Friday, March 6, 2015

is it smaller than a breadbox?

My BIL John has a theory on how to tell if a guy is gay or not.  Because apparently it's important to know.  Anyway, John has a lot of theories on a lot of things and however outlandish, he is unfortunately (almost) always proven right.  And to be perfectly honest with you, John's innate ability to pick out a person's sexuality is pretty incredible.  He might be pretty close to 10 for 10, in our circle of people.  And I'm sure once the other guys that are iffy come out, he'll be 12 for 12.

Not that we typically sit around trying to guess a person's sexual orientation, because truthfully, it means nothing to me.  I am 150% a "to each his own" kind of girl.  But I definitely can't help but be impressed with John's accuracy in labeling.

So anyway, in case you have anyone in your life that you think could be on the fence and you are really curious but don't have the guts (or frankly, the rudeness) to ask, I'll share some of John's criteria.  Of course this bulleted list isn't 100% indicative of homosexuality, but you can use it as a guide.

  • The fact that he is married to a person of the opposite sex means nothing
  • If he has a dog, the dog is smaller than a breadbox
  • He lives alone and has cats
  • He has a male "roommate"
  • He dresses really well and is into fashion
  • He is very fit and into his body/looks
  • He wears tight, formfitting shirts and jeans
  • He is involved in the theater or another creative field
  • He may sound feminine, use feminine gestures and have feminine mannerisms

I've kind of recently discovered that there is a whole subculture of gay men out there, completely different than the stereotypical feminine looking/acting gay guy.  This recent discovery is about to blow John's theory completely out of the water, and I love to prove John wrong, or get him to question his theories.  Because the majority of John's gay criteria involves the more stereotypical sort of feminine gay guy.

Have you ever heard of the slang term "bear" regarding gay men?  I guess it refers to more masculine looking gay men who tend to be heavy-set or muscular and kind of hairy.   I bet those big hairy guys have dogs bigger than a breadbox, and I know that they don't look all perfect and fit in their tight jeans.  There are annual events, like Bear Festivals and Bear Runs and apparently there are even Bear Clubs.  Apparently there isn't much of an awareness of bears outside of the gay community.  Who knew?

Since I am so knowledgeable and smart and socially aware, I am looking forward to sharing this interesting info with John.  Come to think of it, the next time my cousin and his partner are around, I am definitely going to ask them if they know any bears.


  1. Can't wait to hear what John says when you prove him wrong

    1. You and me both! It doesn't happen often, so I will definitely gloat. LOL

  2. I'm a bear and I look fuckin hot in my tight jeans, other then that -right on girl. Newest follower, ur a riot. JQ

    1. LOL, thanks!! I don't doubt your hotness for a minute.