Every time my husband goes to the dentist, he'll call me proudly on the way home and tell me all of the wonderful things that the dentist and/or hygienist said to him during his check up.
"Proudly" because they are all compliments. Well, uncomfortably strange oral weirdisms in my opinion, but definitely compliments in his eyes.
The last time he went to the dentist, the hygienist told him that he had a "strong upper lip," and also a "firm tongue." These are things I am pretty sure I will hear about for the rest of my life. Because those are very exciting things apparently. Also, who says that? Who says "Wow, you really have a strong upper lip?" The hygienist may have been trying to put the moves on him with the firm tongue thing, because it could be construed as a euphemism. I'm not at all concerned because she has very short boy hair and that's not his thing. Also, he never has cavities.
About fifteen years ago, he was so excited because the hygienist said, and I quote, "Stains? Zero!" regarding his teeth with gusto. Gusto, I tell you. He was so excited. He loves that he has zero stains on his teeth so much that fifteen or so years later I am still reminded. I am still reminded often of his stainless teeth. Sometimes, when he writes a card to me he will write, "To: Stains, From: Zero" on the envelope. Probably so I will know who the card is from, but in code. Except now I am informing the whole www, so it isn't exactly a private code anymore.
I think it's because he had baby bottle mouth when he was little. You know those sad little yucky teeth that your baby will get if you let them drink a bottle of milk in bed that the pediatrician warns you of? That's a real thing guys. The sad yucky teeth is real! And my husband had them! Thank Cod he now has zero stains and zero cavities because I am certain that adult baby bottle mouth would have been a deal breaker. Because I am a little shallow like that.
ANYway*, I went to the dentist yesterday and all went smoothly. Going to the dentist is not my cup of tea. Did I ever tell you that my regular dentist fired me twice? One time I convinced him to take me back, but the second time he didn't. Then I picked a cuter dentist in his office that I always kind of had a crush on instead. Or should I say, he picked me. Because one day I asked him a simple question about a tooth-thing I was experiencing during one of Brooke's appointments after the big and shameful second firing incident, and he made me hop in the chair and get my tooth looked at. Because he is so nice and petite.
Then he said he would be my new dentist and I said "phew" to myself.
I really like my dentist.
*you know how sometimes people say "anyways" with an "s" at the end? Like they make "anyway" plural? That irks me and it should definitely irk you too. Because it is dumb.
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