My married name is a fairly unique one, so when I googled myself, I didn't expect to come up with much. I like to consider myself a "writer," and I've had a few articles/snippets published here and there over the years, so I assumed maybe they would show up.
I was surprised to see that I have a few much younger namesakes out there... my name popped up with a myspace profile, some pretty unusual photos, as the lead in a school play and even as a high school softball player. That wasn't so bad, but to my complete and utter horror -- there was a poem published with my name as the author.
The poem was titled "Prisoner of Love." It was definitely not mine.
I've been a writer for as far back as I can remember, and I've written some pretty embarrassing poems in my day (not insinuating that this person's poem is embarrassing), but I would NEVER be comfprtable enough to publish them on the web. Maybe a tiny handful of the poems I have written are worthy of another's eyes, so I was horrified to think that this poem was out there, with people critiquing it, and maybe thinking that I HAD WRITTEN IT.
In general, I am pretty sensitive to criticism. I can handle it, but it affects me inwardly for sure. The thought that someone out there who could google my name for some reason, (narcissistic much?? lol) the thought that someone might look at that and think those were my thoughts and words is driving me crazy!! How can I make it known that I didn't write that poem??! I guess this post may help with that, but I can't make it go away can I???
All I am saying is that I wouldn't attach my name to something out there unless it was what I consider to be amazing. While I wouldn't be mean and critical of what someone else wrote, I can say that this particular poem isn't necesarily something I want to attach my name to. If I have any interest in writing on another level, publishing some articles and maybe even getting that book I'm writing finished -- this poem shouldn't be out there with my name on it. UGH.
September 11th is always going to be a date that won't just pass by like normal for me. I don't think that I could ever forget what it felt like that day, in 2001, just watching. Watching lives change forever, people suffering and dying, our country hurting, then inevitably healing.
I wasn't DIRECTLY affected... I wasn't one of the thousands who lost a friend or a relative, my life. I didn't feel the heat of the fires, or the tremors of the explosions. I wasn't one of the ones pictured running for my life, or running to help save another's life. No matter, I was definitely AFFECTED. Besides being a New Yorker, I am lucky enough to be a citizen of the USA. I love our country, and I believe in it. I felt safe here. To have this happen in what felt like my back yard was such a scary realization that we are vulnerable.
We are all vulnerable to extremists, whether we live in the US, or Africa, or Afghanistan -- anywhere. We are all vulnerable, always, no matter where we are.
I was scared on September 11, 2001. I am still scared, and it makes me feel sad. I want to feel safe again, and I want to feel like I can provide my family with the safety that they deserve. I guess the best I can do is educate them, keep them free of ignorance, and teach them tolerance.
So that is what I am going to continue to do, because tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is September 12th, and it is the anniversary of the day when we started to fix what was broken, and I will never forget.
Well, my kids have all officially gotten back to school!
Kara started college classes a few weeks ago, followed by
Alex&Megan in 7th and 3rd grades, respectively.
Yesterday was Brooke'sfirst day back to p reschoo l !
So back to school really means back to routine in my house. The lazy days of summer typically lead to thrown together dinners, or more realistically, dinners at the baseball field. Of course the bedtime routine goes from a very efficient dinner, bath and bed in an hour to a very INEFFICIENT swimming pool shower, camp out in each others room, maybe lay down with the lights on fiasco. It literally takes me a week or two of strict routine to get everyone back on track once school is back in session.
As much as I enjoy the relaxed, slowed down pace of summer, I also love the school year routines. I like that my kids know that when dinner is over, we head right upstairs for showers or baths. I love that they know to brush their teeth while the shower warms up, and to lay their clothes out for the next day to save time in the morning. I love that they know that after baths and showers, we brush hair, put on PJ's and hop into bed. This has always been the way, so there are no tantrums, no messing around, and rarely any bumps in the road.
In our house, Mommy is off duty at 8:00 pm, so the kids know that unless we have one of the three B's (Blood, Barf or BooBoo), I don't want to hear from them, and they pretty much respect that. I make sure everyone has what they need (water, potty break, tissues, book, etc) before I go back downstairs for some quiet time. Alex, who just turned 12, gets to stay up reading or quietly playing in his room til lights out at 9:00. Meg, who is newly 8, gets to read with her nightlight til 8:30, and Brooke, who just turned 4, gets to listen to a book on tape til its over. Everyone goes to bed happy, and I get to veg out and flip channels, surf the web or read.
Tomorrow is the last day of summer vacation for my kids. I would love to say I have something great planned, but sadly, I have to bring two kids to their respective annual physicals, and one of them is going to be getting two shots. Guess which one? B R O O K E This is not good news. Poor little peanut is going to be very upset. I have this lovely little yellow lollipop in my purse, and I was thinking about bringing it out after the tears, but then I think to myself that I am setting her up by placating her with sweets. I hate worrying about all of that crap. Really. Why can't I just give my kid a pop when she is sad without feeling guilty that I am going to create a kid who needs a lolli to make her feel better?? Do all mothers feel guilty about these things?
What else makes me, as a mom, feel guilty lately?
--not giving each kid enough individual attention --being distracted when I am talking to my kids --not playing enough games with my kids --not baking enough with my kids --not doing more active stuff with my kids --not cooking dinner every night --not reading enough with my kids