SWEARING like truck drivers in our posts! Woohoo!
Hm.
See that though, I couldn't even type the F word in public without feeling uncomfortable. I guess it's just not me. I probably won't really swear that much in my posts guys, sorry if you were excited about it. I tried, but I pretty much stink at swearing outside of my head.
** addendum: ooh! so while I was searching for clip art that involved swearing, I came across two articles that actually were PRO-SWEARING! One of the articles was on Oprah.com and the other was some scientific journal or something. I figure if you're on Oprah and in a science journal, it must be the real deal. Swearing is not all bad! By all means, check them out for yourself, they were actually kind of enlightening.
