actually kinda perfect

My weekend was so.utterly.unexciting.

I mean, it was great, if you’re into that sort of thing that includes situating yourself to the couch for so long that your body basically forms an identical indentation that’s semi-permanent, and ordering take-out Saturday night which not only was dinner, but then also became lunch and then uh, dinner again on Sunday.  Like the same food.  Just microwaved.  Not even warmed thoroughly in the oven.  Oh no.  I wasn’t even getting up long enough to preheat the oven and then throw the stuff in and blahblahblah.  No way José.  Apparently I’d rather have my unequally microwaved-heated leftovers (you know, so like the edges are so hot that you burn your mouth off and the middle is totally cold?) on a paper plate and then re-faceplant into the cushions.  Then noshing on bits of random cold pizza as mid-day appetizers peppered in there for good measure.  

It was that kind of weekend.

I wish I could be all “ohmygosh, it was so rainy and cozy all day Saturday and I just got so caught up in my awesome book that I read the entire thing while sitting in my big comfy chair in the dimquiet”… but no. It was nothing of the sort.  I wore the same comfy yoga pants/tank top/hoodie outfit and woke up at 10ish an embarrassing time and perused the internet while vaguely listening to/watching so much HGTV that my brain nearly exploded.  I didn’t even read the crap-ton of magazines I have to catch up on.

This weekend would have been the perfect time to do all of those things that I “never get around to,” such as fold a massive pile of laundry that for whatever reason just continues to grow (wtf, family), which is located smack dab in the middle of the craft room floor (classy. want to come over?), reorganize the crammed and annoying kitchen cabinets, clean out the crammed and annoying closets, clean the bathrooms, mop the floor, deconstruct the junk drawer(s) because they contain about six thousand miscellaneous stupid things that I "might use someday,” along with random change, keys that I don't recognize, melted lip gloss and four-year-old samples of sunscreen, or purge every room in the house because we (I) constantly mentally complain about the chaos. But no. We didn’t have time for that at all. We only had time for *couch*.

Now that I think about it, this weekend was actually kinda perfect.

modern day interaction

Things are so different now, the way people interact in this modern tech-savvy time that we live in.  

Whoa.  I kind of feel like an old person saying such a thing.  Like when my Nan would say, "Back in my day..."

But really, it is completely different than it was back in my day!  They were simpler times, in my opinion.  There's no such thing as tossing the guy you're crushing on an innocent little football shaped note with "do you like me circle Y or N" scribbled on it during math class.  Instead you snapchat him a picture of your boobs apparently.  But that is a conversation for another post.

OK, well, maybe if you were 11 the football note was appropriate.  But these days, it's like, nobody actually talks anymore.  Face to face I mean.  Everyone hides behind a screen.  A computer, an iPad, a smart phone... I know that I am guilty of it.  How sadly impersonal though, right?

Sometimes I strongly consider giving up my iPhone and laptop, just to see how long I could do it.  Just to see how life would be without it, like it used to be in the olden days.  I bet I would get a ton more done, I'd be so much more productive.  I know I would read actual books more.  

It is rare for me to ever forget my phone, but when I do, it's like I forgot one of my kids, and I am ashamed and filled with anxiety til I get it back.  Isn't that kind of crazy?  That we are SO dependent on these little things?  Of course, I say that as I am sitting at my computer, typing a document to post to all of the random and unknown people of the www, but that's neither here nor there.  Right?

There are these intense discussions about the way people go about "life" now...  I'm not sure how great I would be at doing it this way if I had to, as a teenager.  I mean, being young and like, never having known a time when so much information, so much technology was right there in front of your face, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  When you were always tethered, never actually alone.  

Sometimes having a cellphone is like having a ball and chain attached to your ankle.  You are always reachable.  You never get a break to just breathe, and enjoy real life without interruption.  You can never be alone.

I might do an experiment and give up technology.  Any bets on how long I could last?

blog cheating and stuff

One of my pre-resolutions is going to be getting back to the blogging thing.  Because whatever, I just feel like writing stuff.  Even if it is boring, or doesn't have any relevance.  

I have something to admit.  

I've actually been writing on another blog for a while.  Ugh, I know.  I'm ashamed.  I'm sorry!  I jumped ship here and started fresh somewhere else because I was thinking maybe it would be easier and you know, who knows if it is or not, but I kind of feel guilty and I should probably ditch that other blog.  I promise there is no great amazing content that you would care about or miss or anything.  It's just pretty much lame old, same old me.

I have noticed that I seriously only wrote four posts on this blog this year.  FOUR.  None of them were important or great or exciting.  Mostly they were about the fact that I hadn't written.  Which was obvious.  I suppose I didn't really need to point that out.

I've been re-reading the posts of the past and it's so obvious to me, that I was struggling.  I see where I went from being generally happy, generally normal, regular me to sad and erratic and scattered and pensive and like, downdowndown.  I don't know if anyone else would pick up on the subtle change, but I did, like, immediately.  I was reading along and I was like, ohhh.

Kind of like watching a train wreck.  You know it's going to be really shitty for a while but it's hard to look away.

Anyway, I think that the struggling part is getting better.  I'm more clear headed.  I'm a little harder, I think.  I still have a lot of stuff to say.  Because let's face it, we all know I am windy like that.  I was still windy when I was feeling all dark and moody and broody, but I just kept it to my own self.  I couldn't spew here.  I have so many angsty draft posts that will never see the light of day.  But writing stuff helped, even if it was only for getting it out of my cluttered head.

You know how Facebook is actually really more like "Fakebook?"  Like mostly people project their best selves because they want all of the people in their world to think that have it all together, all of the time.  Nobody posts about how their dog smells slightly like a skunk and their kid was exposed to lice and that they feel like a fatass.  I mean, nobody really posts those kind of things, right?  It's more like, "I went to the Farmer's Market!  I eat only organic! I bought sunflowers today! See the pretty sunflowers!  They are on my cute little farm table with the sun beam shining on them with perfection!  My life is great all of the time! Yay!"

But we all know that's not real life, right?  We all know that Facebook is like an alternate reality, right?

I'm an offender. Mostly I keep shitty stuff to myself, because you know, I can manage my own stuff. And I don't need anyone looking at me like, aw poor you. And also because who else really cares about the skunky dog and frantic delousing of a kid who actually has no sign of lice but I have to frantically delouse anyway because ugh. Who wants a bug?? Not me!

Well so anyway, I'm not making any promises of tons of fabulous, regular posts, because lets face it. We've all heard that shit before. But I think I'll hop on here again, and try to write stuff. Because why not?  Maybe it'll actually happen this time.